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    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    (Trigger warning)

    Hello all. I hope you're doing well. I have a few concerns I want to share regarding my wellbeing and current situation.

    I have recently finished my A2 exams and I'm now in the summer period between university and college. I don't know how I've done, the exams were quite difficult and I was battling with issues but I tried to focus on the revision to the best I could at the time.

    I'm worried about my mental health affecting my life and performance at university. It already took a huge chunk out of my college life and I must say I haven't enjoyed the whole experience much. I left with few friends and opportunities over the summer and a bad taste in my mouth. This was mainly from pushing people away and because I used to get easily offended during social activities due to how I've been.

    I used to be suicidal/self-harm during the early stages of college - I was home educated and it was very difficult to settle in, I struggled with social norms/jokes/dealing with people and blamed myself a lot for it. I ended up feeling like a failure at everything and started going down a negative spiral since then.

    After switching colleges I found a new bunch of friends to hang out with, it was a little bit easier for me to mix as I had done it before but I was still seen by others as a bit 'different'. This brought back the bad feelings and thoughts again.

    I pushed them aside to deal with my A-Levels but now I'm finished. I feel like I have some emotional damage/esteem which I am having difficulty dealing with - feeling bad about myself and feeling like I mess up a lot. I have developed an inferiority complex where I see everyone else as better off than me.

    Plus I'm quite different to most other people I see my age - I'm more emotional, less interested into sex, more interested into ideas, people, stories, things etc. I struggle to make meaningful connections to people because of this.

    A lot of the social advice I've been reading from the internet/when I was depressed I would google what was on my mind - and this has just made me worse! I have now developed phobias and negative thoughts about people and types of people and hate myself because of it. After what I've read, I'm convinced the dating is hopeless, it will be impossible to make friends, and that I shouldn't bother bettering myself because society is against me already/messed up.

    I just want to be in a good mental state for university and freshers week! I know there is some time until it starts, that's why I'm asking around for tips and advice so I can rebuild myself for the new experience. It's very easy for me to get into a negative state after a few things go wrong, especially after social events and I start questioning myself and my progress, that's when I start feeling very depressed.

    So what could I do right now/what services would coach me out of this unhealthy thinking? And how would I convince myself they were a more reliable source than what I've read? I just want to be a free person again!

    Thank you
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    • #2

    Hey there! I really admire your honesty and I think you're a great and strong person for sharing this. I know it's easier said than done but my advice to you is to stop thinking so much about what people think of you, all that's important is your opinion of yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you, most of the time they're too engrossed in their own lives to focus solely on a particular person. Remind yourself everyday that you are strong and beautiful and that there's nothing wrong with you because there isn't. You sound like an awesome person and at university things will be different because there will be so many people and you'll be having a great time doing a course you love and partying with your friends, staying up late chatting and doing so many other things
    Nobody is against you in society, the only person that's against you is yourself. You deserve to big yourself up and enjoy your life! There's nothing wrong with you, your family and friends love you and there's no reason why you shouldn't either. And as for relationships, you'll find someone, there's someone out there for everyone and you're definitely not an exception.
    You could try talking to a counsellor or some family members about this but just understand that there's support out there for you, there's no harm or shame in asking for any and there's nothing wrong with you. You'll get through this with a positive mindset and before you know it you'll be partying with everyone else at uni and having an amazing time!
    Also don't overthink things. Especially what people think of you because that doesn't matter. The only opinion worth focusing on is your opinion of yourself. And when people compliment you believe them because they're being truthful
    And please don't use Google because that'll only make you feel worse. Talk to real people who you trust and are close to because they will say things that directly relate to you, they won't say things that they think you want to hear like the internet websites will.
    I know I've repeated myself a lot and I do apologise for that but I hope this helps you. if you ever want to talk feel free to DM me
    You'll get through this! I know you can!
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