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She is supposily str8 now, so why wont she leave my friend alone Watch

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    When you feel the need to write str8 instead of straight in a thread title...
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    (Original post by shadowdweller)
    From my view it sounds like they were together a long time in an abusive relationship, so I'm not sure why you're expecting that to not be affecting her at all now? :dontknow:

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    I mean she left Jennifer to marry a guy which she has been for over 10 years. I am thinking " get over it " .. for her to then be saying " Oh Jennifer was abusive for many years" , is kinda "attention seeking ". That is what i find hard to understand
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    (Original post by chelseadagg3r)
    They were together for a long time. It's not easy to just forget that. Maybe she's forgiven her and is just keeping in touch? Maybe she hasn't moved on completely. Either way, it's her own business. She's not magically turned straight either
    Thats it tho..She hasnt completely forgiven Jennifer. She would bring it up from time to time . That is why i cannot comprehend why she is trying to get attention from Jennifer when she hasnt really forgiven her I mean , what is the point? They have no ties -like i said
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    (Original post by charmaine45th)
    I mean she left Jennifer to marry a guy which she has been for over 10 years. I am thinking " get over it " .. for her to then be saying " Oh Jennifer was abusive for many years" , is kinda "attention seeking ". That is what i find hard to understand
    It's not attention seeking to still be suffering the effects of abuse, the majority would be in that situation, especially if it was for the duration of their relationship. Her being with someone else doesn't change the impact of abuse, nor the negatives it will likely still be having on her.

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    (Original post by charmaine45th)
    i have this friend( Jennifer) who i have known for 40 years.She is bi and she feel in love with a woman(Melanie) - who is also bi.. anyways they had an on-off r/ship spanning over 15 years, during which time my friend was extremely abusive towards her , so she left my friend and went with a guy in attempts to get away from my friend. Even though my friend was abusive towards her, she truly did love her. I think she loved her too much.. Anyways they broke up and Jennifer moved away. Melanie then married a man and had a kid with him..I thought " Good, they finally have found lives with other people , they have no need to be in each others anymore". How wrong i was .. over the years Melanie has been constantly referring to Jennifer and even spoke about how bad Jennifer treated her . Melanie constantly boast about how happy she is with her husband and her kid I cannot understand why she keeps referring to Jennifer or mentioning anything in relation to Jennifer?..Surely if she is happy with her new found life with her husband and her child.Jennifer should be further from her thoughts?? Can anyone give me an explanation to this please?
    She's not straight, she is still bi. I think probably she wants to know her life but is afraid/don't want to ask. Remember she had a relationship with her for 15 years, probably she is happy as she says but still feels nostalgic about their time together, even if your friend was abusive or treated her badly, I'm sure they should have good times together, and some people just live in their past..


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    (Original post by charmaine45th)
    Thats it tho..She hasnt completely forgiven Jennifer. She would bring it up from time to time . That is why i cannot comprehend why she is trying to get attention from Jennifer when she hasnt really forgiven her I mean , what is the point? They have no ties -like i said
    Well if she hasn't forgiven her, it might be hard to just let go. Maybe she needs to find a way to get closure. I know it feels like a big deal, but if it's working for her and she isn't in harms way then let her be. She's an adult and needs to make her own decisions, even if they don't seem to make sense to others
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    (Original post by TagridS)
    She's not straight, she is still bi. I think probably she wants to know her life but is afraid/don't want to ask. Remember she had a relationship with her for 15 years, probably she is happy as she says but still feels nostalgic about their time together, even if your friend was abusive or treated her badly, I'm sure they should have good times together, and some people just live in their past..


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    True...It should be about her husband and child now tho , after all she made the cchoice to have them
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    (Original post by shadowdweller)
    It's not attention seeking to still be suffering the effects of abuse, the majority would be in that situation, especially if it was for the duration of their relationship. Her being with someone else doesn't change the impact of abuse, nor the negatives it will likely still be having on her.

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    Then surely she should stay away from the person that caused the abuse and conconcentration at the one that makes her happy?
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    (Original post by chelseadagg3r)
    Well if she hasn't forgiven her, it might be hard to just let go. Maybe she needs to find a way to get closure. I know it feels like a big deal, but if it's working for her and she isn't in harms way then let her be. She's an adult and needs to make her own decisions, even if they don't seem to make sense to others
    I understand she may want closure surely that should not take months or years. Like i said , she made the step to get married and start a new life with a man , surely that should be her focus . What is annoying is her back and forth feelings about Jennifer. People always go on about " ah when you find someone new, when you have a child with them - all passed feelings have a tendency to subside. The impact of them are not to strong". ?
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    (Original post by charmaine45th)
    Then surely she should stay away from the person that caused the abuse and conconcentration at the one that makes her happy?
    Emotions, and in fact humans in general, are rarely that logical. I'm sure the majority of her is focusing on the person she's happy with, but not everything can be quelled by the logic of what you 'should' be thinking or feeling.

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    (Original post by charmaine45th)
    True...It should be about her husband and child now tho , after all she made the cchoice to have them
    I completely agree


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    (Original post by shadowdweller)
    Emotions, and in fact humans in general, are rarely that logical. I'm sure the majority of her is focusing on the person she's happy with, but not everything can be quelled by the logic of what you 'should' be thinking or feeling.

