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Worried about being Single forever
Hey people, I'd just like some advice or to see if anyone has been in a situation similar to mine. Sorry for the long post/rant.
I'm 20 and almost half way through the final year of my degree course, now I've never been the sort of guy to have loads of relationships etc, but I'm just worried that I'm gonna be single for ages. Now I know this seems silly as I'm only 20 (almost 21) and I have my career and finishing my degree to worry about.
It's been almost 11 months since I broke up with my last girlfriend, both my previous relationships have been LDR's, and both with girls who, to be fair, had/have quite a few issues. It also doesn't help that nearly all my best mates from home and uni are all in relationships, or find it easy to start a new relationship with someone.
I just seem to get missed off the radar by most girls, it doesn't help that I am quite overweight, but that's an issue that I've really been working at, as I attend the uni gym at least 3 times a week and have lost almost 2 stone since the middle of July.
I have been told by friends, and exes that I'm not exactly butt-ugly, and I have a kind, caring and genuinely warm personality, and am a likable person. But it doesn't count for anything it seems. They all say "You'll find someone", but it just seems to be something to cheer me up.
It really doesn't help that I didn't live in proper student "halls" in my first year and instead lived in specially built 6-bedroom terraced house type halls; also in my first year I had quite a dramatic fall-out with the girls in my halls..but that's a seperate issue entirely.
It also doesn't help that the course I'm on is extremely male-orientated, granted, there are two girls on the course who I am quite good friends with but that's all it'll ever be, friends. It seems most people on here are in a relationship, it gets me down because there seems to be loads of couples all over the campus at my uni.
I've tried joining societies, I joined the Rock society at my uni as I'm quite into my metal, but all they seem to want to do is go on various pub crawls mid-week, which I can't really be arsed with. I'm not someone who loves to go out every weekend, mainly because most nightclubs seem really seedy, and why spend £100 on booze when I can spend that money on good, healthy food. I also spent some money on getting a subscription to Match.com, which , despite having contacted quite a few girls, has been a complete waste of time.
I can't even go to somewhere like the cinema to get away from all the PDA going on from couples, in such places the lack of a girlfriend appears even more pronouned!
I'm at a loss as to what I should do, maybe I'm just worrying about it too much? I think I'm someone who has a lot of love and care to give someone, once a girl told me I was the "perfect" boyfriend, which was was a nice compliment but doesn't really mean much given the context.
Any thoughts or comments welcome!
I'm 20 and almost half way through the final year of my degree course, now I've never been the sort of guy to have loads of relationships etc, but I'm just worried that I'm gonna be single for ages. Now I know this seems silly as I'm only 20 (almost 21) and I have my career and finishing my degree to worry about.
It's been almost 11 months since I broke up with my last girlfriend, both my previous relationships have been LDR's, and both with girls who, to be fair, had/have quite a few issues. It also doesn't help that nearly all my best mates from home and uni are all in relationships, or find it easy to start a new relationship with someone.
I just seem to get missed off the radar by most girls, it doesn't help that I am quite overweight, but that's an issue that I've really been working at, as I attend the uni gym at least 3 times a week and have lost almost 2 stone since the middle of July.
I have been told by friends, and exes that I'm not exactly butt-ugly, and I have a kind, caring and genuinely warm personality, and am a likable person. But it doesn't count for anything it seems. They all say "You'll find someone", but it just seems to be something to cheer me up.
It really doesn't help that I didn't live in proper student "halls" in my first year and instead lived in specially built 6-bedroom terraced house type halls; also in my first year I had quite a dramatic fall-out with the girls in my halls..but that's a seperate issue entirely.
It also doesn't help that the course I'm on is extremely male-orientated, granted, there are two girls on the course who I am quite good friends with but that's all it'll ever be, friends. It seems most people on here are in a relationship, it gets me down because there seems to be loads of couples all over the campus at my uni.
I've tried joining societies, I joined the Rock society at my uni as I'm quite into my metal, but all they seem to want to do is go on various pub crawls mid-week, which I can't really be arsed with. I'm not someone who loves to go out every weekend, mainly because most nightclubs seem really seedy, and why spend £100 on booze when I can spend that money on good, healthy food. I also spent some money on getting a subscription to Match.com, which , despite having contacted quite a few girls, has been a complete waste of time.
