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Being cheated on f**ked up my perspective on life Watch

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    Hi,

    Thanks for clicking on this post.

    TL;DR: a long-term girlfriend cheated on me numerous times, many of which were entirely down to my stupidity and naïvety, and that has sent me into a state of depression, misogyny, yearning for revenge, and an unhealthy obsession with "Red Pill" and "manosphere" philosophy.

    Around this time three years ago (2014), I found out my then-girlfriend of nearly four years (nearly seven by the time the relationship ended; see later section) had cheated on me on a night out during her holiday in a South East Asian country. She had sex with an English guy—coming to the end of his gap year—after a drunken night out. Until I pressed her for answers for her suspicious behaviour, she had not said a word about it. Naturally, I was devastated by this news and started questioning a few things. "Why am I not good enough?", "why didn't she end things with me first?" and so on. At that time, I had even lower self-esteem and self-confidence than I do now (it's still low, but better than it was back then) and, despite my friends' advice, I eventually forgave her and we "worked things out" when she came back. With hindsight, I highly doubt that is the only time she cheated on me on that particular holiday. This was a month or two before we were both due to start university. I was going to study in London; she in the Midlands.

    She went to university two weeks before I did. In the first week, she called me every night, crying and telling me how homesick she was. Most of her nights in the first week were spent alone, in her room, either on Skype to me or her family. She, like me, struggled with low self-esteem, low confidence, and was a generally shy person, so the transition from secondary school to university was always going to be difficult. At the end of that week, my family and I decided to pay her a surprise visit to cheer her up. She got on very well with my mother and sister (I come from a single parent family, unsurprisingly), so she was overjoyed to see us. When we (my family and I) left, she wept profusely. It was very sad.

    In the second week, however, something changed. She suddenly stopped complaining of homesickness. The Skype calls also stopped. Texts became more sporadic and infrequent. Lonely nights in turned into wild nights out. When I asked her what had changed—I was actually pleased for her, mind—so suddenly, she told me she'd just met a few girls with whom she got on and they had been "having the freshers' experience" (or words to that effect) as a group. Being the naïve person I was in those days, I took that to mean making friends, exploring the new environment, going to orientation events, signing up to societies, and the occasional wild night out. Ha! On Wednesday that week, she sent me a text in the evening which read, "are you coming to [name of the club] tonight? They are giving out free shots". This obviously wasn't meant for me, but it wasn't immediately suspicious or a cause for concern either. I passed it off as intended for a friend. We even joked about it, and I wished her a good night out (so to speak). However, the morning after, something just didn't feel right. I mulled over that text several times, eventually determining something was up.

    We had made so many pledges we would not cheat on each other at university. This was very important as most couples, no matter how long they have been together for, break up at university—usually in the first few weeks. One of the measures we had taken as testaments of our commitment to each other was the exchange of various passwords, Facebook being one. I debated checking her Facebook messages several times—as I had never done it until that point and it felt very creepy and abusive, despite it being entirely consensual—before finally taking the plunge. Her password had been changed. At that very moment I knew she had been cheating on me. I had the exact same "gut feeling" I had when she cheated on holiday a month or two before her Freshers' Week. As it happens, she had been sleeping with this guy for nearly a week, i.e. shortly after we had paid her a visit.

    I just couldn't understand what I had done wrong. (Our relationship had been rocky in the past—nothing major really—but I thought we were pretty solid lately. The cheating on holiday was, in my mind, an entirely drunken mistake, not least because she made out she had passed out and only found out they had sex the morning after). I tried ending the relationship that day, but she talked me out of it and insisted on coming to London (I had entered university too) to "work things out". All my new university friends and hallmates were vehemently against this—especially the girls, which I should have taken seriously since girls probably know girl psychology better—but I ignored them. She came down that weekend. We had a great time. It was painfully sad, but lovely at the same time. Now I realise it was only lovely because my ex and I were friends at the core and that's a bond we've always had, but painfully sad because I was too pathetic to realise what was really going on. I even gave her £500 because she said she was low on cash and had exhausted the allowance from her parents. Ha! (I know what you are thinking, and I couldn't agree more). She went back to her university and, as it happens, continued having sex with this lad. She even started sleeping with other people. One night stands, Tinder... the lot. I found out over the Christmas break that year and ended the relationship again. At this point, my self-esteem was low I felt guilty even ending it; I desperately clung on to our past and the person she was once, instead of accepting the cold hard truth and dealing with the present reality.

    To cut a long story (longer than it already is) short, we got back together again. She continued sleeping with other people. This happened until she got through some 15 different boys. Compounded by the fact I thoroughly hated my course and overall university experience and fell out with my family, I sank into a pretty bad depression, contemplated suicide, and became fairly dependant on Duloxetine. I finally had the courage to properly cut off all ties with this girl earlier this year, but things had turned dark. The "relationship" (I can't not laugh at myself for even calling it that) was so sordid it did not even resemble anything it once was. At its core was a strong concoction of resentment, jealousy, insecurity, lies, betrayal, and a genuine hatred for each other.

    I discovered MGTOW, PUA, Red Pill, manosphere, alpha/beta, etc. ideologies shortly after things ended. I had been scouring the internet for advice on how to get over an ex, how to be confident, etc.—the typical "I have just come out of a bad relationship" Google searches. Although their philosophies are not necessarily connected, these (largely online) movements do have a few things in common: they claim to be aimed at making men the best versions of themselves and helping them see the world for what it really is. Needless to say, as I have delved deeper into these spheres, I have come to not only agree with the messages they promulgate, but actively adopt them into my mode of thought too.

    I have become very sexist and misogynystic, certainly by today's standards. I now think women are horrible, horrible people who do nothing but use men for their own advancement. I think they have a blatant disregard for people's feelings and are only set on getting what they want no matter the cost. They will use the ugly, fat and unpopular kid who has a crush on them for validation and emotional support; but the muscly, popular jock for sex and social standing. I think every woman cheats and most cheat everyday, it just so happens that a lot of them are pretty good at covering their tracks. Everytime I see a couple, where I used to think, "that's so sweet; I wish them all the best", I now just think, "how pathetic do you have to be to be in a relationship? She's obviously shagging one of your mates, why are you with her?" and so on. I think a lot of men are raising children they did not, in reality, father. Some do this knowingly, e.g. in cases of step-parenthood, but most do it unknowingly. I think marriage is for losers and is not something anyone should aspire to; rather, women are sex objects to just have sex with and dump since, that is, after all, what they'll do to you. I think monogamy is one of the most ambitious social constructs and the time has come for us, as a supposedly intelligent species, to put an end to it.

    Those are some of the disturbing(?), unconventional and unnatural (debatable) things I now think. It's easy to see why people in my position would easily take well to these ideas. I know this is not normal and not how it should be. It certainly isn't how it used to be when I was younger (that said, I am only 21). I would like to get back to a state of normality, but personal experience prevents me from rejecting Red Pill ideas, for example. Of course, that I was cheated on multiple times is largely due to my stupidity, naïvety and low self-esteem. I am sure my ex girlfriend lost all respect for me when I stayed with her the first time. I have no doubt she didn't think highly of me after that point. But what caused her to cheat in the first place? What causes other women, some of whom are married and have ostensibly stable families, to leave their decades-long marriages for the "bad boy" mechanic down the road? Why do so many girls cheat, hide it, lie about it, and still go around saying "not all women are like that" when the scale of women cheating is brought up? I know I am a simple case of absolute idiocy and morony, but we cannot ignore the underlying problems in modern male-female relationships. Or can we? Have I just lost the plot? I don't know, but I would appreciate your insight on this whole debacle.

    Thanks for reading.
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    I'm really sorry this all happened to you, and your feelings towards women are understandable, but that was one woman. Obviously, there are some women out there who will be very honest and will not cheat, and others (worth being wary of) who don't care much about the feelings of their partner when cheating. Did your ex show herself to be selfish? Perhaps she didn't see much in the relationship other than a physical connection, which when gone, left her feeling deprived. The fact she cried a lot when you left her after the surprise visit indicates this, but is also somewhat manipulative.

    It will be hard to trust another woman afterwards, but make sure that any trust that is built is based on pure honesty, a heavy consideration of your feelings (and the same on your part) and respect. You sound like a very nice guy and I really don't understand how someone can cheat on their partner when knowingly overriding the trust the relationship once had, as well as not feeling extreme guilt afterwards.

    All the best.
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    You must know some people in successful or long term healthy relationships. It does exist. Not everyone is so lucky with finding 'the one' straight away. Lots of people go through multiple relationships before settling down. It's all about compatability.
    You are very unfortunate with your situation and you should've left sooner, but from such experience it's taught you life lessons (and not just negative ones). Toxic people are out there sadly, and getting into a relationship is a gamble for everyone. But the love and respect you once had for someone, can definately be returned in way you deserve.
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    (Original post by LostYouth)
    Hi,

    Thanks for clicking on this post.

    TL;DR: a long-term girlfriend cheated on me numerous times, many of which were entirely down to my stupidity and naïvety, and that has sent me into a state of depression, misogyny, yearning for revenge, and an unhealthy obsession with "Red Pill" and "manosphere" philosophy.

    Around this time three years ago (2014), I found out my then-girlfriend of nearly four years (nearly seven by the time the relationship ended; see later section) had cheated on me on a night out during her holiday in a South East Asian country. She had sex with an English guy—coming to the end of his gap year—after a drunken night out. Until I pressed her for answers for her suspicious behaviour, she had not said a word about it. Naturally, I was devastated by this news and started questioning a few things. "Why am I not good enough?", "why didn't she end things with me first?" and so on. At that time, I had even lower self-esteem and self-confidence than I do now (it's still low, but better than it was back then) and, despite my friends' advice, I eventually forgave her and we "worked things out" when she came back. With hindsight, I highly doubt that is the only time she cheated on me on that particular holiday. This was a month or two before we were both due to start university. I was going to study in London; she in the Midlands.

    She went to university two weeks before I did. In the first week, she called me every night, crying and telling me how homesick she was. Most of her nights in the first week were spent alone, in her room, either on Skype to me or her family. She, like me, struggled with low self-esteem, low confidence, and was a generally shy person, so the transition from secondary school to university was always going to be difficult. At the end of that week, my family and I decided to pay her a surprise visit to cheer her up. She got on very well with my mother and sister (I come from a single parent family, unsurprisingly), so she was overjoyed to see us. When we (my family and I) left, she wept profusely. It was very sad.

    In the second week, however, something changed. She suddenly stopped complaining of homesickness. The Skype calls also stopped. Texts became more sporadic and infrequent. Lonely nights in turned into wild nights out. When I asked her what had changed—I was actually pleased for her, mind—so suddenly, she told me she'd just met a few girls with whom she got on and they had been "having the freshers' experience" (or words to that effect) as a group. Being the naïve person I was in those days, I took that to mean making friends, exploring the new environment, going to orientation events, signing up to societies, and the occasional wild night out. Ha! On Wednesday that week, she sent me a text in the evening which read, "are you coming to [name of the club] tonight? They are giving out free shots". This obviously wasn't meant for me, but it wasn't immediately suspicious or a cause for concern either. I passed it off as intended for a friend. We even joked about it, and I wished her a good night out (so to speak). However, the morning after, something just didn't feel right. I mulled over that text several times, eventually determining something was up.

    We had made so many pledges we would not cheat on each other at university. This was very important as most couples, no matter how long they have been together for, break up at university—usually in the first few weeks. One of the measures we had taken as testaments of our commitment to each other was the exchange of various passwords, Facebook being one. I debated checking her Facebook messages several times—as I had never done it until that point and it felt very creepy and abusive, despite it being entirely consensual—before finally taking the plunge. Her password had been changed. At that very moment I knew she had been cheating on me. I had the exact same "gut feeling" I had when she cheated on holiday a month or two before her Freshers' Week. As it happens, she had been sleeping with this guy for nearly a week, i.e. shortly after we had paid her a visit.

    I just couldn't understand what I had done wrong. (Our relationship had been rocky in the past—nothing major really—but I thought we were pretty solid lately. The cheating on holiday was, in my mind, an entirely drunken mistake, not least because she made out she had passed out and only found out they had sex the morning after). I tried ending the relationship that day, but she talked me out of it and insisted on coming to London (I had entered university too) to "work things out". All my new university friends and hallmates were vehemently against this—especially the girls, which I should have taken seriously since girls probably know girl psychology better—but I ignored them. She came down that weekend. We had a great time. It was painfully sad, but lovely at the same time. Now I realise it was only lovely because my ex and I were friends at the core and that's a bond we've always had, but painfully sad because I was too pathetic to realise what was really going on. I even gave her £500 because she said she was low on cash and had exhausted the allowance from her parents. Ha! (I know what you are thinking, and I couldn't agree more). She went back to her university and, as it happens, continued having sex with this lad. She even started sleeping with other people. One night stands, Tinder... the lot. I found out over the Christmas break that year and ended the relationship again. At this point, my self-esteem was low I felt guilty even ending it; I desperately clung on to our past and the person she was once, instead of accepting the cold hard truth and dealing with the present reality.

    To cut a long story (longer than it already is) short, we got back together again. She continued sleeping with other people. This happened until she got through some 15 different boys. Compounded by the fact I thoroughly hated my course and overall university experience and fell out with my family, I sank into a pretty bad depression, contemplated suicide, and became fairly dependant on Duloxetine. I finally had the courage to properly cut off all ties with this girl earlier this year, but things had turned dark. The "relationship" (I can't not laugh at myself for even calling it that) was so sordid it did not even resemble anything it once was. At its core was a strong concoction of resentment, jealousy, insecurity, lies, betrayal, and a genuine hatred for each other.

    I discovered MGTOW, PUA, Red Pill, manosphere, alpha/beta, etc. ideologies shortly after things ended. I had been scouring the internet for advice on how to get over an ex, how to be confident, etc.—the typical "I have just come out of a bad relationship" Google searches. Although their philosophies are not necessarily connected, these (largely online) movements do have a few things in common: they claim to be aimed at making men the best versions of themselves and helping them see the world for what it really is. Needless to say, as I have delved deeper into these spheres, I have come to not only agree with the messages they promulgate, but actively adopt them into my mode of thought too.

    I have become very sexist and misogynystic, certainly by today's standards. I now think women are horrible, horrible people who do nothing but use men for their own advancement. I think they have a blatant disregard for people's feelings and are only set on getting what they want no matter the cost. They will use the ugly, fat and unpopular kid who has a crush on them for validation and emotional support; but the muscly, popular jock for sex and social standing. I think every woman cheats and most cheat everyday, it just so happens that a lot of them are pretty good at covering their tracks. Everytime I see a couple, where I used to think, "that's so sweet; I wish them all the best", I now just think, "how pathetic do you have to be to be in a relationship? She's obviously shagging one of your mates, why are you with her?" and so on. I think a lot of men are raising children they did not, in reality, father. Some do this knowingly, e.g. in cases of step-parenthood, but most do it unknowingly. I think marriage is for losers and is not something anyone should aspire to; rather, women are sex objects to just have sex with and dump since, that is, after all, what they'll do to you. I think monogamy is one of the most ambitious social constructs and the time has come for us, as a supposedly intelligent species, to put an end to it.

    Those are some of the disturbing(?), unconventional and unnatural (debatable) things I now think. It's easy to see why people in my position would easily take well to these ideas. I know this is not normal and not how it should be. It certainly isn't how it used to be when I was younger (that said, I am only 21). I would like to get back to a state of normality, but personal experience prevents me from rejecting Red Pill ideas, for example. Of course, that I was cheated on multiple times is largely due to my stupidity, naïvety and low self-esteem. I am sure my ex girlfriend lost all respect for me when I stayed with her the first time. I have no doubt she didn't think highly of me after that point. But what caused her to cheat in the first place? What causes other women, some of whom are married and have ostensibly stable families, to leave their decades-long marriages for the "bad boy" mechanic down the road? Why do so many girls cheat, hide it, lie about it, and still go around saying "not all women are like that" when the scale of women cheating is brought up? I know I am a simple case of absolute idiocy and morony, but we cannot ignore the underlying problems in modern male-female relationships. Or can we? Have I just lost the plot? I don't know, but I would appreciate your insight on this whole debacle.

    Thanks for reading.


    whilst I do have sympathy for what you went through, I think you ultimately brought a lot of it on yourself....

    the old saying :

    "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

    comes to mind here.

    The girl cucked you with 15 different blokes and you just kept going back to her. If you are going to behave like a mug, people will tend to treat you as one.

    the maximum amount of second chances she should have got is 1

    after that you were just mugging yourself off by continuing to stay with her.

    hopefully you have learned from your mistakes and are now wiser for it.........

    good luck........
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    christ op i don't think you know what TL;DR means.
    get off 4chan or wherever you're getting this "red pill" ideology from. girls aren't carbon copies of each other, some are good some are bad.
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    (Original post by LostYouth)
    Hi,

    Thanks for clicking on this post.

    TL;DR: a long-term girlfriend cheated on me numerous times, many of which were entirely down to my stupidity and naïvety, and that has sent me into a state of depression, misogyny, yearning for revenge, and an unhealthy obsession with "Red Pill" and "manosphere" philosophy.

    Around this time three years ago (2014), I found out my then-girlfriend of nearly four years (nearly seven by the time the relationship ended; see later section) had cheated on me on a night out during her holiday in a South East Asian country. She had sex with an English guy—coming to the end of his gap year—after a drunken night out. Until I pressed her for answers for her suspicious behaviour, she had not said a word about it. Naturally, I was devastated by this news and started questioning a few things. "Why am I not good enough?", "why didn't she end things with me first?" and so on. At that time, I had even lower self-esteem and self-confidence than I do now (it's still low, but better than it was back then) and, despite my friends' advice, I eventually forgave her and we "worked things out" when she came back. With hindsight, I highly doubt that is the only time she cheated on me on that particular holiday. This was a month or two before we were both due to start university. I was going to study in London; she in the Midlands.

    She went to university two weeks before I did. In the first week, she called me every night, crying and telling me how homesick she was. Most of her nights in the first week were spent alone, in her room, either on Skype to me or her family. She, like me, struggled with low self-esteem, low confidence, and was a generally shy person, so the transition from secondary school to university was always going to be difficult. At the end of that week, my family and I decided to pay her a surprise visit to cheer her up. She got on very well with my mother and sister (I come from a single parent family, unsurprisingly), so she was overjoyed to see us. When we (my family and I) left, she wept profusely. It was very sad.

    In the second week, however, something changed. She suddenly stopped complaining of homesickness. The Skype calls also stopped. Texts became more sporadic and infrequent. Lonely nights in turned into wild nights out. When I asked her what had changed—I was actually pleased for her, mind—so suddenly, she told me she'd just met a few girls with whom she got on and they had been "having the freshers' experience" (or words to that effect) as a group. Being the naïve person I was in those days, I took that to mean making friends, exploring the new environment, going to orientation events, signing up to societies, and the occasional wild night out. Ha! On Wednesday that week, she sent me a text in the evening which read, "are you coming to [name of the club] tonight? They are giving out free shots". This obviously wasn't meant for me, but it wasn't immediately suspicious or a cause for concern either. I passed it off as intended for a friend. We even joked about it, and I wished her a good night out (so to speak). However, the morning after, something just didn't feel right. I mulled over that text several times, eventually determining something was up.

    We had made so many pledges we would not cheat on each other at university. This was very important as most couples, no matter how long they have been together for, break up at university—usually in the first few weeks. One of the measures we had taken as testaments of our commitment to each other was the exchange of various passwords, Facebook being one. I debated checking her Facebook messages several times—as I had never done it until that point and it felt very creepy and abusive, despite it being entirely consensual—before finally taking the plunge. Her password had been changed. At that very moment I knew she had been cheating on me. I had the exact same "gut feeling" I had when she cheated on holiday a month or two before her Freshers' Week. As it happens, she had been sleeping with this guy for nearly a week, i.e. shortly after we had paid her a visit.

    I just couldn't understand what I had done wrong. (Our relationship had been rocky in the past—nothing major really—but I thought we were pretty solid lately. The cheating on holiday was, in my mind, an entirely drunken mistake, not least because she made out she had passed out and only found out they had sex the morning after). I tried ending the relationship that day, but she talked me out of it and insisted on coming to London (I had entered university too) to "work things out". All my new university friends and hallmates were vehemently against this—especially the girls, which I should have taken seriously since girls probably know girl psychology better—but I ignored them. She came down that weekend. We had a great time. It was painfully sad, but lovely at the same time. Now I realise it was only lovely because my ex and I were friends at the core and that's a bond we've always had, but painfully sad because I was too pathetic to realise what was really going on. I even gave her £500 because she said she was low on cash and had exhausted the allowance from her parents. Ha! (I know what you are thinking, and I couldn't agree more). She went back to her university and, as it happens, continued having sex with this lad. She even started sleeping with other people. One night stands, Tinder... the lot. I found out over the Christmas break that year and ended the relationship again. At this point, my self-esteem was low I felt guilty even ending it; I desperately clung on to our past and the person she was once, instead of accepting the cold hard truth and dealing with the present reality.

    To cut a long story (longer than it already is) short, we got back together again. She continued sleeping with other people. This happened until she got through some 15 different boys. Compounded by the fact I thoroughly hated my course and overall university experience and fell out with my family, I sank into a pretty bad depression, contemplated suicide, and became fairly dependant on Duloxetine. I finally had the courage to properly cut off all ties with this girl earlier this year, but things had turned dark. The "relationship" (I can't not laugh at myself for even calling it that) was so sordid it did not even resemble anything it once was. At its core was a strong concoction of resentment, jealousy, insecurity, lies, betrayal, and a genuine hatred for each other.

    I discovered MGTOW, PUA, Red Pill, manosphere, alpha/beta, etc. ideologies shortly after things ended. I had been scouring the internet for advice on how to get over an ex, how to be confident, etc.—the typical "I have just come out of a bad relationship" Google searches. Although their philosophies are not necessarily connected, these (largely online) movements do have a few things in common: they claim to be aimed at making men the best versions of themselves and helping them see the world for what it really is. Needless to say, as I have delved deeper into these spheres, I have come to not only agree with the messages they promulgate, but actively adopt them into my mode of thought too.

    I have become very sexist and misogynystic, certainly by today's standards. I now think women are horrible, horrible people who do nothing but use men for their own advancement. I think they have a blatant disregard for people's feelings and are only set on getting what they want no matter the cost. They will use the ugly, fat and unpopular kid who has a crush on them for validation and emotional support; but the muscly, popular jock for sex and social standing. I think every woman cheats and most cheat everyday, it just so happens that a lot of them are pretty good at covering their tracks. Everytime I see a couple, where I used to think, "that's so sweet; I wish them all the best", I now just think, "how pathetic do you have to be to be in a relationship? She's obviously shagging one of your mates, why are you with her?" and so on. I think a lot of men are raising children they did not, in reality, father. Some do this knowingly, e.g. in cases of step-parenthood, but most do it unknowingly. I think marriage is for losers and is not something anyone should aspire to; rather, women are sex objects to just have sex with and dump since, that is, after all, what they'll do to you. I think monogamy is one of the most ambitious social constructs and the time has come for us, as a supposedly intelligent species, to put an end to it.

    Those are some of the disturbing(?), unconventional and unnatural (debatable) things I now think. It's easy to see why people in my position would easily take well to these ideas. I know this is not normal and not how it should be. It certainly isn't how it used to be when I was younger (that said, I am only 21). I would like to get back to a state of normality, but personal experience prevents me from rejecting Red Pill ideas, for example. Of course, that I was cheated on multiple times is largely due to my stupidity, naïvety and low self-esteem. I am sure my ex girlfriend lost all respect for me when I stayed with her the first time. I have no doubt she didn't think highly of me after that point. But what caused her to cheat in the first place? What causes other women, some of whom are married and have ostensibly stable families, to leave their decades-long marriages for the "bad boy" mechanic down the road? Why do so many girls cheat, hide it, lie about it, and still go around saying "not all women are like that" when the scale of women cheating is brought up? I know I am a simple case of absolute idiocy and morony, but we cannot ignore the underlying problems in modern male-female relationships. Or can we? Have I just lost the plot? I don't know, but I would appreciate your insight on this whole debacle.

    Thanks for reading.

    Here's some harsh advice for you, Get Over It
    Men have been doing this to women for centuries and they just put up with it so for a lot of other women it's pay back time. In this day and age most women are just as bad as men or sometimes even worse.
    Men can't complain that women cheat when men started it and women are just copying them.
    But even worse are men who kidnap young girls/women and force them into prostituition, human trafficking, sex slavery/ violence.
    I've never heard of thousands of women kidnapping men to force them into sex slavery.
    I think women have got more to complain about how men treat them and have more right to feel hatred towards men because of this and because most men think women are only put on earth to use them for sex and cheat on them so your problem is nothing compared to what thousands or millions of girls/ women have to go through everyday.

    You will stop feeling sorry for yourself when you watch this film called,
    Caged No More
    Then look up their website www.cagednomore.com
    #caged no more
    I saw that film last week on the internet and other similar films.
    It's disgusting the things that men do to women
    Another film I saw on the internet was called Hate Crime
    These are both true stories. I've never had anything really bad happen to me but for girls who have experienced this or just being cheated on will feel like they hate men but they won't blame all men.
    These films will make you realise how lucky you are in life that your problems are nothing compared to that

    Also You will stop feeling sorry for yourself when you read this thread called,
    My Boyfriend Has Finally Forgiven Me For Cheating Etc But I'm Not Even Happy About It.
    And this is a guy that's cheating and has cheated on his boyfriend more than 3 times and the idiot keeps forgiving him, last year I remember giving him advice in another thread he started about cheating on his boyfriend but I thought he was a girl at the time i was giving advice but I only found out this year from ANM775 that he's a dude. You should look up all his other threads about cheating and ask him questions why he keeps doing it.

    Also type on tsr, Cheated On Boyfriend and a long list of threads will come up. I typed that to search for the old thread from last year of the bloke who cheats so I could tell you the name of their thread because I forgot what it was called then I saw so many of these cheating threads. Maybe reading other people's threads will help you understand why people cheat and help you to get over it eventually or it could make you worse
    Blaming women is not going to help you and you will go into the next relationship worrying every woman will cheat
    There's no point anyone having a pact with each other that they will never cheat or to promise they will tell each other before they do it because that is stupid. People who cheat are also born liars too
    I would never cheat myself but everyone can say that and then you make mistakes but although I've never cheated I don't have sympathy for people who have been cheated on because they are dumb enough to assume that everyone is going to be faithful to them. If a man cheated on me I wouldn't be upset or devestated because I've seen countless stuff like that on the Jeremy Kyle show and read about stuff like that in papers, etc
    Some people can't help cheating but everyone deserves a second chance to see if they change but not your girlfriend. She will go on to do this to every other man

    Of course you have every right to be angry but you should only be angry with her not other women unless someone does it to you again. And giving her £500 was a dumb move. Ask her to re pay it.
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    To put it simply: if someone ruins some part of your life, don't give them the reigns and allow them to ruin the rest of it too.
    Some people have no sense of responsibility and dignity. At the end of the day, you can't control the thoughts or actions of other people in your life, you can merely be the best that you can be. So don't let others mar your character and your values. Just keep moving forward with the aim of self-improvement, regardless of how others behave.
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    (Original post by LostYouth)
    Hi,

    Thanks for clicking on this post.

    TL;DR: a long-term girlfriend cheated on me numerous times, many of which were entirely down to my stupidity and naïvety, and that has sent me into a state of depression, misogyny, yearning for revenge, and an unhealthy obsession with "Red Pill" and "manosphere" philosophy.

    Around this time three years ago (2014), I found out my then-girlfriend of nearly four years (nearly seven by the time the relationship ended; see later section) had cheated on me on a night out during her holiday in a South East Asian country. She had sex with an English guy—coming to the end of his gap year—after a drunken night out. Until I pressed her for answers for her suspicious behaviour, she had not said a word about it. Naturally, I was devastated by this news and started questioning a few things. "Why am I not good enough?", "why didn't she end things with me first?" and so on. At that time, I had even lower self-esteem and self-confidence than I do now (it's still low, but better than it was back then) and, despite my friends' advice, I eventually forgave her and we "worked things out" when she came back. With hindsight, I highly doubt that is the only time she cheated on me on that particular holiday. This was a month or two before we were both due to start university. I was going to study in London; she in the Midlands.

    She went to university two weeks before I did. In the first week, she called me every night, crying and telling me how homesick she was. Most of her nights in the first week were spent alone, in her room, either on Skype to me or her family. She, like me, struggled with low self-esteem, low confidence, and was a generally shy person, so the transition from secondary school to university was always going to be difficult. At the end of that week, my family and I decided to pay her a surprise visit to cheer her up. She got on very well with my mother and sister (I come from a single parent family, unsurprisingly), so she was overjoyed to see us. When we (my family and I) left, she wept profusely. It was very sad.

    In the second week, however, something changed. She suddenly stopped complaining of homesickness. The Skype calls also stopped. Texts became more sporadic and infrequent. Lonely nights in turned into wild nights out. When I asked her what had changed—I was actually pleased for her, mind—so suddenly, she told me she'd just met a few girls with whom she got on and they had been "having the freshers' experience" (or words to that effect) as a group. Being the naïve person I was in those days, I took that to mean making friends, exploring the new environment, going to orientation events, signing up to societies, and the occasional wild night out. Ha! On Wednesday that week, she sent me a text in the evening which read, "are you coming to [name of the club] tonight? They are giving out free shots". This obviously wasn't meant for me, but it wasn't immediately suspicious or a cause for concern either. I passed it off as intended for a friend. We even joked about it, and I wished her a good night out (so to speak). However, the morning after, something just didn't feel right. I mulled over that text several times, eventually determining something was up.

    We had made so many pledges we would not cheat on each other at university. This was very important as most couples, no matter how long they have been together for, break up at university—usually in the first few weeks. One of the measures we had taken as testaments of our commitment to each other was the exchange of various passwords, Facebook being one. I debated checking her Facebook messages several times—as I had never done it until that point and it felt very creepy and abusive, despite it being entirely consensual—before finally taking the plunge. Her password had been changed. At that very moment I knew she had been cheating on me. I had the exact same "gut feeling" I had when she cheated on holiday a month or two before her Freshers' Week. As it happens, she had been sleeping with this guy for nearly a week, i.e. shortly after we had paid her a visit.

    I just couldn't understand what I had done wrong. (Our relationship had been rocky in the past—nothing major really—but I thought we were pretty solid lately. The cheating on holiday was, in my mind, an entirely drunken mistake, not least because she made out she had passed out and only found out they had sex the morning after). I tried ending the relationship that day, but she talked me out of it and insisted on coming to London (I had entered university too) to "work things out". All my new university friends and hallmates were vehemently against this—especially the girls, which I should have taken seriously since girls probably know girl psychology better—but I ignored them. She came down that weekend. We had a great time. It was painfully sad, but lovely at the same time. Now I realise it was only lovely because my ex and I were friends at the core and that's a bond we've always had, but painfully sad because I was too pathetic to realise what was really going on. I even gave her £500 because she said she was low on cash and had exhausted the allowance from her parents. Ha! (I know what you are thinking, and I couldn't agree more). She went back to her university and, as it happens, continued having sex with this lad. She even started sleeping with other people. One night stands, Tinder... the lot. I found out over the Christmas break that year and ended the relationship again. At this point, my self-esteem was low I felt guilty even ending it; I desperately clung on to our past and the person she was once, instead of accepting the cold hard truth and dealing with the present reality.

    To cut a long story (longer than it already is) short, we got back together again. She continued sleeping with other people. This happened until she got through some 15 different boys. Compounded by the fact I thoroughly hated my course and overall university experience and fell out with my family, I sank into a pretty bad depression, contemplated suicide, and became fairly dependant on Duloxetine. I finally had the courage to properly cut off all ties with this girl earlier this year, but things had turned dark. The "relationship" (I can't not laugh at myself for even calling it that) was so sordid it did not even resemble anything it once was. At its core was a strong concoction of resentment, jealousy, insecurity, lies, betrayal, and a genuine hatred for each other.

    I discovered MGTOW, PUA, Red Pill, manosphere, alpha/beta, etc. ideologies shortly after things ended. I had been scouring the internet for advice on how to get over an ex, how to be confident, etc.—the typical "I have just come out of a bad relationship" Google searches. Although their philosophies are not necessarily connected, these (largely online) movements do have a few things in common: they claim to be aimed at making men the best versions of themselves and helping them see the world for what it really is. Needless to say, as I have delved deeper into these spheres, I have come to not only agree with the messages they promulgate, but actively adopt them into my mode of thought too.

    I have become very sexist and misogynystic, certainly by today's standards. I now think women are horrible, horrible people who do nothing but use men for their own advancement. I think they have a blatant disregard for people's feelings and are only set on getting what they want no matter the cost. They will use the ugly, fat and unpopular kid who has a crush on them for validation and emotional support; but the muscly, popular jock for sex and social standing. I think every woman cheats and most cheat everyday, it just so happens that a lot of them are pretty good at covering their tracks. Everytime I see a couple, where I used to think, "that's so sweet; I wish them all the best", I now just think, "how pathetic do you have to be to be in a relationship? She's obviously shagging one of your mates, why are you with her?" and so on. I think a lot of men are raising children they did not, in reality, father. Some do this knowingly, e.g. in cases of step-parenthood, but most do it unknowingly. I think marriage is for losers and is not something anyone should aspire to; rather, women are sex objects to just have sex with and dump since, that is, after all, what they'll do to you. I think monogamy is one of the most ambitious social constructs and the time has come for us, as a supposedly intelligent species, to put an end to it.

    Those are some of the disturbing(?), unconventional and unnatural (debatable) things I now think. It's easy to see why people in my position would easily take well to these ideas. I know this is not normal and not how it should be. It certainly isn't how it used to be when I was younger (that said, I am only 21). I would like to get back to a state of normality, but personal experience prevents me from rejecting Red Pill ideas, for example. Of course, that I was cheated on multiple times is largely due to my stupidity, naïvety and low self-esteem. I am sure my ex girlfriend lost all respect for me when I stayed with her the first time. I have no doubt she didn't think highly of me after that point. But what caused her to cheat in the first place? What causes other women, some of whom are married and have ostensibly stable families, to leave their decades-long marriages for the "bad boy" mechanic down the road? Why do so many girls cheat, hide it, lie about it, and still go around saying "not all women are like that" when the scale of women cheating is brought up? I know I am a simple case of absolute idiocy and morony, but we cannot ignore the underlying problems in modern male-female relationships. Or can we? Have I just lost the plot? I don't know, but I would appreciate your insight on this whole debacle.

    Thanks for reading.

    The web address doesn't work so just type Caged No More on Google and it will come up or You Tube
    • #1
    #1

    Calm down. The army came to Northern Ireland and now anyone's with the surname Clarke sands etc. Just sees an army barracks as their cornerstone of their perspective of the tell you otherwise. I think it's because most of them are autistic I have no time for this keep doing what you are doing before.
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    Don't let this one skank ruin your future chances of happiness with someone who would never cheat and who you could build a life with some day. You've acknowledged you were naive and not very smart, so that already puts you in a better position to find a decent person. You talk about women going after the hot mechanic rather than being faithful, but why do some men go after the type of skanky biatch that would do that. It's like women who keep getting beaten up by their boyfriends and can't understand why it keeps happening.Obviously that's really bad but they also need to acknowledge that they are going after that particular type of man. Was there something dangerous about your ex that attracted you? Realising this, could help you find someone who will be faitfhful. Your ex honestly sounds like someone with bipolar, she sounds ill. And I don't mean that offensively, but 15 guys?? Most girls don't clock up that much in a lifetime and there are quite a lot of people who would rather wait till they are in love, or even married in some cases.
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    tl;dr (but will read later) but i saw the words "red pill" and "manopshere". don't get into them. they prey on people like you and feed you ******** to get you into it, whilst using dumb pseudoscience crap to make it sound scientific, validate your current behavioural script and use some good advice to slightly help you out (like getting confidence and that) - and that's just the surface out of it . most of it is a load of ****. they'll go around throwing buzzwords around like "beta" to dismiss anyone who disagrees with them.

    there's far better alternatives for relationship and self-improvement advice.
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    (Original post by applesforme)
    Don't let this one skank ruin your future chances of happiness with someone who would never cheat and who you could build a life with some day. You've acknowledged you were naive and not very smart, so that already puts you in a better position to find a decent person. You talk about women going after the hot mechanic rather than being faithful, but why do some men go after the type of skanky biatch that would do that. It's like women who keep getting beaten up by their boyfriends and can't understand why it keeps happening.Obviously that's really bad but they also need to acknowledge that they are going after that particular type of man. Was there something dangerous about your ex that attracted you? Realising this, could help you find someone who will be faitfhful. Your ex honestly sounds like someone with bipolar, she sounds ill. And I don't mean that offensively, but 15 guys?? Most girls don't clock up that much in a lifetime and there are quite a lot of people who would rather wait till they are in love, or even married in some cases.
    I've slept with over 1000 people.
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    (Original post by LostYouth)
    Hi,

    Thanks for clicking on this post.

    TL;DR: a long-term girlfriend cheated on me numerous times, many of which were entirely down to my stupidity and naïvety, and that has sent me into a state of depression, misogyny, yearning for revenge, and an unhealthy obsession with "Red Pill" and "manosphere" philosophy.

    Around this time three years ago (2014), I found out my then-girlfriend of nearly four years (nearly seven by the time the relationship ended; see later section) had cheated on me on a night out during her holiday in a South East Asian country. She had sex with an English guy—coming to the end of his gap year—after a drunken night out. Until I pressed her for answers for her suspicious behaviour, she had not said a word about it. Naturally, I was devastated by this news and started questioning a few things. "Why am I not good enough?", "why didn't she end things with me first?" and so on. At that time, I had even lower self-esteem and self-confidence than I do now (it's still low, but better than it was back then) and, despite my friends' advice, I eventually forgave her and we "worked things out" when she came back. With hindsight, I highly doubt that is the only time she cheated on me on that particular holiday. This was a month or two before we were both due to start university. I was going to study in London; she in the Midlands.

    She went to university two weeks before I did. In the first week, she called me every night, crying and telling me how homesick she was. Most of her nights in the first week were spent alone, in her room, either on Skype to me or her family. She, like me, struggled with low self-esteem, low confidence, and was a generally shy person, so the transition from secondary school to university was always going to be difficult. At the end of that week, my family and I decided to pay her a surprise visit to cheer her up. She got on very well with my mother and sister (I come from a single parent family, unsurprisingly), so she was overjoyed to see us. When we (my family and I) left, she wept profusely. It was very sad.

    In the second week, however, something changed. She suddenly stopped complaining of homesickness. The Skype calls also stopped. Texts became more sporadic and infrequent. Lonely nights in turned into wild nights out. When I asked her what had changed—I was actually pleased for her, mind—so suddenly, she told me she'd just met a few girls with whom she got on and they had been "having the freshers' experience" (or words to that effect) as a group. Being the naïve person I was in those days, I took that to mean making friends, exploring the new environment, going to orientation events, signing up to societies, and the occasional wild night out. Ha! On Wednesday that week, she sent me a text in the evening which read, "are you coming to [name of the club] tonight? They are giving out free shots". This obviously wasn't meant for me, but it wasn't immediately suspicious or a cause for concern either. I passed it off as intended for a friend. We even joked about it, and I wished her a good night out (so to speak). However, the morning after, something just didn't feel right. I mulled over that text several times, eventually determining something was up.

    We had made so many pledges we would not cheat on each other at university. This was very important as most couples, no matter how long they have been together for, break up at university—usually in the first few weeks. One of the measures we had taken as testaments of our commitment to each other was the exchange of various passwords, Facebook being one. I debated checking her Facebook messages several times—as I had never done it until that point and it felt very creepy and abusive, despite it being entirely consensual—before finally taking the plunge. Her password had been changed. At that very moment I knew she had been cheating on me. I had the exact same "gut feeling" I had when she cheated on holiday a month or two before her Freshers' Week. As it happens, she had been sleeping with this guy for nearly a week, i.e. shortly after we had paid her a visit.

    I just couldn't understand what I had done wrong. (Our relationship had been rocky in the past—nothing major really—but I thought we were pretty solid lately. The cheating on holiday was, in my mind, an entirely drunken mistake, not least because she made out she had passed out and only found out they had sex the morning after). I tried ending the relationship that day, but she talked me out of it and insisted on coming to London (I had entered university too) to "work things out". All my new university friends and hallmates were vehemently against this—especially the girls, which I should have taken seriously since girls probably know girl psychology better—but I ignored them. She came down that weekend. We had a great time. It was painfully sad, but lovely at the same time. Now I realise it was only lovely because my ex and I were friends at the core and that's a bond we've always had, but painfully sad because I was too pathetic to realise what was really going on. I even gave her £500 because she said she was low on cash and had exhausted the allowance from her parents. Ha! (I know what you are thinking, and I couldn't agree more). She went back to her university and, as it happens, continued having sex with this lad. She even started sleeping with other people. One night stands, Tinder... the lot. I found out over the Christmas break that year and ended the relationship again. At this point, my self-esteem was low I felt guilty even ending it; I desperately clung on to our past and the person she was once, instead of accepting the cold hard truth and dealing with the present reality.

    To cut a long story (longer than it already is) short, we got back together again. She continued sleeping with other people. This happened until she got through some 15 different boys. Compounded by the fact I thoroughly hated my course and overall university experience and fell out with my family, I sank into a pretty bad depression, contemplated suicide, and became fairly dependant on Duloxetine. I finally had the courage to properly cut off all ties with this girl earlier this year, but things had turned dark. The "relationship" (I can't not laugh at myself for even calling it that) was so sordid it did not even resemble anything it once was. At its core was a strong concoction of resentment, jealousy, insecurity, lies, betrayal, and a genuine hatred for each other.

    I discovered MGTOW, PUA, Red Pill, manosphere, alpha/beta, etc. ideologies shortly after things ended. I had been scouring the internet for advice on how to get over an ex, how to be confident, etc.—the typical "I have just come out of a bad relationship" Google searches. Although their philosophies are not necessarily connected, these (largely online) movements do have a few things in common: they claim to be aimed at making men the best versions of themselves and helping them see the world for what it really is. Needless to say, as I have delved deeper into these spheres, I have come to not only agree with the messages they promulgate, but actively adopt them into my mode of thought too.

    I have become very sexist and misogynystic, certainly by today's standards. I now think women are horrible, horrible people who do nothing but use men for their own advancement. I think they have a blatant disregard for people's feelings and are only set on getting what they want no matter the cost. They will use the ugly, fat and unpopular kid who has a crush on them for validation and emotional support; but the muscly, popular jock for sex and social standing. I think every woman cheats and most cheat everyday, it just so happens that a lot of them are pretty good at covering their tracks. Everytime I see a couple, where I used to think, "that's so sweet; I wish them all the best", I now just think, "how pathetic do you have to be to be in a relationship? She's obviously shagging one of your mates, why are you with her?" and so on. I think a lot of men are raising children they did not, in reality, father. Some do this knowingly, e.g. in cases of step-parenthood, but most do it unknowingly. I think marriage is for losers and is not something anyone should aspire to; rather, women are sex objects to just have sex with and dump since, that is, after all, what they'll do to you. I think monogamy is one of the most ambitious social constructs and the time has come for us, as a supposedly intelligent species, to put an end to it.

    Those are some of the disturbing(?), unconventional and unnatural (debatable) things I now think. It's easy to see why people in my position would easily take well to these ideas. I know this is not normal and not how it should be. It certainly isn't how it used to be when I was younger (that said, I am only 21). I would like to get back to a state of normality, but personal experience prevents me from rejecting Red Pill ideas, for example. Of course, that I was cheated on multiple times is largely due to my stupidity, naïvety and low self-esteem. I am sure my ex girlfriend lost all respect for me when I stayed with her the first time. I have no doubt she didn't think highly of me after that point. But what caused her to cheat in the first place? What causes other women, some of whom are married and have ostensibly stable families, to leave their decades-long marriages for the "bad boy" mechanic down the road? Why do so many girls cheat, hide it, lie about it, and still go around saying "not all women are like that" when the scale of women cheating is brought up? I know I am a simple case of absolute idiocy and morony, but we cannot ignore the underlying problems in modern male-female relationships. Or can we? Have I just lost the plot? I don't know, but I would appreciate your insight on this whole debacle.

    Thanks for reading.
    Wait a minute. I mean WAIT!
    HOW MUCH ARE YOU WRITING? JESUS FCK MAN, YOU JUST WROTE A SOLID THESIS!
    I mean how long did that take you?
    FOOKING HELL
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    (Original post by LostYouth)
    Hi,

    Thanks for clicking on this post.

    TL;DR: a long-term girlfriend cheated on me numerous times, many of which were entirely down to my stupidity and naïvety, and that has sent me into a state of depression, misogyny, yearning for revenge, and an unhealthy obsession with "Red Pill" and "manosphere" philosophy.
    First off while I'm not saying you don't have any failings, her cheating was not due to any failings on your part. She had the traits of a cheater long before she met you, and even if you were to be brutally critical of yourself and say that you were inadequate for her standards, she could have done the right thing by ending it in a civil manner.

    So the cheating isn't your fault. But you failed to recognise a toxic person in your life, worse still you probably had feelings for her. To some degree, she will have been giving off warning signs and red flags for you to pick up on that you will have chosen not to because it felt worth the risk. We've all been there and ignored our better judgement because our impulses are driving us towards something gratifying. People don't end up alcoholics because they're too stupid to know it hurts them, they just aren't strong enough to ignore that dopamine kick they get from indulging. The same with people in relationships who ignore the warning signs, it feels so good living in the illusion that we just don't want to know the truth.

    And that's how you've ended up at the obsession with red pill culture. Your reality just got ripped out from under you and now nothing you thought was real is so, and you don't know how much you can trust anything, especially your own judgement. That's as real a damage as is having just broken your leg. You're broken and you can heal. These 'red pill' purveyors will sell you a very attractive perspective, one where it isn't completely your fault, all the post modernists, all the third wave feminists, all the mainstream media have conspired against you having a good life and the game is rigged. It's a nice story in which the people buying it don't have to be accountable for their failings. But it's a victim mentality, it's bitter, it's resentful, it's weak, and it's not a happy path.

    You need to just be honest with yourself, you weren't perfect before this happened. You had faults, you were weak, you made mistakes because they felt like the easy path towards gratification. Take this as the chance to be almost cruelly honest about your short comings, then do something about them rather than letting it beat you and turn you into another bitter, resentful guy indoctrinating himself into a cult like culture.
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    I didn't read the whole post because it was too long, but some thoughts that might be helpful.

    It's normal for being cheated on to be a crushing experience that affects your self-esteem. Unfortunately cheating is very common and the more women you date, the more unrealistic it becomes to expect never to be cheated on. It's something that happens and doesn't necessarily mean the girl is a bad person, or that the relationship was bad - she was distracted from her feelings for you by some other guy. That being said, who has time for being cheated on? You just break up, but it's not something I think people should take to heart and feel that it was ultimately because they themselves weren't good enough.

    Edit: Just read that this girl slept with 15 other guys - jeez! Yeah she was a bad egg alright and way outside the norm, so don't let that colour your outlook too much.

    Be careful with the manosphere and TRP. There are useful insights to find there, but you have to wade through a sea of negativity to find it. Without significant real-world experience with women, it's impossible to tell what are unfortunate truths about society versus what are people's rationalisations for their own bad experiences. Despite its intent to enable people to improve themselves, I've seen guys simply get caught up in a negative spiral and sink into a state of nihilist paralysis. That appears to be what's happening with you - women are not 'horrible, horrible people' who 'just use men for their own advancement'. You should throw away all of this TRP stuff until you have had many positive experiences with women and can read things without accepting everything at face value, or feeling that it's pushing you into a dark place.

    For now I think you should find some things you enjoy or that are important to you and work at them. It will be a lot easier to feel good about yourself if you're enjoying your life and feel like you're improving at things. Put women to one side until you feel freer from the negative thoughts you're having right now. Relax a little, have fun with your life, and in time meet some more women that you can share some positive experiences with.
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    I have read your story and I was deeply moved by what you have undergone. This is something that can definitely be associated with the wider crisis of masculinity. Misogony can be especially detrimental and I have personally known several cases in my own country as well as in the United Kingdom of scattered characters as a result. In my opinion, the solution is to rebuild your character and self-worth and confidence as this precarious position is bad for your own health and those around you.
    • #2
    #2

    To answer why some girls cheat
    Im Struggling to see how a guy my age will fully satisfy me , emotionally , intellectually and maturity-wise . There's still a lot of competiton, I'm better than you, getting with a girl to show off, j feel.no need to.compare myself or fitr in and this just gets on my tits
    Whilst it's does off a little since 17 or whatever, it's still.larwgely there , compared to fourty year olds
    And being in mind twenties it's harder to get with an older man when the social group is your own age, so I'd prefer one night stands at the moment, to be honest.
    • #2
    #2

    * whilst it's died of a little since 17 or so, it's still largely there, allot of trying to.fit in, doing things just because other people.are doing them, afraid to be single beacuse it looks bad and thereforeoe settling for any girl etc
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To answer why some girls cheat
    Im Struggling to see how a guy my age will fully satisfy me , emotionally , intellectually and maturity-wise . There's still a lot of competiton, I'm better than you, getting with a girl to show off, j feel.no need to.compare myself or fitr in and this just gets on my tits
    Whilst it's does off a little since 17 or whatever, it's still.larwgely there , compared to fourty year olds
    And being in mind twenties it's harder to get with an older man when the social group is your own age, so I'd prefer one night stands at the moment, to be honest.
    But are you in a relationship?

    @OP: she is a selfish prick. She is obviously incapable of being in a relationship, not your fault. Just learn your less that next time, there are no second chances.

    Regarding red pill - don't be that guy. Just no. They are just pathetic losers that act in a certain way to overcome their own shortcomings (be it bitterness, low self esteem, anger, or whatnot).
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by LostYouth)
    Hi,

    Thanks for clicking on this post.

    TL;DR: a long-term girlfriend cheated on me numerous times, many of which were entirely down to my stupidity and naïvety, and that has sent me into a state of depression, misogyny, yearning for revenge, and an unhealthy obsession with "Red Pill" and "manosphere" philosophy.

    Around this time three years ago (2014), I found out my then-girlfriend of nearly four years (nearly seven by the time the relationship ended; see later section) had cheated on me on a night out during her holiday in a South East Asian country. She had sex with an English guy—coming to the end of his gap year—after a drunken night out. Until I pressed her for answers for her suspicious behaviour, she had not said a word about it. Naturally, I was devastated by this news and started questioning a few things. "Why am I not good enough?", "why didn't she end things with me first?" and so on. At that time, I had even lower self-esteem and self-confidence than I do now (it's still low, but better than it was back then) and, despite my friends' advice, I eventually forgave her and we "worked things out" when she came back. With hindsight, I highly doubt that is the only time she cheated on me on that particular holiday. This was a month or two before we were both due to start university. I was going to study in London; she in the Midlands.

    She went to university two weeks before I did. In the first week, she called me every night, crying and telling me how homesick she was. Most of her nights in the first week were spent alone, in her room, either on Skype to me or her family. She, like me, struggled with low self-esteem, low confidence, and was a generally shy person, so the transition from secondary school to university was always going to be difficult. At the end of that week, my family and I decided to pay her a surprise visit to cheer her up. She got on very well with my mother and sister (I come from a single parent family, unsurprisingly), so she was overjoyed to see us. When we (my family and I) left, she wept profusely. It was very sad.

    In the second week, however, something changed. She suddenly stopped complaining of homesickness. The Skype calls also stopped. Texts became more sporadic and infrequent. Lonely nights in turned into wild nights out. When I asked her what had changed—I was actually pleased for her, mind—so suddenly, she told me she'd just met a few girls with whom she got on and they had been "having the freshers' experience" (or words to that effect) as a group. Being the naïve person I was in those days, I took that to mean making friends, exploring the new environment, going to orientation events, signing up to societies, and the occasional wild night out. Ha! On Wednesday that week, she sent me a text in the evening which read, "are you coming to [name of the club] tonight? They are giving out free shots". This obviously wasn't meant for me, but it wasn't immediately suspicious or a cause for concern either. I passed it off as intended for a friend. We even joked about it, and I wished her a good night out (so to speak). However, the morning after, something just didn't feel right. I mulled over that text several times, eventually determining something was up.

    We had made so many pledges we would not cheat on each other at university. This was very important as most couples, no matter how long they have been together for, break up at university—usually in the first few weeks. One of the measures we had taken as testaments of our commitment to each other was the exchange of various passwords, Facebook being one. I debated checking her Facebook messages several times—as I had never done it until that point and it felt very creepy and abusive, despite it being entirely consensual—before finally taking the plunge. Her password had been changed. At that very moment I knew she had been cheating on me. I had the exact same "gut feeling" I had when she cheated on holiday a month or two before her Freshers' Week. As it happens, she had been sleeping with this guy for nearly a week, i.e. shortly after we had paid her a visit.

    I just couldn't understand what I had done wrong. (Our relationship had been rocky in the past—nothing major really—but I thought we were pretty solid lately. The cheating on holiday was, in my mind, an entirely drunken mistake, not least because she made out she had passed out and only found out they had sex the morning after). I tried ending the relationship that day, but she talked me out of it and insisted on coming to London (I had entered university too) to "work things out". All my new university friends and hallmates were vehemently against this—especially the girls, which I should have taken seriously since girls probably know girl psychology better—but I ignored them. She came down that weekend. We had a great time. It was painfully sad, but lovely at the same time. Now I realise it was only lovely because my ex and I were friends at the core and that's a bond we've always had, but painfully sad because I was too pathetic to realise what was really going on. I even gave her £500 because she said she was low on cash and had exhausted the allowance from her parents. Ha! (I know what you are thinking, and I couldn't agree more). She went back to her university and, as it happens, continued having sex with this lad. She even started sleeping with other people. One night stands, Tinder... the lot. I found out over the Christmas break that year and ended the relationship again. At this point, my self-esteem was low I felt guilty even ending it; I desperately clung on to our past and the person she was once, instead of accepting the cold hard truth and dealing with the present reality.

    To cut a long story (longer than it already is) short, we got back together again. She continued sleeping with other people. This happened until she got through some 15 different boys. Compounded by the fact I thoroughly hated my course and overall university experience and fell out with my family, I sank into a pretty bad depression, contemplated suicide, and became fairly dependant on Duloxetine. I finally had the courage to properly cut off all ties with this girl earlier this year, but things had turned dark. The "relationship" (I can't not laugh at myself for even calling it that) was so sordid it did not even resemble anything it once was. At its core was a strong concoction of resentment, jealousy, insecurity, lies, betrayal, and a genuine hatred for each other.

    I discovered MGTOW, PUA, Red Pill, manosphere, alpha/beta, etc. ideologies shortly after things ended. I had been scouring the internet for advice on how to get over an ex, how to be confident, etc.—the typical "I have just come out of a bad relationship" Google searches. Although their philosophies are not necessarily connected, these (largely online) movements do have a few things in common: they claim to be aimed at making men the best versions of themselves and helping them see the world for what it really is. Needless to say, as I have delved deeper into these spheres, I have come to not only agree with the messages they promulgate, but actively adopt them into my mode of thought too.

    I have become very sexist and misogynystic, certainly by today's standards. I now think women are horrible, horrible people who do nothing but use men for their own advancement. I think they have a blatant disregard for people's feelings and are only set on getting what they want no matter the cost. They will use the ugly, fat and unpopular kid who has a crush on them for validation and emotional support; but the muscly, popular jock for sex and social standing. I think every woman cheats and most cheat everyday, it just so happens that a lot of them are pretty good at covering their tracks. Everytime I see a couple, where I used to think, "that's so sweet; I wish them all the best", I now just think, "how pathetic do you have to be to be in a relationship? She's obviously shagging one of your mates, why are you with her?" and so on. I think a lot of men are raising children they did not, in reality, father. Some do this knowingly, e.g. in cases of step-parenthood, but most do it unknowingly. I think marriage is for losers and is not something anyone should aspire to; rather, women are sex objects to just have sex with and dump since, that is, after all, what they'll do to you. I think monogamy is one of the most ambitious social constructs and the time has come for us, as a supposedly intelligent species, to put an end to it.

    Those are some of the disturbing(?), unconventional and unnatural (debatable) things I now think. It's easy to see why people in my position would easily take well to these ideas. I know this is not normal and not how it should be. It certainly isn't how it used to be when I was younger (that said, I am only 21). I would like to get back to a state of normality, but personal experience prevents me from rejecting Red Pill ideas, for example. Of course, that I was cheated on multiple times is largely due to my stupidity, naïvety and low self-esteem. I am sure my ex girlfriend lost all respect for me when I stayed with her the first time. I have no doubt she didn't think highly of me after that point. But what caused her to cheat in the first place? What causes other women, some of whom are married and have ostensibly stable families, to leave their decades-long marriages for the "bad boy" mechanic down the road? Why do so many girls cheat, hide it, lie about it, and still go around saying "not all women are like that" when the scale of women cheating is brought up? I know I am a simple case of absolute idiocy and morony, but we cannot ignore the underlying problems in modern male-female relationships. Or can we? Have I just lost the plot? I don't know, but I would appreciate your insight on this whole debacle.

    Thanks for reading.
    i am incredibly confused why you got back together again and again, i would have fuked it of the first time, if not the second for sure.

    Anyway, my perspective on early twenty relationships is to not expect too much from them to be honest. people change alot. noone is really seeking anything to look term, if you think about how often a relationship at the age of 21 or whatever ends up in marriage compared to one at 30 , that fact itself is more than enough to tell me not too expect much or take anything seriously. people are oftne just looking for fun, maybe a year or two, learning about themselves, not investing in you, and its not worth the time or emotional effort, sought flings or ONs

    with this approach, nothing can go wrong really.
    i mean you shouldn't take it all too seriously. people change alot at that age, it has nothing to do with you
 
 
 
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