Upset girlfriend by sleeping in other room. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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A little backstory: just moved into a new house with my GF. House has two rooms, one is hers and one is mine, but we share the double in hers almost every night and things are great.

We both work at the same retail store but she works early morning (6AM wake-ups) and for the next few weeks I'm working lates and overnights (7PM-3AM). Because of this I thought it'd be fair to sleep separately to avoid me being unnecessarily woken up by her, and to avoid waking her when I get back. GF doesn't seem taken by this idea.

First early/late clash day comes about and I go to bed the night before a few hours after she does and not wanting to wake her I sleep in my room. This doesn't go down well with the GF. She says she doesn't like sleeping by herself (which she had done for years prior to meeting me) and that I've upset her by not sleeping next to her. After an extensive argument over Snapchat I'm now giving her space for when she comes back from work before I leave.

All I wanted was to make sure I get a good sleep before my late start, but apparently I should have bit the bullet and endured a few crappy hours of sleep next to my girlfriend all because she gets a bit lonely after only one night? She's now assuming this'll be a permanent thing because "you slept so well". So ask you, TSR, am I a bad guy or is she being too demanding?
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stefano865
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🍆💦👄
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Sammylou40
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You're not a bad guy at all. It is reasonable for both of you to have an uninterrupted sleep whilst working
If this trivial sort of thing can cause upset then it doesn't look good for any real problems
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SMEGGGY
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Have you explained this to her? :rolleyes:

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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SMEGGGY)
Have you explained this to her? :rolleyes:

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I have! That's why I'm posting on here because I was confused as to why she's still so upset by it and wanted to make sure I'm not in the wrong.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sammylou40)
You're not a bad guy at all. It is reasonable for both of you to have an uninterrupted sleep whilst working
If this trivial sort of thing can cause upset then it doesn't look good for any real problems
I know. Every other issue we have talked through successfully but this one plays into her abandonment issues I feel which are so deep seated it's not promising.
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Integer
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You havent tried sleeping in the same room yet, it might not be that bad.
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claireestelle
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A little backstory: just moved into a new house with my GF. House has two rooms, one is hers and one is mine, but we share the double in hers almost every night and things are great.

We both work at the same retail store but she works early morning (6AM wake-ups) and for the next few weeks I'm working lates and overnights (7PM-3AM). Because of this I thought it'd be fair to sleep separately to avoid me being unnecessarily woken up by her, and to avoid waking her when I get back. GF doesn't seem taken by this idea.

First early/late clash day comes about and I go to bed the night before a few hours after she does and not wanting to wake her I sleep in my room. This doesn't go down well with the GF. She says she doesn't like sleeping by herself (which she had done for years prior to meeting me) and that I've upset her by not sleeping next to her. After an extensive argument over Snapchat I'm now giving her space for when she comes back from work before I leave.

All I wanted was to make sure I get a good sleep before my late start, but apparently I should have bit the bullet and endured a few crappy hours of sleep next to my girlfriend all because she gets a bit lonely after only one night? She's now assuming this'll be a permanent thing because "you slept so well". So ask you, TSR, am I a bad guy or is she being too demanding?
perhaps she's struggling overall with the fact you have separate bedrooms when you're in a relationship? If you discussed it beforehand then that could have been better but part of living together is merging your lives in a way. You have to deal with things and communicate properly, it's okay to have space once in a while but arguing over snapchat isn't how to deal with thing. You might eventually have to live somewhere where you share a room all the time, it's something you ll take time to adapt to.
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Sternumator
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I think it is a bit odd to live as a couple and have separate rooms but it is whatever works for you as a couple.

We have a spare room which I have tried sleeping in for various reason but she was very against it. I think she sees it as symbolic of some wider separation rather than a sensible practical arrangement.

Personally, I have conceded defeat on this issue and sleep with her every night but I don't have much trouble sleeping. If it is really going to damage your sleeping pattern, you may want to put your foot down a bit more. Most important is to communicate and sort out a solution with her.
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Zarek
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This is the good value price you have to pay for domestic bliss and sex whenever you feel like it.
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asif007
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#11
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Kick her TF out of your house. A girl like that who isn't willing to give you a bit of space is clingy and insecure. I don't blame you for putting your work first but if she ain't gonna respect that, she's gotta go.

