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someone tell me what i can do - talking doesn't help
basically this is really frustrating me and as you read on you may think i'm a bit weird or too much of a control freak and you'd probably be right anyway, i think i am one. but that's neither here nor there... i'm just concerned...
my brother is in year 12 now and he wants to work in the city and do the whole finance/banking thing. i don't think he realises how competitive it is though and how important it is that he goes to a good uni. i don't know what else to do. he's always been like this. he's intelligent but he's SO lazy it's unbelievable. his whole life he's had to have my parents and me nag at him to do his work and study or else he just doesn't do it.
he spends most of his time playing football with his friends or on his stupid stupid playstation. all he cares about is when the new pro evolution game is out or when the next metal gear solid is in the shops and so on (i'm sure you get the message).
what is wrong with him?? he wants to get to the top of his game and all of that jazz yet he doesn't seem to understand that he's got to work really hard and get As/Bs this year to get top predictions for uni applications next year
i've almost ripped my heart out explaining to him that he's really got to knuckle down and study hard this year and next. i thought i'd finally got the message across but he's still not making the effort. at all. he stays up until 3/4 am playing on his ps2 most nights.
recently he had a maths test in class and he got a D. he was quite gutted but what did he expect? he started learning the stuff the night before! not revising, LEARNING.
it's easy to say he's being silly/lazy/etc, i know he is. HE knows he is but i just want to know if anybody can offer some good advice on how to tackle this problem i just don't want to see him make the same mistakes i did... i don't want him to look back and regret and feel as bad as i do and even i worked a lot harder than he does now.
(i should probably add he's really intelligent by the way so it's not as though he's being pressured to get grades he's not able to achieve - he's perfectly able to get As).
anyone have the same problem? can anyone give me some practical advice here please?
sorry to go on
my brother is in year 12 now and he wants to work in the city and do the whole finance/banking thing. i don't think he realises how competitive it is though and how important it is that he goes to a good uni. i don't know what else to do. he's always been like this. he's intelligent but he's SO lazy it's unbelievable. his whole life he's had to have my parents and me nag at him to do his work and study or else he just doesn't do it.
he spends most of his time playing football with his friends or on his stupid stupid playstation. all he cares about is when the new pro evolution game is out or when the next metal gear solid is in the shops and so on (i'm sure you get the message).
what is wrong with him?? he wants to get to the top of his game and all of that jazz yet he doesn't seem to understand that he's got to work really hard and get As/Bs this year to get top predictions for uni applications next year
i've almost ripped my heart out explaining to him that he's really got to knuckle down and study hard this year and next. i thought i'd finally got the message across but he's still not making the effort. at all. he stays up until 3/4 am playing on his ps2 most nights.recently he had a maths test in class and he got a D. he was quite gutted but what did he expect? he started learning the stuff the night before! not revising, LEARNING.
it's easy to say he's being silly/lazy/etc, i know he is. HE knows he is but i just want to know if anybody can offer some good advice on how to tackle this problem
i just don't want to see him make the same mistakes i did... i don't want him to look back and regret and feel as bad as i do and even i worked a lot harder than he does now.(i should probably add he's really intelligent by the way so it's not as though he's being pressured to get grades he's not able to achieve - he's perfectly able to get As).
anyone have the same problem? can anyone give me some practical advice here please?
sorry to go on
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to be honest i do sympathise with you cos it is incredibly hard watching someone you love waste their talents but all i could really say is to leave him to get on with his life (even if its not how you see it)...he will have to live with the consequences of his actions and for you, the responsability ends cos at 16/17 years old hes old enough to make his own decisions now (and have to live with them as a result!!)
you've done all you can and shouldnt feel at all guilty for it! - hes lucky to have such a caring sibling!!
you've done all you can and shouldnt feel at all guilty for it! - hes lucky to have such a caring sibling!!
^ yeah that sounds a bit like him. he only revised for his gcses a couple of hours or so before each exam and got As/Bs. but i just hope he doesn't think he can do the same thing for A levels... i just don't think he should be so risky/reckless?
sarcazm, it's interesting getting it from your pov. maybe i'll make him some sort of poster of all his goals and stick it on his bedroom wall so he's reminded of it whenever he's playing his stupid games hah
sarcazm, it's interesting getting it from your pov. maybe i'll make him some sort of poster of all his goals and stick it on his bedroom wall so he's reminded of it whenever he's playing his stupid games hah
tropical_igloo
to be honest i do sympathise with you cos it is incredibly hard watching someone you love waste their talents but all i could really say is to leave him to get on with his life (even if its not how you see it)...he will have to live with the consequences of his actions and for you, the responsability ends cos at 16/17 years old hes old enough to make his own decisions now (and have to live with them as a result!!)
you've done all you can and shouldnt feel at all guilty for it! - hes lucky to have such a caring sibling!!
you've done all you can and shouldnt feel at all guilty for it! - hes lucky to have such a caring sibling!!
damn right it is, sigh
you're right though (and you, oddball! i didn't forget your comment lol
). i suppose i've done what i can now and i'll just leave it up to him. maybe it's what he needs - less of my nagging.
o and by the way i too revised the night before for many of my gcses and did well and got an almightly shock wen i kinda did the same for as levels and got like c's and b's.. believe me that was enough of a shock to send me into work mode for my last year and i really learnt from it.. 
ph9
^ yeah that sounds a bit like him. he only revised for his gcses a couple of hours or so before each exam and got As/Bs. but i just hope he doesn't think he can do the same thing for A levels... i just don't think he should be so risky/reckless?
sarcazm, it's interesting getting it from your pov. maybe i'll make him some sort of poster of all his goals and stick it on his bedroom wall so he's reminded of it whenever he's playing his stupid games hah
sarcazm, it's interesting getting it from your pov. maybe i'll make him some sort of poster of all his goals and stick it on his bedroom wall so he's reminded of it whenever he's playing his stupid games hah
well, he's only in lower 6th, so when he cocks that year up, he'll work ALOT harder in upper. Thats what happened to me. I really needed that ****ty first year results to buck my game up.
also, the more I was nagged, personally, the less inclined I was to work.
