"Good Friend" just starts ignoring?

Anon or delete as I know a few of our friends also post here.

Made a friend with a girl In Fresher's week (we share a few lectures) and we got on really well. We've hung out a lot, gone bowling and I've introduced her to a few of my friends. She's not very sociable (in terms of large groups) at all, in fact more or less refuses to leave the flat she's staying in (she just draws all the time, and says she hates mass social occasions) but does hang about in small groups of 2/3. She's in a long distance relationship with a guy from Glasgow she's been with for 6 months, and never shuts up about him. To the point where her very existence revolves around him and she's quite controlling of this guy from what she's told me.

Suddenly a week ago, I heard nothing from her when I sent her a text. Fair enough. Few days went by (reading week so there wasn't the lecture opportunity) and she wasn't replying to anything on Myspace either from me (yet leaving my friends comments). In our lecture today I sat next to her, and she got up and walked to the back of the lecture hall. I've just got in from a local club night, and quite drunk I've somehow noticed a number going down on one of my local facebook networks. I checked, and sure enough she's deleted me :frown:

. Yet, only this morning she went shopping with my incredibly lovely friend and apparently seemed normal, didn't mention me and "had a nice chat about girly stuff about clothes and stuff".

I don't back stab, nor talk about people behind their backs. I know my friend wouldn't of said anything to make someone react this way. I've been nothing but friendly and helpful and kind to her. I didn't like how she isolated herself in her flat (a 25 minute bus ride away from uni/main halls/student areas) so introduced her to people etc. One thing I will say is she's so hateful towards anyone that's complacent. I've got my assignments in, but for personal (mental) reasons (she's aware of) I've missed certain lectures, been quite unmotivated. I think she really wants a social life, but for some reason puts a barrier up and refuses it, and instead studies loads and loads and hasn't put a foot wrong academically (she's even practically completed assignments not in for January yet).

We have a lecture Friday (quite a small lecture class of 30 or so) and it's going to be so awkward. I want to ask outright what the hell's up, but part of me says that I should just forget it and deal with the awkwardness for a while.

??

Reply 1

Meep!

9

I'd ask, I always think it's better to know what you've 'done', generally it's just confusion on the part of the other person (plus I'm a nosy git). Unless you've really done something? Have you said anything about her relationship to someone else? Just you don't seem to approve of it, and that sort of thing can cause a lot of problems.

Reply 2

Creole

2

I too think you are right to just ask her if there is anything you have done wrong, because it feels like she is 'off' with you.

If she is really socially awkward it could be paranoia that you didn't see her in the street once and now she thinks you hate her, or anything like that. It's crazy, but stranger things have happened.

Reply 3

qubog

12

Maybe her boyfriend doesn't want her hanging around with you?

Reply 4

asdasta

15

In which case, her boyfriend's an idiot. I'd ask what's up. That would bug the Hell out of me.

Reply 5

Isambard Kingdom Brunel

19

It sounds as though she does not take too kindly to people who are imperfect academically.

She sounds like a stuck up cow, and I wouldn't worry about her, if that is indeed her problem.

Reply 6

hollylily

She sounds a tad like me, minus the long distance relationship factor and I have yet to delete someone from my facebook friends list.

Erm, what did you write in your text? Perhaps it had something to do with what you said. Although I reckon she was probably upset by the fact that you haven't contacted her much throughout the reading week, and since you've been hanging out together alot, then it's likely she considered you one of her best mates at uni. Now she may be a bit out of character, but it's more than likely that she expected more from you. I guess it all comes down to false hope, and yeah...she had a think through throughout the week, got pissed (possibly) and deleted you from facebook.

:dontknow:

Just ask her what you did wrong. She may be incline to divulge why she's behaving that way.

Reply 7

hollylily

Okay, whoops, you did contact her. My bad. Hmmm, she probably just have some issues. Ask her.

Reply 8

Shuffler

13

:dito:

it would really do my head in not knowing what i did..and its doing my head in now because i really want to know!

