This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Too many problems to list...

1. I'm 21 in 2 weeks and have never had a girlfriend

2. I basically ran out of a tutorial the other day because I couldn't face doing a presentation because I'd probably shake and mess my words.

3. I have no real friends at university having been there 2 months - one guy I go out boozing wi is a complete ****

4. I've been out with a serious health problem for 3 years prior to university and people keep asking me what I did.

5. I can't seem to stand up in front of an audience.

6. Again, I'm 21 in 2 weeks time and there is an expectation for me to have a party.

7. I don't know if I'll be able to face my class on Monday after running out on the presentation.

8. I'm not that keen on the halls I live in - it's only a 3 person flat detached from the town and it isn't really doing much for me socially.

Some posters will know that I've mentioned some of these before and that some are more genuine problems than others.

If anybody wants to respond to any of the above, feel free - do all 8 if you feel up to it.

Reply 1

generalebriety

ADM86

1. I'm 21 in 2 weeks and have never had a girlfriend
Why's this a problem?

ADM86

2. I basically ran out of a tutorial the other day because I couldn't face doing a presentation because I'd probably shake and mess my words.

5. I can't seem to stand up in front of an audience.

7. I don't know if I'll be able to face my class on Monday after running out on the presentation.
A question of confidence, really; there's no easy way around it, you have to throw yourself in at the deep end and just do a presentation. And ok, it'll be **** and you'll look a bit silly and be very nervous, but you'll have more of an idea what you're up against the next time you do it, and it'll be better next time. No one does anything well the first time. Go back on Monday and ask if you can do your presentation during your next tutorial, then do it. Doesn't matter how crap it is. It always will be unless you practise. You're not meant to be amazing at everything before you get to university, uni is meant to teach you how to do this stuff...

ADM86

3. I have no real friends at university having been there 2 months - one guy I go out boozing wi is a complete ****
Well, stop going out with him then.

ADM86

4. I've been out with a serious health problem for 3 years prior to university and people keep asking me what I did.
Don't understand this. What's the problem exactly?

ADM86

6. Again, I'm 21 in 2 weeks time and there is an expectation for me to have a party.
And do you not want to? If you do, then do it; if you don't, then just don't have one. Say you can't be bothered or can't afford one or just that you don't like parties, or whatever your reason is / the best lie you can think of. Why should you have to have a party?

ADM86

8. I'm not that keen on the halls I live in - it's only a 3 person flat detached from the town and it isn't really doing much for me socially.
How come? What's wrong with the others you live in? Maybe you should all go out together and try meeting people in pubs and stuff. Or talk to people in lectures / tutorials / anywhere else you can where there's a lot of people. Again, this links into the confidence issue. First time you do it, people will look at you as if you're a bit weird and you'll be embarrassed and it'll all be a bit ****, but after that it'll get easier. If you don't force yourself to do it a first time, you'll never find it easy.

Reply 2

Pink Moon

I'm sorry your feeling **** about everything, but you've got to try and stay positive and focus on the good stuff and not bad.

It sounds like you feel like crap in 'yourself' and therefore unable to handle problems in your life, which is something that would be helpful to try and see as it should make it easier to deal with whats going on. Deal with one thing at a time and accept that your life change and become amazing overnight. Have you thought about counselling for the illness over the past three years and the social anxiety stuff to do with how other people are seeing you at uni? I'd also suggest reading into CBT and working through some of that stuff as it can change your whole out look on stuff and make you feel better about yourself. Try 'livinglifetothefull.com'

And things could always be worse (if you need me to give you some examples i'd be happy). Most of what your saying is based on an asumtion that your not going to do well on something, not that you haven't done well. At least your relativly healthy now, you've got food, money and housing, as a lot of people don't have even the basic stuff. I'm not saying your problems aren't problems, I'm saying that they CAN be changed. x

Reply 3

*Stargirl*

you need to have a talk on "interview skills" which includes managing your adrenaline and stuff. im going to write a little list for you from our talk.

Presentations:

1. before a presentation go to the loos and shake arms and legs to "disperse adrenaline"

2. If you are feeling very shaky, put your finger in front of your face and imagine it has a very small flame. blow gently enough to make the flame waver but not go out.

3. be present. If you embarass yourself and "spiral off" bring yourself back by asking yourself something like -what colour is that girls coat.

