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Transfer Because of Boyfriend?
I'm a first year student at Newcastle University, and I want to study Genetics in my second and third year. I am doing a course in genetics at the moment, and have contacted the university I want to move to (Nottingham) and they said that I would have to apply through UCAS and get at least 55% overall this year (which I think is very reachable)
But there are a few things that I need to say before asking for any advice.
Basically one of the main reasons I want to move is because my boyfriend goes to Nottingham Trent. We can both handle long distance at the moment, but the more I looked into transferring at the end of the academic year, the better it looked:
Reasons for going:
1. My boyfriend lives there and it would save me £100 a month because I wouldnt be spending that much going to visit him.
2.We are thinking about getting engaged but I think we should live together first to see how it goes, and this way would be much easier than waiting until the end of three years.
3. Nottingham uni has better rankings in all the tables I've seen, and a much better genetics department (there is a heavy focus on genetics, offering 3 different courses, as opposed to the only one here)
Reasons for not going:
1. What if me and my boyfriend split up? And we're living together. How awkward would that be!?
2. I dont know anyone at Nottingham, it would be like starting again
3. I dont think my parents would approve of me moving to Nottingham, even though its a better university, they would think I was just following my boyfriend and probably talk me out of it
To top it all off, I really cant make this decision until January when my boyfriend finds out whether he's staying at university or joining the RAF. I'm willing to follow him anywhere when he's in the RAF, giving up a career and all that lot (and dont give me a lecture on this, I've been brought up military and my mum gave up a career until me and my sister were in secondary school - now she's earning more than my dad)
Any help? Suggestions? ANYTHING! I've thought this through loads but I dont know what to do!
P.S. Sorry for the long post
But there are a few things that I need to say before asking for any advice.
Basically one of the main reasons I want to move is because my boyfriend goes to Nottingham Trent. We can both handle long distance at the moment, but the more I looked into transferring at the end of the academic year, the better it looked:
Reasons for going:
1. My boyfriend lives there and it would save me £100 a month because I wouldnt be spending that much going to visit him.
2.We are thinking about getting engaged but I think we should live together first to see how it goes, and this way would be much easier than waiting until the end of three years.
3. Nottingham uni has better rankings in all the tables I've seen, and a much better genetics department (there is a heavy focus on genetics, offering 3 different courses, as opposed to the only one here)
Reasons for not going:
1. What if me and my boyfriend split up? And we're living together. How awkward would that be!?
2. I dont know anyone at Nottingham, it would be like starting again
3. I dont think my parents would approve of me moving to Nottingham, even though its a better university, they would think I was just following my boyfriend and probably talk me out of it
To top it all off, I really cant make this decision until January when my boyfriend finds out whether he's staying at university or joining the RAF. I'm willing to follow him anywhere when he's in the RAF, giving up a career and all that lot (and dont give me a lecture on this, I've been brought up military and my mum gave up a career until me and my sister were in secondary school - now she's earning more than my dad)
Any help? Suggestions? ANYTHING! I've thought this through loads but I dont know what to do!
P.S. Sorry for the long post
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During my first year of uni every single person who I met that started uni with a bf or gf dropped them and either indulged in teh singledom, or found a replacement at uni. Everyone that came to uni with bf's or gf's failed.
My advice is this... you might not like it, but it's the sad truth, people change A LOT at uni. It's a completely different and unusual enviroment. It's really hard to stay together, or even to keep wanting to stay together with people you met in a different enviroment.
dump them. you'll meet someone else. If you love each other you can get back together after uni. Or shag me
My advice is this... you might not like it, but it's the sad truth, people change A LOT at uni. It's a completely different and unusual enviroment. It's really hard to stay together, or even to keep wanting to stay together with people you met in a different enviroment.
dump them. you'll meet someone else. If you love each other you can get back together after uni. Or shag me
Wow... cynical people.
I'm not going to leave him just cos I'm at uni. Thats a stupid thing to do. I havent changed one single bit and neither has he. He doesnt want to let me move. He says that I'll probably be better off in Newcastle, but I want to be closer to him, and he wants me there with him too.
My work isnt suffering and neither is my relationship
I'm not going to leave him just cos I'm at uni. Thats a stupid thing to do. I havent changed one single bit and neither has he. He doesnt want to let me move. He says that I'll probably be better off in Newcastle, but I want to be closer to him, and he wants me there with him too.
My work isnt suffering and neither is my relationship
I'm not gonna be as negative! Although it is true the majority of people split from their bf/gf when they start uni, it doesn't apply to everyone! One of my best friends was apart from her boyfriend (that she'd be with since she was 17) for the 3 years they were at uni... and are happy and are now gonna move in together... and although it may be a different time/context my parents have been together since they were about 15 and went through the whole uni/being apart deal... do what you feel is right... keep realistic of course but if you love each other and it's what's going to make you happy go for it!!
I kept going with a girl I was in love with - completely - at Manchester Uni. It started well. Seeing each other at weekends. Then every other weekend. then I wanted to do stuff with new people and so did she. Then we saw each other once a month. Then we started sleeping with other people. This was two years ago.
