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Housemate wastes food blames mental health ADVICE PLEASE Watch

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    it's not your money so it's not your business, you should learn to pick your battles, then you might get taken more seriously on issues you have a point about e.g. getting settled before getting pets in the house/cleaning up after pets
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    (Original post by Reality Check)
    I think you're getting over-involved in the details of this couple's life and need to take a few steps back.

    I understand it's annoying to see perfectly good food being wasted. But in the end, it's not any of your business what she chooses to do with the food she's bought with her money and prepared and eaten herself. You wouldn't start concerning yourself if she seemed to buy lots of new clothes and wore a different thing every day, would you? It's a bit stalker-y.

    Your other concerns about her not doing chores and stuff is just projecting forwards - deal with that stuff if and when it arises. In the meantime, I'd just try to steer clear of them as much as practically possible and get on with your own life and concerns, rather than focus on the details of this couple's life.
    I don't see how this is being stalkery given I've known the two and we didnt just meet. Plus we share the house. Not just their love nest but everyones house and I signed up to live with my friend, not his girlfriend. It isn't exactly her money either but thats another can of worms. I've never asked about her private life, simply about the waste. Just like the dresses, they can both eat all the food they want, but if my friend paraded her new Channel bag around and then threw it out the next day while everyone else is struggling I'd have somehing to say. If this is invading their privacy by that logic I should ask them to keep their trash in their room.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    it's not your money so it's not your business, you should learn to pick your battles, then you might get taken more seriously on issues you have a point about e.g. getting settled before getting pets in the house/cleaning up after pets
    The pet was difficult to argue against given its for her mental health. Not my money, still my house for which I pay rent.
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    (Original post by 2000sHype)
    I don't see how this is being stalkery given I've known the two and we didnt just meet. Plus we share the house. Not just their love nest but everyones house and I signed up to live with my friend, not his girlfriend. It isn't exactly her money either but thats another can of worms. I've never asked about her private life, simply about the waste. Just like the dresses, they can both eat all the food they want, but if my friend paraded her new Channel bag around and then threw it out the next day while everyone else is struggling I'd have somehing to say. If this is invading their privacy by that logic I should ask them to keep their trash in their room.
    You've asked for people's advice by starting this thread, but have then gone on to dismiss anyone's advice which doesn't agree with your view of the situation. Which is essentially everyone.

    Maybe you don't actually want advice - you just want someone to agree with you. The consensus here, without fail, is that you're acting unreasonably and need to concern yourself with your own life, rather than someone else's. But you don't want to hear that, do you?
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    (Original post by Reality Check)
    You've asked for people's advice by starting this thread, but have then gone on to dismiss anyone's advice which doesn't agree with your view of the situation. Which is essentially everyone.

    Maybe you don't actually want advice - you just want someone to agree with you.
    I really do want advice but so far the only advice is to ignore this, which doesn't resolve the issue and only means she can carry on demanding things. I do believe I need to talk to her again to resolve rather than let the issue carry on. The advice I am looking for hence is, what do I say?
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    (Original post by dj1406)
    Without being rude, it's not any of your business is it? It's their money getting wasted...
    I honestly wouldnt mind if they wasted their money on eating too much or buying too many things. But I am living with them and the fact is we have had numerous pests. I believe we could have discussed this and come to that conclusion (that it is their money) but they are not well off and have had trouble paying rent before. The way it was handled by throwing mental health around and not being up for discussion is also a red flag
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    (Original post by YaliaV)
    If she is using her mental health as an excuse to get her own way, then there is nothing you can do about that. You won't be able to reason with her and you'll only cause yourself more stress by trying to. Is there any chance you can move if these issues are bothering you so much?
    There really is no way I can move as we signed a years contract. Even if I ignore this, it doesn't stop her from making more demands. Is there any way I can counter her excuse for the next big thing?
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    (Original post by 2000sHype)
    The pet was difficult to argue against given its for her mental health. Not my money, still my house for which I pay rent.
    Yes you pay rent for the house but it isn't reasonable to control other people's behaviour unless it's having some sort of significant effect on your life e.g. you can't cook because the kitchen is covered in used pans, you can't sleep because people are too noisy etc - not small things you can just ignore like throwing stuff away or watching something you don't like on TV or whatever. There is really no issue here at all and no way it actually affects you aside from the fact you're refusing to let it go.

