The Student Room Group

friends are drifting away from me

please keep this anon; a couple of people know me here.

basically, i've always had this problem since high school, where i am friends with someone and they are so much more confident than i am, so they end up making a new group of friends.

that's not the main problem though - they'll introduce me to the new group and stuff, so we all become one group, but the problem is that i seem to be very quiet, completely different from them and possibly boring. :frown: so i end up feeling like a "tag-a-long" person. well, not feeling; i am a tag-a-long person, and i feel really pathetic because it seems like i am desperately hanging on to my single friend whilst she is friends with the rest of the group.

i just went like this for about 3 years; but i'm usually a loner anyway, so i wasn't too bothered about not going out drinking etc with them (that's not what i like anyway).

so, when i got to uni, i thought i'd try and make a fresh start and hopefully become friends with a group of people instead of being a tag-a-long (as i am aware that people do not like tag-a-longs).

the thing is, it's starting again :frown: .

i made friends with one girl on my course and then during freshers' week we randomly met a group of people. my friend is the pretty, bubbly type and she was really chatty to them and they asked for her phone number etc.

i wasnt too keen on giving random people my number, so i just kept quiet.

however, this group of people are now our friends, and to this day (6 weeks after freshers' week), none of them have asked for my phone number...i'd hate to offer mine to them because i'd come across as desperate.

now, my friend is really nice and whenever they do something together, she'd beg me to come with her. half the time i'd say yes, but other times i have to say no because i just hate to think what the others think of me.

they are nice to me when i'm around (we all have a joke around etc), but i just feel awkward being around with them because i feel like a spare part. whilst i can only count them as aquaintances, my friend can count them as friends. so basically they are getting closer whilst i am kind starting to feel left out.

i know i sound whiney and pathetic, but i just wanted to get it off my chest; not really expecting any advice, but anything would be appreciated.
Reply 1
Pluck up the courage and speak to people! I got from a thread on here that ask peope about themselves...they like talking about themselves. Family/work/coping with uni etc.!

From what you said, all i think you need is a confidence boost. Just think the worst that can happen is if they ignore you. If they do, they're probably *******s anyway
Reply 2
how about you arrange a night out or something..and say like "here's my number -text me later and we'll sort out a time to meet"

if you keep thinking about yourself as the tag-a-long you'll stay a being the tag along -get involved and **** what people think.
Reply 3
ok i think i'll make more of an effort...it's just that it's hard for me to find the balance between making an effort and not being TOO desperate! lol

it's my birthday soon, and i was thinking of the whole group of us going out somewhere, so maybe i'll use that opportunity.

thanks you two.
Reply 4
the only reason why youre the tag a long is cuz thats what u keep seeing urself as.... i'm sure they actually like you! prob just think ur a bit quite and stuff, but if u make the effort i'm sure it'll be met half way.....

propose a games night or cocktail party and arrange it urself, that way it'll only be u lot and u can get to know them more?
Yeah, exactly, you SHOULD get involved. Do something. Nobody is going to make friends if they place themselves under house arrest, hehe. =)

You seem like a nice person; don't worry, just get involved with people a bit more, and in no time at all you'll be having a bunch of friends of your own.