Sexual attraction but she doesnt love me

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justinthomas12
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Im in love with my best friend (Im a gu, shes a girl) and atm we're literally as close as a guy and girl could possibly be until the point of dating. Ive tried to step it forward; she says she has feelings but not deep enough to pursue; whereas my feelings are really intense. What gets complicated is that theres a sexual attraction between us, we sext on social media but dont have sex as we're not technically in a relationship and that would make us a bit uncomfortable. How can she not love me after all this? I would do anything to date her; she says sexting makes us closer but not in a loving way, just in a sexual way, and it'll never lead to a relationship. I'm not sure what to do cuz i dont wanna lose her or what we have, but i also want her to be mine forever
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Anonymous #1
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if you're sexting, sorry but that's not a friendship lmao
that's already [GONE SEXUAL]


i honestly don't know what her problem him, if you find someone sexually attractive and have a friendship like closeness that's usually what dating is, odd.
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slade p
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She's saying she doesn't want a relationship with you but is willing to have sex with you like a Fwb arrangement. But lol why would she love you just because you sext?
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justinthomas12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
if you're sexting, sorry but that's not a friendship lmao
that's already [GONE SEXUAL]


i honestly don't know what her problem him, if you find someone sexually attractive and have a friendship like closeness that's usually what dating is, odd.
She says we're more than friends but she doesnt love me enough for her to be my gf, but shes sexually attracted and uses sexting as "a bit of fun" whereas i would use it cuz i love her
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justinthomas12
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(Original post by slade p)
She's saying she doesn't want a relationship with you but is willing to have sex with you like a Fwb arrangement. But lol why would she love you just because you sext?
Im in love with her deeply and we sext and its amazing and i just want her to be mine forever, but she does have feelings of love for me, they just arent strong enough apparently. If youre comfortable talking about sex etc surely youd love them? There must be some spark to trigger the attraction
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slade p
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(Original post by justinthomas12)
Im in love with her deeply and we sext and its amazing and i just want her to be mine forever, but she does have feelings of love for me, they just arent strong enough apparently. If youre comfortable talking about sex etc surely youd love them? There must be some spark to trigger the attraction
Attraction doesn't mean they love you. They are comfortable talking about sex because they are willing to have sex with you, doesn't mean they love you. How can she love you but not even want to be in a relationship with you
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Big Booty Kay
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This was my best friend and I a few years ago, I'm the girl ,he the guy - and similarly we started to fall for each other. He rejected me saying it was a bad idea. 3-4 years of great sex and a very complicated friendship about a month ago we had to break off all things sexual. This caused me to almost have a mental breakdown at the thought of losing what we had. Long and short not all relationships last for ever so are prepared to be together and risk losing your friendship for good or is the friendship worth so much more ,too much to risk losing? Think about it.
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Big Booty Kay
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(Original post by justinthomas12)
Im in love with my best friend (Im a gu, shes a girl) and atm we're literally as close as a guy and girl could possibly be until the point of dating. Ive tried to step it forward; she says she has feelings but not deep enough to pursue; whereas my feelings are really intense. What gets complicated is that theres a sexual attraction between us, we sext on social media but dont have sex as we're not technically in a relationship and that would make us a bit uncomfortable. How can she not love me after all this? I would do anything to date her; she says sexting makes us closer but not in a loving way, just in a sexual way, and it'll never lead to a relationship. I'm not sure what to do cuz i dont wanna lose her or what we have, but i also want her to be mine forever
Also, Love is a very general word and we fail to realise it. You might be in love with her but her love could only extend as far as caring about you. There is a difference between love and in love, and also there are different types of love ,maybe her love for you is more platonic than either of you are admitting. It's painful to hear someone you love say they don't love you the way they do but its life.
Just suck it and try to get over it ,heartbreak is more painful.
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Hopefully1
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It makes me sad to read this actually. There is a reason why you don't (well most people don't) get into a sexual relationship w/ their friends. Sex is intended to bring intimacy and emotional closeness beyond what even a best friend can offer. Some people, when it is mutual, can separate the two but most people get into a sexual relationship (not a casual ons) because they also desire a closer emotional relationship. And then there are those fwb who think they can separate the two but discover they can't and find themselves falling for their friend because of the sex - this one, as you've learned, is rarely mutual.