I agree with what was mentioned above - never let a girl emasculate you when you haven't done anything wrong. Get rid of her and you'll feel better for it.
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_Nyx_
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That would be a ridiculous thing to leave her over, she's just hurt because of the associations people make about a couple who sleeps separately. She is worried you may have further reason than the one you stated. Don't forget that women are usually a lot more emotional than men, and it's not her sense of logic that's hurt - it's her feelings. Try not to psychoanalyse her, she just cannot emotionally understand.

Maybe go to her before bed time, give her a big hug. Show her beyond doubt that you love her, but still let her know that you want to sleep temporarily in the other room. Let her know that it truly is no reason than what you told her, and that you understand why she feels sad about sleeping apart but that you promise it'll only be for a few weeks. This sort of response comes naturally for women, but not for men, you guys are great at explanations but usually not reassurance. Hopefully this will help you both.
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Tootles
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(Original post by _Nyx_)
That would be a ridiculous thing to leave her over, she's just hurt because of the associations people make about a couple who sleeps separately. She is worried you may have further reason than the one you stated. Don't forget that women are usually a lot more emotional than men, and it's not her sense of logic that's hurt - it's her feelings. Try not to psychoanalyse her, she just cannot emotionally understand.

Maybe go to her before bed time, give her a big hug. Show her beyond doubt that you love her, but still let her know that you want to sleep temporarily in the other room. Let her know that it truly is no reason than what you told her, and that you understand why she feels sad about sleeping apart but that you promise it'll only be for a few weeks. This sort of response comes naturally for women, but not for men, you guys are great at explanations but usually not reassurance. Hopefully this will help you both.
This.
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phunky_fresh
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Well I've learned in relationships you have to make sacrifices from time to time. One being sleep unfortunately. I can't tell you the amount of times I've gone to work with barely any sleep after sleeping at my boyfriends. I will say that nothing beats waking up next to him in the morning.

He only gets about 3-4 hours sleep on average(not down to me) but he'll still never suggest sleeping elsewhere or ever complain about it. Unfortunately we don't have the same schedules and we have to work around that. I think your sleeping arrangement is a little odd in my opinion. You should at least try sleeping next to her, you don't want to disturb her I get that but she probably won't mind at all. I bet if any of you get woken up, you'll just fall back asleep.
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bones-mccoy
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I'd be upset at not sharing a room with my partner but I love/need my sleep sooooo
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ThomH97
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Easy solution is to try it and see what happens. Getting into bed without waking her might be tricky, but perhaps she'd like to be woken up? Then if she wakes you up when she gets up then you've been proven right.
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doodle_333
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You're not being unreasonable. It's a little weird to have separate rooms when you live together but if there is another room it's not crazy to use it when you're working weird hours. I've been in that situation with my partner when we had two bedrooms and while it was rubbish the first few times to sleep alone it was waaay better than the situation we have now where we work different hours but live in a studio and get really sleep deprived. If she won't listen perhaps you should sleep with her for a few nights and be extra noisy at 3am when you get in then, then be extra grumpy about how 'tired' you are because she 'woke you up in the morning' - she may decide it's not worth the trouble.
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thechampionslea
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#18
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man up , get of the drugs making u paranoid to sleep next to girl u love or dump her and do all drugs./ sex u want . either way i have not had a partner die ., or leave to make me realise sleep and contact is a big part of the ozitosin (i cant spell it but the chemical for bonding oxy-toe-sin. so what you work in retail , u stac shelves or do tills . i use to be bdd to a huge web company and go home at 6 then do 12 hours on taxi despatch as my mrs was pregnant and had kid , i hated that *****. point is bro if you love her , and she wants a few hours in bed with you , so she dooesnt feel disowned or maybe self consious . man up or someonw will take her then u can sleep alone all u like.
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thechampionslea
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man up , she wanted sex or attention, sleep where ur dead . if you havent lost her already u will soon , to someone who valuse her over ur fucing retail job even if you was the manager u would earn ****, if you was the owner shes wor4ht more but at least u could have leveredge . man up , its hard . suck it up , .....do it right shell sleep
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