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    Hello, I am 24 years old and have autism. I have never had a girlfriend before, I have never even kissed a girl before or held ones hand or hugged one. I get so sad. My stepbrother has a girlfriend and my stepsister has a boyfriend and i am all alone.

    Im still at college and he is at Uni but younger then me and the same with my stepsister, she has even been on holiday with her boyfriend.

    I want a special girl to introduce to my family but I don't know how to get started, online dating does NOT work. I NEVER get any messages on there having sent thousands of messages to girls.

    Also at college its really only 16-19 year olds there so the majority are not my age.

    What do I do
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    Usually love finds you when you least expect it. Give it some time and let it come to you. You will find someone I assure you
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    get lots of ££££s
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    lol you said "how do I find one?", like they're pokemons

    physically speaking
    -groom yourself well e.g haircut, shave/trim beard etc.
    -wear clean, non smelly clothes.
    -if you're mad overweight, lose weight

    in terms of personality, try your best to find the courage to be;
    -outgoing
    -confident
    -comfortable around them
    -generally not weird
    -try to be funny
    -listen to what they're saying
    etc, etc.
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    Just keep trying my friend. You'll find one eventually
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    Stop obsessing over it. It's obvious (and really off putting) when you're desperate.
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    (Original post by Samthefan)
    Hello, I am 24 years old and have autism. I have never had a girlfriend before, I have never even kissed a girl before or held ones hand or hugged one. I get so sad. My stepbrother has a girlfriend and my stepsister has a boyfriend and i am all alone.

    Im still at college and he is at Uni but younger then me and the same with my stepsister, she has even been on holiday with her boyfriend.

    I want a special girl to introduce to my family but I don't know how to get started, online dating does NOT work. I NEVER get any messages on there having sent thousands of messages to girls.

    Also at college its really only 16-19 year olds there so the majority are not my age.

    What do I do
    Love normally finds you. You meet someone, fall in love with them. Sometimes it works out. Sometimes it doesn't.
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    (Original post by Samthefan)
    Hello, I am 24 years old and have autism. I have never had a girlfriend before, I have never even kissed a girl before or held ones hand or hugged one. I get so sad. My stepbrother has a girlfriend and my stepsister has a boyfriend and i am all alone.

    Im still at college and he is at Uni but younger then me and the same with my stepsister, she has even been on holiday with her boyfriend.

    I want a special girl to introduce to my family but I don't know how to get started, online dating does NOT work. I NEVER get any messages on there having sent thousands of messages to girls.

    Also at college its really only 16-19 year olds there so the majority are not my age.

    What do I do
    Just let it find you. If you seem like you're trying too hard, that may be off putting.

    Do you do any extra-curricular stuff? If nt,maybe join some social clubs etc to wden your social circle which will increase your chances.
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    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    Stop obsessing over it. It's obvious (and really off putting) when you're desperate.
    Can I ask what you mean.

    When I am out in public how does it come as desperate
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    (Original post by Samthefan)
    Hello, I am 24 years old and have autism. I have never had a girlfriend before, I have never even kissed a girl before or held ones hand or hugged one. I get so sad. My stepbrother has a girlfriend and my stepsister has a boyfriend and i am all alone.

    Im still at college and he is at Uni but younger then me and the same with my stepsister, she has even been on holiday with her boyfriend.

    I want a special girl to introduce to my family but I don't know how to get started, online dating does NOT work. I NEVER get any messages on there having sent thousands of messages to girls.

    Also at college its really only 16-19 year olds there so the majority are not my age.

    What do I do
    Well, it depends, join the gym maybe? You might meet a nice girl there
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    Thing is I don't really know how to talk to females. I just stay quite most of the time worried I am going to say something wrong. Even if I did go to a club I wouldn't say anything because I would be worried. I mean I can't just say hi how are you will u go out with me but then I can't just bore them with the weather.

    Im just not confidant
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    (Original post by Samthefan)
    Thing is I don't really know how to talk to females. I just stay quite most of the time worried I am going to say something wrong. Even if I did go to a club I wouldn't say anything because I would be worried. I mean I can't just say hi how are you will u go out with me but then I can't just bore them with the weather.

    Im just not confidant
    The same as you talk to guys. We're not some alien species where you need to talk to us in a certain way.
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    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    The same as you talk to guys. We're not some alien species where you need to talk to us in a certain way.
    I don't have many male friends either though Tiger Rag thats the problem. Only 3 Male friends and they are worse then me. I tried asking one advice but he has dyspraxcia which is really bad and it gets too much for him if I ask for advice
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    (Original post by Samthefan)
    Thing is I don't really know how to talk to females. I just stay quite most of the time worried I am going to say something wrong. Even if I did go to a club I wouldn't say anything because I would be worried. I mean I can't just say hi how are you will u go out with me but then I can't just bore them with the weather.