I can't even go to somewhere like the cinema to get away from all the PDA going on from couples, in such places the lack of a girlfriend appears even more pronouned!
I'm at a loss as to what I should do, maybe I'm just worrying about it too much? I think I'm someone who has a lot of love and care to give someone, once a girl told me I was the "perfect" boyfriend, which was was a nice compliment but doesn't really mean much given the context.
Any thoughts or comments welcome!
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awww. well i think your dilemma is quite a common one, i've got several male friends who are in similar predicaments. it sounds like you're certainly trying to get yourself out there which is a good start, and i think it can take a lot of courage to join dating sites. but yes that's all good, and ok maybe it hasn't happened for you yet, but that doesn't mean it won't! 
And there's no point putting yourself in social situations that you don't enjoy like seedy clubs. maybe going out and about with friends a bit more could be helpful though? even if you don't meet the girl of your dreams at first, it would be good practice with doing initial flirting or similar. you could ask your 2 girl friends from your course if they have any nice friends? maybe you need to try being a bit more assertive? cos if you say the girls miss you off their radar maybe it's because you don't come across as if you're interested in them relationship wise. I'm not sure. but yeah, i guess these things varies, and sometimes you just have to be patient. maybe taking up a hobby/sport that you really enjoy to keep your mind off things would help. common interest is a good way to interact with girls also! hope that's been at all helpful. you do seem like a very good potential bf for some lucky girl
And there's no point putting yourself in social situations that you don't enjoy like seedy clubs. maybe going out and about with friends a bit more could be helpful though? even if you don't meet the girl of your dreams at first, it would be good practice with doing initial flirting or similar. you could ask your 2 girl friends from your course if they have any nice friends? maybe you need to try being a bit more assertive? cos if you say the girls miss you off their radar maybe it's because you don't come across as if you're interested in them relationship wise. I'm not sure. but yeah, i guess these things varies, and sometimes you just have to be patient. maybe taking up a hobby/sport that you really enjoy to keep your mind off things would help. common interest is a good way to interact with girls also! hope that's been at all helpful. you do seem like a very good potential bf for some lucky girl Important thing is not to worry, 20 is still young. I was single for a time at 22. There are many people in the same position as you.
Funny thing is I found someone when I actually wasn't really looking.
Funny thing is I found someone when I actually wasn't really looking.
You won't be single forever. There is someone for everyone.... and 11 months ain't that long really to be fair. As other people have said 'you'll have her when you ain''t looking' and it's true. People put way too much pressure on relationships, you don't have to be in a relationship just to be human.
Live your life and enjoy the time you have to be SINGLE.
Live your life and enjoy the time you have to be SINGLE.
I agree with everyone else really, not being or being in a relationship shouldn't define who you are. But it's good that you are "getting yourself out there".
However, I totally get where you're coming from. I spent the whole of my school and college years wondering why I was always single. Then, last year I started uni deciding I no longer cared and guess what, i got together with this guy on my course. We broke up about a month ago. I know I'm going to be single for a looooooooong time now because I can't get the fact that I'm not with anyone out of my mind (grrr it almost makes me wish I never got together with him, since a year ago I was happy with my singleness).
But yeah I understand where you're coming from, but itll happen soon. Just be happy with the fact that you've almost finished your degree (woop!!).
However, I totally get where you're coming from. I spent the whole of my school and college years wondering why I was always single. Then, last year I started uni deciding I no longer cared and guess what, i got together with this guy on my course. We broke up about a month ago. I know I'm going to be single for a looooooooong time now because I can't get the fact that I'm not with anyone out of my mind (grrr it almost makes me wish I never got together with him, since a year ago I was happy with my singleness).
But yeah I understand where you're coming from, but itll happen soon. Just be happy with the fact that you've almost finished your degree (woop!!).
Hey.
Just wanna say - i feel the same, don't panic! Everyone keeps telling me they really cant see what i'm on about, but all i think is 'what if i never find someone again?!' I don't think i'm a very good singleton!