4. Know your goal. Think about what you want to achieve and how you will do it. Knowing your goal will also help you get it across better

5. Body language

About your friends problem...don't go out boozing with that guy anymore! Open up and take the first steps yourself

About standing up in front of an audience...put on a front. act your way through it.

hope some of this helps

Reply 4

Angelil

ADM86

1. I'm 21 in 2 weeks and have never had a girlfriend.
Fear not. I'm not going to pretend that waiting to find the right person isn't horrible (because it is), but this happens to more people than you might think. My boyfriend was 23 before he even had his first kiss (and that was me!). We've been together 3 years now. Seriously, there's no age limit on this kind of thing.

ADM86

2. I basically ran out of a tutorial the other day because I couldn't face doing a presentation because I'd probably shake and mess my words.

5. I can't seem to stand up in front of an audience.

When it comes to presentations, it's normal to be a little bit nervous. It keeps the adrenaline flowing and encourages your desire to do well. Just make sure you go over your presentation so thoroughly so that the chances of you messing up your words are reduced. Practise making eye contact with an inanimate object in your room (e.g. a poster) so that when you have to make eye contact during a presentation it might be easier. I used to worry about shaking as well, and so I stopped writing my presentations on A4 paper as if I shook, the paper would too and so people would see, so I switched to index cards. You can hold them in your hand and if you shake it won't be so visible. Bind them together with a treasury tag so that if you drop them, they won't go everywhere. All very practical techniques but the little things help. To build up to the moment where you have to stand up in front of an audience, practise your presentation (or whatever it is) loads of times in your room by yourself. Then work up to doing it in front of a friend or a parent, then a small group of friends. Then by the time you have to do it for real, hopefully you'll be ready and getting up in front of an audience won't seem so bad. Think about the aftermath too - will people ask you questions after the presentation, and if so, what kind? How will you respond to their questions? Make sure you know your material really clearly and thoroughly so that you can answer questions successfully.

ADM86

3. I have no real friends at university having been there 2 months - one guy I go out boozing wi is a complete ****

If you're not into those activities, then that's fine. Go and find some societies where drinking isn't the main focus - they are out there and most universities have an impressive list of societies. From that, like-minded friends will follow, but I have a feeling that part of this is because your expectations were too high. Nobody makes best friends with anyone in 2 months - 8 weeks is a really short time to get to know someone! Anyone who claims to have found their best friend in this time is probably a liar. So stop expecting so much from the people around you and just go with the flow - friendships will build up eventually.

ADM86

4. I've been out with a serious health problem for 3 years prior to university and people keep asking me what I did.

I'm sure people aren't asking to be nasty - they're just curious. As I see it, you have two options when people ask the question - say you'd rather not talk about it and leave it at that, OR just tell them the truth. I'm sure they won't judge you for having had health problems, and if they do, well, they're just ****s aren't they? It's simple really. Just think about it in your mind - think about the circumstances in which people might ask the question, and how you'd respond to it and how you'd answer any subsequent questions. Foresight is a valuable thing.

ADM86

6. Again, I'm 21 in 2 weeks time and there is an expectation for me to have a party.

If you don't want one, then don't have one. I didn't. I prefer celebrations that have a fixed length to them, such as going out for a meal, so that's what I did. Makes me happy :biggrin:

Sometimes you just have to look out for number 1 and do what makes you happy, rather than conforming to others' expectations.

ADM86

7. I don't know if I'll be able to face my class on Monday after running out on the presentation.

I'm sure nobody will mention it, assuming they haven't forgotten about it altogether. Do what I said before: think about what kind of questions people might ask you about the incident and how you might like to answer them. I wouldn't expect the students to ask you any, but the lecturer might understandably ask you if you're alright and what happened. Don't feel nervous - they only want to help you.

ADM86

8. I'm not that keen on the halls I live in - it's only a 3 person flat detached from the town and it isn't really doing much for me socially.

Is there any way you can change this by moving into a different set of halls? If so, then that's great - it'll give you an opportunity to meet new people and start afresh. If not, then that's OK too - you'll just have to be proactive in a different way. Make friends through societies instead: they certainly formed the bulk of my social life at university.

I hope that helps a bit, feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Hey. I really really feel for you, sounds like you've got so much on your plate at the moment and that's never an easy thing.