Youve got to post back and tell us what she says because its gonna kill me. lol

Reply 9

rococo00

Is there nothing that you can think of as to why this girl is acting really strange with you? You seem like a genuine person, so if you haven't purposefully done anything to upset this girl, then maybe she's not worth classing as a 'friend'? Don't get too down about it I'm sure it's a really irrelevant reason as to why she isn't talking to you. Ask her! I hope this helps. Good Luck!

Reply 10

CJPT89

2

She sounds like a ****ing prick. Leave her to it.

Reply 11

Profesh

20

What a truly worthless individual.

Reply 12

Somewhat Damaged

Profesh

What a truly worthless individual.

Worthless isn't a nice term to use about anyone.

Just talk to her.
Sounds to me like the lack of contact through the reading week - after being so close to her. Made here paranoid, and tried pushing you away.
Then you've ended up like this.
Or the not noticing in the street kinda issue, as someone said.

Just talk to her.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

I did say hi and stuff during Reading week! A couple of texts (IE "hey how are you, want to go hang around the city anytime this week?). Plus I sent her a Myspace comment 3 days after that asking if she was ok, as I hadn't heard from her in a while. I guess I'll talk with her on Friday outside the lecture, although I'm dreading it - I don't like conflict.

I honestly can't think of anything I could ever of possibly have done. The only time I've ever mentioned her to someone when she wasn't around was our mutual friend (much more my friend though). We discussed for no more than a few minutes how it's sad she's not making any effort to meet anyone, and how she seems to make her whole life revolve around controlling her boyfriend. I mean she throws guilt trips at him, has categorically said she refuses to sleep with him when he comes down here if he "doesn't check in with her via text twice a day", and has admitted she stalks his facebook and sends messages to any girl he adds. I've checked with said friend, and she said she hasn't mentioned anything we said.

She may sound like an evil girl or something, but she can be really kind/good to talk to too. Hence why I'm sure she has some issues that are creating a negative barrier that masks her real personality below. I guess I relate to this a bit, as I was certainly like this a good few years ago and I know what sorted me out was finding the right people who would listen and make me feel welcome. Anyway, I won't ramble on - it's clear I'm evidently getting too "close" by her standards and she's doing whatever she can to push me away. I'll give it a shot, but there's only so much you can do for people like that I guess.

Reply 14

devilsthorn

1

Sounds like she thinks you're making a move on her and is making it obvious she won't ever fancy you. Give it up dude. Or it might be the impefect academic thingy dude.

Reply 15

sarcasticallysincere

Give up if someone is willing to disgard you so easily as a friend then you are seriously better off

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

A quite hurtful resolution to this.

My friend managed to drag her out earlier (stubbornly) to go shopping down Oxford Street. My friend has just sent me a text saying she wasn't exactly being flattering about me. I'm apparently "a lazy, horrible person who deserves to fail and should shut up". Plus I've only missed a couple of lectures & seminars in the few months we've been here.

I'd just move on and not care about this, if I didn't have to sent in lectures with this person 4 times a week. I don't like awkward conflict :frown:

.

Reply 17

qubog

12

Oh, don't feel bad OP, she's obviously a complete arsehole with no regard for human decency. I've probably missed more lectures in a week than you have all semester, she definitely wouldn't like me! Just be civil to her in lectures and let that be the end of it. Argh, what a bitch. Want me to beat her up?

Reply 18

Gimothy

11

You might as well lay into her about her boyfriend now.

Reply 19

devilsthorn

1

Anonymous

A quite hurtful resolution to this.

My friend managed to drag her out earlier (stubbornly) to go shopping down Oxford Street. My friend has just sent me a text saying she wasn't exactly being flattering about me. I'm apparently "a lazy, horrible person who deserves to fail and should shut up". Plus I've only missed a couple of lectures & seminars in the few months we've been here.

I'd just move on and not care about this, if I didn't have to sent in lectures with this person 4 times a week. I don't like awkward conflict :frown:

.

Do you go to Imperial College? Seems like she only wants to associate herself with capable people. You're of no use to her in both relationship and career, so you get tossed aside.

"Good Friend" just starts ignoring?

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