I want to move out at 16, but how? Watch

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AKB2000
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Things are really bad at home. I'm constantly being told that I'm not good enough and frankly I've had enough. My mum and dad are constantly arguing and then always putting me in the middle of it. I've had to stop the fights when they get out of hand.
If I ever do anything wrong I am always being told that I'm stupid, I'm lazy, I'm unfit. And I believe it, I can't do it anymore.
I have depression, I have had suicidal thoughts, and moving out will be my last chance.
I need to get clear of my home I don't want anything to do with them anymore but how on earth can I do that?
They won't give me their consent, at 16 I can't legally buy a place to live, I just don't know what to do.
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Cubone-r
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(Original post by AKB2000)
Things are really bad at home. I'm constantly being told that I'm not good enough and frankly I've had enough. My mum and dad are constantly arguing and then always putting me in the middle of it. I've had to stop the fights when they get out of hand.
If I ever do anything wrong I am always being told that I'm stupid, I'm lazy, I'm unfit. And I believe it, I can't do it anymore.
I have depression, I have had suicidal thoughts, and moving out will be my last chance.
I need to get clear of my home I don't want anything to do with them anymore but how on earth can I do that?
They won't give me their consent, at 16 I can't legally buy a place to live, I just don't know what to do.
Do you have a close friend whose family would be willing to put you up until you can get a job and some money behind yourself?
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Sammylou40
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(Original post by AKB2000)
Things are really bad at home. I'm constantly being told that I'm not good enough and frankly I've had enough. My mum and dad are constantly arguing and then always putting me in the middle of it. I've had to stop the fights when they get out of hand.
If I ever do anything wrong I am always being told that I'm stupid, I'm lazy, I'm unfit. And I believe it, I can't do it anymore.
I have depression, I have had suicidal thoughts, and moving out will be my last chance.
I need to get clear of my home I don't want anything to do with them anymore but how on earth can I do that?
They won't give me their consent, at 16 I can't legally buy a place to live, I just don't know what to do.
Call child line. They can advise you
Or you can call your local social services department
Beware though, if they do take you into care then it is most likely it will be a group home and they're not always good
The most likely thing they will do is keep a close eye on what's going on at home. Things may improve enough so that you can leave at 18 for uni/work
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AKB2000
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(Original post by Cubone-r)
Do you have a close friend whose family would be willing to put you up until you can get a job and some money behind yourself?
Not really, I have friends but my only really close friend lives next door and their parents are friends with mine 😕
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Someone123123
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(Original post by AKB2000)
Things are really bad at home. I'm constantly being told that I'm not good enough and frankly I've had enough. My mum and dad are constantly arguing and then always putting me in the middle of it. I've had to stop the fights when they get out of hand.
If I ever do anything wrong I am always being told that I'm stupid, I'm lazy, I'm unfit. And I believe it, I can't do it anymore.
I have depression, I have had suicidal thoughts, and moving out will be my last chance.
I need to get clear of my home I don't want anything to do with them anymore but how on earth can I do that?
They won't give me their consent, at 16 I can't legally buy a place to live, I just don't know what to do.
Where will you live?

How are you going to earn money?

What do you plan to do once you move out?

I understand you might be going through a hard time, but the best thing to do is probably sit down with your parents and have a long chat about how you're feeling. I know, easier said than done, but what you've suggested will be even more difficult. Hang in there and good luck
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AKB2000
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(Original post by Sammylou40)
Call child line. They can advise you
Or you can call your local social services department
Beware though, if they do take you into care then it is most likely it will be a group home and they're not always good
The most likely thing they will do is keep a close eye on what's going on at home. Things may improve enough so that you can leave at 18 for uni/work
It's just difficult, because if I go to child line they will likely want to talk to my parents, and to the outside world they seem like the nicest people, and then they won't see anything wrong, I'll then go back home and they will shout at me for hours, they make me feel extremely guilty for things like forgetting to put the dishwasher on. I thought that it was normal for parents to be like mine, but I've realised it's not, I can't be near them anymore, as soon as I'm 18 I'm getting as far away from them as possible, but I can't last 2 years being constantly put down by my own parents when I already hate myself. thanks anyway 😕
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AKB2000
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(Original post by Someone123123)
Where will you live?

