Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

I feel like I'm losing my friends?!? Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    So I'm 18 and my two closest friends are drifting away from me. I know people say 'it's just life' but I honestly just feel like giving up and not bothering with friendships when I don't feel like they are there for me anymore, yet I don't want to let go of our friendship. We used to be a group, the four of us all the way through school but long story shot, two of them turned out to be *****es, one of which emotionally abused me through college, making me feel stupid for being nervous which only made my 'anxiety' or whatever worse. I've always seen my two remaining friends as close as they stuck by me when the other two turned on me specifically.

    But things have changed. One of them has a boyfriend and he is her priority, she doesn't often message me but when we finally do talk on group chat, she's all like 'I love you guys' and I'm kinda not buying it anymore. I'm not confrontatious, I don't like to argue so I don't say anything but it probably wouldn't make a difference. Not gonna lie I feel sad about her the most because she's the closest to me out of the two, we've been best friends since the age of 8. My other friend, we knew eachother in primary but were more close in secondary, she matters to me too of course but I guess not as close. She is upset about our other friend not bothering but I think she shoulders the blame onto me too even though she doesn't bother messaging. She's got a '**** it' attitude which is the same way I feel tbh.
    I just feel like what's the point messaging them bc when we all meet up it feels like none of them want to be there. I hate losing my best friends since we've been through so much. But if I do, I just worry I'll never find someone who I can connect with, either as a friend or soulmate.

    I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat. My friend since the age of 8, I used to always go round her house and binge watch shows. Now It feels like I'm the only one trying to keep conversation flowing but then sometimes it feels like old times and I just don't know where I stand anymore. 😔
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OliviaRose98!)
    So I'm 18 and my two closest friends are drifting away from me. I know people say 'it's just life' but I honestly just feel like giving up and not bothering with friendships when I don't feel like they are there for me anymore, yet I don't want to let go of our friendship. We used to be a group, the four of us all the way through school but long story shot, two of them turned out to be *****es, one of which emotionally abused me through college, making me feel stupid for being nervous which only made my 'anxiety' or whatever worse. I've always seen my two remaining friends as close as they stuck by me when the other two turned on me specifically.

    But things have changed. One of them has a boyfriend and he is her priority, she doesn't often message me but when we finally do talk on group chat, she's all like 'I love you guys' and I'm kinda not buying it anymore. I'm not confrontatious, I don't like to argue so I don't say anything but it probably wouldn't make a difference. Not gonna lie I feel sad about her the most because she's the closest to me out of the two, we've been best friends since the age of 8. My other friend, we knew eachother in primary but were more close in secondary, she matters to me too of course but I guess not as close. She is upset about our other friend not bothering but I think she shoulders the blame onto me too even though she doesn't bother messaging. She's got a '**** it' attitude which is the same way I feel tbh.
    I just feel like what's the point messaging them bc when we all meet up it feels like none of them want to be there. I hate losing my best friends since we've been through so much. But if I do, I just worry I'll never find someone who I can connect with, either as a friend or soulmate.

    I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat. My friend since the age of 8, I used to always go round her house and binge watch shows. Now It feels like I'm the only one trying to keep conversation flowing but then sometimes it feels like old times and I just don't know where I stand anymore. 😔
    Unfortunately it really is just 'one of those things'. People change as they get older and their priorities change too.

    I still have good relationships with people I've known from childhood but I see them far far less than I used to and I am more invested in newer relationships.

    If you are feeling like you are the one trying to keep the conversation flowing it may be that they have not enough to say to fill in the time you spend together.
    If you spend less time together- you will be able to value it better and potentially be able to have easier chats as you won't run out of steam.

