Immature flatmates

I'm living in traditional halls of residence. At first I thought most people were alright, but now I'm ending up not getting on with any of the people in the halls. It's supposed to be mixed, but it's all boys on the ground floor and all girls on the first and second floors. In the part I'm in, there's 8 guys including me. 2 of them are alright but I rarely see them and don't really talk to them much. One, the one next door to me, is an alright guy but as quiet as I am (very quiet) and now just spends most of his time with his girlfriend. The others... Well, I'm gay, and they're all typical football-mad straight men.

One of them found out I was gay from myspace, and I found out from the girls upstairs that they'd all been talking about me because of it.
The girls on the first floor are kind of nice (some of them), but not really enough to be friends. The second floor... Don't really get on with any of them, except one girl, who's been really nice and became one of my best friends, but now she's moving because of her flatmates.

Anyway, my flatmates are just getting worse... I don't mind that they don't really talk to me or invite me places any more, but I do mind them being homophobic and making fun of me. They made a 'washing up chart' with their names on as a tally for how many people they'd slept with, and one night these girls put one up for me. I just put one number on, and the next day someone had written 'MAN' next to it. This morning, I walked into the kitchen to find it said 'RENT BOI!' 'TALK TO ME'.... What the hell? I thought this was supposed to be university not high school.

What can I do?... I thought about moving like my friend did, but then I might end up with more people who don't like me; and I'll probably have to pay more towards the accomadation fees; and it's a lot of hassle to move out of this room and into another one, for me and my parents. I'm already changing course so it seems a bit much to move too. Can I make it through the year like this?

(sorry for the wall of text)

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Reply 1

EsStupido

Ignore them?

Pretty easy.

Reply 2

CheesyBeans

You can always try and put your name on the list for transfer. I know some people, especially young men, can be really judgemental and immature when they discover that someone is gay but not everyone will be like that :smile:

You might end up with a bunch of people who wont care whether you are gay or straight. I have a gay housemate who I have lived with for 2 years. In the first year we lived with all girls and one other lad. The lads got on great, and why shouldn't they, but then we got some more male housemates. One of them is a bit of an arse sometimes and at the start of the year made some comments that my friend could have been quite offended by. I remember the first thing this guy said to me was "So this lad is a bit *does limp wrist thing*...do any of you get on with him?". I was quite shocked that he expected us to not be friends with someone who was gay. Over time though things have gotten better and the two of them get on okay. I think at first, being 18 and a 'laddy lad', he may have felt a bit intimidated by my gay friend. He is one of those guys who assumes that any gay man must want to have sex with him. I also think it was a case of the new guy having never met a gay person before and so didn't really understand. We still hear the odd 'gay joke' and things like "How does he know he's gay though?" (to which I answer "How do tou know you're straight") but in general things are fine. Maybe things might get better but I would suggest trying to move if you are really upset. You never know who you might be living with :smile:

Woah, long. Sorry.

Reply 3

Sandhu

They are really immature *****. Ignore them! Don't move out, you'll be fine :smile:

Reply 4

randdom

If you are as unhappy as your post implies i would say that moving would be the best option. If you really don't want to move then you could talk to them about how their behaviour is effecting you. Maybe they don't realise and think that you are ok with the joking about. If that doesn't work then I would contact your university as homophobic bullying is most likely against some of the rules that they have an maybe something official in the form of a warning could be done.

Reply 5

Lychee

If you are unhappy and you want to move then move, you would probably be happier in a mixed sex flat as I think girls can temper this laddy behaviour. I would personally be honest with the accomodation people. Tell them you want to move because your flatmates are being homophobic. Then they should move you pretty sharpish and if you kick up a bity of a fuss will probably not charge either. Would it be possible for you to move to the same place as your friend?

Reply 6

ToysRUs

See, Myspace does ruin lives.

Maybe you can see if that friend needs another roommate, at the very least ask her how she went about finding a new place with people (I presume) she likes?