    I'm assuming you're the same person who was also hysterical about the girlfriend moving in in a previous thread - you are going to destroy your relationships in this house and make it horrible to live in if you keep butting heads over tiny issues. They aren't dividing the house, you are by picking fights over stuff which just doesn't matter.

    (Original post by 2000sHype)
    I really do want advice but so far the only advice is to ignore this, which doesn't resolve the issue and only means she can carry on demanding things. I do believe I need to talk to her again to resolve rather than let the issue carry on. The advice I am looking for hence is, what do I say?
    Ignoring it does resolve the issue if you get over yourself and stop obsessing over it. I had flatmates with more money than me who did things I felt were insensitive to poorer members of the household, you just move on.

    There's no reason to assume this will continue to be an issue but if there are more problems you can address them as they come up. If there is something which genuinely affects the rest fo you e.g. her mental health suddenly causes her to start singing les mis songs at 3am, then I'm sure your other flatmate will back you up which will make it harder for her to refuse point blank to cooperate.
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    (Original post by 2000sHype)
    There really is no way I can move as we signed a years contract. Even if I ignore this, it doesn't stop her from making more demands. Is there any way I can counter her excuse for the next big thing?
    Look on the bright side, your friend may get fed up with the girl and give her the push.

    I'm obviously in a minority of one, here, but I agree with you that this pair's frankly rather bizarre attitude to food is your concern, if you as a household only have a fortnightly food waste collection. Even more so, if your food waste has to be added to your normal 'black sack' rubbish.

    Were they previously in catered halls and have no concept of how to cater properly for themselves?

    Sadly, it is possible that they will definitely not moderate their behaviour now, now that you have indicated to them how much it annoys you. Some people are just like that.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    Yes you pay rent for the house but it isn't reasonable to control other people's behaviour unless it's having some sort of significant effect on your life e.g. you can't cook because the kitchen is covered in used pans, you can't sleep because people are too noisy etc - not small things you can just ignore like throwing stuff away or watching something you don't like on TV or whatever. There is really no issue here at all and no way it actually affects you aside from the fact you're refusing to let it go.

    I'm assuming you're the same person who was also hysterical about the girlfriend moving in in a previous thread - you are going to destroy your relationships in this house and make it horrible to live in if you keep butting heads over tiny issues. They aren't dividing the house, you are by picking fights over stuff which just doesn't matter.



    Ignoring it does resolve the issue if you get over yourself and stop obsessing over it. I had flatmates with more money than me who did things I felt were insensitive to poorer members of the household, you just move on.

    There's no reason to assume this will continue to be an issue but if there are more problems you can address them as they come up. If there is something which genuinely affects the rest fo you e.g. her mental health suddenly causes her to start singing les mis songs at 3am, then I'm sure your other flatmate will back you up which will make it harder for her to refuse point blank to cooperate.
    I have no idea which other thread you are talking about so dont make assumtions on that. We don't even own a tv so I have no clue how that is relevant. I'm not the only one taking an issue to this, we are four residents, the boyfriend is sticking to his girlfriend of course but us other two are not enjoying this at all, which is why we tried to have a conversation, she is the one who refused to.
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    (Original post by Isinglass)
    Look on the bright side, your friend may get fed up with the girl and give her the push.

    I'm obviously in a minority of one, here, but I agree with you that this pair's frankly rather bizarre attitude to food is your concern, if you as a household only have a fortnightly food waste collection. Even more so, if your food waste has to be added to your normal 'black sack' rubbish.

    Were they previously in catered halls and have no concept of how to cater properly for themselves?

    Sadly, it is possible that they will definitely not moderate their behaviour now, now that you have indicated to them how much it annoys you. Some people are just like that.
    We were all in halls previously yes, though she says she'd moved out at 16 and has plenty of experience, so it really is bizzare.

    Thank you for your kind words.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    suddenly causes her to start singing les mis songs at 3am,
    This really made me laugh - the notion that Song from the Shows at 3am is the apogee of crazy. I totally agree with you!
 
 
 
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