Now: I haven't spoken to her for over a year now.
The same story for so many of my friends... etc etc... I know exactly what'll happen to. You'll read this, think I'm a dick, and keep your relationship going. then in a years time you'll think back and realise that it just doesnt work at uni with long distance, or previous boyfriends or girlfriends... good luck anyway.
Now: I haven't spoken to her for over a year now.
The same story for so many of my friends... etc etc... I know exactly what'll happen to. You'll read this, think I'm a dick, and keep your relationship going. then in a years time you'll think back and realise that it just doesnt work at uni with long distance, or previous boyfriends or girlfriends... good luck anyway.
I know that is what has happened with long distance relationships.... but I'm talking about making it a not-so-long distance relationship?
I don't think you're a dick, thats your experience, but I will keep my relationship going, even if it is destined to fail, there is nothing bad about trying.
I also think I should mention that neither one of us is the going out type, only about once/twice a month. He has no female friends and I have no male friends (not by concsious desicion... its just happened that way)
I don't think you're a dick, thats your experience, but I will keep my relationship going, even if it is destined to fail, there is nothing bad about trying.
I also think I should mention that neither one of us is the going out type, only about once/twice a month. He has no female friends and I have no male friends (not by concsious desicion... its just happened that way)
Ok... I know one couple who made it.... maybe you COULD be the second!!!!!
If you don't go out, don't get drunk and don't get really horny - then you are in with a chance... but most crumble!!
If you don't go out, don't get drunk and don't get really horny - then you are in with a chance... but most crumble!!
Right... have any of you had experiences where people that were going out before went to the same university? Cos no-ones really helping. You're all talking about long distance relationships that split up, but I'm talking about making it not a long distance relationship!
And no, I do go out, I DONT get drunk and I'm rarely even horny
And no, I do go out, I DONT get drunk and I'm rarely even horny
you said you've already decided to follow him if he joins the RAF, so why wouldn't you move to his uni? If you're willing to give up averything like that, I don't see what further decision you have to make. :s
Hmmm.... you're totally right. I just need people to look at things like this an give me a perspective. It sounds really strange when its put like that "giving up everything" but I see it as starting a different life. But I think you're right. Thanks 
mooo123ooo
you said you've already decided to follow him if he joins the RAF, so why wouldn't you move to his uni? If you're willing to give up averything like that, I don't see what further decision you have to make. :s
I agree. And for the record, my boyfriend is in the RAF and I am at University, and we still manage to see each other most weekends, even though we live 3 hours away from each other (by train). I know that lots of couples break up due to distance, and I can understand why, but that doesn't mean everyone has to be resigned to the same fate! If you love someone you at least try to make it work.
I've been in quite a few circumstances relevant to yours at the moment, so hopefully I can help
1. My ex boyfriend and I had an LDR for about 2.5 years at uni (I guess from the 'ex' part you can see how that one ended up).
2. I currently have a boyfriend here at university with me.
3. I transferred from one department to another at the end of my first year.
In my experience, it is better being with your boyfriend at uni than in an LDR. It's just easier, there's less strain and it's more like a 'normal' relationship. So, moving from Newcastle to Nottingham would probably be a good thing for you relationship. That's not to say you wouldn't be able to sustain it until you both graduate, but it'd definitely be easier if you're both in the same place(obviously).
HOWEVER, even though I stayed at the same university and went back into another first year, it's been much more difficult than I expected. Despite being freshers, all the people on my course got into friendship groups based on who they lived with in halls really quickly. Honestly, I haven't even really made course friends until this year, my second on this course. Plus, it was actually quite difficult getting to grips with my new department and the way it operated, their procedures and standards and all that. Luckily, it didn't matter too much as that's what first year is for - getting settled in, learning about your specific course and department and all that.
You won't have that luxury if you transfer to Nottingham. You'll be thrown in at the deep-end, expected to know your new university's standards/procedures and given a crapload more work than in first year. Plus, it'll actually count towards your degree. Factor in moving to a completely new city with completely new people, other than your boyfriend who will probably already have a life and friends of his own there. It's not going to be easy and personally, I know under the circumstances my grades would suffer because of it.
So I guess it boils down to how you prioritise things. If it were me, I'd probably just stay in Newcastle. If you're serious about marrying your boyfriend, three years is hardly a long time and LDRs are do-able. I definitely would not go because my boyfriend was in Nottingham. The only thing that might swing it for me is that Notts is a supposedly better uni/course... but that's really for you to decide whether the benefits outweigh the costs. Is it significantly better, or just a little bit? Is it worth the upheaval and hassle?
1. My ex boyfriend and I had an LDR for about 2.5 years at uni (I guess from the 'ex' part you can see how that one ended up).
2. I currently have a boyfriend here at university with me.
3. I transferred from one department to another at the end of my first year.
In my experience, it is better being with your boyfriend at uni than in an LDR. It's just easier, there's less strain and it's more like a 'normal' relationship. So, moving from Newcastle to Nottingham would probably be a good thing for you relationship. That's not to say you wouldn't be able to sustain it until you both graduate, but it'd definitely be easier if you're both in the same place(obviously).
