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Struggling to trust in new relationship after being cheated on by ex. watch

    • Thread Starter

    So my ex and I were together for a year and a half before I finally had the courage and common sense to leave.

    I met him at work, I was 19 when we started dating, he was 24. We started off as friends and got on great at work. I fancied him, and when we became friends on Facebook I naturally looked at his profile, saw that he had a girlfriend, and that was enough for me to decide that fancying him was pointless, so I was happy being friends. However we went on a work night out a month or two later, and he kissed me. I freaked out, asking people if he still had a girlfriend because if he did that is not okay and he needed to know that. Everyone said she actually dumped him not long before I started working there, so I felt better.

    In the coming weeks we went on a few dates (initiated by him) and then started dating. He was lovely and things seemed good. However he still had her as his girlfriend on Facebook and when I questioned him he said he just forgot to delete it. At first it didn't bother me, but when that didn't change, along with other things that seemed off, I got suspicious.

    Anyway, long story short after 6 months of being together, him acting weird with disappearing and other actions, I figured out he was cheating. I managed to get his 'ex' to call me, and told her what was going on. She broke down crying, she clearly had no idea. We spoke for hours working out all the weird things he had been doing. He had never left her, but told everyone before he even met me that she left him, we still to this day don't know why he did that. Anyway, when we both eventually got hold of him, we each confronted him and got the answers we wanted. Due to being naive, I took him back after a while. Stupid I know, but eventually I realised he was a waste of space and left him. I finally felt myself again once he was gone.

    In time I met someone new, he's absolutely lovely, and has never done anything suspicious like my ex did. I've met his friends and family, he doesn't hide anything to do with us on Facebook, it's all out there in the open. He's very attentive and treats me wonderfully. However because of the past I am struggling to trust him. I have explained to him what happened to me and he couldn't be more understanding, and though he does his best to put me at ease I still have moments of horrible panic and suspicion.

    This is all made harder by the fact it's long distance, he lives in New York and I'm in the UK. The long distance is hard but worth it, we Skype a lot and always have visits organised. But since we can't just see each other whenever we want, and it would be easy for him to lie or cheat without me knowing I find trust hard at times.

    What I want to ask is how anyone who has been cheated on coped with it and became able to trust again? I can feel myself self sabotaging this wonderful relationship because of my fears and saying things that make him think i don't trust him. I do trust him, I just have moments of irrational and unprovoked fear. He hasn't done anything wrong, and he does his best to support me, so I really don't want to ruin it.

    If anyone could help that would be great.

    Thank you

    You just have to forget your ex and keep your long distance relationship amazing like it is now. 😊
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