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A mutual break-up, but nothing's changed

Over half-term I saw my German girlfriend for the first time in twelve weeks. Life was instantly great again, and our feelings really hadn't changed at all. Yet from spending the past two months almost wishing our lives away, pissing off friends with "I miss them", and not really enjoying parties, we agreed early into the week to break-up by the end of the holiday. Strange thing is, this brought us closer - not wasting a minute together. She was staying with me, and so could easily have been awkward, but everything just kept going so well. The night before she left, we had sex, the first-time for both of us. It felt like a proper goodbye to each other, and we agreed beforehand it wouldn't make things awkward in the future.

We're both in college, and at 18, a LDR is very tricky with the rigid hours etc. We kept talking about rekindling the relationship when I go to university next year - hopefully a realistic possibility, with a more accessible airport, and longer holidays. But for now, what do I do? I feel stuck in time, waiting until February when I might go and visit her. I'm confused - some stuff is pointing towards a "friends-with-benefits" situation, but I don't feel able to continue wasting my life on a thing that may not happen. To make it even more difficult, our current relationship, talking on MSN etc, really has been no different from when we're going out. We're staying in touch and still really good friends, only really lacking a physical contact. It seems we're officially over, but unofficially together. I don't know what to do. Wait until the summer and try again? Or do I try and move on?

Reply 1

h82think

14

That must be so hard :frown:

You have 2 choices:

- Decide to stay together. You could both get webcams, and have dates together, like eat dinner at the same time etc. But, you can only choose this if you will not mope around all the time!

- Break up, and completely cut her out of your life. Go out with your friends, and with time you will feel better.

Reply 2

Nix!

11

Or the third hypothetical scenario where you realise that it isn't a realistic premise and to stop kidding yourself. Break up with her, remain friends and just see where the wind takes you.

Reply 3

brighthw

ah very similar situation with me, she is coming this Thursday though for the weekend :biggrin:

then i live there from Feb till Sep.
But i dunno what to do after that, I would probably just break up and remain friends. I think this might be the best thing for you as it is really difficult to keep the relationship going. I try MSN etc to keep in contact, exactly the same as you actually, just lacking physical contact. But sometimes it is hard to just do that for like 3-4 months

Reply 4

tourist

9

Nix!

remain friends and just see where the wind takes you.

Agree, you never know whether it could actually work out in the end.

To make it even more difficult, our current relationship, talking on MSN etc, really has been no different from when we're going out. We're staying in touch and still really good friends, only really lacking a physical contact. It seems we're officially over, but unofficially together. I don't know what to do. Wait until the summer and try again? Or do I try and move on?

Very similar happened to me, kept in contact technically "broken up" but nothing really changing apart from the fact we didn't see each other. Neither of us ended up moving on because we still had feelings for each other and ended up back together. Still together 3 years on.

Maybe it is worth just waiting and seeing?

Reply 5

Angelil

19

Sounds like you're both just trying to have your cake and eat it too. You're either together or you're not - make your minds up.

Reply 6

qubog

12

Sounds like you've got yourself an open relationship there

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Nix!

Or the third hypothetical scenario where you realise that it isn't a realistic premise and to stop kidding yourself. Break up with her, remain friends and just see where the wind takes you.

This is what we agreed. The problem is, it hasn't worked out like this. We split up because it wasn't realistic, but neither wants to let go.

Reply 8

Dream_Catcher

1

h82think

That must be so hard :frown:

You have 2 choices:

- Decide to stay together. You could both get webcams, and have dates together, like eat dinner at the same time etc. But, you can only choose this if you will not mope around all the time!

- Break up, and completely cut her out of your life. Go out with your friends, and with time you will feel better.

That's cute :p:

But no I'd just stay as friends and see where it goes.

Reply 9

dreambrook

I just got out of one of these, kicking and screaming. It's not nice, we said we would try and be friends but our banter is just a bit forced now. I'd like to go see him but since the only reason for us not being together is distance it's just so painful to see him. We keep doing a back and forth, yes we might be together someday or no let's just be friends. You can't win, if you figure out a cheat, lemme know!! Good luck to the OP

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

You asked the right girl! I dated a german 2 years long distance and now my ex is doing it LD with his new gf. I think either have an open relationship or break up- if you are meant to be together it will happen. It is good that you didn't change for this visit but the odds are that you both will- after months of waiting you break up and realize that you have been wasting your time!! Viel Glueck kleiner- mach spass!! xx

A mutual break-up, but nothing's changed

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