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stupid perfectionism

11

Basically i have stupidly high standards for myself, (not really for other people). & it's making me feel rubbish because I can't really reach them.

I have to get top marks, look perfect, *be* perfect or I just beat myself up about it. & God forbid i do something stupid.. then I really beat myself up :rolleyes:

It's really hard to stop it because it's kind of 'worked' so far, like I got the grades and whatnot. & by telling myself i'm rubbish it sort of made me try to improve myself.. stopped me eating some random crap and so on. But now I can't really rely on others to remind me i'm not awful and I don't know how to get out of my silly mindset.

any ideas?
fanks for reading :smile:

Reply 1

grace_

10

Could you have standards that you want to achieve, and standards that you must achieve, instead? Say "an A is good, but an A- is acceptable?"
Consider what you would criticize in a friend, instead of in yourself?

Reply 2

Dream_Catcher

1

Learn to accept yourself for who you are, as how can you expect anyone else to if even you can't. Yes everyone lieks to look good or even near to perfect but some peopel just can't do it. As long as you look the best you can isn't all that matters?

Reply 3

Tyler Durden

17

Saffie

Basically i have stupidly high standards for myself, (not really for other people). & it's making me feel rubbish because I can't really reach them.

I have to get top marks, look perfect, *be* perfect or I just beat myself up about it. & God forbid i do something stupid.. then I really beat myself up :rolleyes:

It's really hard to stop it because it's kind of 'worked' so far, like I got the grades and whatnot. & by telling myself i'm rubbish it sort of made me try to improve myself.. stopped me eating some random crap and so on. But now I can't really rely on others to remind me i'm not awful and I don't know how to get out of my silly mindset.

any ideas?
fanks for reading :smile:

Somewhat controversially perhaps, I don't think there's really a problem with this sort of attitude. Of course you don't want to take it to extremes but, let's be honest, the people who really succeed in life are the ones who demand the best of themselves.

The one caveat to this is that you need to be able to give yourself a break sometimes. For example, if something is out of your control and goes wrong you just have to let it go. But striving for excellence in what you do and in your appearance is not fundamentally a bad thing in my opinion.

Reply 4

Saffie

OP

11

grace_

Could you have standards that you want to achieve, and standards that you must achieve, instead? Say "an A is good, but an A- is acceptable?"
Consider what you would criticize in a friend, instead of in yourself?

want to and must achieve are the same thing to me!

Dream_Catcher

Learn to accept yourself for who you are, as how can you expect anyone else to if even you can't. Yes everyone lieks to look good or even near to perfect but some peopel just can't do it. As long as you look the best you can isn't all that matters?

yeh well when i say "I have to look perfect" i basically mean "I have to look as perfect as I can"..

sehnsucht

The one caveat to this is that you need to be able to give yourself a break sometimes. For example, if something is out of your control and goes wrong you just have to let it go. But striving for excellence in what you do and in your appearance is not fundamentally a bad thing in my opinion.

Striving for excellence is one thing, but essentially never really being happy with how you do/look because it's rarely excellent isn't good.

Reply 5

Mos Def

17

Your awesome.

Reply 6

.AJ.

as long as you don't demand it from others that surround you, that will really limit the people you erm 'get' on with and so :colondollar:

Reply 7

Saffie

OP

11

Mos Def

Your awesome.

thanks! you don't actually know me though :p:

Reply 8

Mos Def

17

Yeah but someone with that mind set, im sorry, thats just plain awesome.

Reply 9

Vampyrcorn

14

Saffie

Striving for excellence is one thing, but essentially never really being happy with how you do/look because it's rarely excellent isn't good.

Remember that this in itself is an imperfection and a fault.

You would be a better person if you were to accept, like most people can, that you are not perfect and cannot acheive 'perfection'. To think that you can be perfect is to fool yourself and to lie to yourself. You are an idiot to think this is possible. If you really want to come closer to perfection, don't be so arrogant as to consider the possibility that you could ever acheive perfection.

Teach yourself to be happy, rather than allowing your irrational conviction that you should be perfect to doom you to inadequacy forever.

Reply 10

work_til_failure

2

Saffie

Basically i have stupidly high standards for myself, (not really for other people). & it's making me feel rubbish because I can't really reach them.

I have to get top marks, look perfect, *be* perfect or I just beat myself up about it. & God forbid i do something stupid.. then I really beat myself up :rolleyes:

It's really hard to stop it because it's kind of 'worked' so far, like I got the grades and whatnot. & by telling myself i'm rubbish it sort of made me try to improve myself.. stopped me eating some random crap and so on. But now I can't really rely on others to remind me i'm not awful and I don't know how to get out of my silly mindset.
QUOTE]

i have kinds a same prob! the day after geting 3 a's i thought..wats their left to achieve n was feeling down wtf!

Reply 11

Saffie

OP

11

Vampyrcorn

Remember that this in itself is an imperfection and a fault.

You would be a better person if you were to accept, like most people can, that you are not perfect and cannot acheive 'perfection'. To think that you can be perfect is to fool yourself and to lie to yourself. You are an idiot to think this is possible. If you really want to come closer to perfection, don't be so arrogant as to consider the possibility that you could ever acheive perfection.

Teach yourself to be happy, rather than allowing your irrational conviction that you should be perfect to doom you to inadequacy forever.

Well nobody's perfect, obviously, and I don't expect to be. As I said, I expect to be as perfect as I can be.

Besides one person's perfect is another's flaw. But whatever. Quit the veiled insults.

Sohail_delboy, lol, know what you mean :biggrin:

Reply 12

Death

I understand you completely. My perfectionism is quite bad and I am yet to discover a cure. I don't think it's something you can snap out of. And no matter what other people tell you, you always end up underestimating yourself. You must avoid making this into a real obsession because then if you fail to reach one of your more important goals it can make you hate yourself.

i have kinds a same prob! the day after geting 3 a's i thought..wats their left to achieve n was feeling down wtf!

Heh I wish I had that problem. Instead, I set myself the task of achieving over 270 in all 6 AS levels and when I missed out by 8 marks in one subject I was depressed for a whole week. Then I got rejected by Cambridge and have been depressed ever since. I nearly threw away everything I had.

Other people reminding you that you are not awful will not help. You have to somehow learn to love yourself and feel comfortable with everything you do and achieve.

stupid perfectionism

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