friend betrayed me i don't know what to do? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
okay
so I have this friend. we were friends for like 2 years. I tell her all my deepest secrets such as me being abused as a child my battle with depression and stuff like that. i told her all this trusting her not to tell anyone coz these are things I'm embarrsed about and i trusted her 100 percent.

but all this time she's been stabbing me in the back and telling everyone about it .this girl came up to me and said I'm sorry to hear your boyfriend cheated on you. I have only told this to this friend of mine and no one else so it's obvo her.

right now i don't know what to do because i feel so betrayed and also ashamed because all my deepest secrets are out there. people are gonna think I'm some damaged 20 year old girl who had a **** childhood. I dont wanna go out and I feel like life isn't even for me anymore..
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faloodeh
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#2
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confront her and talk to her about it

also drop her if you feel like it. (I would.)
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Moura
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
okay
so I have this friend. we were friends for like 2 years. I tell her all my deepest secrets such as me being abused as a child my battle with depression and stuff like that. i told her all this trusting her not to tell anyone coz these are things I'm embarrsed about and i trusted her 100 percent.

but all this time she's been stabbing me in the back and telling everyone about it .this girl came up to me and said I'm sorry to hear your boyfriend cheated on you. I have only told this to this friend of mine and no one else so it's obvo her.

right now i don't know what to do because i feel so betrayed and also ashamed because all my deepest secrets are out there. people are gonna think I'm some damaged 20 year old girl who had a **** childhood. I dont wanna go out and I feel like life isn't even for me anymore..
Speak to her and get her side of the story first. Tell her this girl spoke about it to you and that she's the only person that you've told and you're wondering if she knows how the girl found out. Start off friendly, hear her out and don't go in all guns blazing, accusing her of stuff. Give her the chance to apologise. If you've trusted her with this then you are obviously good friends. People make mistakes and maybe she instantly regretted it. You can judge for yourself how to react and whether you think she's a friend worth keeping and forgiving from how she replies to you and what she says.
I promise you instantly cutting her off and arguing with her without giving her a chance to explain herself first will cause you more harm than good. Just try to keep calm.

Also you aren't the only one who knows your boyfriend cheated on you. Him and his friends do too. Maybe it got to this girl through that side rather than yours.


As for everyone knowing your history... it's **** that they found and when you didn't want them to, but it's really not a big deal. People are too wrapped up in their own lives. The only things they'll think will be empathy for you. Try not to worry about what people think because the liklihood is they won't think you're a damaged girl with a **** childhood. You also aren't the only one who has been through things. There are probably some who have also had hard times in their childhoods. Everyone has a history. Not many people think worse of others because they've had struggles in theirs, especially if they were when you were a child.
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Anonymices
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#4
I think you're being irrational, the fact that it is your 'deepest' secret but you then go on to say 'such as...' and spill the secret out, leads me to believe that perhaps you had told a few people, along with your friend, however now the majority of people know you are placing a significant amount of blame onto your friend. On the other hand, you'd think people at the age of 20 would have better things to do than to gossip about one and other. As for saying you feel life isn't for you any more? What are you going to do? Kill yourself because somebody told people stuff about you? Don't be so selfish and outright stupid. Boohoo, people know **** about you that they didn't previously, what are they going to do? Live your life, and whether or not that is alongside you ''backstabber'' friend, is your decision.
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Anonymous #1
#5
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#5
(Original post by Anonymices)
I think you're being irrational, the fact that it is your 'deepest' secret but you then go on to say 'such as...' and spill the secret out, leads me to believe that perhaps you had told a few people, along with your friend, however now the majority of people know you are placing a significant amount of blame onto your friend. On the other hand, you'd think people at the age of 20 would have better things to do than to gossip about one and other. As for saying you feel life isn't for you any more? What are you going to do? Kill yourself because somebody told people stuff about you? Don't be so selfish and outright stupid. Boohoo, people know **** about you that they didn't previously, what are they going to do? Live your life, and whether or not that is alongside you ''backstabber'' friend, is your decision.
thank you for making me see that I'm very wrong. and yeah she had every right to tell everyone my secrets
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tapir
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymices)
I think you're being irrational
Can you honestly say that anyone is completely rational? It's kind of like expecting someone to be completely honest. Some people more rational/honest than others, but everyone has lied or has been irrational at one point in time.
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Anonymices
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you for making me see that I'm very wrong. and yeah she had every right to tell everyone my secrets
Why would you even tell somebody your secrets in the first place? Don't try and be sarcastic at my response for your inability to keep your mouth shut. If it was truly that big a deal you wouldn't have told anybody, so perhaps accept responsibility for your own misjudgement of character and move on instead of complaining about it.
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tapir
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(Original post by Anonymices)
perhaps accept responsibility for your own misjudgement of character and move on instead of complaining about it.
You're honestly expecting them to be psychic? You have no empathy, and are really expecting too much out of them. You really don't know how bad person is until it's too late.
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lmaooome
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#9
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drop that bish
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Anonymous #1
#10
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(Original post by Anonymices)
Why would you even tell somebody your secrets in the first place? Don't try and be sarcastic at my response for your inability to keep your mouth shut. If it was truly that big a deal you wouldn't have told anybody, so perhaps accept responsibility for your own misjudgement of character and move on instead of complaining about it.
you just don't get it do ya? yes I will be sarcastic coz I came on here for some decent advise not to be judged for my mistakes. yes i made a mistake for trusting someone i thought that was my friend. she herself had told me a lot of things about herself . things I wouldn't even dare to to tell anyone coz I know better than that. I thought me and her had a very close relationship,I thought we were comfortable with each other that we could tell each other anything. at times you would tell stuff that are very personal,yes it could be stupid at times but it just happens especially if you trust the person very much, I honestly treated her just like my sister.

