Don't Know Who I Am

Will try and explain what is bugging me as detailed as I can, as i appreciate its a difficult problem to post advice for.

to be honest for a long while now ive felt grey or beige, that im not interesting or unique in any way. Basically I (at age 20) don't know who i am, or what i stand for.

id like to point out i do have several friends, do go out reasonably regularly (though less recently as im in my final year of uni) and do come from quite a large family so know a lot of people etc I.e I'm not particularly a shy, hidden away kind of guy.

but i feel like im completely anonymous sometimes. When i try to arrange to go somewhere like a nightout, people i ask will be like "oh ill see" "mite do" then 9times out of 10, ultimately dont..and i stay in. Whereas others seem to get their friends to go anywhere at the drop of a hat. This may sound like a petty and whining issue..but after this happens repeatedly you begin to lose confidence and just think 'why bother'

even with my closest freinds im growing tired of being the one who tries and organises things, only to be messed around..given vague answers or excuses. Even when i come home to visit from uni (usually about once a month) i have to be the one to instigate to go somewhere, it feels like i want to see them, and not them wishing to see me for the first time in weeks (they usually know im coming home)

im finding it hard to explain what i mean, but i just feel so boring and unnoticeable these days. I worked hard at school, A Levels etc and have done at uni too..but i feel whilst i have good grades, on a social level im lacking..i have never had a serious girlfriend, and i feel just like a tagalong to other peoples nightsout/trips these days.

i need to work out who i am and what i stand for really. Any tips on how to do that would be appreciated (I know its easier said than done)

i feel i need to do something completely out of my comfort zone, something that will change me into something.

Reply 1

jrt87

You've answered it yourself. Do something completely different and see where it takes you. Push beyond your boundaries of comfort and make something for yourself.

Everyone suffers a minor, if you like "existentialist crisis" at some point or another. I think 20 is a significant age, quite a few of my friends have felt like this recently, I did last year etc. Certainly something about 20 that makes you think "what do I need to be doing?". Then you panic, feel a bit lost. The best way is to go find what you need to be doing by acting :smile:

.

For the record, I'm also sick of people not doing stuff. I instigate everything, and even then sometimes it feels like it's a real chore for them to get off their arse!

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

jrt87

You've answered it yourself Do something completely different and see where it takes you. Push beyond your boundaries of comfort and make something for yourself.

Everyone suffers in some way a minor if your like "existentialist crisis" at some point. I think 20 is a significant age, quite a few of my friends have felt like this recently, I did last year etc. Certainly something about 20 that makes you think "what do I need to be doing?".

For the record, I'm also sick of people not doing stuff. I instigate everything, and even then sometimes it feels like it's a real chore for them to get off their arse!

i think being 20 is an issue for me, its all serious work work work..whereas i dont feel i enjoyed my teenage years to the full. I kind of want to go back and be a character from 'Skins' (though not quite that outrageous and cliche) just do whatever, with whoever etc

i know its all part of growing up and getting a career (i love having loads of money!) but i just dont feel im ready at all..

Reply 3

Cowards

8

You are Anonymous!

Reply 4

.AJ.

Cowards

You are Anonymous!

is this a /b/ moment or just bad humor ?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Cowards

You are Anonymous!

have to say that was amusing :biggrin:

im anonymous due to said friends as listed above use TSR

Reply 6

jrt87

Anonymous

i think being 20 is an issue for me, its all serious work work work..whereas i dont feel i enjoyed my teenage years to the full. I kind of want to go back and be a character from 'Skins' (though not quite that outrageous and cliche) just do whatever, with whoever etc

i know its all part of growing up and getting a career (i love having loads of money!) but i just dont feel im ready at all..

Don't dwell on the past, and don't compare yourself to the "life" of an awful stereotypical piece of disposable TV fiction. Personally, I didn't have much of a social time at all as a teenager 13-19ish. I mean, I wasn't a loner or anything, but I didn't do the party lots/have lots of "gfs" rubbish. I realise I did the best with what I had at the time, and learned from it. I made it out the other side much wiser and mature etc - that's after all what being a teenager is really about.

By the way most of us don't feel ready. I'm scared stiff of responsibility of having to go find a real job when I graduate. Really scared. I think we all are. It's just one of those things you have to do, and remember things always seem worse when you look ahead. Like remember when you were 9 and thought about 18 and moving away and stuff. That was truely terrifying. I'm guessing a few years is a long time and this phase will pass, everyone will move on again.

So yes, do something different. Understand it's just another part of life in which you have to step up to and deal with competently. Your look back in 10 years on this time with a retrospective smile :smile:

Reply 7

mc_watson87

18

Cowards

You are Anonymous!

lol

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

jrt87

Don't dwell on the past, and don't compare yourself to the "life" of an awful stereotypical piece of disposable TV fiction. Personally, I didn't have much of a social time at all as a teenager 13-19ish. I mean, I wasn't a loner or anything, but I didn't do the party lots/have lots of "gfs" rubbish. I realise I did the best with what I had at the time, and learned from it. I made it out the other side much wiser and mature etc - that's after all what being a teenager is really about.

By the way most of us don't feel ready. I'm scared stiff of responsibility of having to go find a real job when I graduate. Really scared. I think we all are. It's just one of those things you have to do, and remember things always seem worse when you look ahead. Like remember when you were 9 and thought about 18 and moving away and stuff. That was truely terrifying. I'm guessing a few years is a long time and this phase will pass, everyone will move on again.

So yes, do something different. Understand it's just another part of life in which you have to step up to and deal with competently. Your look back in 10 years on this time with a retrospective smile :smile:

thanks for your comments

though getting a job with responsibilities isnt concerning me too much (the tedious recruitment stages are, but that's for a different moaning thread :wink:

)

its more my social life, friends arnt bothering with me, even the ones i really feel i am close too..yes everyone is much much busier and has less time, but barely anyone is making time to see me/talk to me these days. And that in turn is making me question why they arnt.

It'd be better if some of my friends actually were ignoring me and arguing with me! at least id know why..not this situation where i do all the work trying to get everyone together and people text back politely as if to say 'thanks but no thanks'