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Worried About My Dad
Basically, my parents got divorced over the Summer, my mum has been having an affair for quite a while (and I knew about it.) My dad found out via an anonymous letter someone sent and is devestated. Up until a little while it seemed OK, both seemed quite philosophical about it but recently I'm really worried about my dad, he is obviously not himself but he's living on his own while I'm at uni and I feel like I've abandoned him. When I was at home recently he started talking about wanting to quit his job and do nothing (he has financial problems due to the divorce as it is) and how he doesn't really want to do anything. His mum died earlier this year too which obviously isn't going to help the situation.
Guess I'm just really concerned about him as he doesn't have that many people to talk to- it all seemed ok when I was at home over the summer to keep him company and just to do stuff with him so now I'm contemplating taking a semester or year off uni to go and make sure he's ok while he gets over the initial shock of it all but my boyfriend says this is a bad idea. I just feel like I need to do something- my dad won't really talk on the phone, you know how some people are just wooden and difficult to talk to when its not face to face so I can't even support him like that.
So I guess I'm just asking what anyone else would do in that situation?
Guess I'm just really concerned about him as he doesn't have that many people to talk to- it all seemed ok when I was at home over the summer to keep him company and just to do stuff with him so now I'm contemplating taking a semester or year off uni to go and make sure he's ok while he gets over the initial shock of it all but my boyfriend says this is a bad idea. I just feel like I need to do something- my dad won't really talk on the phone, you know how some people are just wooden and difficult to talk to when its not face to face so I can't even support him like that.
So I guess I'm just asking what anyone else would do in that situation?
Reply 1
Sounds like a really difficult situation. I guess if I were in your position I'd keep in touch with him as often as possible- (phone, letters, whatever- he probably likes hearing from you even if he is a bit wooden over the phone) and maybe have a quiet word with other family members or a friend of his who might be able to keep an eye on him. If I thought he was in a really bad way I'd take some time off to stay with him. To be honest I don't think theres any best way to handle this, you're probably going to have to deal with things as they happen. I wouldn't be too hasty to take time of uni though.
Reply 2
Just talk to him regularly, make sure he knows you are there for him and that you love him.
I doubt he'd want you to delay getting your degree by a year.
I doubt he'd want you to delay getting your degree by a year.
Hey there,
I'd echo the comments regarding staying in touch with him, making sure he knows you're there.
Thoughts of quitting work when someone is going through a divorce apparently are quite common. Maybe you could suggest to him, that there are online support forums for divorcees, and also specific counsellors that can help.
If you find that he really is taking it very, very badly, it would be in his best interests to go and see a doctor and perhaps get some mild antidepressants just to act as a crutch until he's able to stand on his own two feet again and able to cope with things again.
Must be a particularly difficult situation for you, and a horrible way for him to have found out. From your post it doesn't sound like you've got any brothers or sisters? Main thing I would emphasise to you is, that although your Dad may be feeling incredibly low at the moment, I feel fairly certain that he would not want to detriment your career or time at University if you were to go home and miss Uni for a while. By all means go home at the weekends, whenever you can, but it may make him feel worse if you were to drop out or anything like that. so, don't feel guilty about being at uni.
best of luck, I hope he's feeling better soon.
Take care Cx
I'd echo the comments regarding staying in touch with him, making sure he knows you're there.
Thoughts of quitting work when someone is going through a divorce apparently are quite common. Maybe you could suggest to him, that there are online support forums for divorcees, and also specific counsellors that can help.
If you find that he really is taking it very, very badly, it would be in his best interests to go and see a doctor and perhaps get some mild antidepressants just to act as a crutch until he's able to stand on his own two feet again and able to cope with things again.
Must be a particularly difficult situation for you, and a horrible way for him to have found out. From your post it doesn't sound like you've got any brothers or sisters? Main thing I would emphasise to you is, that although your Dad may be feeling incredibly low at the moment, I feel fairly certain that he would not want to detriment your career or time at University if you were to go home and miss Uni for a while. By all means go home at the weekends, whenever you can, but it may make him feel worse if you were to drop out or anything like that. so, don't feel guilty about being at uni.
best of luck, I hope he's feeling better soon.
