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would you date someone with self harm scars?

so would you date someone with self harm scars on their legs/arms? i've always been self concious that no one would want to date me because i have self harm scars from when i was 15. they're completely healed and white but quite raised and i feel they're very noticeable especially when i'm tanned. i'm much happier now and would never do it again though! just wanted to hear people's thoughts.

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Reply 1
For me, they dont really affect my decision in dating someone. If I like them and they are currently self harming/or have done it, I would still date them and try to help them through it as well.

If I don't like them then I would still try to help them but I would not date them for obvious reasons.
Original post by Rarest
For me, they dont really affect my decision in dating someone. If I like them and they are currently self harming/or have done it, I would still date them and try to help them through it as well.

If I don't like them then I would still try to help them but I would not date them for obvious reasons.


I agree with you
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
so would you date someone with self harm scars on their legs/arms? i've always been self concious that no one would want to date me because i have self harm scars from when i was 15. they're completely healed and white but quite raised and i feel they're very noticeable especially when i'm tanned. i'm much happier now and would never do it again though! just wanted to hear people's thoughts.

Honestly, I don't trust depressed people anymore after learning about borderline personality disorder. It makes them seem way less sympathetic- like they're harming themselves just for attention and manipulating other people.
Original post by tapir
Honestly, I don't trust depressed people anymore after learning about borderline personality disorder. It makes them seem way less sympathetic- like they're harming themselves just for attention and manipulating other people.


Depression and borderline personality disorder are completely different.
Reply 5
Original post by tapir
Honestly, I don't trust depressed people anymore after learning about borderline personality disorder. It makes them seem way less sympathetic- like they're harming themselves just for attention and manipulating other people.


but bpd is different from depression. like i said i'm completely better now and would never harm myself again as i know it was a stupid thing to do which i'm sure others with self harm scars also feel. someone with bpd is obviously still suffering.
Original post by tapir
Honestly, I don't trust depressed people anymore after learning about borderline personality disorder. It makes them seem way less sympathetic- like they're harming themselves just for attention and manipulating other people.


People who are genuinely depressed don't self harm for attention, it is almost a relief to have that pain. Something constant in their lives. They don't manipulate people either.
Reply 7
Yeah, I mean most people have gone through some hard experiences to deal with at young ages. Having been one of those people I feel like I'd just want to be supportive and make sure that they are alright. Scars previous or current shouldn't affect the relationship. Someone will want to date you, if they care they'll be understanding.
Everything will be fine x :smile:
Reply 8
Original post by laurawatt
People who are genuinely depressed don't self harm for attention, it is almost a relief to have that pain. Something constant in their lives. They don't manipulate people either.
Oh really?


"Researchers have found that 83% of those diagnosed with BPD have a history of major depressive disorder."

http://www.borderline-personality-disorder.com/co-occuring-disorders/depression/
Original post by tapir
Oh really?


"Researchers have found that 83% of those diagnosed with BPD have a history of major depressive disorder."

http://www.borderline-personality-disorder.com/co-occuring-disorders/depression/


As a former mental healthcare professional I can positively tell you you're talking absolute rubbish. Just because 82% of people diagnosed with borderline personality disorder have a history of depression doesn't mean everyone does. Surely some simple maths should tell you that 82% is not 100% and there is more than one type of depressive disorder therefore in very simple terms it's obvious that not everyone with a depressive disorder diagnosis can have BPD! And also note the use of the word history. History could mean 50 years after the depression diagnosis- it is also possible to develop a personality disorder later on meaning that what you're saying that everyone with depression has BPD at the same time isn't logical.
Hate to burst your bubble but by saying every depressed person has BPD you're utterly wrong. I have a diagnosis of a depressive disorder that isn't major depressive disorder. That would be like saying there's only one type of cancer!
In fact BPD is exacerbated by depression but nowhere does it say that everyone with BPD is depressed and vice versa.
Don't mock what you don't understand! I've been involved in the system both as staff and carer for a long time and nothing pisses me off more than people who think they know everything about mental health conditions- even I don't and I worked in the trade for ten years and have cared for someone with a severe mental health problem for an equal length of time.
Mental health is a poor relation partially due to the bad rep it gets from people who have dangerously untrue beliefs like this one!
Rant over...
pots cant call kettles black if ygm so yh i suppose
Reply 11
Original post by princessmaire80
Hate to burst your bubble but by saying every depressed person has BPD you're utterly wrong. I have a diagnosis of a depressive disorder that isn't major depressive disorder. That would be like saying there's only one type of cancer!
In fact BPD is exacerbated by depression but nowhere does it say that everyone with BPD is depressed and vice versa.
Don't mock what you don't understand! I've been involved in the system both as staff and carer for a long time and nothing pisses me off more than people who think they know everything about mental health conditions- even I don't and I worked in the trade for ten years and have cared for someone with a severe mental health problem for an equal length of time.
Mental health is a poor relation partially due to the bad rep it gets from people who have dangerously untrue beliefs like this one!
Rant over...
I never implied that all depressed people have bpd. I think it's wrong to assume that depressed people are all innocent/sympathetic. A lot of people are convinced that they are.
We all have our issues so I would. However, it is imitating to be confronted with someone's issues as soon as you meet.