Firstly, don't worry about the lack of girlfriend thing. You're not even 21. You have your whole life ahead of you and you're bound to meet someone special. But it'll be when you least expect it, and not if you go around setting yourself targets like 'I must get a girlfriend before I'm 21'. I do understand that there's a peer issue around it, but if you're feeling a bit uncomfortable about it during a social situation, then it's ok to tell a small white lie sometimes. But only if you want to that is.

Glad to hear that there's someone else who dislikes presentations as much as I do! I find them really scary as well and we can't all be naturally confident charasmatic people, there's no room for everyone to be like that-it'd be dull if they were. But next time you're faced with one, see it as a challenge and think about how amazing you'll feel once you've done it. If they're more of a big deal to you then you'll feel so much happier once you've overcome your fear, especially compared to someone else who isn't so fazed by it. As long as you're prepared and have enough self belief to carry you through, you will be fine. Talk to other people on your course about how nervous you become in presentations, hopefully they'll be able to understand more about how you feel and will support you during times of difficulty. Maybe you'll also come to understand, that they're equally as nervous about something you're not at all fazed by. It'll also give you the opportunity to make some friends with the people on your course.

Only have a party if you truly want one. After all, it's your 21st and you should celebrate it in a way you want. It's overly conventional to think that the only way to go about celebrating your 21st is through a party as there are plenty of other ways to do it. The main thing is for you to be happy and to have such an amazing day. From who do you feel the expectations from to have a party? If it's family then they will probably know that the party scene isn't really for you and will hopefully be totally supportive in your decision not to have one.

I really hope everything sorts itself out soon and that you have an amazing 21st birthday, whatever you do. See this point in your life as a tough time, but equally as a tough time that will ultimately make you stronger. If you can overcome these problems then you'll be able to deal with the problems you face in later life much more easily. Good luck!

Reply 6

Angelil

Damn you, anon 1! I can't rep you for that excellent advice :frown:

Reply 7

BibbleJW

Ok, for the other points, many people on here have given you some excellent advice, follow it.

For the presentation, I am going to share a few things taht have been told to me, and the I have learned about public speaking:
1. Practice, practice and practice some more. practice until you could do the presentation in your sleep. I have acted in 2 plays and done a few largeish presentations in my short life, and I could still do them all today, at a push.

2. Smile. It puts the audience in a better mood, and you feel better when there is a sea of smiling faces looking back at you.

3. These next noes are about the writing if the presentation, because if you are confident that the presentation is the best that you can do, it will make you feel much better.

a. Intro-Body-Conclusion. Tell them what you are going to tell them, Tell them, and tell them that you've told them. This reassures the information in their mind, and helps you to get your oint across.

b. Use jokes, or funny pictures to keep them interested. I did a presentation about a safety guard for a potato harvester, and the first few minutes were me talking over an animation of a farmer getting sucked into a piece of farm equipment. It wasn't nessecary, but it engaged the audience, then all I had to do was to keep it.

c. Bullet points are your friend. Don't put paragraphs of information on a slide, put 3-4 points per slide, and a max of 2 sentences per point, but try for as little as possible. Remember that there are 2-3 different mode of information for the audience: you, the presentation slides, and an optional handout. They should all be different. The handout has all the iformation for them to read as and when they want to, you are telling them only enough to get your point across and keep them engaged, and the slides should be there simply to keep what you are saying in their heads.

d. Start with a long presentation, and shorten it over a few iterations. Just keep going back and clipping it until you are happy with it.

e. Have an ending. It's best to end on a joke, or a snippet of information that they will keep in their head, don't just get to the end of the slide and say "Umm, well that's about it ..."

And just remember, confidence comes from two things, practice and experience. You can't get the experience yet, so hust practice.

Reply 8

Megatronix

I don't want to sound harsh, because i know how you feel (not to the same degree though).

Anyway, the sad truth of the matter is the only person who can solve the issues you have ahead of you, is you. You have to just think in your head "******* it, and ******* everyone who might think badly of me for doing something that is perfectly normal" and just go for it. Whether its a presentation, or talking to girls. This isn't really a philosophy it's just something you can aply to almost everything.

This is how it went for me anyway, about 2 years ago. You just have to change your mind set as hard as it may sound.

Reply 9

street

Presentations are so horrible i feel for ya. i had to do one couple of weeks back and was so horrible cos i have a stammer and it was so bad :frown:

But once its over you will be so glad you did it. Can you reschedule it for next week or summit? Once youve done it once, the next times it will be so much easier.