Take care Cx
Reply 5
anelka9
better that you dont stall at uni. no point ruining 2 lives.....agreed?
reading week and christmas is soon....which means you can go home and see him!
reading week and christmas is soon....which means you can go home and see him!
Won't her education suffer if she uses reading week to visit her dad instead of reading? I say stay away from anti-depressants cause they're addictive. How about arrange him a date?
Reply 8
Fusion
You need to meet up with your dad and offer him your support. I'm sure this would mean the world to him to have his own daughter helping him out.
It's a different story if he found out the OP knew about the wife cheating and not telling him.
Reply 9
well in this case, im sure the op hasnt told her father. and from what im guessing, she isnt going to.
pinkpigeon - i think the best thing you can do is just to be there for your dad. write to him, ring him, msn him, get him on email. just talk to him a little every day, which'll make him feel much better and you can still get on with your uni career. having not been in this situation myself, i cant say from personal experience, but i think all he needs right now is a little jolt every now and again to remind him he has a daughter/children and he needs to stay strong and be a dad to them, if hes going through the 'i cant cope' stage. im sure its very distressing for all involved, and i hope it gets resolved soon.
pinkpigeon - i think the best thing you can do is just to be there for your dad. write to him, ring him, msn him, get him on email. just talk to him a little every day, which'll make him feel much better and you can still get on with your uni career. having not been in this situation myself, i cant say from personal experience, but i think all he needs right now is a little jolt every now and again to remind him he has a daughter/children and he needs to stay strong and be a dad to them, if hes going through the 'i cant cope' stage. im sure its very distressing for all involved, and i hope it gets resolved soon.
Reply 10
devilsthorn
It's a different story if he found out the OP knew about the wife cheating and not telling him.
He knows that I knew, thats all been dealt with, he understands that it was an impossible situation that I just couldn't have acted upon.
Yes, I guess I've just got to keep an eye see how things go. Sometimes I do think a while out of uni would not only be best for him but for me too, as my work is definately suffering from stress so I think I may get more out of it if I come back when I'm more able to concentrate but I'm not planning anything drastic, I'll hopefully see how everything is over Christmas and go from there. Hopefully he'll start to see things aren't so bad when (fingers crossed) we sell the family house and he can move into the new, smaller one just for me and him, maybe he won't be so reminded of everything once he has a chance to start a 'new life' as it were. (Yes, I am an only child though, to whoever commented on that.)
Reply 11
PinkPigeon
He knows that I knew, thats all been dealt with, he understands that it was an impossible situation that I just couldn't have acted upon.
Reply 12
devilsthorn
Won't her education suffer if she uses reading week to visit her dad instead of reading? I say stay away from anti-depressants cause they're addictive. How about arrange him a date?
Lawl! I've never met anyone who actually reads on those weeks! It's a change to get wrecked and stay in bed all day.
Op, you aren't responsible for his happiness. All you can do is be there, remind him that you care and encourage him to move on.
devilsthorn
Won't her education suffer if she uses reading week to visit her dad instead of reading? I say stay away from anti-depressants cause they're addictive. How about arrange him a date?
Just to clarify - there are a lot of antidepressants that are NOT addictive. Don't want people to read this who might be contemplating seeing the doctor about something like this, and then being put off from that comment.
Related discussions
- Maintenance loan
- Med tuition fee
- oxford taster day
- How to respond to this Q?
- Alcoholic Dad
- Do my eyes look lazy?
- How would completing student finance work if I secretly plan on moving out?
- What do I do
- muslim dad doesn't want me to live on campus
- Person I had a falling out with ages ago going to same uni as me
- Taking Leave from sixth form / self study leave
- student finance said my dad needs to make an account, and i’m very confused?
- Sad
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