But to be honest, i know deep down there will be Mr Right somewhere in the world, there always is. We are still reeeally young, we should be enjoying it!
But talk to me - i feel the same most days! *hug*
Just wanna say - i feel the same, don't panic! Everyone keeps telling me they really cant see what i'm on about, but all i think is 'what if i never find someone again?!' I don't think i'm a very good singleton!
But to be honest, i know deep down there will be Mr Right somewhere in the world, there always is. We are still reeeally young, we should be enjoying it!
But talk to me - i feel the same most days! *hug*
Stop looking for someone. You are more likely to find somebody when you least expect it. 
I was single for a while before I met my boyfriend. I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend at the time. Love can just kind of creep up on you!
I know it has been said already, but you are young! Not everybody is in a relationship. Most of my mates are single and I'm in the minority by having a boyfriend.
Try not to let it get you (more) down, look on the brightside, at least you won't have an expensive Christmas
I was single for a while before I met my boyfriend. I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend at the time. Love can just kind of creep up on you!
I know it has been said already, but you are young! Not everybody is in a relationship. Most of my mates are single and I'm in the minority by having a boyfriend.
Try not to let it get you (more) down, look on the brightside, at least you won't have an expensive Christmas 
the grass is always greener on the other side. I say just enjoy time with your mates, and stay happy with a smile on your face - don't look, just enjoy yourself and girls will notice that.
Genuinely stop looking to be in a relationship, and you'll find someone.
It's always the way.
It's always the way.
StandingOnAir
Genuinely stop looking to be in a relationship, and you'll find someone.
It's always the way.
It's always the way.
Yeah, I guess it is, oh and thanks for all the replies all, tis appreciated.
You know, there are lots of people in the world who ARE single for ever, and most of them appear to be quite happy about it. Most girls today just aren't looking for "Mr Right" anymore, they are not desperate to settle down as our mothers were, they are too busy living their own lives. I believe there will be a lot more single people in the future.
I understand where you are coming from - everywhere I go I am surrounded by what seem to be "loving" couples who can't keep their hands off each other. But I suspect that they have problems in their relationships and having a partner is not always as great as we singletons might think.
I am trying to put a positive spin on singleness. Enjoy being young, free and single while you have the opportunity!
I understand where you are coming from - everywhere I go I am surrounded by what seem to be "loving" couples who can't keep their hands off each other. But I suspect that they have problems in their relationships and having a partner is not always as great as we singletons might think.
I am trying to put a positive spin on singleness. Enjoy being young, free and single while you have the opportunity!
I feel the same. I'm 17, a girl, and have never had a boyfriend or even been "seeing" someone. My best friend has been in a relationship for 2 years, and has been seeing him for almost 3 years. Literally all of my close friends have boyfriends and it got the point that I didn't want to go out with them because I'd feel so silly that whilst they were all talking about their boyfriends/problems/sex etc, I was just sat quietly listening and having nothing to add to the conversation. We're not really close as a group anymore but it does get to me and I do wish that I had someone else in my life that I could be close to and do stuff with, especially as my best friend obviously wants to spend time with her boyfriend and I know that she makes excuses to me so that she can stay in with him or go to his for dinner or something. It particularly notices at this time of year I think. The couples are out and about holding hands doing their christmas shopping, kissing under mistletoe and going ice skating together, whilst most of the singletons are sat at home! I'm quite a shy person so this doesn't really help matters, and I have a fairly small group of friends, so don't go out much, so I'm not even getting to enjoy the young free and single stage all that much. I do worry about my size being a factor that puts people off and am very self conscious about the way I look (am a size 14 and just feel chubby and ugly), but have been told that I'm pretty and I believe I'm a kind and thoughtful person who would make a good girlfriend. Everyone says "Oh you'll meet someone" or friends with boyfriend problems say "Oh you're so lucky you don't have any of this!" but then admit that they wouldn't want to be single, so it does get frustrating. I guess I'll just have to wait some more, and hope that Prince Charming decides to show his face soon!