How are you going to earn money?

What do you plan to do once you move out?

I understand you might be going through a hard time, but the best thing to do is probably sit down with your parents and have a long chat about how you're feeling. I know, easier said than done, but what you've suggested will be even more difficult. Hang in there and good luck
Thanks but they're not the kind of people I can talk to like that, they put me down straight away whenever I say anything, they will tell me I'm being ridiculous, then they will just shout at me about how they work and bring in money to the household and how I am a waste of space.
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Kindred
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(Original post by AKB2000)
Things are really bad at home. I'm constantly being told that I'm not good enough and frankly I've had enough. My mum and dad are constantly arguing and then always putting me in the middle of it. I've had to stop the fights when they get out of hand.
If I ever do anything wrong I am always being told that I'm stupid, I'm lazy, I'm unfit. And I believe it, I can't do it anymore.
I have depression, I have had suicidal thoughts, and moving out will be my last chance.
I need to get clear of my home I don't want anything to do with them anymore but how on earth can I do that?
They won't give me their consent, at 16 I can't legally buy a place to live, I just don't know what to do.
There are a few options:
) See if a friend or family can take you in (you could also do this for a short time while you work out other options)

) Look into the YMCA and other charities

) Talk to Childline, NSPCC, Doctor, school, police etc for advice (I suggest you do one of these whatever else you decide to do)

) Look into child services. I am not sure how you get into child services, but since you are under 18 and have a poor home situation I believe it would be an option for you.

Obviously this is a big step, but it sounds like your home situation isn't healthy for you so this could well be a very good thing for you.
This Childline link may help you. Remember you can always use in private browsing or use a school/ friends computer/ phone if you are worried about your parents finding out and getting mad.
https://www.childline.org.uk/info-ad...-running-away/
It also mentions the runaway helpline which you can call for advice
http://www.runawayhelpline.org.uk/advice/


I also suggest you talk to a doctor about your mental health. Not only can they help you feel better, but they can also help you with moving away from home.

Best wishes. This is a big step and you are very strong and brave for taking it (and for enduring what you have at home).
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Kindred
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(Original post by AKB2000)
It's just difficult, because if I go to child line they will likely want to talk to my parents, and to the outside world they seem like the nicest people, and then they won't see anything wrong, I'll then go back home and they will shout at me for hours, they make me feel extremely guilty for things like forgetting to put the dishwasher on. I thought that it was normal for parents to be like mine, but I've realised it's not, I can't be near them anymore, as soon as I'm 18 I'm getting as far away from them as possible, but I can't last 2 years being constantly put down by my own parents when I already hate myself. thanks anyway 😕
If you talk to a service like childline they will listen to you and take you seriously. They are there to help you, not your parents.
Many people can seem nice, but not be behind closed doors and childline are well aware of that.

If you are really worried about people not believing you, you can always use the voice recorder or video camera on your phone or computer to record an example for people to listen to.
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PJismyname
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Apologies if this is a repeat post - login issues.

Things have changed since I was younger (so DON'T RELY ENTIRELY ON THIS INFORMATION), but from experience:




Foyers (not to be confused with the Scottish town). These are generally part of the Foyer Federation (http://foyer.net). Find one near you, and apply.




Claim you're estranged from your parents. This means you can't talk to them, they don't like you, etc. You'll have to claim benefits (which should really be called 'pittances'), but the good thing about a Foyer is that you generally only pay a small contribution to services yourself and housing benefit pays the rest, unlike an ordinary room in a house where you'd have to pay more. This only applies while claiming benefits - the service charge will increase if you work.




With a Foyer, you'll usually have to take part in training or college. It can seem boring, but as you'll only have a licence agreement which doesn't give you many rights, I strongly encourage you to take part in it. Additionally, if you're in college, it will help keep the Jobcentre off your back so much (contrary to popular belief, they are NOT there to help people - they're there to make things difficult). If you do have to go to the Jobcentre, and have ANY disability (including mental), ask to see a disability advisor if you can, as usually they're more helpful (but not always; some shouldn't have their jobs). The Foyer can probably help you claim benefits.