    Definitely invest in other friendships though. New friends can be as good or better than old ones.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Hello. I'm sorry you feel like this. But for the vast majority of people, I'm afraid this is just one of the realities of growing up. People drift apart, make new friends with interests more similar to their more mature selves. People meet boyfriends /girlfriends and their priorities change. What I have found personally, and I know is the same with most people I know, is that the friends I used to have in school, college and early on in my twenties, we moved apart. But fast forward another 20 years, [ I will be 50 in November], and the people I used to be friends with at school and when I was younger and haven't been in contact with for over 20 years, we are all now in contact again via Facebook and having a great time reminiscing. Try not to think of it as anything personally against you. I don't know how many friends I have had over the years who I have drifted apart from. It's all just a natural part of life and you will meet other people who mean something; like the present ones currently do.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Very Important Poster
    • Reporter Team
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I'm afraid these things happen. You can raise your feelings but in the worse case scenario, you'll need to make new friends. Good luck!
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    I actually had this chat with my 20 year old son about a year ago. He was all about his mates, and nothing else. Don't get me wrong, it was lovely he had a large circle of friends, even though I didn't approve of even one of them. But I told him, as one by one they started getting girlfriends and he started seeing them less and less that this will happen to him too. I told him as much as his mates are important to him now that it wasn't always going to be like this. His closest mate used to come round every single day after work and spend hours in my son's room, chatting, playing X Box ,and music, etc. I told him he needed to start focusing on what he wanted to do in life, because one by one they were all [ he as well] going to meet girls, fall in love and maybe move in together. I said after that babies come along and "grown up" life. I said David isn't going to finish work and come around here every night to spend hours with you; messing about playing loud music and playing the X Box any more once he meets someone and maybe falls in love. I said to my son when he meets a girl and falls in love he will be coming home from work and going straight home to his wife and kids every night [or girlfriend]. I said he will be lucky if he sees his best mate once a month. I told him he needed to make a life for himself and do what was right for him, because one by one all his friends are going to meet someone ,settle down, maybe have kids etc. All this "lads stuff" will be a thing of the past. As it turns out his so called best friend stole over a hundred pounds off him and treated my son like c rap, and the other wastes of space have all latched onto someone else now, i'm pleased to say. They were friends since they were 11, but it just ran its course.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I've lost many friends in my time.
    I've also moved to many countries in that same time.
    But I do not regret my actions, and wouldn't have it any other way, you see, it's by losing those kinds of bonds, and feeling that kind of pain, that made me stronger emotionally and allowed me to form much stronger, better bonds afterwards. Think not of it as the end of something, but the beginning of something greater.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by markova21)
    I actually had this chat with my 20 year old son about a year ago. He was all about his mates, and nothing else. Don't get me wrong, it was lovely he had a large circle of friends, even though I didn't approve of even one of them. But I told him, as one by one they started getting girlfriends and he started seeing them less and less that this will happen to him too. I told him as much as his mates are important to him now that it wasn't always going to be like this. His closest mate used to come round every single day after work and spend hours in my son's room, chatting, playing X Box ,and music, etc. I told him he needed to start focusing on what he wanted to do in life, because one by one they were all [ he as well] going to meet girls, fall in love and maybe move in together. I said after that babies come along and "grown up" life. I said David isn't going to finish work and come around here every night to spend hours with you; messing about playing loud music and playing the X Box any more once he meets someone and maybe falls in love. I said to my son when he meets a girl and falls in love he will be coming home from work and going straight home to his wife and kids every night [or girlfriend]. I said he will be lucky if he sees his best mate once a month. I told him he needed to make a life for himself and do what was right for him, because one by one all his friends are going to meet someone ,settle down, maybe have kids etc. All this "lads stuff" will be a thing of the past. As it turns out his so called best friend stole over a hundred pounds off him and treated my son like c rap, and the other wastes of space have all latched onto someone else now, i'm pleased to say. They were friends since they were 11, but it just ran its course.
    I'm sorry to hear that, that's awful. Obviously I cannot compare but my so-called friend I talked about in my post was so manipulative to me in college I don't even know where to begin. It was just us in the same a level class and I used to dread seeing her everyday as she always found ways of making me feel rubbish, even in subtle ways to make me feel like it was in my head. She told me to 'stop complaining' when I was doing anything but and trying to talk to her and that was just really weird. Sometimes we'd have good conversations and then when other people turned up she blanked me. My nan died at the young age of 62 and she told me to 'get over it because she had problems too'. She used to ask me what was wrong and then when I confided in her about my mentally ill dad, she told me I was being selfish for talking about it. And the worst thing of all is when it all built to a climax she cried and acted like the victim. I'm glad I walked away from that friendship but I'm angry with myself for never defending myself. I lost who I was because she attacked labels to me as 'shy' 'quiet' when I knew i wasn't always like that, only with her.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Friffinghell)
    Unfortunately it really is just 'one of those things'. People change as they get older and their priorities change too.