    Im just not confidant
    You have to remember, girls are human people just like you! I wouldnt ask them out straight away like you have said, (thats a bit full on I think) Just chat to them and get to know them, and talk to them as if they were another guy. Find out her interests, what she does etc...

    Btw, I used to struggle with girls etc, but you just have to realise as Tiger Rag said, theyre aren't some kind of alien species.

    This time three years ago I kind of had this view and since then, I have had a year and half relationship (broken up now though) and my best friend is a girl
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    I've never had a girlfriend but I've tended not to think about it too much. Don't let it get to you. You'll find someone who will like you for who you are one day. Be patient and let life find a way. You ever heard of the phrase "save the best till last"? Yeah, you're being saved for someone real special.
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    I have no idea what I've just said but I hope it helps
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    (Original post by Jack22031994)
    You have to remember, girls are human people just like you! I wouldnt ask them out straight away like you have said, (thats a bit full on I think) Just chat to them and get to know them, and talk to them as if they were another guy. Find out her interests, what she does etc...

    Btw, I used to struggle with girls etc, but you just have to realise as Tiger Rag said, theyre aren't some kind of alien species.

    This time three years ago I kind of had this view and since then, I have had a year and half relationship (broken up now though) and my best friend is a girl
    So what your saying the weather is a good thing to chat about. Or asking what their favorite thing on TV is or favorite movie, what type of music she listens to. That sort of thing
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    (Original post by Samthefan)
    So what your saying the weather is a good thing to chat about. Or asking what their favorite thing on TV is or favorite movie, what type of music she listens to. That sort of thing
    I wouldnt talk about the weathe rat first really, unless its been anything extreme (really hot or absolutely rubbish etc) or if she brings it up.You never know she might be a Meteorologist

    Yeah talk about what she likes etc as you may even find a a common interest. Even if its is just something like, the same band or author etc
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    (Original post by Jack22031994)
    I wouldnt talk about the weathe rat first really, unless its been anything extreme (really hot or absolutely rubbish etc) or if she brings it up.You never know she might be a Meteorologist

    Yeah talk about what she likes etc as you may even find a a common interest. Even if its is just something like, the same band or author etc
    Lol, I don't mean talking about the weather. What I mean just commentating on it saying its been a horrible day today or its been really hot today hasn't it then she might reply then I could say something like that, I would love to go to australia one day or new york to travel the world one day.

    Something like that i mean.
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    (Original post by Samthefan)
    Lol, I don't mean talking about the weather. What I mean just commentating on it saying its been a horrible day today or its been really hot today hasn't it then she might reply then I could say something like that, I would love to go to australia one day or new york to travel the world one day.

    Something like that i mean.
    That seems fine, but maybe once youre in conversation with her. thats just me though. Its something Ive never really talked about (not very British of me I know! :lol:)
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    (Original post by Samthefan)
    Hello, I am 24 years old and have autism. I have never had a girlfriend before, I have never even kissed a girl before or held ones hand or hugged one. I get so sad. My stepbrother has a girlfriend and my stepsister has a boyfriend and i am all alone.

    Im still at college and he is at Uni but younger then me and the same with my stepsister, she has even been on holiday with her boyfriend.

    I want a special girl to introduce to my family but I don't know how to get started, online dating does NOT work. I NEVER get any messages on there having sent thousands of messages to girls.

    Also at college its really only 16-19 year olds there so the majority are not my age.

    What do I do
    1. You don't "have autism" - it's not a disease you can get rid of, or a plugin that got accidentally installed on your brain. You are autistic. Own it, treat it as a part of yourself that makes you who you are, because that's what it is; not a disorder you can pretend not to have.
    2. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are not them and they are not you. You are you, and nobody else.
    3. Your expectations are too high and too long-term. Look in the here-and-now, and let whatever comes next look after itself.
    4. No it doesn't, yet you obviously continue trying which means (a) you can't accept that it doesn't work, and (b) you're going to come across as desperate, whatever you say in your messages.

    Best thing for you to do is stop looking and stop letting it weigh on your mind so much. Do you need a girlfriend? Will not having one damage you or kill you?

    If you can learn to be yourself without thinking about getting a girlfriend, you'll be seen to be your own man - which is more attractive than needing a woman to "complete" you.
 
 
 
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