yet you come on here and tell me to stop complaining and just move on? I cant help it if i feel betrayed or wronged. it's called being human babe. and if you've got a problem with that then I dont know what I could say so take your childish advise elsewhere
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tapir
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#11
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(Original post by Anonymous)
you just don't get it do ya? yes I will be sarcastic coz I came on here for some decent advise not to be judged for my mistakes. yes i made a mistake for trusting someone i thought that was my friend. she herself had told me a lot of things about herself . things I wouldn't even dare to to tell anyone coz I know better than that. I thought me and her had a very close relationship,I thought we were comfortable with each other that we could tell each other anything. at times you would tell stuff that are very personal,yes it could be stupid at times but it just happens especially if you trust the person very much, I honestly treated her just like my sister.

yet you come on here and tell me to stop complaining and just move on? I cant help it if i feel betrayed or wronged. it's called being human babe. and if you've got a problem with that then I dont know what I could say so take your childish advise elsewhere
He's the type of guy who would betray his own friends (if he hasn't already). It's pretty obvious.
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ᒍack
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#12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
okay
so I have this friend. we were friends for like 2 years. I tell her all my deepest secrets such as me being abused as a child my battle with depression and stuff like that. i told her all this trusting her not to tell anyone coz these are things I'm embarrsed about and i trusted her 100 percent.

but all this time she's been stabbing me in the back and telling everyone about it .this girl came up to me and said I'm sorry to hear your boyfriend cheated on you. I have only told this to this friend of mine and no one else so it's obvo her.

right now i don't know what to do because i feel so betrayed and also ashamed because all my deepest secrets are out there. people are gonna think I'm some damaged 20 year old girl who had a **** childhood. I dont wanna go out and I feel like life isn't even for me anymore..
Personally if someone told me this stuff I wouldn't even talk about it to the person who told me; whether they're a really good friend or even a stranger. I wouldn't be friends with someone who'd do this, clearly you've opened up to them and they've just wavered it off to other people in the hopes of becoming more 'popular' and getting more friends.
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Ladymusiclover
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#13
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Fake friend. Learn from this OP and just don't tell anyone such as dark secret until you know them on a deeper level. You can move on from this. Wish you the best!!
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Anonymices
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
you just don't get it do ya? yes I will be sarcastic coz I came on here for some decent advise not to be judged for my mistakes. yes i made a mistake for trusting someone i thought that was my friend. she herself had told me a lot of things about herself . things I wouldn't even dare to to tell anyone coz I know better than that. I thought me and her had a very close relationship,I thought we were comfortable with each other that we could tell each other anything. at times you would tell stuff that are very personal,yes it could be stupid at times but it just happens especially if you trust the person very much, I honestly treated her just like my sister.

yet you come on here and tell me to stop complaining and just move on? I cant help it if i feel betrayed or wronged. it's called being human babe. and if you've got a problem with that then I dont know what I could say so take your childish advise elsewhere
I do get it, you have come on here asking for advice on what to do with the fact that your best friend has betrayed you and told your secrets to somebody else, exaggerating the fact making it seem as though it is the end of the world and saying that life is not for you anymore.

