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    Hi im doing never let me go and i just wrote this, im doing aqa 9-1 paper. Can you tell me how to improve this and the grade you'd roughly give it. Please can you give me constructive criticism. Thanks


    How does Ishiguro explore friendship in Never Let Me Go?
    Ishiguro explores ideas about friendship through the unbreakable connection between Kathy, Ruth and Tommy, and this friendship continues to develop after all the hardship and trepidation they undergo. Although their differences “didn’t exactly vanish”, Kathy explains how their disagreements “seemed not nearly as important as the other things”, this suggests that although Kathy and Ruth used to quarrel frequently, at the end it didn’t matter because they knew each other more than anyone else and the fact that they had grown up together in Hailsham is significant; this meant that they both had shared memories of Hailsham, and ultimately this is what held them together. Even after a considerable amount of time apart, their friendship remains strong; “they didn’t exactly vanish” depicts the state of pressure in which their friendship was always put in, as if it were always going to explode. Whereas, “all the other things” clarifies that the positives outweigh the negatives and hence no matter what, their friendship was durable and everlasting. Ishiguro shows how they remain close because of their shared experiences and love for each other. With no actual family, friendship was of the utmost importance.
    Furthermore, Kathy conveys that she is “dependent” to her friends in order to produce her “private treasures”. This reinforces to Kathy that dependency is comforting and helps build camaraderie. However, the question arises: “why would they need each other beyond random trinkets?” The theme of materialism is frequent in the novel right down to the reality that the Hailsham students are only valued for the organs that they contribute to society. This can allude to the idea that the students may depend on each other emotionally, Ishiguro may have done this purposely to raise awareness of the ethics of human cloning – do human clones have souls? This creates controversy between consequentialism and deontological rights, do the ends justify the means or are we morally obliged to take the right action?
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    Ishiguro explores ideas about friendship through the unbreakable connection between Kathy, Ruth and Tommy, and this friendship continues to develop after all the hardship and trepidation they undergo. Although their differences “didn’t exactly vanish”, Kathy explains how their disagreements “seemed not nearly as important as the other things”
    The first thing I would say is that, although, you embed quotes well, you should give a little context as to where from the book your quoting from and in what context the character says the quote. It shows the examiner that you're not just remembering quotes but actually understand the storyline
    this suggests that although Kathy and Ruth used to quarrel frequently, at the end it didn’t matter because they knew each other more than anyone else
    It doesn't "suggest" it, it says it explicitly. Teachers suggest that you have this line after your evidence to just explain the quote, but I think when you have such an explicit quote, there's no point. I would recommend you next time use a more abstract or interesting quotation to support, so it shows better understanding.
    the fact that they had grown up together in Hailsham is significant; this meant that they both had shared memories of Hailsham, and ultimately this is what held them together.
    It's good that you're making reference to other parts of the book to support your argument, but I think you could phrase it in a clearer way. I would say instead: The idea of these three characters having a good friendship is cemented in the reader's mind by the earlier reference to them all having grown up together in Hailsham. This meant that they both... . The writer consistently makes references to points which supports the idea of the three having a good friendship so that by this point in the story, the reader sees the friendship as pretty much unbreakable. The writer then uses their friendship and exploits it to ... the reader.
    What I've also done here is say why this extra evidence is important, so you're not just mentioning it for the sake of it, but actually using it in your argument. I would also say that this part should probably be later in the paragraph, so you can focus on analysing the first piece of evidence, and then introduce new evidence to back it up. It's also very important of talking about stuff like this in terms of the writer and the reader, the story isn't real life. It is written by a writer and interpreted by a reader.
    Even after a considerable amount of time apart, their friendship remains strong;
    ...which showwsss that the bonds holding them together are inseperable by time along, but needs something stronger. It presents the case that their friendship is intransient.
    “they didn’t exactly vanish” depicts the state of pressure in which their friendship was always put in, as if it were always going to explode.
    I don't know if "explode" is the right word to use. But it's a very good point, but you really need to take advantage of it. You're making a good point, but you need to write it in terms of a writer and a reader in order to make it perceptive: "The writer, even when portraying the positives of their friendship, still makes reference to negatives aspects. He most likely does this in order to show the reader that their friendship goes through struggles just like any other friendship, but they are still kept together based on their strong bonds, thus once again emphasising to the reader that their friendship can never be broken.
    Ishiguro may have done this purposely to raise awareness of the ethics of human cloning – do human clones have souls? This creates controversy between consequentialism and deontological rights, do the ends justify the means or are we morally obliged to take the right action?
    This is very good own knowledge context, but it seems to just be appended to the end of your paragraph. You need to explain first of all, how does this link to the idea of do clones have souls and deontological rights argument. And secondly, why the writer is writing about this argument. Does he have his own viewpoint? Is he just writing about it to raise debate? And again, talk about it in terms of the reader: "It creates a conflict in the reader's mind and forces them to think about the merits of deontological rights"....

    Overall I would also add that you make a lot of points with evidence, but you don't go very deep into the evidence. In order to hit the highest bands, I would recommend you make fewer points, have fewer quotes, but go really deeply into each quote. The word used in the mark scheme is "exploratory", you need to explore into the quote. Talk about techniques used, word choices, lexis, why is the writer choosing to represent their friendship in specifically this way, rather than any other way. This also depends on your choosing better quotes that aren't so explicit. I think you shouldn't be scared of presenting a quote without embedding into your analysis. Not every single quote has to be embedded. I think because you're embedding every single quote, you struggle to get any long quotes in, and therefore aren't analysing anything really meaty or juicy, you're just explaining the bare bone explicit storyline.
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    hi,
    thanks so much for your help, i appreciate it a lot. I don't know how the analyse the quotes in depth of my own, and online they only have a simple analysis of the quotes. Do you know any websites or helpful resources that i can use so i can fully "explode" the quote.

    Thanks
 
 
 
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