HOWEVER, even though I stayed at the same university and went back into another first year, it's been much more difficult than I expected. Despite being freshers, all the people on my course got into friendship groups based on who they lived with in halls really quickly. Honestly, I haven't even really made course friends until this year, my second on this course. Plus, it was actually quite difficult getting to grips with my new department and the way it operated, their procedures and standards and all that. Luckily, it didn't matter too much as that's what first year is for - getting settled in, learning about your specific course and department and all that.
You won't have that luxury if you transfer to Nottingham. You'll be thrown in at the deep-end, expected to know your new university's standards/procedures and given a crapload more work than in first year. Plus, it'll actually count towards your degree. Factor in moving to a completely new city with completely new people, other than your boyfriend who will probably already have a life and friends of his own there. It's not going to be easy and personally, I know under the circumstances my grades would suffer because of it.
So I guess it boils down to how you prioritise things. If it were me, I'd probably just stay in Newcastle. If you're serious about marrying your boyfriend, three years is hardly a long time and LDRs are do-able. I definitely would not go because my boyfriend was in Nottingham. The only thing that might swing it for me is that Notts is a supposedly better uni/course... but that's really for you to decide whether the benefits outweigh the costs. Is it significantly better, or just a little bit? Is it worth the upheaval and hassle?
linkdapink
Right... have any of you had experiences where people that were going out before went to the same university? Cos no-ones really helping. You're all talking about long distance relationships that split up, but I'm talking about making it not a long distance relationship!
And no, I do go out, I DONT get drunk and I'm rarely even horny
And no, I do go out, I DONT get drunk and I'm rarely even horny
I didn't go to the same uni as my boyfriend but we did become a couple the first night of Freshers Week and have stuck together since; we're living together now and it's brilliant. So it does work for some people. I suggest going for it but, in deference to the cynics, hedging your bets and spending a fair portion of your time making new friends that your boyfriend doesn't know, so if you break up you'll be able to find someone to live with and won't be totally dependent on him. In any case, if the uni's better for your subject then even if you broke up you've still improved your situation. Give it a shot, IMO, and good luck with it.
Micino
I agree. And for the record, my boyfriend is in the RAF and I am at University, and we still manage to see each other most weekends, even though we live 3 hours away from each other (by train). I know that lots of couples break up due to distance, and I can understand why, but that doesn't mean everyone has to be resigned to the same fate! If you love someone you at least try to make it work.
YAY! People are happy in the world again.
Can I ask, do you share a similar opinion that if you and your boyfriend got married (excuse me for asking this... its a bit strange getting asked this by a strange) and he was moved abroad because of his job in the RAF, would you follow him too?
Well I'm no expert on the subject...although nor is anyone else when it comes to your relationship. Although reading your first post this bit did stick out:
I had a mate who graduated last year but stayed at Uni to do a Masters, the only other person he knew doing the same was his gf. So they decided to live together (I think he was a bit apprehensive but eventually convinced), they'd been on/off for their whole time at Uni pretty much but were in their longest 'on' period at the start of this [academic] year, about 10 months.
Anyway, they broke up a few weeks back, when it turned out she'd got involved with some other guy. My mate has since moved out of the house, dropped out of doing his Masters and is currently a bit lost for what to do. Basically as he didn't know anyone else and his Uni and ex-gf were too closely linked in his mind he couldn't stay on.
Sorry, I'm not trying to scare you, but I just thought maybe this was a relevant anecdote to your situation.
Good luck whatever decision you make.
Reasons for not going:
1. What if me and my boyfriend split up? And we're living together. How awkward would that be!?
2. I dont know anyone at Nottingham, it would be like starting again
1. What if me and my boyfriend split up? And we're living together. How awkward would that be!?
2. I dont know anyone at Nottingham, it would be like starting again
I had a mate who graduated last year but stayed at Uni to do a Masters, the only other person he knew doing the same was his gf. So they decided to live together (I think he was a bit apprehensive but eventually convinced), they'd been on/off for their whole time at Uni pretty much but were in their longest 'on' period at the start of this [academic] year, about 10 months.
Anyway, they broke up a few weeks back, when it turned out she'd got involved with some other guy. My mate has since moved out of the house, dropped out of doing his Masters and is currently a bit lost for what to do. Basically as he didn't know anyone else and his Uni and ex-gf were too closely linked in his mind he couldn't stay on.
Sorry, I'm not trying to scare you, but I just thought maybe this was a relevant anecdote to your situation.
Good luck whatever decision you make.
As much as I dislike the idea of someone choosing Nottingham over Newcastle, your reasons for moving seem stronger than your reasons for staying, and you sound pretty sure what you want, so as long as you're sure your boyfriend is as committed to your relationship as you are, then go for it.
Or alternatively, stop worrying about it now, ask us again in January.
linkdapink
I really cant make this decision until January
Or alternatively, stop worrying about it now, ask us again in January.
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