In fact, telling me to work was an easy way to get me not too...
sarCAZm
well, he's only in lower 6th, so when he cocks that year up, he'll work ALOT harder in upper. Thats what happened to me. I really needed that ****ty first year results to buck my game up.
also, the more I was nagged, personally, the less inclined I was to work.
In fact, telling me to work was an easy way to get me not too...
also, the more I was nagged, personally, the less inclined I was to work.
In fact, telling me to work was an easy way to get me not too...
hahahaha exactly the same as meee!
tropical_igloo
wats with the sarcazm commenty bit? lol.. i dont get it?
lol sorry i was replying to wangers' and sarcazm's replies in that post and was too slow because you'd already posted your reply
i hope he does well this year and if he doesn't, i hope it sends him into as much shock as it sent you guys into so that he finally takes his work seriously and realises that things don't just come readily to you grr.
oh and hylean, i tried doing the 'i told you so' thing when he told me he got a D for maths but i just couldn't lol. i was too busy fighting the energy to scream at him
It sounds like he is never going to learn how to stand on his own two feet and take responsibility for his own actions if he has your entire family trying to sort out his future for him. Unfortunately you need to back off and let him make his own mistakes/decisions/choices. His life is not your life, just like his future is not your future. If you've given him advice on how he is handling things at the moment versus how he should be handling it to get to where he says he wants to be then there is little more you can do. I'd concentrate on your future and your choices and hope he learns from watching you!
ph9
lol sorry i was replying to wangers' and sarcazm's replies in that post and was too slow because you'd already posted your reply
i hope he does well this year and if he doesn't, i hope it sends him into as much shock as it sent you guys into so that he finally takes his work seriously and realises that things don't just come readily to you grr.
i hope he does well this year and if he doesn't, i hope it sends him into as much shock as it sent you guys into so that he finally takes his work seriously and realises that things don't just come readily to you grr.
haha ya i realised that after, wen i looked
neway dont worry about it, if he doesnt do as well as he wanted come august his conscience will sort him out..
Class test results mean nothing though. Loads of people I know who did A level maths were getting E's in class tests yet came out with A's in their actual exams.
I was the same through my whole 2 years, I always did crap at class tests getting C's and D's yet came out with AAAAB at AS and AAB at A2. Some people work better under pressure. Class test= No pressure at all compared to final exams.
I was the same through my whole 2 years, I always did crap at class tests getting C's and D's yet came out with AAAAB at AS and AAB at A2. Some people work better under pressure. Class test= No pressure at all compared to final exams.
Nally
It sounds like he is never going to learn how to stand on his own two feet and take responsibility for his own actions if he has your entire family trying to sort out his future for him. Unfortunately you need to back off and let him make his own mistakes/decisions/choices. His life is not your life, just like his future is not your future. If you've given him advice on how he is handling things at the moment versus how he should be handling it to get to where he says he wants to be then there is little more you can do. I'd concentrate on your future and your choices and hope he learns from watching you!
argh, i know. you're right. i didn't really look at it that way. i've just been so caught up with trying to make him see that all he needs to do is work hard and that's it - so many doors will open for him. it's just frustrating knowing what he needs to do since i've been through the whole uni application thing. i suppose i'm just forgetting to try and see it from his point of view really.
well looks like i'll be backing off then. i suppose only time will tell how it goes...
I had to go through it with my older brother. From the age of 16 until I was about 22 I was almost constantly stressed about his life and where he was headed and I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall every single flaming day as he made one mistake after another... I tell you, hitting 22 and going through something that made me realise I needed to back off was the biggest relief going! It's tough but you'll get there. PM me if you need to chat
lolimemma
Class test results mean nothing though. Loads of people I know who did A level maths were getting E's in class tests yet came out with A's in their actual exams.
I was the same through my whole 2 years, I always did crap at class tests getting C's and D's yet came out with AAAAB at AS and AAB at A2. Some people work better under pressure. Class test= No pressure at all compared to final exams.
I was the same through my whole 2 years, I always did crap at class tests getting C's and D's yet came out with AAAAB at AS and AAB at A2. Some people work better under pressure. Class test= No pressure at all compared to final exams.
that's true. i never did so well in class tests myself. but i did at least try (lol, which is quite bad). it's his apparent lack of concentration/motivation/desire that pisses me off.
like lol what is he doing right now? he's upstairs listening to some ridiculous beatboxing, watching match of the day and talking on the phone. then at 1am i'll ask him why he's still awake and he'll say 'wait, i've got some homework to do. leave me alone'. he'll sleep at around 3am doing his last minute weekend homework and then set his alarm for 5am because he couldn't finish it. then he rushes and does the rest of his work during lessons and misses the lesson content.
don't get me wrong, i can see the funny side and i'd probably laugh a bit if he wasn't my little brother.
thanks for all your wise words people
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