1st year, depression

Well I guess this is just another one of those threads.
I am 17, first year Uni, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I went through a period of depression all though sixth form, I self harmed for about a year, contemplated suicide, in the summer we made a trip abroad, I got to see family and friends, I came back to the UK happy, fulfilled. I really thought depressive days were over. Then I started Uni, and I came back on the first day telling everyone that I am not going back. Then, one way or another I settled down. The first few weeks were great, I was working well, I was telling all my family how much I love Uni, I would stay at Uni until 6.00-7.00 just to work. I was happy. I didn’t make many friends, but I met so many wonderful people, I was always around beautiful people. Then about 3-4 weeks in, I began self harming again. Anyway, I am in week 7 now, and I am finding it hard to keep on top of things. I am also having a hard time at home, my brother has recently gone crazy, literally, he has stopped Uni, he cannot leave the house by himself, when my mum works my father needs to take him around with him all the time, some nights he wants to sleep with my parents (he turned 20 today) he doesn’t wash by himself, he’s hurting himself, ripping him clothes apart, lost a lot of weight, head banging, crying out loud, talking to himself. So yea, that doesn’t help matters, but I just don’t know what to do. Everything is coming back to me, my lack of confidence, my insecurity. I just feel so hopeless, and confused, and lost and lonely. Everyday I wake us promising my self that this is a new day, but it ends the same way, crying self harm, and just general feelings of confusion.
Thank you for your time.
xx

Reply 1

tinypony

Uni can be tough in terms of workload and pressure. Please consult the welfare provision at your university, they are people you can talk to in complete confidence about what's on your mind. Given that you have serious problems at home, please contact someone to talk to.
Feel free to PM me.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Bump...

Reply 3

fake plastic love

Im really sorry about your brother. That sounds so upsetting. I assume he is getting professional help?

I agree with the person above, go and talk to people in your university who can help. They will be a million times better than us on TSR. Good luck and stay strong xx

Reply 4

hannah_dru

Either go to a GP on campus or consult the uni's counselling service. I hope you feel better soon- the services at uni are really good at helping you out.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I understand the logical answer is go and see someone, but I just don't feel comfortable doing that. I don't like talking, I am shy, not confident, insecure, I almost feel threatened if others know of my weaknesses, I don't feeel comfortable exposing my depression. And this is why for two years, I a, yet to see someone about it, even my parents are totally unaware of how I feel. They are always consulting me about my brother and his mental state, asking me for my opinion etc, and I almost feel upset that I need to pretend, at the same time however, I cannot bring my self to speak to anyone.
Thank you for your replies so far- I am forever grateful.

Reply 6

suicidal_dream

do you have a friend at home that you can talk to about this, or another relative?! maybe they'd be able to support you through it?!

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

suicidal_dream

do you have a friend at home that you can talk to about this, or another relative?! maybe they'd be able to support you through it?!

I stayed at home for Uni. As I said I haven't made many friends, I don't intend to. I don't want to sound socially ... strange or something. I have met loads of wonderful people at uni, and it helps being around such great people. I used to have a best friend, I loved her and still do, but somehow, during the last term of 6th form, something happened and we don't speak to each other any more. I speak to my other previous friends now and again, and although I respect them, they have moved on, become truer to who they are, I don't feel comforable speaking to them much.

Reply 8

hannah_dru

Can you write your feelings down and give it to someone instead?

I think you do need to do something about this cos you can't go on hiding it forever. Depression needs to be dealt with.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

hannah_dru

Can you write your feelings down and give it to someone instead?
QUOTE]
Who?

Reply 10

hannah_dru

You could either give it to someone to pass it onto someone who could help (i.e give it to your personal tutor who could pass it onto the counselling service) or give it to the doctor.

Reply 11

As The Gears Remain

Phone the Samaritans

08457 90 90 90 - 3p per min

they can listen to you and help you

Reply 12

trinkets

you sound a bit like me. i'm in my first year. my brother has psychosis (not saying your brother does just the same sort of thing illness type thing...) and i'm living at home.

i stayed at home to support my parents with my brother and because my mum didn't want me live away from home. but now i really regret this decision. i've made a group of friends but i feel like a tag along 80% of the time i'm with them. yet i'm finding it hard to 'leave' their group now as we're all home students and have lunch and stuff together. i feel so low. i can't talk to my parents because they've had to deal with a lot from my brother. i really don't like being at home a lot of the time :frown: