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Depression, lonliness at University- Where do I get help Watch

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    I have been to the GP- I was put on a waiting list and sent to the counselling service the uni provides, which told me they couldn't do anything for me and that I need to go back to the GP... ergo, not very helpful.

    I feel desperately lonely, even though I have a good social life. My love life however, is awful. I am a 19 year-old virgin who has never been kissed. I dated one girl at sixth form, who I nearly lost to illness (it was hard to have a physical relationship and it was a really tough relationship, I was always scared I was going to lose her) She is better today, but it never worked out for us in the end.

    I long for skin on skin contact with someone, to be held, to be loved and to be cherished. That was taken away from me so cruely in sixth form. But I feel ugly, I hate the way I look- girls have never tried to flirt with me, I've been knocked back and called ugly more times than I care to remember. (My friends disagree and tell me I am above average looking... but they would be saying that to be nice wouldn't they, like I can't tell what people honestly think)

    I had the chance to have a one night stand with someone, but I felt uncomfortable with it. I just hate sitting around in my halls at uni or at home in the summer, feeling empty, like I have nothing to live for and no worth; feeling like I will never ever be loved in the way I so inately desire.

    I can't face telling a GP or speaking to someone face to face, it's too daunting. Is there online support somewhere which anyone else has used and found effective in challenging depression and anxiety?
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    (Original post by Jon22221)
    I have been to the GP- I was put on a waiting list and sent to the counselling service the uni provides, which told me they couldn't do anything for me and that I need to go back to the GP... ergo, not very helpful.

    I feel desperately lonely, even though I have a good social life. My love life however, is awful. I am a 19 year-old virgin who has never been kissed. I dated one girl at sixth form, who I nearly lost to illness (it was hard to have a physical relationship and it was a really tough relationship, I was always scared I was going to lose her) She is better today, but it never worked out for us in the end.

    I long for skin on skin contact with someone, to be held, to be loved and to be cherished. That was taken away from me so cruely in sixth form. But I feel ugly, I hate the way I look- girls have never tried to flirt with me, I've been knocked back and called ugly more times than I care to remember. (My friends disagree and tell me I am above average looking... but they would be saying that to be nice wouldn't they, like I can't tell what people honestly think)

    I had the chance to have a one night stand with someone, but I felt uncomfortable with it. I just hate sitting around in my halls at uni or at home in the summer, feeling empty, like I have nothing to live for and no worth; feeling like I will never ever be loved in the way I so inately desire.

    I can't face telling a GP or speaking to someone face to face, it's too daunting. Is there online support somewhere which anyone else has used and found effective in challenging depression and anxiety?
    There's definitely a lot of support available online, even here. Especially in the mental health support society in this forum (MHSS). The thing to be careful of is that you don't replace face to face contact, because that can be a little too easy to do sometimes. I'm a bit guilty of that myself. It might be worth going back to your GP, explaining that there's nothing the uni can currently offer you, and ask to be referred to someone. That could be a counselling service straight out, or the community mental health team. It depends on where you live and how the services work there. MoodGym, while I haven't used it myself, is supposed to be really quite good. It's an online CBT-style program where you can work on things like your depression and anxiety using tried and proven techniques, so it could be worth a try to see if it helps you. Good luck!
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    (Original post by chelseadagg3r)
    There's definitely a lot of support available online, even here. Especially in the mental health support society in this forum (MHSS). The thing to be careful of is that you don't replace face to face contact, because that can be a little too easy to do sometimes. I'm a bit guilty of that myself. It might be worth going back to your GP, explaining that there's nothing the uni can currently offer you, and ask to be referred to someone. That could be a counselling service straight out, or the community mental health team. It depends on where you live and how the services work there. MoodGym, while I haven't used it myself, is supposed to be really quite good. It's an online CBT-style program where you can work on things like your depression and anxiety using tried and proven techniques, so it could be worth a try to see if it helps you. Good luck!
    Thank you! I will check some of that out! I'm just very afraid of face to face sessions, because I had one and it left me feeling worse- but hopefully, the online stuff may be a platform for me to build on towards face to face contact
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    (Original post by Jon22221)
    I have been to the GP- I was put on a waiting list and sent to the counselling service the uni provides, which told me they couldn't do anything for me and that I need to go back to the GP... ergo, not very helpful.

    I feel desperately lonely, even though I have a good social life. My love life however, is awful. I am a 19 year-old virgin who has never been kissed. I dated one girl at sixth form, who I nearly lost to illness (it was hard to have a physical relationship and it was a really tough relationship, I was always scared I was going to lose her) She is better today, but it never worked out for us in the end.

    I long for skin on skin contact with someone, to be held, to be loved and to be cherished. That was taken away from me so cruely in sixth form. But I feel ugly, I hate the way I look- girls have never tried to flirt with me, I've been knocked back and called ugly more times than I care to remember. (My friends disagree and tell me I am above average looking... but they would be saying that to be nice wouldn't they, like I can't tell what people honestly think)

    I had the chance to have a one night stand with someone, but I felt uncomfortable with it. I just hate sitting around in my halls at uni or at home in the summer, feeling empty, like I have nothing to live for and no worth; feeling like I will never ever be loved in the way I so inately desire.

    I can't face telling a GP or speaking to someone face to face, it's too daunting. Is there online support somewhere which anyone else has used and found effective in challenging depression and anxiety?
    Here on TSR we have the MHSS which can be very supportive. There are also sites like sane.org with dedicated mh forums and some will also have an online counselling service.
    Face to face contact is different to online and tends to go a bit deeper and better, although online is great for some reassurance. Don't let online replace real life- let it help you prepare for it. I'm preaching largely from experience here.
    I know it's daunting to start, but I also suggest you do try some counselling or therapy when the opportunity arises. You don't have to say anything you aren't comfortable with, but you should settle into the idea after a few sessions.

    There will be some sessions that leave you feeling worse- it's part of the process. You're cutting deep and exposing core feelings and they aren't things that can be resolved in one session.
    Personally I am not a fan of counselling and prefer therapy. That's from some bad personal experience mostly, but I know it helps others. If you do find that counselling keeps giving you that worse feeling, but no progress though do check out therapy. They work on the same principal but therapy is a bit more directed and can often be better for "actual" mh issues while counselling is good at working through specific events, insecurities etc. That's partially because of an illogical element to issues like depression which I find therapists are just better at.
    Still, counselling is very much worth trying as it works wonders for a lot of people- even ones who thought it would be terrible.

    I think it's pretty bad how your uni counselling service refused you. I guess they saw depression as to big a thing to fully help you with, but I would have thought they could still talk with you while you are on the waiting list etc. Oh well. You'll be getting that referral so just hang in there.

    You can also look into if there are any support groups near you or even at your uni.

    You can also go back to your GP if you ever need to, be it next week or in 5 years. If you don't think something is working out then go talk to them and see what can be done.

    I hope that makes sense and helps. I just woke up so i'm sorry if I ramble at all- I do that when I'm tired.
    Good luck with everything and do check out the MHSS- they are a lovely bunch
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    I'm sorry to hear this.

    As cliche as this sounds, you are only 19 with a lot of opportunities to make it in love. I'm 28...

    See your GP, you can also see a counsellor or even a therapist that could help you.

    I hope this helps:

    1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

    2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

    3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily.

    4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

    5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

    6) Ask how they are, how's everything, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them, compliment them, say "I like your jacket".

    If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.

    7) Be passionate about life.

    8) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed.

    9) Look outside!

    If you ever feel the need to talk, feel free to PM me .
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    If you're afraid to tell a GP, but still wish to communicate somehow, you could try printing what you wrote above and handing it over. If it helps, it is not a silly idea
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    It's not clear from your post whether you have been diagnosed with clinical depression or an anxiety disorder, or if it is being seen as chronic low mood. That might be why you have found it hard to get a service? NHS mental health services are generally very structured and they will not refer you to a service at a "higher" level before you have exhausted the options "lower down". For example, Community Mental Health Teams in many areas are designated as specialist services and they will not see people with "mild-moderate" depression.

    chelseadagg3r and Kindred 's ideas are good. I like the 5 Ways to Well Being approach too (although I don't go a bundle on mindfulness stuff). For anxiety, I found anxietybc.com really helpful - it's practical and I know it is in line with mainstream CBT. One obvious difficulty with online self-help is motivation - it really works better if you have someone to keep on track. The only online counselling I've had anything to do with is kooth.com. It has forums, but you can also book online counselling sessions. I think you are only supposed to have access to it if your local authority has paid up for it - but they have no way of checking, you might just need to be creative when you register. Hope something there is helpful.
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    You sound like you feel entitled to be loved by someone. But you're not so entitled. At the end of the day you may or may not find someone. You just need to learn to cope on your own and let whatever happens happen. You make it sound like it's such a tragedy to be a virgin at 19. 19. I mean FFS you've even had a girlfriend before. Plenty of people of your age have never been in a relationship and they have the maturity to not act like it's the end of the world. You have a 'good social life' and friends and seem to have everything else. So really it just seems you're very spoilt and ungrateful. Why on Earth are you seeking counselling? Please get off that waiting list to give room to people with real problems.
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    (Original post by OxFossil)
    It's not clear from your post whether you have been diagnosed with clinical depression or an anxiety disorder, or if it is being seen as chronic low mood. That might be why you have found it hard to get a service? NHS mental health services are generally very structured and they will not refer you to a service at a "higher" level before you have exhausted the options "lower down". For example, Community Mental Health Teams in many areas are designated as specialist services and they will not see people with "mild-moderate" depression.

    chelseadagg3r and Kindred 's ideas are good. I like the 5 Ways to Well Being approach too (although I don't go a bundle on mindfulness stuff). For anxiety, I found anxietybc.com really helpful - it's practical and I know it is in line with mainstream CBT. One obvious difficulty with online self-help is motivation - it really works better if you have someone to keep on track. The only online counselling I've had anything to do with is kooth.com. It has forums, but you can also book online counselling sessions. I think you are only supposed to have access to it if your local authority has paid up for it - but they have no way of checking, you might just need to be creative when you register. Hope something there is helpful.
    The GP diagnosed me with depression. I didn't put all the details here, seeing as it is personal and I could have ended up.writing an essay.

    Thanks nonetheless
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You sound like you feel entitled to be loved by someone. But you're not so entitled. At the end of the day you may or may not find someone. You just need to learn to cope on your own and let whatever happens happen. You make it sound like it's such a tragedy to be a virgin at 19. 19. I mean FFS you've even had a girlfriend before. Plenty of people of your age have never been in a relationship and they have the maturity to not act like it's the end of the world. You have a 'good social life' and friends and seem to have everything else. So really it just seems you're very spoilt and ungrateful. Why on Earth are you seeking counselling? Please get off that waiting list to give room to people with real problems.
    I can see how my post mis-led you, however, have you considered that I didn't divulge the full details. Otherwise, the post would have been massive and detracted from.the point, of asking what support is available. The whole love life thing is one that bothers me of many. I nearly lost her, I saw her nearly dead. It was heart-breaking, terrifying and traumatic. I don't think coping with that has anything to do with being mature
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    (Original post by Analyst89)
    I'm sorry to hear this.

    As cliche as this sounds, you are only 19 with a lot of opportunities to make it in love. I'm 28...

    See your GP, you can also see a counsellor or even a therapist that could help you.

    I hope this helps:

    1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

    2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

    3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily.

    4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

    5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

    6) Ask how they are, how's everything, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them, compliment them, say "I like your jacket".

    If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.

    7) Be passionate about life.

    8) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed.

    9) Look outside!

    If you ever feel the need to talk, feel free to PM me .
    Thanks, I find it awfully hard to tell people in person, but I am gradually pushing myself to do something about it- like even mentioning it on here
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    (Original post by Kindred)
    Here on TSR we have the MHSS which can be very supportive. There are also sites like sane.org with dedicated mh forums and some will also have an online counselling service.
    Face to face contact is different to online and tends to go a bit deeper and better, although online is great for some reassurance. Don't let online replace real life- let it help you prepare for it. I'm preaching largely from experience here.
    I know it's daunting to start, but I also suggest you do try some counselling or therapy when the opportunity arises. You don't have to say anything you aren't comfortable with, but you should settle into the idea after a few sessions.

    There will be some sessions that leave you feeling worse- it's part of the process. You're cutting deep and exposing core feelings and they aren't things that can be resolved in one session.
    Personally I am not a fan of counselling and prefer therapy. That's from some bad personal experience mostly, but I know it helps others. If you do find that counselling keeps giving you that worse feeling, but no progress though do check out therapy. They work on the same principal but therapy is a bit more directed and can often be better for "actual" mh issues while counselling is good at working through specific events, insecurities etc. That's partially because of an illogical element to issues like depression which I find therapists are just better at.
    Still, counselling is very much worth trying as it works wonders for a lot of people- even ones who thought it would be terrible.

    I think it's pretty bad how your uni counselling service refused you. I guess they saw depression as to big a thing to fully help you with, but I would have thought they could still talk with you while you are on the waiting list etc. Oh well. You'll be getting that referral so just hang in there.

    You can also look into if there are any support groups near you or even at your uni.

    You can also go back to your GP if you ever need to, be it next week or in 5 years. If you don't think something is working out then go talk to them and see what can be done.

    I hope that makes sense and helps. I just woke up so i'm sorry if I ramble at all- I do that when I'm tired.
    Good luck with everything and do check out the MHSS- they are a lovely bunch
    Where is the MHSS, I thought this forum was it haha
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    (Original post by Jon22221)
    Where is the MHSS, I thought this forum was it haha
    MHSS is the Mental Health Support Society. It's a thread within the mental health forum. I believe it has a pink title. It's basically a place for people with MH issues to have a bit more of a casual talk about things.
 
 
 
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