    I still have good relationships with people I've known from childhood but I see them far far less than I used to and I am more invested in newer relationships.

    If you are feeling like you are the one trying to keep the conversation flowing it may be that they have not enough to say to fill in the time you spend together.
    If you spend less time together- you will be able to value it better and potentially be able to have easier chats as you won't run out of steam.

    Definitely invest in other friendships though. New friends can be as good or better than old ones.
    Thankyou. I do feel like I'm partly to blame for us drifting apart too. I just feel like what's the point in talking when they/she doesn't bother. But then we've had too many memories to let go off and it's really hard.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    OMG. She sounds like an absolute nightmare. You need a "friend" like that in your life like you need a hole in the head. Glad to hear you have nothing more to do with her. Personally, I'd rather be completely alone and have no-one than have someone so toxic in my life.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OliviaRose98!)
    Thankyou. I do feel like I'm partly to blame for us drifting apart too. I just feel like what's the point in talking when they/she doesn't bother. But then we've had too many memories to let go off and it's really hard.
    You don't need to let go of memories but do give yourself time to
    a) Make new ones with them. It's easier to hang out on an activity/outing than it is to sit around someone's bedroom.
    b) Make new memories with other people too. Even if you all stayed mega-close, you'll have to split up for Uni/College/Work. Life takes you in different directions.

    You're not letting go, just adding more to your repertoire.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by markova21)
    OMG. She sounds like an absolute nightmare. You need a "friend" like that in your life like you need a hole in the head. Glad to hear you have nothing more to do with her. Personally, I'd rather be completely alone and have no-one than have someone so toxic in my life.
    Thankyou, she really was. Watching what I was saying to her all the time was just exhausting. I hope im strong enough if I ever come across someone like her again.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Friffinghell)
    You don't need to let go of memories but do give yourself time to
    a) Make new ones with them. It's easier to hang out on an activity/outing than it is to sit around someone's bedroom.
    b) Make new memories with other people too. Even if you all stayed mega-close, you'll have to split up for Uni/College/Work. Life takes you in different directions.

    You're not letting go, just adding more to your repertoire.
    Thankyou. I worry so much that I'll never meet anybody I can joke with, feel the same or better with. I hope things come naturally and I won't always feel alone. It's a horrible feeling when it feels like no one understands you. I don't even know whether I should message my friends or just wait for them to message me.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OliviaRose98!)
    Thankyou. I worry so much that I'll never meet anybody I can joke with, feel the same or better with. I hope things come naturally and I won't always feel alone. It's a horrible feeling when it feels like no one understands you. I don't even know whether I should message my friends or just wait for them to message me.
    You'll meet other people- its a big wide world out there!

    I'd message them if there's something you want to do with them or somewhere you want to go that you would enjoy together. If they don't respond then it's their loss.

    Can you join any clubs over the summer to meet some new friends. I'm not sure what you're into but maybe drama, creative arts or sports- whatever floats your boat.
    • Study Helper
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    We all change as we mature into adults and the changes do not stop as we grow older. Common interests and institutions that bind, are transient; school, university, jobs, clubs, sports; all come and go and the people we bonded with who once shared those ties, burn bright for a moment and then fade from our lives.

    This is as natural as the day the night.

    OP: new people will enter your life, but like our first love, nothing will compare to that feeling of sharing our transition from childhood to adults.

    It's hard of course because the person left behind is the one that feels it the most.

    But know this, the friends worth keeping, the ones who will stay with you for life, will be forged in the hard times through life's traumas. You will know who they are all too soon. they are the ones to cherish. For now, just accept that lives change and people move on - so will you.

    Stay strong, you will get through this. We all do.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by uberteknik)
    We all change as we mature into adults and the changes do not stop as we grow older. Common interests and institutions that bind, are transient; school, university, jobs, clubs, sports; all come and go and the people we bonded with who once shared those ties, burn bright for a moment and then fade from our lives.

    This is as natural as the day the night.

    OP: new people will enter your life, but like our first love, nothing will compare to that feeling of sharing our transition from childhood to adults.

    It's hard of course because the person left behind is the one that feels it the most.

    But know this, the friends worth keeping, the ones who will stay with you for life, will be forged in the hard times through life's traumas. You will know who they are all too soon. they are the ones to cherish. For now, just accept that lives change and people move on - so will you.

