The Student Room Group

My Story.

Anonymous for obvious personal reasons.

My father was - and I shamefully admit it - an addictive gambler. Because of this I think my mother began to formulate the idea that lie was revolved around money. She is quite close minded women my mum, and the uneducated persona of my father does not help with our influence over us.

I have 2 brothers and 1 sister. My elder brother is now of a very successful job in his internship. My mother was ecstatic when he secured his placement and it is looking as though my sister is following the same route.

I am now in my AS year and very troubled. My mother has - from when I was of a very young age - influenced my mind into becoming a lawyer, purely for the money. However, coming towards the start of my AS year, I began to question this unquestioned motive for life. Money.

I began to see the unnecessary use for money. The greater things. No, not god - I'm an atheist - but the nature and life around us. Surely this is what life is about. This is when I came to the conclusion of becoming a teacher, to help rather than for the money.

However, when revealing this realisation to my family, they each reacted the same way, best paraphrased like this:

"What?! You're completely stupid! Money's everything! Why don't you just go and smell the flowers you hippy! That'll get you a lot of food!"

I am however sticking firm to my belief - bear in mind that I the capability to become a lawyer, my grades are sufficient enough and I'm quite an upbeat person. However, my family members one by one are becoming for ridiculing and distant, even rude towards me.

I really feel as though I can't live here anymore.

They cannot be talked to. They will not hear me out. They are always focused on money.

I've tried talking to various people.

My teacher's say "speak to your parents" you see the flaw in that. When I ask them to speak on be-half of me, they come back saying "they just want the best for you". In other words, they're useless.

Social services are not an option. I was in their care for a month a few years back when my father broke my arm after one of his rages - he became better after his therapy. They were horrible. They didn't care. They were equivalent to my family.

There is no-one I can talk to.

I've finally come to the conclusion that I will run away.

Not this month. But near Christmas. Just so I have time to prepare.

Perhaps I want to dissuade we from this course of action, or I just want to hear your views, or I just want to get this load off my chest, this load which I can tell no-one.

This is a deep personal matter to me. My grief has already taken the form of teardrops, so please, be completely serious.


Thank you for your time.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

thanks for your help :p:

Reply 2

Running away is a ridiculous option and that's all you need to know.

Yes your parents are unreasonable but it's hardly a reason to be homeless for the rest of your life, which is the only thing successfully running away (ie. not coming back) is likely to come to.

Can't you just not mention your future? It's only Year 12.

Hell, I'm halfway through my second year of degree and I still don't know what on earth I want to do (although like you, am considering teaching but I'm really not sure yet).

Reply 3

Well if you simply don't want to be a lawyer don't let your parents pressure you into it, you got to go to University because you want to and to do a course that you are interested in.

Reply 4

So because they disagree on a point, they aren't horrible to you or abuse you, you want to run away from home? Sounds like you can't handle anything to me :s-smilie:

Reply 5

Why dont you just stick it out, and do what you want to do? If your parents dont like it, explain to them that heads of departments can get around 33k a year (I think i read that somewhere) and starting pay is roughly 19k, and that is more than enough for you to live on!

I'm sorry I cant be much help with the more personal side of things. I dont think you should run away - just try keeping yourself to yourself if your parents are being rude to you - or just leave it. You wont have to apply for another year yet so just keep quiet until you absolutly HAVE to talk about it.

I'm sorry that I'm not making sense/helping

Reply 6

Zoecb
Running away is a ridiculous option and that's all you need to know.

Yes your parents are unreasonable but it's hardly a reason to be homeless for the rest of your life, which is the only thing successfully running away (ie. not coming back) is likely to come to.

Can't you just not mention your future? It's only Year 12.

Hell, I'm halfway through my second year of degree and I still don't know what on earth I want to do (although like you, am considering teaching but I'm really not sure yet).


but the thing is I KNOW what I want to be. A teacher... or a chinese monk. A teacher to help other people or a monk to appreciate. My mum - however - is oppressive to the point where it's unbearable.

She'll suddenly cut off my internet for no apparent reason, then when I ask her, she'll say I'm not studying. She has no evidence for this what so ever.

From time to time, she'll take my phone when I sleeping and check my messages and calls. It is only the morning after I go downstairs and see it on her pillow.

And her constant mutterings. Argh! "Useless" "Pathetic" "Doesn't want money? Huh!" and everything else!

Because of this, I've become really depressed, and this is what is affecting my grades and self esteem. My social life and academic has suffered for the past few weeks.

Reply 7

be a teacher if that is what you want to be - not a lawyer.

running away now is stupid - just wait til Uni.. pretend you are doing law or osmehting and just never come back after uni, lol

Reply 8

Anonymous
but the thing is I KNOW what I want to be. A teacher... or a chinese monk.

Are you Chinese? I ask because it might have a negative impact on one of your career options if you're not...


To teach nowadays it's a real advantage to be Chinese.

Reply 9

sh0tgun
So because they disagree on a point, they aren't horrible to you or abuse you, you want to run away from home? Sounds like you can't handle anything to me :s-smilie:


I can't handle it?

I can handle many things, believe me.

But I ask you know, can you handle the interference and constant shut downs of every single family member? Can you even handle your 10 year old little brother ridiculing you and shouting "loser! loser! Failure!" which he copied exactly from my elder brother?

I can't even have a proper dinner with them anymore. They're all stone dead and glare at me. I've been forced to buy my own food and lock myself in my room.

Don't talk to me about can't handle.

Reply 10

Just lie to your parents then! That can work for a year till you apply to uni at least.

