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Understanding cheating Watch

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    I have been reading a lot about partners who cheat in relationships of late. It seems that the old adage of 'once a cheater...' is flawed, as, since behaviour can result from so many different factors and in a variety contexts, it is impossible to assign such a generalisation. Factors such as circumstances, opportunity, personal issues and experiences etc.

    Cheating to me can only be justified in a smallnumber of circumstances e.g. a relationship which cannot be escaped for whatever reason, abusive relationships etc.

    I have always felt that the choice to cheat within the context of a loving relationship, however, regardless of the cause, is indicative of a selfish/thoughtless individual prioritising their own interests to the extreme. I wanted to ask your opinions, and for any scientific/psychological information if you know of it. Can an individual who has cheated multiple times in the past overcome those problems which have contributed to the behaviour, or is it indeed suggestive of a lack of caring and compassion for others? Thanks all.
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    This isn't scientific like that you asked for, but my opinion. I think that if you cheat on someone, then you didn't love them in the first place. I mean, imagine hurting a parent or someone that you've adored since your childhood ON PURPOSE. You wouldn't would you?
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    (Original post by Multifaceted)
    This isn't scientific like that you asked for, but my opinion. I think that if you cheat on someone, then you didn't love them in the first place. I mean, imagine hurting a parent or someone that you've adored since your childhood ON PURPOSE. You wouldn't would you?
    Thanks for your reply and interesting thoughts. I have read studies which suggest that it is possible to feel genuine love and attachment (as can be measured) towards one person and still sleep with another for whatever reason. In fact, the majority of men and just under the majority of women who cheat report being happy in their existing relationship. Quite often it is due to a need which is not being fulfilled or simply the opportunity. This being said, such studies may be unreliable so you may well be right.
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    Would you cheat?
    I wouldn't. Speaking on a moral ground, not a scientific one.
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    It's probably something you won't find a lot on here so i'm gong to share my experience as a reformed cheater (yes, we do exist).

    I have been with my partner for 12 years, we are engaged. I adore him, i always have and hopefully i always will. But in the first two years of our relationship i cheated in him repeatedly. I'm not proud of ii, i'm never going to try to justify it but it happened. It wasn't a choice it just happened.

    I was very very insecure, depressed and my confidence was rock bottom, i used alcohol and men to feel better about myself. The pain of my partners face when he found out ripped my heart to shreds and when we discussed what made me do it, we worked on that, together we worked on my confidence, i got professional help for my depression. He chose to forgive me and it took a long time for me to regain his trust, but we are all the stronger for it.

    I have never cheated since, i no longer have a desire to and i never will again.

    I have seen so many people on this site who are too quick to judge those who cheat. OK there maybe some who are just nasty but there may be some who like me have real problems that cause them to do bad things.

    Cheaters can change, its not easy and there are usually underlying problems that need addressing but it can be done.
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    It's simple, a guy gets tired of the same old pussy and needs a new pussy
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    Answers to a lot of these questions can be found in biology and psychology, as you rightly suggested. Bro science and anecdotal evidence won't really cut it, neither will age-old adages. A good starting point is The Red Queen by Matt Ridley.
 
 
 
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