You asked for advice and I gave you it, I told you clearly to move, ''Live your life''. Understandably I did not say it plainly, I gave a detailed explanation as to why you should move on. You must be completely insane if you are going to become depressed and complain that life is not for you anymore at the fact that a few people you may or may not know exist are aware of your ''secrets'' like it is some sort of year 6 secret crush. And yet you come onto the forums and 1. Talk about your friend behind her back, and 2. Give out one of the secrets you so sacredly kept secret and between you and your friend ''such as me being abused as a child my battle with depression...''

The idiocy you display simply voids your entire reason for making this post. You complain about somebody telling your secrets and then go on to give us examples of your secrets?! What part of that does not sound moronic. My first post was a reasonable explanation and paragraph about the advice I could offer you, and then you decided to be sarcastic and pull the pity card completely disregarding what I said, and placing words into my mouth like a pretentious pathetic little child would do in an argument as not once in my comment did I say ''she had every right to tell everyone'' your secrets.

tapir I was not expecting her to be psychic, what I am saying is that there is no point in her blaming anybody else, what is she going to do? Live the rest of her life complaining that her friend told her secrets? Simply put it down to her own misjudgement of a persons character because that is what it is, she should have gained full trust in her friend, instead of ''thinking'' she could trust her. Also, I am not required to be empathetic, she asked for genuine advice and I provided, nor would I be empathetic towards somebody who completely manipulates advice because it does not fall in line with her attempt at self proclamation as an innocent white rose.

OP - As for your final comment about me, yes I came on here and told you to stop complaining and to move on, you asked for advice, if it is not the advice you are looking for then make it a leading question rather than an open one. You cannot help it if you feel betrayed or wronged but the fact is, you chose to tell this person your ''secrets'' and if the consequences of the secrets getting out were so severe you should have premeditated them and not said anything. Feeling betrayed and wronged is not being human, much like most things, feelings can be controlled; Quora article - https://www.quora.com/Can-thoughts-f...led-by-oneself - You can choose to feel betrayed or you can overcome it and move on.

And as for your final drastic attempt of belittling all of my advice to being 'childish' I suggest you take a long hard look at your own posts, let along your inability to type in coherent sentences.
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SoulfulTwist
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#15
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#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
okay
so I have this friend. we were friends for like 2 years. I tell her all my deepest secrets such as me being abused as a child my battle with depression and stuff like that. i told her all this trusting her not to tell anyone coz these are things I'm embarrsed about and i trusted her 100 percent.

but all this time she's been stabbing me in the back and telling everyone about it .this girl came up to me and said I'm sorry to hear your boyfriend cheated on you. I have only told this to this friend of mine and no one else so it's obvo her.

right now i don't know what to do because i feel so betrayed and also ashamed because all my deepest secrets are out there. people are gonna think I'm some damaged 20 year old girl who had a **** childhood. I dont wanna go out and I feel like life isn't even for me anymore..
Rn it may feel hard to continue with things. If she managed to tell your secrets, chances are she's lost her chance with others too.
I don't think it was totally wrong to trust someone, given they also trusted you.
Most people will value and look up to your ability to go on, your strength.
You won't be seen as 'damaged'. Everyone has problems of their own, maybe some can even relate a little.
Those who see you as 'damaged', you'll know to avoid. They won't be people you want in your life, and better to find this out sooner rather than later.
Go out, don't let this hold you back. Prove the people who think you can't go on wrong. Use it as motivation to get where you want in life.
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ThePricklyOne
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#16
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(Original post by Anonymous)
okay
so I have this friend. we were friends for like 2 years. I tell her all my deepest secrets such as me being abused as a child my battle with depression and stuff like that. i told her all this trusting her not to tell anyone coz these are things I'm embarrsed about and i trusted her 100 percent.

but all this time she's been stabbing me in the back and telling everyone about it .this girl came up to me and said I'm sorry to hear your boyfriend cheated on you. I have only told this to this friend of mine and no one else so it's obvo her.

right now i don't know what to do because i feel so betrayed and also ashamed because all my deepest secrets are out there. people are gonna think I'm some damaged 20 year old girl who had a **** childhood. I dont wanna go out and I feel like life isn't even for me anymore..
It's ok to feel feel you don't want to go out etc. You've been hurt by someone you trusted, and its normal to feel the way you do right now.