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    THIS


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    (Original post by shadowdweller)
    Emotions, and in fact humans in general, are rarely that logical. I'm sure the majority of her is focusing on the person she's happy with, but not everything can be quelled by the logic of what you 'should' be thinking or feeling.

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    She has never supported Jennifer and always competed against her and it appears that is what she is doing on many occasions -more so recently. Jennifer is not reacting at all to it , but Melanie is not letting up.. A year again, their was a reunion at a place where they both worked . Melanie was flirting with Jennifer- touching her, gently rubbing her leg .Jennifer did not reciprocate though. She was being civil.. Within weeks of this , Melanie brought up the past ..She keeps going on about how much she loves her husband and i am like the show him , leave Jennifer alone
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    (Original post by charmaine45th)
    i have this friend( Jennifer) who i have known for 40 years.She is bi and she feel in love with a woman(Melanie) - who is also bi.. anyways they had an on-off r/ship spanning over 15 years, during which time my friend was extremely abusive towards her , so she left my friend and went with a guy in attempts to get away from my friend. Even though my friend was abusive towards her, she truly did love her. I think she loved her too much.. Anyways they broke up and Jennifer moved away. Melanie then married a man and had a kid with him..I thought " Good, they finally have found lives with other people , they have no need to be in each others anymore". How wrong i was .. over the years Melanie has been constantly referring to Jennifer and even spoke about how bad Jennifer treated her . Melanie constantly boast about how happy she is with her husband and her kid I cannot understand why she keeps referring to Jennifer or mentioning anything in relation to Jennifer?..Surely if she is happy with her new found life with her husband and her child.Jennifer should be further from her thoughts?? Can anyone give me an explanation to this please?
    Boss, if someone keeps on referring to a chick they knew then it doesnt take a genius to work shes jelous.
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    (Original post by Mil99)
    Boss, if someone keeps on referring to a chick they knew then it doesnt take a genius to work shes jelous.
    Sorry , in this context , what do you mean?..Melanie is the one that got married and had a child????
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    (Original post by charmaine45th)
    She has never supported Jennifer and always competed against her and it appears that is what she is doing on many occasions -more so recently. Jennifer is not reacting at all to it , but Melanie is not letting up.. A year again, their was a reunion at a place where they both worked . Melanie was flirting with Jennifer- touching her, gently rubbing her leg .Jennifer did not reciprocate though. She was being civil.. Within weeks of this , Melanie brought up the past ..She keeps going on about how much she loves her husband and i am like the show him , leave Jennifer alone
    Why does this bother you so much, out of interest? She clearly loves the husband, as she is still choosing to be with him.

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    (Original post by shadowdweller)
    Why does this bother you so much, out of interest? She clearly loves the husband, as she is still choosing to be with him.

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    I never implied she did not love her husband. I like my friend a lot and was hoping things will change between us - by that i mean, romantically, but this ex of hers wont leave it and it is getting in the way. She has blocked her number and everything but this woman keeps on.. recently another friend of ours joked about jennifer and Melanie , saying that they where getting married and made a silly picture of them on FB and Jennifer "liked" it and "smiled" and i was like wtf?
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    (Original post by charmaine45th)
    I never implied she did not love her husband. I like my friend a lot and was hoping things will change between us - by that i mean, romantically, but this ex of hers wont leave it and it is getting in the way. She has blocked her number and everything but this woman keeps on.. recently another friend of ours joked about jennifer and Melanie , saying that they where getting married and made a silly picture of them on FB and Jennifer "liked" it and "smiled" and i was like wtf?
    You like the friend who was abusive? I would tread carefully, if they've treated someone that poorly in the past

    Unfortunately there's not much you can do though, apart from let things settle if they're going to.

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    (Original post by shadowdweller)
    You like the friend who was abusive? I would tread carefully, if they've treated someone that poorly in the past

    Unfortunately there's not much you can do though, apart from let things settle if they're going to.

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    Yea i got what you are saying.. There is a lot behind a person who is abusive though.. They are so quite to be dis-graded as a bad person. I am not making excuses for her , but i dont think she has to constantly be punished. Melanie has not been an angel herself..I think Melanie is disrespectful to her husband by her so-what obesions with Jennifer. Jennifer has always loved Melanie, we know that .I think she didnt want to loose her and wanted to control her .Melanie cheated on her..infact they both cheated on one another.I just want Melanie to leave her alone. Do you think she will eventually forget about Jennifer and get on with her life ?
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    (Original post by charmaine45th)
    Yea i got what you are saying.. There is a lot behind a person who is abusive though.. They are so quite to be dis-graded as a bad person. I am not making excuses for her , but i dont think she has to constantly be punished. Melanie has not been an angel herself..I think Melanie is disrespectful to her husband by her so-what obesions with Jennifer. Jennifer has always loved Melanie, we know that .I think she didnt want to loose her and wanted to control her .Melanie cheated on her..infact they both cheated on one another.I just want Melanie to leave her alone. Do you think she will eventually forget about Jennifer and get on with her life ?
    Honestly, I think that anyone who can be abusive and controlling to someone is a bad person, period. There is absolutely nothing that excuses acting in this way, whether or not the person was cheated on, or anything else.

    However, personal opinions aside, the best I can say about whether Melanie will leave her alone is 'maybe' - I doubt Melanie knows the answer to that herself, unfortunately.

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