First love

Hi Guys,

I'm just wondering if il ever get over my first love? Its been 6 years since we first started talking and 3 years since it ended. I didn't know I loved him at the time it was when it ended I realised I did. 3 years later I can't move on. He is a head **** and will often send me snapchats although he has a girlfriend..I try my hardest not to reply! I have no interest in moving on and any boy I talk to just doesn't compare to him! We ended on bad terms and never really had the 'talk'.

Any advice or opinions would be great help!

Thanks!

Hi Guys,

I'm just wondering if il ever get over my first love? Its been 6 years since we first started talking and 3 years since it ended. I didn't know I loved him at the time it was when it ended I realised I did. 3 years later I can't move on. He is a head **** and will often send me snapchats although he has a girlfriend..I try my hardest not to reply! I have no interest in moving on and any boy I talk to just doesn't compare to him! We ended on bad terms and never really had the 'talk'.

Any advice or opinions would be great help!

Thanks!

You won't until you block him and never see his messages ever again.

So you're still in contact - that would be your problem. You've got yourself into this trap wherein you're torturing yourself with someone you either can't or shouldn't have, and as long as you're like that you will never move on.

So cut contact with him and allow yourself to move on. Maybe horse around a little - as a good friend of mine once said, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

Everything you're saying makes perfect sense, I know I have to cut all contact and stop looking for ways to see his actions on social media etc it's just hard to do so. The thought of been with someone else sickens me, i had a fling with someone else and he now hates me because I wouldn't open up to him.

Thanks so much for your words, I will cut contact now.

I know it's hard - it always is, especially that first time. It takes an effort of raw will, and "in this day and age" (where we can stalk our exes online without them knowing, and thus kid ourselves into feeling like they're still a part of our lives), it's even harder. But it can be done - you can do it. When you've got there, you'll find yourself to be a much stronger person for it.

The thing about being sickened at the thought of being with someone else is completely normal too, and while it's fairly healthy for the first couple of months, it's harmful if you keep it up, especially for as long as you have. That doesn't mean you can't get past it; it just means you'll take longer to recover, which you know you can.

Opening up to people is important - as you know. It depends what you need though. Maybe at this point, like I said before, you might just need to, um, get it out of your system a little. Bang a few people, get over the feeling that you can't be with someone else. Just don't go insane with it.

I would highly recommend getting a copy of The Wall and giving it a good listen. The bricks you think other people are putting there are just you building a castle around yourself, to protect yourself and your feelings. But, as I imagine you'll know already, tearing it down and exposing your true feelings to people is the only way you'll make/keep friends and partners.

You'll be alright

I know it's hard - it always is, especially that first time. It takes an effort of raw will, and "in this day and age" (where we can stalk our exes online without them knowing, and thus kid ourselves into feeling like they're still a part of our lives), it's even harder. But it can be done - you can do it. When you've got there, you'll find yourself to be a much stronger person for it.

The thing about being sickened at the thought of being with someone else is completely normal too, and while it's fairly healthy for the first couple of months, it's harmful if you keep it up, especially for as long as you have. That doesn't mean you can't get past it; it just means you'll take longer to recover, which you know you can.

Opening up to people is important - as you know. It depends what you need though. Maybe at this point, like I said before, you might just need to, um, get it out of your system a little. Bang a few people, get over the feeling that you can't be with someone else. Just don't go insane with it.

I would highly recommend getting a copy of The Wall and giving it a good listen. The bricks you think other people are putting there are just you building a castle around yourself, to protect yourself and your feelings. But, as I imagine you'll know already, tearing it down and exposing your true feelings to people is the only way you'll make/keep friends and partners.

You'll be alright

You've really put things into perspective for me. I think my next step is to cut all contact with him and stop the stalking by taking him off my friends list etc.

It might take some time to get over him but I'm ready for it, I think I was just holding on and had to much hope that we would sort it.

Thanks for your help, you've helped more than you know. 😀

Oh and also, is this 'the wall' a book?

Any time just keep cool and you'll be alright.

It's a rock album - sort of a cantata - by Pink Floyd, from the late 70s. It was made into a film in 1982. I think it might be enlightening for you in either form, because it's about a person who shuts themself off from the world because of things that happened to them in their past, but eventually they learn that in shutting people out (similar to you and whatever new men you might meet, from what you've said) they're just making their own problems worse. Think of it as a cautionary tale.

Hi Guys,

I'm just wondering if il ever get over my first love? Its been 6 years since we first started talking and 3 years since it ended. I didn't know I loved him at the time it was when it ended I realised I did. 3 years later I can't move on. He is a head **** and will often send me snapchats although he has a girlfriend..I try my hardest not to reply! I have no interest in moving on and any boy I talk to just doesn't compare to him! We ended on bad terms and never really had the 'talk'.

Any advice or opinions would be great help!

Thanks!