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I have a crush on a girl for 5 years but I detested her the first time I've met her Watch

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    I'm a 14-year-old girl, I've met this girl when my class was changed because my friends and I had a gang that consisted of 30 students, and we mostly led them on as we began the group ourselves. Me and two other girls had our class changed, I was put into this smart class for my supposedly good grades, and my smarts in English. I thoroughly despised this class as it always rivalled mine, which was 4-B, and they were 4-A. They were best in almost everything, while my class.. was in the latter section as most of them could've been special creative students from their imaginations.

    It was fun, and I didn't have an actual conscience till 5th grade, where I met this girl.

    In my first year, I didn't mind her other than the fact she actually picked on a girl, and the class supported her, most of the class- or all, avoided her and hated her because in third grade she said to a teacher to back away from her because she had lice at that time. Which made no sense as the girl already had lice combed her hair and sprayed with medicine (but the problem relates to the fact that the girl had curly, frizzy hair, and she was dark skinned, but colour was not a problem as if you didn't have a nice hair or a thin, okay body, you'd be quickly stood out in this class) I told her several times to stop it, and that it wasn't funny, she'd chuckle at it or something that infuriated me to no ends as she would nod to me and tell me she wouldn't do it.

    Mind I tell you, this girl could seriously woo the class into murder, the class worshipped her, and in a year she was known all over the school. So, in 6th grade, I think it was the first weeks, I only hung out with my old friends from the other class, we would run every day and play hide and seek, cops and robbers, anything that involved chasing another. We ran around the whole school; we even went out when no one was looking and sometimes stumbled into things that we would steal, hiding it in our long uniforms and zip a jacket over it. My friends weren't considered the best, and I had an issue with absence as I would get called to the headmaster so often for that matter, and come back in tears, of course, I'd wipe my face off in the bathroom, and sometimes wait till recess comes hiding in the toilet. (since the one who takes morning absence only arrives in the morning, and I dreaded her footsteps as she wore tall heels)

    This girl, I will call her D, as that is the first letter of her name. This attraction, or crush, or whatever it is I still have for her, started at early first semester, where a teacher changed my seat to the front because I called a girl "four-eyes" or in our language, "mother of four eyes". I heard it on TV in a translated cartoon and used that on her because she would keep telling me to answer the questions. The group was cooperative, and I hated every student in the class, other than a chubby outcast with a quiet, smart girl, and one of the girls in this girly group that consisted of 3. So, D sat right beside me, we were in 4 groups, each group had six seats and sometimes seven if an extra student was in, I was in one of the groups that had an extra seat, my extra seat was at the end of the group, and the table was rotated that I looked in front of me, without having the table be on the opposite end of the right or the left.

    The point is, this girl was in the other group, and she was right beside me. She stared at me the whole time, and I started to answer questions that no one did in the middle of the class (we had Scientific English as an additional subject, which was Science and English) and I obviously could see her staring at me or glancing me when I almost turned my head. To me, at that time, I felt like she wanted to argue or hated me or something that went to that conclusion.

    The most prominent memory of that hour was how she finished her paper and handed it to the teacher that stood in the middle of the class. She was very tall so that I could differentiate between her and the teacher from the corners of my eye, and she was still staring at me as the teacher spoke to her. I turned around and did the same to her; she locked eyes with me for a moment before she looked away.

    I just felt uncomfortable around her after that, that is, till she became the focus of my dreams. The first wet dream I had about her was before I had my period by months, and I didn't know what a wet dream was, (I think I used to fantasize about my friend and me being animals and rutting, but that only happened one time in fifth grade because of a particular incident that occurred in third grade in the back of a bus)

    Well, I began to get nervous around her, a lot. I knew what sex was and what kissing was because of many virtual games that I wasn't supposed to play, such as IMVU or Smallworlds. But I tried to convince myself I hated her with all my guts, and there was this thing where she was just waving at random girls, like just in my group and skipping some other. She waved at me and said Hi, I noticed her but continued chatting with my new-made friend, which was the smart, quiet girl. The girl told me that D was calling for me, I avoided the observation and continued with my story-telling, she tapped me twice and told me to look several times, I told her 'just ignore her' with a loud voice, I knew the girl heard us and she still waved before she let her hand down and stopped waving to anyone actually.

    Her name started with an N, and I adored her at that time for being so cooperative with whatever I did, we once ran away from class when a Teacher that taught English made me stand outside, the girl asked for the bathroom but came to me instead and told me to tell the teacher sorry so that I can go back in. I told her how about we just run away to the first grades toilet (which was right beside us, and we weren't supposed to go near the first graders) and she just followed. We would shut the lights off and laugh as the girls who were in the stalls screamed and ran away.

    I would get in a lot of trouble, and I snitched on my class, I had many betrayals, and I cried a lot, I shunned them all in the end because I realised how foolish I had been to try to open up to the class.

    So, the thing is, I do not want to have a crush on this girl. I do not like her, and don't want to make the focus of my tasks on her, such as, what would she think if she heard me? (Because in seventh grade I would pick on this girl sometimes just for being smart (sixth grade went downhill, I sometimes got the lowest in class in my grades) and the others would ignore me if I made her cry, I hated that year but eighth, and ninth was the best. I'm moving on to tenth now, and I hope I overcome D.) I once passed by D and I just started to laugh for no reason uncontrollably, my friends were chatting about something and laughing; so it wasn't out of place for me to laugh, but I really couldn't keep the smile off my face.

    TL;DR, there's a girl I hate and have a crush on, I want to overcome this but I needed to tell you which details mattered on this issue, and I need your help.