Walk away from this sh*tty friend. Give it a few months for things to quieten down and don't talk about what your so-called friend have told other people. If people talk to you about it, quietly change the subject. If you can, go away for a few weeks to get a break from this, do it. Things will die down and folks will move on to next new thing / gossip, and in a few months they will have forgotten about your past.

As for the idiots on this thread posting rude / insulting comments, don't reply to them and ignore them. They'll go away to bother someone else. There are loads of idiots on TSR, like in real life.

All the best
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Anonymices
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#17
(Original post by ThePricklyOne)
It's ok to feel feel you don't want to go out etc. You've been hurt by someone you trusted, and its normal to feel the way you do right now.

Walk away from this sh*tty friend. Give it a few months for things to quieten down and don't talk about what your so-called friend have told other people. If people talk to you about it, quietly change the subject. If you can, go away for a few weeks to get a break from this, do it. Things will die down and folks will move on to next new thing / gossip, and in a few months they will have forgotten about your past.

As for the idiots on this thread posting rude / insulting comments, don't reply to them and ignore them. They'll go away to bother someone else. There are loads of idiots on TSR, like in real life.

All the best
Keep living in your little soft padded cell
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tapir
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#18
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(Original post by Anonymices)
I do get it, you have come on here asking for advice on what to do with the fact that your best friend has betrayed you and told your secrets to somebody else, exaggerating the fact making it seem as though it is the end of the world and saying that life is not for you anymore.

You asked for advice and I gave you it, I told you clearly to move, ''Live your life''. Understandably I did not say it plainly, I gave a detailed explanation as to why you should move on. You must be completely insane if you are going to become depressed and complain that life is not for you anymore at the fact that a few people you may or may not know exist are aware of your ''secrets'' like it is some sort of year 6 secret crush. And yet you come onto the forums and 1. Talk about your friend behind her back, and 2. Give out one of the secrets you so sacredly kept secret and between you and your friend ''such as me being abused as a child my battle with depression...''

The idiocy you display simply voids your entire reason for making this post. You complain about somebody telling your secrets and then go on to give us examples of your secrets?! What part of that does not sound moronic. My first post was a reasonable explanation and paragraph about the advice I could offer you, and then you decided to be sarcastic and pull the pity card completely disregarding what I said, and placing words into my mouth like a pretentious pathetic little child would do in an argument as not once in my comment did I say ''she had every right to tell everyone'' your secrets.

tapir I was not expecting her to be psychic, what I am saying is that there is no point in her blaming anybody else, what is she going to do? Live the rest of her life complaining that her friend told her secrets? Simply put it down to her own misjudgement of a persons character because that is what it is, she should have gained full trust in her friend, instead of ''thinking'' she could trust her. Also, I am not required to be empathetic, she asked for genuine advice and I provided, nor would I be empathetic towards somebody who completely manipulates advice because it does not fall in line with her attempt at self proclamation as an innocent white rose.

OP - As for your final comment about me, yes I came on here and told you to stop complaining and to move on, you asked for advice, if it is not the advice you are looking for then make it a leading question rather than an open one. You cannot help it if you feel betrayed or wronged but the fact is, you chose to tell this person your ''secrets'' and if the consequences of the secrets getting out were so severe you should have premeditated them and not said anything. Feeling betrayed and wronged is not being human, much like most things, feelings can be controlled; Quora article - https://www.quora.com/Can-thoughts-f...led-by-oneself - You can choose to feel betrayed or you can overcome it and move on.

And as for your final drastic attempt of belittling all of my advice to being 'childish' I suggest you take a long hard look at your own posts, let along your inability to type in coherent sentences.
You're a real charmer.
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ThePricklyOne
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#19
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(Original post by tapir)
You're a real charmer.
Oh yes, he's a walking sad-sack of misery and hate.
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YaliaV
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#20
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I may just be a petty person (probably am) but I would dump her. My ex betrayed me in a way (not sexually) and I just couldn't forgive him. Once the trust is gone, there's nothing.
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