StandingOnAir
Genuinely stop looking to be in a relationship, and you'll find someone.
Obviously, if I'm not looking, not finding doesn't bother me that much, but sometimes it does bother me. Sometimes it'd be nice to have someone else around. It doesn't bloody help that whenever a girl shows any interest, I completely miss all the signs until about five minutes too late.
I think maybe I need to get off my arse and go socialise a little.
I totally know how you feel. I'm 24 (I'll be 25 in less than 4 months) and I've never had a bf. I've "talked to" one guy, back when i was 16 (and desperate). But he was only interested in having sex w/me (which he never did). I've heard "you'll find someone when you're not looking" and "you should lower your standards" soooo many times it's frustrating. To be honest with you my standards aren't high. So yea, I've basically given up. I've gotten so used to being single that I wouldn't know what to do with a bf if I had one. (I'm quite sure it would be annoying to have someone underneath me all the time.) The two holidays that really get me down is Christmas and Valentine's Day. (plus one more, but it's irrelevant to the topic.) I don't go out, b/c I don't like clubs and bars (enough people hit on me outside of those places, i'd have to have personal bodyguards if i went to a club or bar). Needless to say, I totally feel your pain.
Who cares if you're single forever? Other people are over-rated, I can't think of anything more hideous right now than being in a relationship. In your final year at uni aren't you pretty busy with other stuff? I'm in my final year too (but I'm 23) and I don't even notice I'm single at the moment because I just can't imagine where I'd fit a boyfriend in.
And that 'stop looking' stuff is bull****, I haven't look in years and I'm still single. You just need to learn to deal with it, you're 20, you're starting a new life after uni anyway, let it go.
And that 'stop looking' stuff is bull****, I haven't look in years and I'm still single. You just need to learn to deal with it, you're 20, you're starting a new life after uni anyway, let it go.
Hey mate! You don't even know how happy you're you can do whatever you want. you can date wit as many girls as you like in the same time. enjoy it and don't try to find any relationship. what you possibly don't know is that they still try to find us. sometimes they unfortunately manage to :/ peace
you can do whatever you want. you can date wit as many girls as you like in the same time. enjoy it and don't try to find any relationship. what you possibly don't know is that they still try to find us. sometimes they unfortunately manage to :/ peaceLizj
You know, there are lots of people in the world who ARE single for ever, and most of them appear to be quite happy about it. Most girls today just aren't looking for "Mr Right" anymore, they are not desperate to settle down as our mothers were, they are too busy living their own lives. I believe there will be a lot more single people in the future.
I understand where you are coming from - everywhere I go I am surrounded by what seem to be "loving" couples who can't keep their hands off each other. But I suspect that they have problems in their relationships and having a partner is not always as great as we singletons might think.
I am trying to put a positive spin on singleness. Enjoy being young, free and single while you have the opportunity!
I understand where you are coming from - everywhere I go I am surrounded by what seem to be "loving" couples who can't keep their hands off each other. But I suspect that they have problems in their relationships and having a partner is not always as great as we singletons might think.
I am trying to put a positive spin on singleness. Enjoy being young, free and single while you have the opportunity!
Agreed. It's just hard to see it from outside but it's totally true.
Hmm...well I think that there are very few people in this world who are single forever...although it is annoying for me right now because everyone seems to be getting together! Grr!
I think my problem is that there's this guy I'm friends with and he's so amazing that no other guy seems to be able to match up to him!
To the guy who originally posted this thread - girls aren't half as superficial as guys so even if you aren't the prettiest, it doesn't really matter! =) maybe moaning about being single isn't the best way to go about it though!
Try your best to smile and be friendly...who knows what's around the corner =] don't focus on it too much!
Chin up! =)
I think my problem is that there's this guy I'm friends with and he's so amazing that no other guy seems to be able to match up to him!
To the guy who originally posted this thread - girls aren't half as superficial as guys so even if you aren't the prettiest, it doesn't really matter! =) maybe moaning about being single isn't the best way to go about it though!
Try your best to smile and be friendly...who knows what's around the corner =] don't focus on it too much!
Chin up! =)
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