Choosing Housemates...

I never thought I'd be in the position at uni at having to basically "choose" between which friends to share a house with - I always thought I'd be lucky to find one group of friends. But here's how it is - I get on quite well with a group of my housemates, and I get on quite well with a group of my coursemates. One of my housemates (even though it's a bit early to be thinking about a house for next year) has already intimated that we will be sharing a house together next year, and I know that one of my coursemates is anxious to share a house with me next year as well.

It's just it's so difficult to choose. Because overall I feel that I can be more myself with my coursemates - they're probably a bit more like me, in that they're probably on the edge of "normal", they're not so obsessed with going out every night (I like quiet nights usually, with just the occasional bash) and they share my sort of quirky humour.

However, I know that while I'll be seeing my coursemates in lectures next year, I won't see my housemates that much unless I share a house with them. And I would be sad to see some of them go. I also had a really good time with most of them last night and felt much more myself with them than I have done before. But there are just a few things stopping me from throwing myself in to sharing a house with them. The fact that most of them supposedly love going out all the time, and I prefer staying in; the fact that I feel as if they are "cooler" than I am and that I feel like a fraud, even though I know this probably isn't true.

There's also quite a bit of tension between certain members of the group - one girl isn't talking to one guy who tried it on with her, because she likes the guy who made a move on me, then suddenly backed off. And things aren't exactly normal between him and me either - I'm trying my best to act normal but he's still really awkward when he talks to me directly. I don't know whether he hates me or likes me.

And so things between me and my coursemates just seem so much more simple - even though I don't know them as well as I know my housemates. Aaaargh what shall I do??

Sorry for the essay - thank you for reading. Any advice would be very welcome.

Reply 1

dede

don't think about it in terms of who you're better friends with. you can be best friends with someone but not want to live with them - because living with people can completely change your relationship with them. i was in a position similar to yours and ended up realising that i didn't want to live with either of the two groups because both groups had different expectations of what our flats would be like - i'm a lot more independent than them. i moved in with someone who i didn't know really really well but i knew that we got on and are quite similar, and two months in i'm incredibly happy and both of the flats that i turned down are falling apart.

also, it's quite early for you to be thinking about this especially because it sounds like you're a fresher? university speeds things up which means that you feel really close to these people now but it could also mean that you fall out with them just as quickly. people change, especially in the first year of university, so the best way to pick people to live with is to look at it purely from the standpoint of who would be the easiest to live with - the people who are the most down to earth, not highly strung, willing to compromise, will do their part with cleaning and cooking etc as possible. good luck!

Reply 2

spider from mars

Yeah I think Dede gives some good advice there.

It worries me that you talk of "tension" between your current housemates. Is that really something you want to be dealing with? In my experience, 2nd and 3rd years have a different feel to the 1st: as a fresher I loved halls, with all the fights and the craziness (seriously, I lived with mentals) because it was exciting. But good god does that get old. By the end of the year I was gagging to get out of there.

These days I love the fact that I can come home and everything is calm. My flat is a very easy place to live - because we never fight, and we never nag each other. Personally I like people that I can just be myself around - I can just sit there in my pjyamas and yell at the TV without fear of judgement.

Also - we don't actually go out together. Occasionally we'll go for dinner, and we might go places in pairs but we all have separate lives, which is nice.

So, what I'm basically trying to say is that essentially you need to pick the group that you foresee the least possible amount of hassle with. This really should be your main criteria. You already know what it's like to live with your current housemates, but not your coursemates - so they are possibly more of a risk. But then it does sound like they might be more easy-going.

I think you need to give yourself a bit more time. Don't rush into this decision, because it's a fairly important one.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Wow, your housemates sound fantastic!

Thank you both for the advice, that has really, really helped. I know I don't have to decide yet, and by the time I do have to decide, I may not even have a choice, but it's just really great to get some advice from people who have been through the whole thing before.

Reply 4

L i b

Housemates. You can always stay in your room if you want to, however having boring people living with you really dampens your social life.

Reply 5

Kagutsuchi

housemates

Reply 6

Zoecb

Coursemates.

If you're not a huge going out person then you're obviously changing a bit to fit in with them (and this costs money) - I think you'll probably bond more with coursemates.

Reply 7

suicidal_dream

look at the main pros and cons of each group (as boring as it may be) and figure out which is better for you, you'll have to live with them for a year in a private house.

I'm living with some people i know but dont know that well and yes our house is rather quiet BUT i dont like going out all of the time, so i like having a quiet house to be able to get work done and chill.

You def need to weigh up the pros and cons!

Reply 8

dhutch

I ended up going with my coursemates, rather than people from our block within halls.
- Origanally there was a plan to get two houses near each other and most of the block to go into one or other of them.
- We all got on wellish and one of the girls was pritty mother/leaderish about it and half sorted it all out.

But i said that i might go with some of my course mates, who needed to ge tthe numbers up a bit (there was three of them and wanted a 5 house) and a few other people wanted to live else where.
- Anyway the five of them then got a house slightly without me, quite early on. So that sort of ended that.

However i had a really good year with the people i ended up with anyway. Two people from my course i already knew well, and one i didnt really, and one there mates from home, who was in the next door depatment doing materials eng (where all mech eng).
- It went really when. Im now good freinds with the main bloke who organised it, and his mate from home/mat eng. as well as geting on well with the other guy from our course i didnt knoe before, and the girl from my coarse's boyfreind. (whos also on our coarse) and i still talk as a freind to her, even tho actualy living with her was a bit hard to chew!! (although forutunatly she spent weekend mainly with her bf on the other side of town.
- I went out to the 'main nights' less than i did with my block mates, and instead where going out to quiter pubs etc and to the rock nights etc, which is more my thing also

I then also see my old block mates one a month or two. Twice in the year we went out for a meal as a block in town, and when i do go out to the union or am working there, i often see them as there there nearly every day!

But yeah, the moral is. Eather way you'll proberbly be fine!!

Reply 9

Vohamanah

I lived with my first-year-housemates in second year. I reasoned that I had already lived with them for a year so I would get along with them. But that didn't really work. I spent the majority of the year sitting in my bedroom hiding :s-smilie:

I'd say live with whoever you are more comfortable with. and who is going to be easiest to live with!

Reply 10

Cirsium

I think you've got a good point about not seeing your housemates from this year anymore - I've been in much the same position since my group from 1st year went out separate ways. But, like me, you sound like you don't really fit in with them. Would you be friends with them if you hadn't been thrown together by the luck of the draw? Are those already-present tensions going to get bigger? That said there's also the risk that by living with your coursemates you'd find that being together all the time they weren't so easy to get on with.