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Failing to make the right decisions.

I aspire to study medicine and I want this and that yet I am not working as hard as I need to.People tell me all the time oh you work so hard or you are too hard on yourself.The truth is it seems like I am this hard working person who works every single minute of the day but this is far from the truth.I have all this ambition yet instead of acting upon it I don't.Today I made a list and a rough plan of the day I used the Pomodoro technique which I really love to use.I did 2 Pomodoro's I read for an hour about quantum mechanics.But then I went on the internet and I fail to make the right decisions every time and what was meant to be 5 minutes is 2 hours.

I am so angry with myself every day I tell myself tomorrow I will make better decisions I write myself a list of things to do and every time I fail.I cannot forgive myself anymore because how many times will you fail before you truly experience the consequences!I am tired of people thinking I work so hard because I don't and I know I need to.I do not care that I am on holidays if I want to have the life I want I need to make sacrifices and I don't.I want to be a doctor for many reasons not because of money but money does motivate me.If I wanted a job for money I would go into finance.So before you chastise me please understand that money motivates me but it is not the reason I want to do medicine as there are many jobs that pay even better.

I used to practice Mandarin my hobby and play chess and do science and maths.I know I can work harder and I am frustrated with myself that I DO NOT do it.Why am I failing myself?!Every day it is the same story I promise myself tomorrow is a new day and it is not.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

It is admirable that you want to work to the best you can, but there is such a thing as working too hard. The pressure you put on yourself could build up and cause unhappiness and depression. You need a balance in life between work and play. When was the last time you went out with friends, go to the cinema or do a hobby? Working too hard can produce negative effects later on in your career, your health and future. Do take the time to care for yourself too!

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

I went out with a friend yesterday.My life of idleness is causing me great unhappiness because I know I won't become a doctor and get the a levels I want A*AA or AA*A*.I know I won't purchase a house in the capital and I know when I will die I won't be as intelligent as I want to be because I didn't work hard enough.I am just so frustrated because I want it all but I am not putting in my all and the worst thing of all is that I am doing this to myself and i am letting myself down.