parents say i cant move out

(keep anon or delete)

basically i was telling them that only one of the two local uni's provide the course i want to study, and while the others are not too far away, i'd have to move away if i wanted to study there

however my parents are adamant that i cannot move. they basically said the only way i could ever move out was when i was married! (they're muslim of pakistani origin btw. whereas i really couldnt give a damn about either!) when i said "i dont care, i am moving once i turn 18", my dad replied "as soon as you step out that door, you are dead to me. don't expect to talk to us ever again!"

so dilemma!

i dont really want to go the local uni anyway...that is if i am even accepted. i just want to move away! they said if i don't get accepted, i should just get a job. whereas i just want to move out!

any ideas/suggestions?

btw there's no point even trying to persuade them! there's no compromising with them...they're really unreasonable.

Reply 1

username136883

8

Do you love your parents? I think most people love their parents at least a little, no matter what, but do you really love them? I'm not asking because if you love them you should bend to their wishes, even when they're unreasonable, but if you love them, not seeing them would be far tougher than if you had a bad relationship. If they're genuine about disowning you, could you cope with it? Whether they are or not, can you cope with not moving out?

Reply 2

40550

2

Apply for the unis you want to go to. Wait to see if you get accepted, and wait til then to make your final decision. Either you or your dad will have to compromise. In reality, what hes asking of you is unfair. This is your life. You could stay at home at the request of your father. If you choose to go uni, you could go back regularly and text or phone your dad on a regular basis. You could attempt to reassure him about your safety and continuing contact, and face the consequences.

He says you will be dead to him now, perhaps he will see that he was unreasonable in the future. The fact is its your choice to make. You go or you stay, it will be your dad whose in the wrong for trying to take your independence from you

Reply 3

randomgirl

14

Explain how important it is to you. Surely they want you to chase your dream of studying a particular subject?

Just out of interest, do you have any older brothers who have moved away for uni? Would they feel the same if you were a boy or would they let you move away?

Reply 4

Kady

What are his reasons for making you stay at home?
My parents can't wait for me to move out next year =P

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

rinabean

Do you love your parents? I think most people love their parents at least a little, no matter what, but do you really love them? I'm not asking because if you love them you should bend to their wishes, even when they're unreasonable, but if you love them, not seeing them would be far tougher than if you had a bad relationship. If they're genuine about disowning you, could you cope with it? Whether they are or not, can you cope with not moving out?

i do love them...however, as heartless as this sounds, i could carry on without them.

we get on fine most of the time - only when issues like this arise, do things turn sour. there's never been a great deal of trust between us - they're nearly always quite suspicious of me and i don't feel i can trust them anyway.

it's not just this issue either - i hate the fact they are suspicious of me - for instance, when i go out, they have to know where i go, how long i am going to be, etc. and they have final say on whether i go or not. it's ridiculous. i'm just asking to live my own life. but it's obviously too much for them.

and yeah i think i will apply where i want to apply. and even if i dont go to uni this year, i may stay at home for another year (work, etc) and then move...

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Kady

What are his reasons for making you stay at home?

Control freak?

Reply 7

Dionysus

15

Leave. They might stop being so weird and controlling, they might not, but either way you can't live the rest of your life at home.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

randomgirl

Explain how important it is to you. Surely they want you to chase your dream of studying a particular subject?

Just out of interest, do you have any older brothers who have moved away for uni? Would they feel the same if you were a boy or would they let you move away?

like i said, there's no compromising with them. they know how much i want to go to uni and do the specific subject. they dont seem to care

and no i dont have any older brothers. i was discussing a (male) relative who's recently moved away to uni and their first responce was "he's in his twenties though"...followed by, he's a man.

i find thier views repulsive!

Reply 9

9mm

12

It's slightly different for me. My parents don't want me to move out next year because they think I won't eat anything (and completely neglect food) and think I'll just be drinking scotch all day instead lol

However, I'm slightly confused. What exactly is his reason for not letting you move out unless you're married? Is it because he's worried about your safety, is it because of the living costs, is it because of his faith? What ever it is, it's unfair to you as you ought to study where ever you feel is the best place for you, considering you'll be spending quite a few years at uni. As someone already mentioned, it's best to wait until you've received offers and then you can bring it up again. Good luck, hope it gets solved.

Reply 10

As The Gears Remain

MOVE OUT

Trust me, moving out is by far the best option.

If you choose to live at home consider, that you will potentially not make any real friends unless you live out, you will have to retain your college friends to maintain a social life.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Aristoteles

However, I'm slightly confused. What exactly is his reason for not letting you move out unless you're married? Is it because he's worried about your safety, is it because of the living costs, is it because of his faith?

Probably all 3, particularly the latter. Oh and the (pathetic) traditions and culture! :rolleyes:

Reply 12

.Theory

12

Anonymous

"as soon as you step out that door, you are dead to me. don't expect to talk to us ever again!"

Yeah, right :rolleyes:

Parents may say stuff like that, but they'll never stick to it.

Reply 13

9mm

12

CantTheWorldHoldHands

MOVE OUT

Trust me, moving out is by far the best option.

If you choose to live at home consider, that you will potentially not make any real friends unless you live out, you will have to retain your college friends to maintain a social life.

Are you referring to me? If so, then you're dead right in saying that, as there's not a chance in hell that I'm staying lol (I honestly can't wait to move out, I'm just waiting for that moment).

Reply 14

elrehaan

I think you should talk to them and find out exactly why they don't want you to move out. They obviously care about you, so there must be some sort of valid reasoning behind it all. If you know what their fears/worries/needs are, it might be easier for you to come to some sort of agreement?

Reply 15

9mm

12

Anonymous

Probably all 3, particularly the latter. Oh and the (pathetic) traditions and culture! :rolleyes:

That's really unfortunate. Say if you simply decided to pack your bags and move into a student hall or something at your uni, what would they do? Not talk to you ever again?

Reply 16

Spannerism

To be honest, no matter how much you feel attached, Parents who try to control and manipulate their children like that may as well just blurt out 'we hate you so much we aren't going to kick you out but are going to keep you here in misery'.

Go to a Uni and get a 52 week accomodation lease, problem solved. If you don't go where you want you are never going to be content later in life.

Reply 17

CommunistHamster

elrehaan

They obviously care about you, so there must be some sort of valid reasoning behind it all.

Or they might be being irrational, in which case just move out and ignore their hindering demands. It's your future.

Reply 18

devilsthorn

1

So he doesn't trust you... can't you get your uncle or someone your parents trust to talk to them? If you can't persuade them find someone else to, like counsellor who knows a bit about muslim religion.

Might as well cut out your parents if they cut out your life. :confused:

Reply 19

* Catrin *

14

couldn't you go to a uni far enough away so they dont visit all the timw but close enough if there is an emergency??? it may solve some probs...like within an hour! That's my parents only problem, my closest uni is about 2hours away!

parents say i cant move out

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