Is what I said Offensive?

To me that phrase means the bloke has money and education, and some level of manners, sophistication, and family stability.

Hardly outrageous that a mother wants those things for her daughter tbh, and certainly not for you to relay that preference to others.

Nothing wrong with wanting someone who has good qualities for your daughter, including education and financial success.

But the OP defined well bred as being posh and from a good school. None of the qualities you outlined are exclusive to someone who has come from an affluent background.

Calling someone well bred because they are posh and from a good school is clearly prejudiced.

Reply 21

TimmonaPortella

21

Original post by BigYoSpeck

But the OP defined well bred as being posh and from a good school. None of the qualities you outlined are exclusive to someone who has come from an affluent background.

Not exclusive, no, but probably more typical.

Perhaps if OP's sister found a bloke who met all the attributes I outlined, but was from a very poor background, OP's mother would be fine with it. There are of course wealthy, highly-educated, cultured, well-mannered folks with strong family ties from poorer backgrounds. I know one or two examples personally. On the other hand, if a man has ended up being educated and cultured and to have strong family values and so forth, he was probably brought in an educated, cultured, stable family unit, and this means it is unlikely that his parents frequently wore tracksuits down to the job centre, or even worked perfectly respectable low-paid, unskilled jobs.

Btw I'm not endorsing any of this as my own view. This is just what I read from 'well-bred', and I get why some mothers would want that for their daughters. One could quibble about the culture/sophistication element but the rest I think is definitely implied by that term.

edit: I have to say the language of 'breeding' makes me bristle a bit as well. I don't particularly like the connotations of inherent superiority in the term. But there's a danger of getting too distracted by words. Better to consider what was actually meant.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 22

jkls92

20

It's only normal for a mother to want to marry her child to an educated and respectable man, but of course people who don't feel well bred will take offence. However, everyone is free to choose their partner, even based on hair colour: "I want a blonde woman" shouldn't offend people who aren't blonde.

Original post by Moura

yes it's offensive and rude. very classist. why is someone better just because they come from a rich background? why is someone who is from lower classes not as good? even looking at it from a looking after her perspective, if the lower class guy had made himself rich he would not be "well bred" (BS) but would probably be a better person to be with than someone who made a living off of daddy's money or daddy's contacts!

it's like a hate the phrase "good background"... just bloody call them posh, they aren't any better than any other background. so outdated and cringe.

Are you sure that a Trimalchio would be better? Uneducated, unclassy, probably made money out of greed or dishonesty? It's not about how rich you are, but how you made it and how you spend it, and I guess this nouveau riche wouldn't know how to spend well.
Daddy's contacts might be useful to the couple later on and if he lived off his parents he is more likely to be generous and supportive with his child. I'd pick the latter as he (she in my case) would share my experiences and values.

Posh is colloquial and can be meant to say different things (from style to class warfare).

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 23

harrythomas14

16

Was what you said offensive? Well, in today's society, what on earth isn't?

Classist...lmao - there's nothing wrong with that you said.

Reply 24

Sammylou40

20

There's nothing wrong with what you said
These days everything you say will offend someone somewhere!!!!

Reply 25

squeakysquirrel

20

Original post by Anonymous

Was just chatting with the girls over FB and I said my mum wants my sister to marry a "well bred" guy (my words), i.e. someone posh/went to a good school etc.

My friends say its a classist phrase but I think its not...

Was I being offensive? :dontknow:

Bit naive. Many of these well bred guys are as thick as horse poo and rely on mummy and daddy bank. Better that she marries someone who has the potential to make something of themselves which is what I want for my daughter. Her current boyfriend is going a PhD in a stem subject. He is her intellectual equal.

No.

Sorry but your mum reminds me of Carole Middleton: a social climbing viper. *shudders*

Reply 28

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

Was just chatting with the girls over FB and I said my mum wants my sister to marry a "well bred" guy (my words), i.e. someone posh/went to a good school etc.

My friends say its a classist phrase but I think its not...

Was I being offensive? :dontknow:

With political correctness these days anything you say is offensive to someone and is a crime.

Reply 29

comebackseason

13

Original post by Anonymous

Was just chatting with the girls over FB and I said my mum wants my sister to marry a "well bred" guy (my words), i.e. someone posh/went to a good school etc.

My friends say its a classist phrase but I think its not...

Was I being offensive? :dontknow:

Isn't that what most people want? Most women tend (or attempt) to marry up, if you're an attractive woman who has some type of education and career it is very possible. The main emphasis here is on being attractive lol

Reply 30

TheAlchemistress

22

Original post by Anonymous

Was just chatting with the girls over FB and I said my mum wants my sister to marry a "well bred" guy (my words), i.e. someone posh/went to a good school etc.

My friends say its a classist phrase but I think its not...

Was I being offensive? :dontknow:

Not really.

Reply 31

(づ￣ ³￣)づ

16

Original post by SGHD26716

Not offensive. Your friends need better hobbies or maybe even a life.

PRSOM!

Why you gotta do this to me TSR, just let me rep away to my hearts content! :nooo:

Reply 32

username2324315

17

It's not offensive but it's snobby. I attend a private school yet I come from a working class background myself, and I can say that people like me who have not come from riches usually are more accepting and hard working than the ones who live on country estates and can just rely off their parents for money. What your mum said is outdated and quite frankly fallacious.

Reply 33

aware1

11

Nope, there is nothing wrong with wanting a certain person or partner. Its the same as saying, I want a tall guy, short girl, dark hair, no hair etc. Everyone has preference,

Reply 34

applesforme

15

Original post by aware1

Nope, there is nothing wrong with wanting a certain person or partner. Its the same as saying, I want a tall guy, short girl, dark hair, no hair etc. Everyone has preference,

I agree there is nothing wrong with having a preference, but it's the term "well-bred" that is very antiquated and brings with it associations of a divided society with the upperclass being the "betters" with all their cultured breeding and aristocratic blood connections and the lower classes being "ill-bred" or of no breeding with lowly connections and no good bloodlines. It's the language of Lady Catherine de Burgh from P&P.

Reply 35

BigYoSpeck

19

Original post by aware1

Nope, there is nothing wrong with wanting a certain person or partner. Its the same as saying, I want a tall guy, short girl, dark hair, no hair etc. Everyone has preference,

Everyone does and is entitled to a preference of course.

But we are talking about third parties here and their bias as to who would be suitable for the daughter/sister.

If my preference was just white women, if it just happened that I found white women alone attractive but didn't have any bias or prejudice against people who weren't white that's fine and no one's business but my own.

If my mother said she hopes I end up with a nice white girl then she'd be a big fat racist.

This is the same but with class rather than race.

Reply 36

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by (づ￣ ³￣)づ

PRSOM!

Why you gotta do this to me TSR, just let me rep away to my hearts content! :nooo:

looool

Reply 37

AryaStarkk

1

Original post by applesforme

I would personally find it quite dodgy for someone to use language like that if they aren't joking.

I agree!

No.

Original post by Anonymous

Was just chatting with the girls over FB and I said my mum wants my sister to marry a "well bred" guy (my words), i.e. someone posh/went to a good school etc.

My friends say its a classist phrase but I think its not...

Was I being offensive? :dontknow:

I don't think so. It might help you to keep this in mind.

The amount someone is offended is usually correlated to how badly developed their social skills are. I say usually because some people do go out with a mind to cause offense, but most of the time it's down to someone not being well socialized.

Is what I said Offensive?

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