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Would you be ok with you partner being friends with somebody they use to fancy ? Watch

    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm 25 now and been with my boyfriend coming up to 7 years. When I was 18 (8 years ago) I was dumped by a horrible ex who cheated on me. I ended up with severe depression I also have a medical condition (ehlers danlos syndrome) I was working between school and uni and I was feeling very low.

    I met a guy on a Facebook group who also had eds and we were chatting for ages I met up with him for a drink and nothing happened. However I thought I liked him and ended up telling him this to which he told me he wanted to play the field and not have a girlfriend but we could have a "casual" relation which I declined. We continued however to be friends and it was nice to have somebody who understood what I was experiencing with my health problems.

    I met my wonderful boyfriend a few months later I told my friend we continued to chat but he sometimes did make inappropriate "banter" comments to which I brushed off as a joke. I ended up going to collage where my friend was and we met up twice for a coffee but our friendship was more online and based on our shared condition. I realised in hindsight I didn't fancy him or like him in that way at all but purely was lonely at the time I met him.

    My boyfriend knew I was chatting to him we've been friends for years we go through periods of not chatting for months on end and the last time I spoke to him was nearly a year ago. My friend seemed to make sarky not overly nice comments about me or my boyfriend or my life in general so I've distanced myself.

    However as silly as it sounds I feel guilty that I continued to be friends with him for so long after I thought I liked him. My boyfriend says he doesn't care but I feel that maybe as soon as I got a boyfriend I shouldn't have continued our friendship because I did like him once. My friends say I'm being stupid because nothing ever happened I never thought of him in that way since I've been with my boyfriend qnd I have always laughed off his flirty jokes and never ever engaged in them.

    So I wonder firstly should I feel bad and secondly is it ok to be friends with somebody you liked year ago?
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    As long as the intention was in the right place in this sort of scenario there is nothing wrong with what you did. Especially since your boyfriend was and is totally ok with it.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Garlicked)
    As long as the intention was in the right place in this sort of scenario there is nothing wrong with what you did. Especially since your boyfriend was and is totally ok with it.
    Thank you do you think it is ok even though at the time before I met my boyfriend the intention with this guy was that I liked him even though in hindsight I realise I never did. Sorry I'm such a worrier !
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    I think it's fine because you and boyfriend still are together and you know that you don't like that guy like that anymore.
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    absolutely I always want to leave the opportunity for my partner to cheat open if I have a partner. This is not sarcasm btw and no I dont want them to cheat on me. its just if they have the mentality that means they are likely to cheat then its best for them to do it earlier and save you the bother of been hurt even more later down the line when it got more serious etc.

    If you try to control them you are either been a control freak against someone that wouldnt cheat, or your delaying the inevitable with someone that will. Give them the chance to cheat and if they do dump them move on and your done. If they don't then great.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Luke7456)
    absolutely I always want to leave the opportunity for my partner to cheat open if I have a partner. This is not sarcasm btw and no I dont want them to cheat on me. its just if they have the mentality that means they are likely to cheat then its best for them to do it earlier and save you the bother of been hurt even more later down the line when it got more serious etc.

    If you try to control them you are either been a control freak against someone that wouldnt cheat, or your delaying the inevitable with someone that will. Give them the chance to cheat and if they do dump them move on and your done. If they don't then great.
    maybe that's why my boyfriend doesn't care because I never ever did anything bar laugh at his crude joke but never engaged in anything or suggested anything and always spoke about my boyfriend
 
 
 
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Updated: June 19, 2017
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