    Stay strong, you will get through this. We all do.
    You have a lovely way with words, uber.
    • Study Helper
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by markova21)
    You have a lovely way with words, uber.
    You have a beautiful personality, the warmth radiates in your posts. Your son and the people around you are lucky to have you in their lives - I notice. Thank you.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by uberteknik)
    You have a beautiful personality, the warmth radiates in your posts. Your son and the people around you are lucky to have you in their lives - I notice. Thank you.
    Why thank YOU x
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OliviaRose98!)
    So I'm 18 and my two closest friends are drifting away from me. I know people say 'it's just life' but I honestly just feel like giving up and not bothering with friendships when I don't feel like they are there for me anymore, yet I don't want to let go of our friendship. We used to be a group, the four of us all the way through school but long story shot, two of them turned out to be *****es, one of which emotionally abused me through college, making me feel stupid for being nervous which only made my 'anxiety' or whatever worse. I've always seen my two remaining friends as close as they stuck by me when the other two turned on me specifically.

    But things have changed. One of them has a boyfriend and he is her priority, she doesn't often message me but when we finally do talk on group chat, she's all like 'I love you guys' and I'm kinda not buying it anymore. I'm not confrontatious, I don't like to argue so I don't say anything but it probably wouldn't make a difference. Not gonna lie I feel sad about her the most because she's the closest to me out of the two, we've been best friends since the age of 8. My other friend, we knew eachother in primary but were more close in secondary, she matters to me too of course but I guess not as close. She is upset about our other friend not bothering but I think she shoulders the blame onto me too even though she doesn't bother messaging. She's got a '**** it' attitude which is the same way I feel tbh.
    I just feel like what's the point messaging them bc when we all meet up it feels like none of them want to be there. I hate losing my best friends since we've been through so much. But if I do, I just worry I'll never find someone who I can connect with, either as a friend or soulmate.

    I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat. My friend since the age of 8, I used to always go round her house and binge watch shows. Now It feels like I'm the only one trying to keep conversation flowing but then sometimes it feels like old times and I just don't know where I stand anymore. 😔
    Hah yeah I can tell you we really are in the same boat! In addition to my best friend basically ignoring me/not showing any interest in our friendship anymore, I also had two best friends that I spent all my highschool with. Turns out, they were basically only using me for popularity and parties, and the second I didn't/couldn't invite them to something they turned their back at me.. So much so that at our highschool graduation, which is supposed to be the happiest day of a teenagers life, they idn't invite me to hangout with them to celebrate.

    I decided not to be pushed around anymore, confronted them the next day, go some weak excuse and never spoke to them again. To be honest, it wasn't hard letting go like this, even though we spent everyday together for three whole years. I was just sick of being used and sick of feeling that I need to always put in more into the friendship than the other parties.

    Bottom line, I think you should let go. Not turn away from them or be angry at them/the situation. But just stop caring as much and go with the flow! People do drift apart and that's because we are nothing like we were some years ago. And probably, in a couple of years, you will remember the good memories of the past with your friends, but you wouldn't picture your future together with the same people.

    People have to go to let room for new ones!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    I'm sorry you feel this way. I think we all recognise your experience to be honest; we all drift and move on to bigger and better things. I had friends in sixth form / secondary school whom I thought I'd be with for life, but since I've moved to uni, I rarely talk to many home friends anymore. I'm afraid it's a part of life. Secondary school / sixth form friends are just your friend because you're in the same lessons, when you move away to uni you'll make lasting friendships
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    Friends come and go.

    I'm in the situation where I have to pretty much keep every conversation going with whoever I talk to, and then get ignored eventually. Haven't kept any friends (bar 1 who I talk to on a very irregular basis) from before College days. Even most my uni friends don't talk to me.

    Sure it feels rubbish at times. But I learnt to live with it.

    You shouldn't feel like it's the end of the world if a friendship starts to wane
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
    Useful resources
    Bizarre things students have spent their loans onThings you should budget for at uni

    Sponsored features:

    Making money from your own website

    Need some cash?

    How to make money running your own website.

    Bianca Miller, runner-up on The Apprentice

    Handle your digital footprint

    What would an employer find out about you on Google? Find out how to take control.

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.