At this point I think you have to step back away from her. I'm sorry to say that but otherwise you are prolonging the inevitable and it will lead to even greater heartbreak and eventually the end of the friendship. Frankly, I'm not sure a 'friendship' will be possible between you. Perhaps you can go backwards and reclaim your buddy/buddy status but it will be hard. You are not both on the same page and that is very unfortunate. Yes, she can love you deeply in a friendship kind of way, but she's not being fair, or even kind, to you when she knows your feelings have grown in a different direction and knows your desire for a true 'relationship'. She is kind of using you for her sexual pleasure when she knows you're emotionally invested to a different degree than she is. If you don't change this or back away you are going to end up feeling very resentful towards her - and hurt by her. If you want to be friends then be friends, period. Yes, people do end up marrying the person they claim are their 'best friend' - but you both have to be on the same page - and if she's not you're the one who will end up hurt. Stop the sexting(!), no matter what she says, unless she realizes she's had a change of heart and does have romantic (I can see myself in a relationship w/ this guy) kind of feelings for you and wants to move forward in a relationship manner. IF you've told her how you feel and she's doesn't reciprocate but still wants to play around by sexting she's actually not being your friend. Good Luck!
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justinthomas12
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(Original post by Hopefully1)
It makes me sad to read this actually. There is a reason why you don't (well most people don't) get into a sexual relationship w/ their friends. Sex is intended to bring intimacy and emotional closeness beyond what even a best friend can offer. Some people, when it is mutual, can separate the two but most people get into a sexual relationship (not a casual ons) because they also desire a closer emotional relationship. And then there are those fwb who think they can separate the two but discover they can't and find themselves falling for their friend because of the sex - this one, as you've learned, is rarely mutual.
At this point I think you have to step back away from her. I'm sorry to say that but otherwise you are prolonging the inevitable and it will lead to even greater heartbreak and eventually the end of the friendship. Frankly, I'm not sure a 'friendship' will be possible between you. Perhaps you can go backwards and reclaim your buddy/buddy status but it will be hard. You are not both on the same page and that is very unfortunate. Yes, she can love you deeply in a friendship kind of way, but she's not being fair, or even kind, to you when she knows your feelings have grown in a different direction and knows your desire for a true 'relationship'. She is kind of using you for her sexual pleasure when she knows you're emotionally invested to a different degree than she is. If you don't change this or back away you are going to end up feeling very resentful towards her - and hurt by her. If you want to be friends then be friends, period. Yes, people do end up marrying the person they claim are their 'best friend' - but you both have to be on the same page - and if she's not you're the one who will end up hurt. Stop the sexting(!), no matter what she says, unless she realizes she's had a change of heart and does have romantic (I can see myself in a relationship w/ this guy) kind of feelings for you and wants to move forward in a relationship manner. IF you've told her how you feel and she's doesn't reciprocate but still wants to play around by sexting she's actually not being your friend. Good Luck!
Thank you so much, this is really great advice, i think i should defo put an end to the sexting as its making me even closer to her, even though for her its just for fun. I really want to remain best friends with her and shes an amazing person to me, just hope it doesnt end up awkward.. Oh well im going to uni hopefully next year anyway, maybe i'll find someone there
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justinthomas12
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(Original post by Big Booty Kay)
This was my best friend and I a few years ago, I'm the girl ,he the guy - and similarly we started to fall for each other. He rejected me saying it was a bad idea. 3-4 years of great sex and a very complicated friendship about a month ago we had to break off all things sexual. This caused me to almost have a mental breakdown at the thought of losing what we had. Long and short not all relationships last for ever so are prepared to be together and risk losing your friendship for good or is the friendship worth so much more ,too much to risk losing? Think about it.
Thanks for your help, yeah its a really difficult situation because i really dont wanna risk losing our friendship cuz shes an amazing girl to me, but what we have just hurts; it feels like a preview of what a relationship between us could be like, but then cuz she says no i feel denied of all of it and it hurts Maybe i should try talk to her a bit less and hopefully she'll get the message
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Big Booty Kay
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(Original post by justinthomas12)
Thanks for your help, yeah its a really difficult situation because i really dont wanna risk losing our friendship cuz shes an amazing girl to me, but what we have just hurts; it feels like a preview of what a relationship between us could be like, but then cuz she says no i feel denied of all of it and it hurts Maybe i should try talk to her a bit less and hopefully she'll get the message
I wish you all the best to be honest. I agree that you should step back a little and allow your feelings to subside. But talk to her have a honest conversation and make your decision thereafter. And try to stick to that decision. Don't be like me and know its best if you don't do certain things but do them anyway all in the name of pleasure.Your friendship can come out even stronger tbh as long as boundaries are made and respected. Good Luck
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