    (If you're asking about my 'good writing', I got into fanfiction when I was 13, so that might help.)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a 14-year-old girl, I've met this girl when my class was changed because my friends and I had a gang that consisted of 30 students, and we mostly led them on as we began the group ourselves. Me and two other girls had our class changed, I was put into this smart class for my supposedly good grades, and my smarts in English. I thoroughly despised this class as it always rivalled mine, which was 4-B, and they were 4-A. They were best in almost everything, while my class.. was in the latter section as most of them could've been special creative students from their imaginations.

    It was fun, and I didn't have an actual conscience till 5th grade, where I met this girl.

    In my first year, I didn't mind her other than the fact she actually picked on a girl, and the class supported her, most of the class- or all, avoided her and hated her because in third grade she said to a teacher to back away from her because she had lice at that time. Which made no sense as the girl already had lice combed her hair and sprayed with medicine (but the problem relates to the fact that the girl had curly, frizzy hair, and she was dark skinned, but colour was not a problem as if you didn't have a nice hair or a thin, okay body, you'd be quickly stood out in this class) I told her several times to stop it, and that it wasn't funny, she'd chuckle at it or something that infuriated me to no ends as she would nod to me and tell me she wouldn't do it.

    Mind I tell you, this girl could seriously woo the class into murder, the class worshipped her, and in a year she was known all over the school. So, in 6th grade, I think it was the first weeks, I only hung out with my old friends from the other class, we would run every day and play hide and seek, cops and robbers, anything that involved chasing another. We ran around the whole school; we even went out when no one was looking and sometimes stumbled into things that we would steal, hiding it in our long uniforms and zip a jacket over it. My friends weren't considered the best, and I had an issue with absence as I would get called to the headmaster so often for that matter, and come back in tears, of course, I'd wipe my face off in the bathroom, and sometimes wait till recess comes hiding in the toilet. (since the one who takes morning absence only arrives in the morning, and I dreaded her footsteps as she wore tall heels)

    This girl, I will call her D, as that is the first letter of her name. This attraction, or crush, or whatever it is I still have for her, started at early first semester, where a teacher changed my seat to the front because I called a girl "four-eyes" or in our language, "mother of four eyes". I heard it on TV in a translated cartoon and used that on her because she would keep telling me to answer the questions. The group was cooperative, and I hated every student in the class, other than a chubby outcast with a quiet, smart girl, and one of the girls in this girly group that consisted of 3. So, D sat right beside me, we were in 4 groups, each group had six seats and sometimes seven if an extra student was in, I was in one of the groups that had an extra seat, my extra seat was at the end of the group, and the table was rotated that I looked in front of me, without having the table be on the opposite end of the right or the left.

    The point is, this girl was in the other group, and she was right beside me. She stared at me the whole time, and I started to answer questions that no one did in the middle of the class (we had Scientific English as an additional subject, which was Science and English) and I obviously could see her staring at me or glancing me when I almost turned my head. To me, at that time, I felt like she wanted to argue or hated me or something that went to that conclusion.

    The most prominent memory of that hour was how she finished her paper and handed it to the teacher that stood in the middle of the class. She was very tall so that I could differentiate between her and the teacher from the corners of my eye, and she was still staring at me as the teacher spoke to her. I turned around and did the same to her; she locked eyes with me for a moment before she looked away.

    I just felt uncomfortable around her after that, that is, till she became the focus of my dreams. The first wet dream I had about her was before I had my period by months, and I didn't know what a wet dream was, (I think I used to fantasize about my friend and me being animals and rutting, but that only happened one time in fifth grade because of a particular incident that occurred in third grade in the back of a bus)

    Well, I began to get nervous around her, a lot. I knew what sex was and what kissing was because of many virtual games that I wasn't supposed to play, such as IMVU or Smallworlds. But I tried to convince myself I hated her with all my guts, and there was this thing where she was just waving at random girls, like just in my group and skipping some other. She waved at me and said Hi, I noticed her but continued chatting with my new-made friend, which was the smart, quiet girl. The girl told me that D was calling for me, I avoided the observation and continued with my story-telling, she tapped me twice and told me to look several times, I told her 'just ignore her' with a loud voice, I knew the girl heard us and she still waved before she let her hand down and stopped waving to anyone actually.

    Her name started with an N, and I adored her at that time for being so cooperative with whatever I did, we once ran away from class when a Teacher that taught English made me stand outside, the girl asked for the bathroom but came to me instead and told me to tell the teacher sorry so that I can go back in. I told her how about we just run away to the first grades toilet (which was right beside us, and we weren't supposed to go near the first graders) and she just followed. We would shut the lights off and laugh as the girls who were in the stalls screamed and ran away.

    I would get in a lot of trouble, and I snitched on my class, I had many betrayals, and I cried a lot, I shunned them all in the end because I realised how foolish I had been to try to open up to the class.

    So, the thing is, I do not want to have a crush on this girl. I do not like her, and don't want to make the focus of my tasks on her, such as, what would she think if she heard me? (Because in seventh grade I would pick on this girl sometimes just for being smart (sixth grade went downhill, I sometimes got the lowest in class in my grades) and the others would ignore me if I made her cry, I hated that year but eighth, and ninth was the best. I'm moving on to tenth now, and I hope I overcome D.) I once passed by D and I just started to laugh for no reason uncontrollably, my friends were chatting about something and laughing; so it wasn't out of place for me to laugh, but I really couldn't keep the smile off my face.

    TL;DR, there's a girl I hate and have a crush on, I want to overcome this but I needed to tell you which details mattered on this issue, and I need your help.


    (If you're asking about my 'good writing', I got into fanfiction when I was 13, so that might help.)
    As best as you can, avoid her. Don't make eye contact, don't talk to her, don't talk about her. You'll get tired of thinking about it eventually and give up.
 
 
 
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