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I am 24M and incredibly anxious Watch

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    I have become incredibly anxious over the past few days/weeks due to a number of different factors which I'll explain below and I would like advice on what I can do to help. GP isn't an option I will entertain. I think this fits in here, because a lot of it is due to the first point.

    Firstly, I have just become involved in a new relationship with a beautiful girl who is literally everything I have ever wanted in a partner. She earns more than me and has a far better career, with natural progression. I fear that I will not be enough for her and she will lose interest in me once she senses that I do not currently have the finances to keep up with her. (She wants to go on a few holidays a year, alongside events and social things.)

    Secondly, whilst my own career isn't poor. I have a salaried job, it's currently mind numbing and I'm forever anxious that I will for some reason lose it. There's no factors as to why, I just have this feeling. I am an ambition man, and I turned down a promotion to London for this girl (I haven't told her this) and other factors too, that would have set me on a path of wealth and progression, but I wouldn't have been happy. Since then, I have been unable to even get an interview for a promotion in the region I live in. [This also fits in with the first point]. In my job, to get a promotion you have to apply for it, write some statements and then hope that it gets sifted, although a great number of these jobs are already hand picked for someone and the whole process is a show.

    Thirdly, monetarily, I am living on the edge of my budget each month, with absolutely no savings. I pay rent, for a car and then I also pay for memberships such as to the gym. From there, I have money to spend socially, but I find myself nervously checking my balance towards the end of the month.

    Fourthly, I only moved to the region myself 2 years ago, and as such my only friends here are work colleagues. These colleagues, whilst I am friends with them, are not especially social and therefore I spend most of my time sitting in my house watching rubbish programs and awaiting a message from said new girlfriend. I have friends around the country, but that involves specifically driving for hours to see them, and is also costly. My girlfriend meanwhile, went to uni here and then stayed to work in her profession, and therefore has quite literally several hundred friends from her social groups, that she is always messaging or talking to in some form.

    All of this is leading me to some bouts of anxiety - the kind where there are knots in your stomach and you almost feel unwell. The only time I do not feel this, is with my girlfriend, she makes me feel happy and loved.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have become incredibly anxious over the past few days/weeks due to a number of different factors which I'll explain below and I would like advice on what I can do to help. GP isn't an option I will entertain. I think this fits in here, because a lot of it is due to the first point.

    Firstly, I have just become involved in a new relationship with a beautiful girl who is literally everything I have ever wanted in a partner. She earns more than me and has a far better career, with natural progression. I fear that I will not be enough for her and she will lose interest in me once she senses that I do not currently have the finances to keep up with her. (She wants to go on a few holidays a year, alongside events and social things.)

    Secondly, whilst my own career isn't poor. I have a salaried job, it's currently mind numbing and I'm forever anxious that I will for some reason lose it. There's no factors as to why, I just have this feeling. I am an ambition man, and I turned down a promotion to London for this girl (I haven't told her this) and other factors too, that would have set me on a path of wealth and progression, but I wouldn't have been happy. Since then, I have been unable to even get an interview for a promotion in the region I live in. [This also fits in with the first point]. In my job, to get a promotion you have to apply for it, write some statements and then hope that it gets sifted, although a great number of these jobs are already hand picked for someone and the whole process is a show.

    Thirdly, monetarily, I am living on the edge of my budget each month, with absolutely no savings. I pay rent, for a car and then I also pay for memberships such as to the gym. From there, I have money to spend socially, but I find myself nervously checking my balance towards the end of the month.

    Fourthly, I only moved to the region myself 2 years ago, and as such my only friends here are work colleagues. These colleagues, whilst I am friends with them, are not especially social and therefore I spend most of my time sitting in my house watching rubbish programs and awaiting a message from said new girlfriend. I have friends around the country, but that involves specifically driving for hours to see them, and is also costly. My girlfriend meanwhile, went to uni here and then stayed to work in her profession, and therefore has quite literally several hundred friends from her social groups, that she is always messaging or talking to in some form.

    All of this is leading me to some bouts of anxiety - the kind where there are knots in your stomach and you almost feel unwell. The only time I do not feel this, is with my girlfriend, she makes me feel happy and loved.
    What you are doing isn't fair on yourself or your girlfriend. Your entire notion of self worth, your social self and your future is tied to your relationship with this person.
    That's an enormous amount of pressure for both of you.

    You cannot tell her that you turned down a promotion to be around her. That's a massive offence for me. If she is particularly motivated by her career or for future monetary gain/stability in a shared life with you then this would set alarm bells ringing.
    With hindsight, can you see that having a boyfriend working in London chasing the big career is more alluring than the premise of having a local boyfriend who works in a dead end office job?

    You need to put the feelers out to extend your job role or this boring hum-drum is what you have to look forward to.

    If you're truly an ambition man then your statement above doesn't read like it at all. It reads as somebody who is only invested in their girlfriend's success. But in order for you to be a successful couple then you need to have personal success too or you will remain unfulfilled.

    The social thing is exactly the same. You need other people than her. I'd be so weirded out if I dated somebody and I was the only one they hung out with. Going out and meeting your other half's friends and learning more about them is great fun.

    So I'm not surprised you're anxious. You've boxed yourself into a corner of your own making.
    I know you said you didn't want to see a GP, but a wee prescription for some valium might be HUGELY helpful at this time to get rid of that sick weight that is bearing down on you.
    But you know it yourself- you need to get proactive. Change your life before it's too late.

    (Sorry if this sounds mean but cruel to be kind.)
 
 
 
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