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    My first serious, significant relationship started off so well. We even got to the point of talking about marriage and moving in together. I whole-heartedly trusted him.

    I would be here forever if I were to go into each and every problem.. the most significant ones were him having a secret account on a dating site (my friend found him using it), then keeping in touch with a girl from the dating site while he was with me and telling her he wants to see her. I honestly did accidentally see the message he sent her, but confronted him when I saw it. I was reading it out loud word-for-word off the screen, and he was telling me I'm crazy, wrong, that it doesn't say that.. that I should apologise to him.. He then deleted the messages and told me it never happened. I wasn't allowed to talk about it, he'd shout me down accusing me of "calling him names" when I have never called him any names, and he'd scream and shout at me if I said "That's not true" when he was lying. I became scared to talk about problems.
    Other issues were his lack of effort with me, blanking me on my birthday without reason, giving me silent treatment and at the same time giving attention to my female friends to make me jealous. Talking about how skinny other girls are in front of me then calling me fat the next day, trying to measure me, talking about fat people when I'm eating. (I'm a UK size 6). He'd tell me I'm too sensitive and laugh at me if I was crying over what he'd done/said.
    He'd tell me my jobs don't exist. I have jobs, he didn't at the time.
    He'd tell lies about me. He'd tell his friends I'm stopping him from seeing them, when I've never stopped him at any point. I'd only spend two nights a week with him, and when he finally did get a part-time job it was 3 days a week and he was finished by 2pm, free to do whatever he wanted with the rest of his day. But the fact is he kept using me as an excuse, giving people this twisted view of me, making people not like me for things I hadn't done.
    And that became a bigger issue.. when I left him a few times over the ways he treated me badly, he'd spread lies about me. He even accused me of being violent. I've never ever in my life even thought of hurting him. When I'm upset I just cry and leave. Never lashed out, couldn't even shout back at him when he shouted at me cause I'd cry. I had to go to the police and give evidence of the fake accusations he was making about me.

    He was completely delusional, and I know he'll be telling everyone I'm this and I'm that, it's called gaslighting. He would tell me I'd done and said things I've never done, tell me I'm crazy, that things he did never happened... Upset me then a few minutes later act normal as if nothing happened and ask why I'm upset... And then tried to turn my family, friends, and everyone he knows against me with his lies. There's nothing I can do other than defend myself to the few people who'd give me the chance to show them what he was doing. I've lost so many friends and feel paranoid that everyone hates me/believes what he's told them. I have proof that I've shown to my closest friends and family.. but what's done is done now. He's blocked, out of my life. I just want to say, if you feel you're being abused, you need to start taking record of everything now, save all proof, don't delete texts. Tell someone close, and if you feel it's getting bad enough now, leave. Don't keep coming back or believing their promises..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My first serious, significant relationship started off so well. We even got to the point of talking about marriage and moving in together. I whole-heartedly trusted him.

    I would be here forever if I were to go into each and every problem.. the most significant ones were him having a secret account on a dating site (my friend found him using it), then keeping in touch with a girl from the dating site while he was with me and telling her he wants to see her. I honestly did accidentally see the message he sent her, but confronted him when I saw it. I was reading it out loud word-for-word off the screen, and he was telling me I'm crazy, wrong, that it doesn't say that.. that I should apologise to him.. He then deleted the messages and told me it never happened. I wasn't allowed to talk about it, he'd shout me down accusing me of "calling him names" when I have never called him any names, and he'd scream and shout at me if I said "That's not true" when he was lying. I became scared to talk about problems.
    Other issues were his lack of effort with me, blanking me on my birthday without reason, giving me silent treatment and at the same time giving attention to my female friends to make me jealous. Talking about how skinny other girls are in front of me then calling me fat the next day, trying to measure me, talking about fat people when I'm eating. (I'm a UK size 6). He'd tell me I'm too sensitive and laugh at me if I was crying over what he'd done/said.
    He'd tell me my jobs don't exist. I have jobs, he didn't at the time.
    He'd tell lies about me. He'd tell his friends I'm stopping him from seeing them, when I've never stopped him at any point. I'd only spend two nights a week with him, and when he finally did get a part-time job it was 3 days a week and he was finished by 2pm, free to do whatever he wanted with the rest of his day. But the fact is he kept using me as an excuse, giving people this twisted view of me, making people not like me for things I hadn't done.
    And that became a bigger issue.. when I left him a few times over the ways he treated me badly, he'd spread lies about me. He even accused me of being violent. I've never ever in my life even thought of hurting him. When I'm upset I just cry and leave. Never lashed out, couldn't even shout back at him when he shouted at me cause I'd cry. I had to go to the police and give evidence of the fake accusations he was making about me.

    He was completely delusional, and I know he'll be telling everyone I'm this and I'm that, it's called gaslighting. He would tell me I'd done and said things I've never done, tell me I'm crazy, that things he did never happened... Upset me then a few minutes later act normal as if nothing happened and ask why I'm upset... And then tried to turn my family, friends, and everyone he knows against me with his lies. There's nothing I can do other than defend myself to the few people who'd give me the chance to show them what he was doing. I've lost so many friends and feel paranoid that everyone hates me/believes what he's told them. I have proof that I've shown to my closest friends and family.. but what's done is done now. He's blocked, out of my life. I just want to say, if you feel you're being abused, you need to start taking record of everything now, save all proof, don't delete texts. Tell someone close, and if you feel it's getting bad enough now, leave. Don't keep coming back or believing their promises..
    Good for you for getting out. The longer you stay the tougher it gets.

    Life is too short to be this unhappy.
 
 
 
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Updated: July 17, 2017
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