Reply 11

Anonymous


However, when revealing this realisation to my family, they each reacted the same way, best paraphrased like this:

"What?! You're completely stupid! Money's everything! Why don't you just go and smell the flowers you hippy! That'll get you a lot of food!"




Thats ridiculous! Teachers are hardly "poor".

Sorry to hear about your situation, your parents are being totally unreasonable:frown:

& as for the poster above calling you "ridiculous" :rolleyes: some people need to get off their ****ing high horses & realise that not everyone’s home lives are that easy, & you've obvously had a very difficult upbringing it sounds like, what with your Dad breaking your arm:frown:
But i'd think carefully as to whether it really is your only option to runaway, & if it is make sure your well prepared (ie get together as much money as you can, phone up Hostels where you could stay etc). But try your best to sort things out withyour parents before making any rash decisions.

Reply 12

urgh I am chinese and my parents are exactly the same. My dad never broke any of my limbs but I can tell you Chinese parents do not hesitate when it comes to physical force!
Well, guess what I'm studying at uni now....Law!
yes, it was my parents' influence, but it's not like I wanted to be anything else with such a passion, so I can't say I was in the same position, but I know how it feels to be so restricted. I wanted to do other things (including teaching) and I too went through years of mutterings about how I'm ruining my future even with the thought of something other than Law or medicine.
I too have thought about running away countless times, I even packed my bags and wrote goodbye notes to all my friends and my parents.
Obviously I never did it, and I am glad. I don't know how I would have physically survived.

In my opinion, I think you should just go to University and get a law degree. First of all, it's just 3 years of your life. As you said, academically you are capable so it wouldn't be too hard. You might hate it, but whilst you're at Uni you'll have LOTS of oppurtunities to explore other areas you're interested in - that's the best thing about a law degree, it's so respected that you'll be able to get into other areas really really easily. You're still in AS level and that's another 2 years of parents moaning and if they are anything like my parents 2 years of parental moaning is MUCH MUCH MUCH worse than 3 years of Law at Uni. Trust me!
Don't run away, you'll ruin your life. Suffering 3 years doing a subject you hate won't screw up your life - you'll just maybe be unhappy for a while. You can still do what you want afterwards but you'll have more basis to be self-sufficient, and be more independant from your parents without having to run away.

anyway - I sympathize. xx

Reply 13

strawberrykisses123
urgh I am chinese and my parents are exactly the same. My dad never broke any of my limbs but I can tell you Chinese parents do not hesitate when it comes to physical force!
Well, guess what I'm studying at uni now....Law!
yes, it was my parents' influence, but it's not like I wanted to be anything else with such a passion, so I can't say I was in the same position, but I know how it feels to be so restricted. I wanted to do other things (including teaching) and I too went through years of mutterings about how I'm ruining my future even with the thought of something other than Law or medicine.
I too have thought about running away countless times, I even packed my bags and wrote goodbye notes to all my friends and my parents.
Obviously I never did it, and I am glad. I don't know how I would have physically survived.

In my opinion, I think you should just go to University and get a law degree. First of all, it's just 3 years of your life. As you said, academically you are capable so it wouldn't be too hard. You might hate it, but whilst you're at Uni you'll have LOTS of oppurtunities to explore other areas you're interested in - that's the best thing about a law degree, it's so respected that you'll be able to get into other areas really really easily. You're still in AS level and that's another 2 years of parents moaning and if they are anything like my parents 2 years of parental moaning is MUCH MUCH MUCH worse than 3 years of Law at Uni. Trust me!
Don't run away, you'll ruin your life. Suffering 3 years doing a subject you hate won't screw up your life - you'll just maybe be unhappy for a while. You can still do what you want afterwards but you'll have more basis to be self-sufficient, and be more independant from your parents without having to run away.

anyway - I sympathize. xx


Thank you so much. :hugs:

Reply 14

Do a Law degree; then teach.

Reply 15

only profesh can condense what I said in 350 words to 6. sigh.

Reply 16

I'm sorry, but parents are not there to be appeased.

Do whatever degree you want, then become a teacher. It doesn't have to be law, it can be law... but whatever it is, you need to enjoy it.

Reply 17

Your family sound horrible, to be honest. :hugs:

Do you think your mother actually wants you to be happy, and thinks that money is the only way to achieve this? Or does she only care for money regardless of happiness? If the former, there's a small chance she might eventually see sense.

I'm also kind of confused as to why they are so against teaching, which is a relatively respected and well paid job as such things go.

Anyway, don't go running away - I can't think of any way that could end well. Stick it out, keep quiet, and generally survive until you can leave for university and never come back. Could you get away with lying to them about what you want to do? Apply to universities that are far away, and have good accommodation you can keep during the holidays. Just as long as you can get them to fill in your loan forms, you'll be free(ish). Just don't go letting their shallow bullying influence your life decisions, it's wonderful that you have such a passionate interest in teaching, the world needs more people like that.

Reply 18

just a bit of sympathy here, i never got greif for my degree subject, but i know what its like to feel pathetic and worthless because of what your parents say :frown: *hugs* i stuck it out until uni. oh and i'd say to the degree you want, because i know that i would hate to be stuck doing a degree for 3 years that i hated

Reply 19

I'm not sure how to answer this, but my parents are essentialy the same as yours, they believe i should only have a job if the pay is excellent, my Dad isn't a gambler, but a private investor who is obsessed with money, ever since i can remember he's worked a 22 hour day, taught himself not to need sleep, and we literally never saw him.

When my Dad realised my dreams of doing something other than the well paid professions, he went mad, but i just have to live with it!!
Sorry if i, in no way, answered your question!
Good luck!!
xxx