I would be wondering the circumstances and if this is something behind you or ongoing and I'd fear there are other issues behind the scars. That is not a first date discussion. I would cover your arms until you know the person better. Its best that the person can understand the scars in context of your personality and history.
yes
Reply 14
Original post by Anonymous
pots cant call kettles black if ygm so yh i suppose


emo
Original post by Anonymous
so would you date someone with self harm scars on their legs/arms? i've always been self concious that no one would want to date me because i have self harm scars from when i was 15. they're completely healed and white but quite raised and i feel they're very noticeable especially when i'm tanned. i'm much happier now and would never do it again though! just wanted to hear people's thoughts.
Yes, I would.
I would be a hypocrite if I didn't
Reply 17
Original post by Anonymous
so would you date someone with self harm scars on their legs/arms? i've always been self concious that no one would want to date me because i have self harm scars from when i was 15. they're completely healed and white but quite raised and i feel they're very noticeable especially when i'm tanned. i'm much happier now and would never do it again though! just wanted to hear people's thoughts.


Me and my bf boh self harm :redface:


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Original post by tapir
Oh really?


"Researchers have found that 83% of those diagnosed with BPD have a history of major depressive disorder."

http://www.borderline-personality-disorder.com/co-occuring-disorders/depression/


A high % of those with anorexia have a history of MDD, do you also believe everyone with depression must be anorexic?
A high % of those with autism have a history of MDD, do you also think every depressed person is autistic?

Depression is really common and having a mental health or physical health condition can make a lot of people depressed alongside the original illness.

Also people with BPD are sick as well. Some of their behaviour may sound scary or like they're 'bad people' in some way but the behaviour comes from somewhere. Usually childhood neglect or trauma. And it's a way of protecting themselves. Someone who self harms for attention doesn't do it just to screw with people and make themselves center of attention - they do it because they don't know another way to ask for the help they need, they can't put it into words or maybe no one will listen when they try. People who do it to manipulate others do so from the fear which comes from being out of control and abandoned. These people aren't sitting in their beds dreaming up ways to mess with people - they're just in a lot of pain and trying to survive it.

OP - lots of people won't care about scars (assuming they're clearly old). Some might - that's the honest truth. Personally I would cover up around a potential partner until I felt confident they'd react in a way I was happy with - but maybe it's best to screen out people who can't handle your past early! I don't know the best way.
My personal experience with self harm and relationships -
I used to self harm a fair bit due to a past relationship (many silly teenage tears were wasted on this guy), thankfully there was no permanent scarring or marks left over.
My current partner (going on for four years with him in August) knows I've self harmed before, and it didn't stop him falling for me and dating me (obviously). However, he really dislikes it whenever I mention it as he has really strong opinions against it, thinking it's selfish and many other things - despite this, he is accepting of the fact that I've done it before and I obviously regret it. He just wants to make sure I don't do it again.
I don't judge him for his opinions on it because we are all entitled to our own beliefs, and I myself thought that about self harming as well (before I felt terrible enough to do it myself).
If someone isn't mature enough to date someone with self harm scars, then they aren't worth it - they represent a troubled past, and nothing more.

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