Bear™'s Horoscope Blog Watch

the bear
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So you want to know what the stars have in store for you ? Well you have come to the right place
Each day your astral destiny is foretold by expert astrologer Bear™. here are a few of the plaudits he has received for his services:
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"i could not believe it" Ms F O'S Old London Town
"gawd bless yer Bear™" P Illusions Glasgow
"you can run but you can't hide Bear™" J Corbyn Islington

so without further ado here are today's prognostications:

Aquarius June 23rd-August 19th

You find yourself at a loose end. Saturn will help you tie it up

Pisces December 1st-December 9th

Your dreamy nature lets you down. Again.

Libra December 10th-November 5th

Exciting developments. Romance beckons. But not for you.

Tourist April 20th-May 21rd

A beetle lodges in your right ear. You forget to watch Flog It !

Capricorn December 23rd-January 20st

Your caring side does not help you today.

Cancer June 21rd- July 34th

You take up smoking. How ironic.

Leo July 23rd- August 23st

You return your The Lion King video to blockbuster. But it has closed down.

Virgo August 23rd-August 24st

You pop your cherry. How ironic.

Scorpio October 23rd-October 45th

You sting your partner.

Gemini May 21st - June 21st

The postman brings you a knitting pattern for a onesie. Someone close
to you eats banana yoghurt.

For more detailed information ring the Starline on 0898 990666
calls cost £8 per second, minimum call length 10 minutes.
Last edited by the bear; 1 month ago
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TheAnxiousSloth
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If I was supposed to be born at the end of June (which would make me a Cancer) but ended up being born early in May (Gemini), does that make me a Cancer or a Gemini?
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shameful_burrito
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Where is the one for Sagittarius?
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the bear
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(Original post by LeCroissant)
If I was supposed to be born at the end of June (which would make me a Cancer) but ended up being born early in May (Gemini), does that make me a Cancer or a Gemini?
you decide... it's no biggie
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the bear
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(Original post by shameful_burrito)
Where is the one for Sagittarius?
there was a problem with the Astral communication channel; Sagittarius was bundled in with Virgo today. :borat:
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Gerry-Atricks
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Grammar and numbers physically hurt me
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username1221160
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October 45th?

You are right up there with the nation's great astrologers.
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donkeydong
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You should do vedic astrology, that is pretty accurate.

All is need is date of birth, time of birth and place of birth. Put in your details here.....

https://astrology.barishh.com/inputdata.php

And you will get a birth chart, read the birth chart and it tells you your karma. The chart that comes out is the D1 chart, but you need to look at the D1 and D9 together. There are various divisional charts for education, spouse, career etc.

The easiest thing you can look at is what nakshatra the moon is placed in. A nakshtra is a division of a zodiac sign. So there are 27 nakshatras across the entire zodiac. There are subdivisions of this as well called padas, you have 108 padas across the zodiac. 108 being the special number in hindium and buddhism as it represents everything.

(1^1)*(2^2)*(3^3) = 108
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Gerry-Atricks
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(Original post by donkeydong)
You should do vedic astrology, that is pretty accurate.

All is need is date of birth, time of birth and place of birth. Put in youtr details here.....

https://astrology.barishh.com/inputdata.php

And you will get a birth chart, read the birth chart and it tells you your karma. The chart that comes out is the D1 chart, but you need to look at the D1 and D9 together. There are various divisional charts for education, spouse, career etc.

The easiest thing you can look at is what nakshatra the moon is placed in. A nakshtra is a division of a zodiac sign. So there are 27 nakshatras across the entire zodiac. There are subdivisions of this as well called padas, you have 108 padas across the zodiac. 108 being the special number in hindium and buddhism as it represents everything.

(1^1)*(2^2)*(3^3) = 108
Don't you make bullsh** sound fancy
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shameful_burrito
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(Original post by the bear)
there was a problem with the Astral communication channel; Sagittarius was bundled in with Virgo today. :borat:
What if I'm male though, does that mean I'll pop someone's cherry?
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donkeydong
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Also it is much better to use the Sidereal Zodiac than the Tropical Zodiac used in Western Astrology.
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Kyx
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Lol 😂 I won't take up smoking 😂😂😂🤣🤣😝😝


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donkeydong
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(Original post by Dwarf-Shortage)
Don't you make bullsh** sound fancy
Ok, give me your time and date of birth and I will amaze you.

EDIT: And place of birth (for timezone reasons)
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the bear
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(Original post by shameful_burrito)
What if I'm male though, does that mean I'll pop someone's cherry?
that's not what the Stars are telling you :teehee:
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the bear
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(Original post by Quantex)
October 45th?

You are right up there with the nation's great astrologers.
you mock the Stars at your peril :mad:
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donkeydong
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(Original post by the bear)
you mock the Stars at your peril :mad:
Actually if you want a glimpse of astrology, I suggest you read this chapter from "Autobiography of a Yogi" by Yogananda.

https://www.crystalclarity.com/yogananda/chap16.php
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donkeydong
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(Original post by the bear)
you mock the Stars at your peril :mad:
Autobiography of a Yogi is the same book Steve Jobs read and re read every year of his life till he died. At his funeral, he gave a copy of this book to everyone present.

It is a fabulous book on spirituality, the only other book I recommend even more is The Bhagavad Gita.
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Gerry-Atricks
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(Original post by donkeydong)
Ok, give me your time and date of birth and I will amaze you.

EDIT: And place of birth (for timezone reasons)
Yeah i was born
28 June 2017
I'd have to be to believe this crap
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Serine Soul
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:gasp:

I did end up popping my cherry today
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Will come back for tomorrow's prognostications
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donkeydong
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(Original post by Dwarf-Shortage)
Yeah i was born
28 June 2017
I'd have to be to believe this crap
It's your choice tbh, I'm not going to push you. There is more to astrology than zodiac signs, it has a deep rooting in the eastern religions.
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