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I'm changing as a person. And I can't stop.

Okay.
I always used to be the 'happy, smiley, funny' person in my group of friends ...
You know what kind of person I mean, the one who's always happy and sees the positive side of everything and always has a smile etc.

Well, recently, I feel i'm starting to become somewhat more horrible (or 'pure evil' as i've been described as :frown:

) and I have no idea why.
I don't do it intentionally, but I am forever feeling emotional surges of bitterness, resentment and hatred. Which is so unlike me, believe me.

I feel as though, as stupid as this may sound, i've lost 'me' ...
I'm not myself, haven't been for a while.

Everyone around me irritates me and drives me crazy constantly.

I have no support from anyone.

No one seems to understand, no matter how many times I have explained that I don't feel right, no one takes me seriously.

Does anyone know what may be wrong with me?
Is it some kind of problem?
Or am I just a horrible person? :frown:

Thanks x <3 x

Reply 1

2nd2god

11

My guess would be stress?

Reply 2

Formica

1

Welcome to puberty.
...just kidding :p:

Have you been taking any medication?

Reply 3

billet-doux

14

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I went through a period of feeling like the way you're describing. Everyone kept moaning and complaining at me, and I finally realised what the problem was after a long time of thinking. Is there anything that's changed or anything that's new in your life that could be affecting how you feel?

Reply 4

Bunny Boiler

OP

Oooh okay =]

Thank you for your help but
A) I don't really have any stress ...
B) I'm not taking any medication ...
C) Something new in my life? My life never changes ¬¬

hehe.

But, again, thanks :smile:

x <3 x

Reply 5

linkdapink

15

Are you under a lot of stress because of exams? Or have you just bottled feelings up? I was bottling things up for ages, and just started lashing out at people because I was just feeling so angry in my life, so in the end I just cried and told people how I was feeling, and it helped a lot

Reply 6

Bunny Boiler

OP

Bottled feelings?

I think ...
that might just be it ...

I don't have anyone to talk to about my problems ...
Hence why I need to ask advice on here about THIS; I have no one to talk to.

=]

Thankyou!

x x x x x x

Reply 7

billet-doux

14

If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm sure people on here wouldn't mind talking to you.

Reply 8

Erana

9

Firstly, everyone changes sometime. I'm assuming you're at uni - that's probably the time of biggest changes to people. We grow up massively.

Secondly...

Bunny Boiler

Everyone around me irritates me and drives me crazy constantly.

I have no support from anyone.

No one seems to understand, no matter how many times I have explained that I don't feel right, no one takes me seriously.

How do you actually feel about these people? Dig deep, ignore the 'oh I should be nice, they're friends' feeling and really analyse their personalities. Are they shallow? Immature? Hold different ideals to yourself, and they refuse to understand yours? The 'no one takes me seriously' seems to be a big clue that perhaps you're feeling your 'friend group' is heading in a different direction to you. If you've changed or they've changed or even both, this can lead to differences in opinion and people not understanding each other.

I suggest you embrace this change. It's probably making you a more mature person. Spend some time on introspection. You say 'bitterness, resentment and hatred' - did these feelings start before or after your friend group started poo-pooing you (I may be assuming too much here, I'm just going on my experiences)? Or did they start around the same time? Or did they start in conjunction with a heavier workload (ie stress, even if it doesn't feel like it)?

Yes, it could be stress, or it could be the way of things. Timelines are helpful here. Don't reject a change in feelings/personality, though. As we get older, normal people do realise the world isn't as happy and rosy as we once thought. Cynicism makes you interesting and insightful, optimism often makes you dull.

Reply 9

Anamaria90

13

Bunny Boiler

C) Something new in my life? My life never changes ¬¬

Maybe this is why you're feeling so irritable?

Reply 10

Sanity Panda

Sounds like something a friend of mine went through... I imagine that she was also frustrated with herself during the phase. The good thing is that they passed over. You don't sound like a horrible person at all, the fact that your aware of this situation is proof enough :smile:

The problem with her situation was that she was kind and supportive, similar to what you had listed. She would always listen to others share their secerts with this blissful attitude, but overtime she felt that nobody really cared about her or her problems as they never seemed to be listening, only concerned with their problems. This produced a bitter attitude and resentment against others as they seemed to be taking advantage of her.

There was also an additional guilt trip, where she felt that she shouldn't be dragging other people down with her problems considering her positive attitude. This only created more problems though, it's slowly building up to breaking point. Having someone to listen to you is really important at times like these.

Does this resonate with your situation?

______

I'm changing as a person. And I can't stop.

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