To live in a Foyer, you may need to have some "support need". If you've been depressed etc., this can usually count. For some places, the fact you're young and "estranged" from your parents is enough.




Word of warning: In my experience, Foyers invade your privacy. They're likely to have "room checks" that they give notice for, but may go into your room at other times. This can be genuine (to ensure safety of residents) or for silly reasons like to change the blinds (which they could easily give notice for). You'll have a lock on your door but the Foyer staff will have a master key.




If you experience any sketchy staff, record them. Sadly some should be nowhere near young people.




An alternative is hostels, but these can sometimes be very dangerous places to live. Some are all-male, some are all-female, some accept drug addicts. One of the Foyers I was in had druggies but they were mostly experimenting with weed etc. rather than actually addicted. And they weren't supposed to be.




You may have a curfew depending on the Foyer. None I used did, but some might.




Childline will only speak to your parents if you give them permission to or if they believe you or another person is at risk. If they don't have your details, e.g. name etc. (you don't have to give them), they can't contact anyone. You could also call a Foyer that's near you (or a hostel if no Foyers are nearby) and see what they say and what the criteria is and whether there's a waiting list.




Advantages of Foyers:




- Usually help with benefits

- Offer support (you'll normally have a keyworker - if you don't like them, then talk to other, experienced residents before you ask to change them, so you don't get an even worse one)

- May offer help with cooking, budgeting, etc.

- You'll have your own room with a lock

- Generally small service charge if you're not working




Not so great stuff:

- May have a curfew (though I've never lived in one that did; just was asked to be quiet at night)

- People get bored and idiotic rumours spread like wildfire, so don't believe everything you hear

- Staff may invade your privacy by going in your room without notice. There almost certainly WILL be room checks weekly. Hostels, by the way, may have daily room checks

- You might have to share a kitchen with many other people

- Claiming benefits is a pain in the backside and Jobcentre staff act as though they're better than claimants

- Because young people generally don't know much of the law, some Foyers try to avoid some legal responsibilities. Most should be alright though




Other:

- Usually, you'll have to take part in education or training. This can be good, it can be boring and tedious, depending on what you're expected to do.

- How other residents are depends entirely on who the Foyer lets in.

- Do NOT lend any money. Just say "I never lend money" and leave it at that. You won't get it back - people won't be able to afford to return it, or will deliberately avoid paying you the money back. Don't borrow money from anyone in there either - if you're starving, speak to the staff.




Again, DON'T RELY ENTIRELY ON THIS INFORMATION. Also, contact The Mix (http://www.themix.org.uk) for advice.
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CharAU95
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Childline will not talk to your parents if you don't want them to!
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Amy.fd_122
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My parents are exactly the same as yours I’m telling them I want to leave and they won’t let me go they just say they will call the police if I leave. Even though they are the reason I want to leave, they’re horrible to me all the time. Social services have said I’m legally aloud to leave but it’s hard to find somewhere to go x
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hajimitsu
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it is the EXACT same for my parents. yesterday i asked if i could buy a sweatshirt with my money, and longstory short, they screamed and i hid in the guest room closet crying with a knife for 2 hours. i stayed there until i thought they were asleep then left. they make me do hours of chores for bad grades (80 and below is 30 minutes, and im not good at school so thats 60% of the grades i get, and we get 5-7 grades per day). im only 14 so i cant move out, but next year some of my older friends will be getting cars so i can at least go out with them and buy my own sweatshirts lmao
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n0010011
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If they are abusive towards you, you can call Citizens Advice Bureau and they can recommend you a social worker service.
If you have your own phone, their line is free, but you might want to delete your call history and save the social workers' number under a different name (i.e. a "friend from school"). I moved out at 17 though in a different EU country, but the system is similar.
If you are in those dangerous situations no one will force you to stay with your parents, but you have to be sure that group homes will not be fun either. If you are having mental health issues the workers might even help you stay at a clinic while going to school, which imo sounds good for a start, esecially if you don't feel safe with your family or by yourself.
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Kindred
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I'm closing this thread because it's old and that gets confusing.
It looks like all the newer posts are still in response to the original poster and their situation, but if I have missed anybody posting about their own situation who is looking for support please feel free to post a new thread so people can see and respond to it better.
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