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Great Boyfriend, fancy someone else

i have been at university for 6 weeks now. I am loving it so so much, but I have one problem.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and I really love him dearly. We are very much in love, and are the 'golden couple' so to speak, in our friendship group at home. My whole family loves him, I really do love him. However he is 8 hours away on the train, and I do want to stay with him, but when I am not with him I feel so so distant from him, and like hes not actually mine. When we are together again it is great.

Now comes the bad part :frown:

. There is a boy here at Uni who I just cant stop thinking about. He does the same subject as me, so we are in lectures together. He is SO hot. I feel so bad constantly that I am so attracted to someone else, i just cant help it. This guy looks a bit like my boyfriend, and I think that maybe in a way he is like a kind of substitute. I try and sit next to him in lectures, meet up with him. I even wonder what it would be like to kiss him :s-smilie:

. What the hell do I do?? Its being so harsh on my boyfriend who REALLY does not deserve it one bit. And my boyfriend is like THE perfect boyfriend.

Should I finish with him to be kind because its not being fair on him(even though it would break his heart and mine) and he deserves to know, or is this just a natural thing (that will pass) when you are away from a loved one?

Has anybody else ever felt this way and stayed with their boyfriend/girlfriend?

Please help me!

Reply 1

dh00001

16

i would say its a fleeting thing which is normal in a relationship. if youre happy with your boyfriend dont do anything.
dont act on your thaughts and chances are it will pass

Reply 2

loz_fairy

8

I had a time like this when I was with my ex, broke up with him for the new guy.

While my new relationship is great, I regret the decision a lot, and given my time again I probably wouldn't make the choice I did.

I know its hard, both my ex and my current b/f are about an hour and a half away, so I have no idea how hard it must be for you!!

Stick it out for a bit longer with the boyfriend, this new guy may just be a passing fancy, brought on by the distance. If a month or two down the line it hasn't passed and there is a chance for you guys...then reconsider.

Good luck with whatever you do
x

Reply 3

StandingOnAir

How often do you speak to your boyfriend when you're apart? Maybe it's the lack of contact with him that's making acting upon your crush on this new boy so appealing. You could try dropping him a text whenever you find your mind wandering?

Either way, wait a while to see how it all pans out before you do anything drastic.

Reply 4

Q_M

15

Don't leave him. Talk to your bf more, your just trying to make him a sustitute

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

thanks for the feedback, i will see how i feel in a bit. i talk to my boyfriend throughout the day by texts, and then skype at night. see him every other weekend. its like hes not part of my uni life, its so strange, like hes in the past somehow. i think you are probably right, i wud end up regretting it if i did finish it

Reply 6

username47781

20

It is normal to find other guys attractive in the relationship as long as you don't act upon it. Has anything changed in the relationship? Has it become a stale routine?

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

12

pssh regrets only mean you've had some fun in your life
You can't have a functional relationship from 8 hours away, you're too young to tie yourself down. Just go with the flow, but try to let your boyfriend down easy; probably won't be too hard, he might be just as frustrated as you. You'll still know/be able to talk to eachother, if you're so meant to be you'll get back one day.

Reply 8

anelka9

1

simple...

when your at uni, be with the guy u like there

when your at home, have the bf

thinking about somebody else is as good as cheating

Reply 9

CheesyBeans

1

It is natural to start fancying someone else, it is something we cant always help, but you shouldn't act upon it. I must admit, I don't think I would ever consider such a long distance relationship. Maybe it is a case of 'out of sight out of mind'? I guess it could be easy to forget about your boyfriend, or anyone for that matter, when you have the excitement of starting at university.

I think you need to take a proper look at your relationship, and try to forget for now that you are attracted to someone else, and try and figure out what would be for the best. Would it be better to end things or do you think you could find a way to make it work or be better?

I think if you let your feelings for this other guy develop more and feel like taking things further than you should definitely finish with your boyfriend. Cheating is unfair and cowardly.

Reply 10

Anonymous #3

I went for the crush and I regret it. Stupid amounts.

Reply 11

Crimson Black

13

What on earth would you tell your boyfriend if you broke up with him? "Yeah, I'm sorry darling, I know you're the perfect boyfriend and we've been together for three years and I couldn't be happier, but I'm feeling attracted to someone I sit next to at uni... that's why I'm breaking up with you". You're clearly lucky enough to have a stable relationship with someone for a decent length of time, don't let the long-distance part get you down. Unless thinking about this guy is completely and utterly messing with your mind and you honestly think you'd be better off with this new guy - you don't even have any reassurance that he would enter into a relationship with you - then you should just remember that you love your current bf and not act on any lust.

Reply 12

Cj-Tj

15

Um.. most of my hall mates who had relationships when they arrived broke up mutually becuse of distance, "moving on" sort of feelings. Theres no need to be harsh to him but just say that things have got very difficult so rather than anyone get hurt you feel it would be best to break up in a friendly manner and that you will always love him dearly, but times change.

Thats what I would do to a girl anyway....

Great Boyfriend, fancy someone else

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