Reply 7

Dionysus

You should do your best to ignore them. I find some of the people who live near me seem to have the average maturity of a class of 13 year olds. It's ridiculous, they're supposed to be adults, and they're clearly not ready for university life. How any of those people are going to pass their exams is beyond me.

Reply 8

Angelil

Try and ignore them. If not, get a transfer to another accommodation block.
I really feel for you, as I experienced something similar with my flatmates. Overall I was really disappointed with how immature most of them were - like you, I went through all this **** at secondary school and I was disappointed that people were still acting like this.

Reply 9

randomgirl

Ah, sorry to hear how ****ty your flatmates are being to you. What a bunch of total idiots. No matter where you go you are bound to find a stupid ignorant arsehole. Such is life.

I know it must be hard, especially as they are being insulting about your sexuality, but just try your best to ignore these prats. They are the ones with the problem- evidently they are missing a few brain cells!

Try your best to stick it out, if you don't let them see that it's getting to you then they will get bored. Just make friends outside of your floor, join more socs if you are interested.

Alternatively, if you are really hating it then you might as well transfer. I doubt you will get any worse flatmates than a bunch of stupid homophobes!

Good luck sorting it :smile:

randomgirl.

Reply 10

Lizj

"Washing up chart" of how many people they sleep with? What on earth is that all about anyway? What the hell kind of uni is this?
For the time being, ignore them. Don't join in their juvenile games. And long term do what you can to get out of there.
Rest assured, these are not typical students, you will find much nicer housemates somewhere else.

Reply 11

suicidal_dream

for my first year i ended up living with some REALLY immature girls and it did my head in..they used to say stuff about me behind my back really loudly... and often late at night when they were in the kitchen and i'd be able to hear them cos my room was next to the kitchen.

i managed to move accom after christmas and ended up with some loooovely girls, it made it so much better.

see if you can move accom, it will *hopefully* make things a lot better for you.

Perhaps if you mention they are being homophobic and bullying you, it will speed up the move for you?!

Reply 12

ChrisTheRockGod

this is why I hope that when I go to uni i'll be able to get into gender-equal accommodation, like equal amounts of boys and girls. I think.. i'd actually rather share with girls, because they're more likely to be nice, and .. not like football/rugby haha
I think mixed would be best though.

Reply 13

aced

beat them up

Reply 14

ro-ro

Aww my heart goes out to you. I've had some crazy housemates, including one who screamed at me that I was a spoilt bitch and I should **** off back to my parents because no one wanted me because I told him to wash up. I'd ask for a transfer and explain why. I'd also try and speak to these boys about their attitude. It's wholly unacceptable and someone needs to challenge them or they will always behave like *****.

Reply 15

Dionysus

On second thoughts, your best bet is probably to claim breach of contract by the university or company that manages the accomodation, since there is probably something in there about reasonable living conditions, which this clearly is not. Get out of the contract and find a house with a space somewhere. There is almost always one available - it might mean sharing with second years, but that's not so bad. Failing that, your university accomodation department may be able to get you a place in alternative university accomodation.

Reply 16

Chrisateen

The best thing to do is to get transfered to another halls of residence and also be spercific as to where you want to go. You also need to try and make friends from the same class. Doesn't your uni have a gay society where you can meet other gay students and get some support??? I think that would really help.

Reply 17

kateyrib

what tossers
**hugs**
hope it get sorted out

Reply 18

Skinwalker

Well, I'm in the LGBT society and anime and manga societies, and I've met a few great people there. Some live in the halls across the road, which are properly mixed, but I think that one's full. There's other cluster flats and halls available though. I was just a bit frustrated anyway that I asked for mixed and it wasn't properly 'mixed', same with my friend from upstairs. I saw her today and it turns out that for the time being she's staying here, but not sure if she will be the rest of the year. Guess I was unlucky. But it's a bit much. The halls are in terrible conditions anyway. Heh.

I'll try and put up with it for now, and if things get worse try to find out about moving. Thanks for the kind words.