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The heartbreak that taught me so much </3 (advice thread) Watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hey guys!

    I'm gonna make this quick because I know you're all very busy TSRians

    Before I start, I just wanted to say that I'm 25 and had my first relationship at age 22, 3 years ago.

    My ex broke up with me nearly 3 years ago (September 2014) and I wanted to write a thread about it here but I couldn't bring myself to write that because writing it would mean I believed it and then it would really be over. It wasn't denial, but I had this hope that someday we could reunite again because we were soul mates, had this incredible chemistry and intense passion and we were so in love... and he constantly told me how much he adored me and saw a future with me. Blah blah blah...

    Anyway flashforward months into the relationship, things started getting out of hand, he had a surgery, I took care of him (lived with him for nearly a month), friends got in the way and as a result unnecessary drama happened and he just changed 360 degrees all of a sudden... he was like this snake gossiping about me to my friends and gossiping about my friends to me and gossping about them to each other.. it was a mess... he told me how he was jealous that I had a group of friends in uni and he never had that..

    Anyway, during the break up, he told me 80% of the breakup was because of your friends, especially my best friend apparently, and I still cant forget what he said about her: "that b**** had it out for you since day 1" which is utter BS because this friend especially, I trusted her with my life.

    Anyway, so my ex did a lot of damage and broke up with me and it took a long time for me and my friends to repair our broken friendship (I'm happy to say that our bond is stronger than ever)

    So reflecting back on my relationship, I realized how toxic it was and how manipulative my ex was. It was my first relationship and I guess he took advantage of that. I was somewhat naive at times, and was so blinded my love to see his ugly side.

    So months after the break up, I've dated other guys and girls after him but never got into a serious relationship with anyone because a part of me was looking for someone with similar characteristics to him .. because he was my first true love or so I thought.. and it took me a very long time to get over him... every guy or girl I meet after him helps take my mind off him for a bit and I'm convinced I'm in love but it's not.. I met a girl last year and I was really serious about her and was this close to proposing but it didn't work out sadly. I wasn't as affected though .. At this point I was like ugh what's the use, finding someone you really click with is so hard.

    Finally, I gave up on a relationships in general and just wanted flings. That is, until last month, when I met a guy and I honestly did not expect to fall for him but I did and I just can't imagine not having him in my life. I'm careful this time to take it slow and he really likes me as well and we both hope it works out

    In a nutshell, I suffered. I learned. I changed.

    Thank you guys for reading a bit about my background... now here are the things I learnt from my past relationship.

    The 7 most important lessons I learned from my heartbreak:

    1. You don't need a guy/girl to love you for you to be happy. Loving yourself is the most important thing
    2. Don't change for anyone. Do it for yourself.
    3. Don't introduce someone you're serious about to your friends right away. That's a recipe for disaster.
    4. Don't be too clingy. No one likes that. Give your partner space to breathe.
    5. A little bit of jealousy is cute, but too much of it can destroy your relationship.
    6. Insecurity is weakness and a turn off. Be confident as that is sexy
    7. Don't neglect your family and friends for your new relationship. I get it's exciting and such at first, but you shouldn't let family and friends be your second choices.

    Finally, to anyone going through a heartbreak and thinking they will never heal again, listen to me, you will. Trust me. I've been there. I know how it feels. It's not a pretty thing but you will get over it. Surround yourself with friends and family and know that someday, someone will walk into your life and show you exactly why it hasn't worked out with any of your previous relationships. You are a beautiful individual and someday, if not now, you will get your happy ending because you deserve it. All you need to do is be patient. And then it will all work out.

    PS: I'm a bisexual guy if anyone is curious.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Aww shucks. Not even a single person replied.
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    TL;DR but hope you're doing well OP
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    wow, I read all of it!! Magnificent advice lol
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    Great advice 👍👍👍
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    I'm sorry to hear that

    That's some good advice you've given there. Good to hear that you've learnt from the experience so that the same mistakes won't happen again. Respect for that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys!

    I'm gonna make this quick because I know you're all very busy TSRians

    Before I start, I just wanted to say that I'm 25 and had my first relationship at age 22, 3 years ago.

    My ex broke up with me nearly 3 years ago (September 2014) and I wanted to write a thread about it here but I couldn't bring myself to write that because writing it would mean I believed it and then it would really be over. It wasn't denial, but I had this hope that someday we could reunite again because we were soul mates, had this incredible chemistry and intense passion and we were so in love... and he constantly told me how much he adored me and saw a future with me. Blah blah blah...

    Anyway flashforward months into the relationship, things started getting out of hand, he had a surgery, I took care of him (lived with him for nearly a month), friends got in the way and as a result unnecessary drama happened and he just changed 360 degrees all of a sudden... he was like this snake gossiping about me to my friends and gossiping about my friends to me and gossping about them to each other.. it was a mess... he told me how he was jealous that I had a group of friends in uni and he never had that..

    Anyway, during the break up, he told me 80% of the breakup was because of your friends, especially my best friend apparently, and I still cant forget what he said about her: "that b**** had it out for you since day 1" which is utter BS because this friend especially, I trusted her with my life.

    Anyway, so my ex did a lot of damage and broke up with me and it took a long time for me and my friends to repair our broken friendship (I'm happy to say that our bond is stronger than ever)

    So reflecting back on my relationship, I realized how toxic it was and how manipulative my ex was. It was my first relationship and I guess he took advantage of that. I was somewhat naive at times, and was so blinded my love to see his ugly side.

    So months after the break up, I've dated other guys and girls after him but never got into a serious relationship with anyone because a part of me was looking for someone with similar characteristics to him .. because he was my first true love or so I thought.. and it took me a very long time to get over him... every guy or girl I meet after him helps take my mind off him for a bit and I'm convinced I'm in love but it's not.. I met a girl last year and I was really serious about her and was this close to proposing but it didn't work out sadly. I wasn't as affected though .. At this point I was like ugh what's the use, finding someone you really click with is so hard.

    Finally, I gave up on a relationships in general and just wanted flings. That is, until last month, when I met a guy and I honestly did not expect to fall for him but I did and I just can't imagine not having him in my life. I'm careful this time to take it slow and he really likes me as well and we both hope it works out

    In a nutshell, I suffered. I learned. I changed.

    Thank you guys for reading a bit about my background... now here are the things I learnt from my past relationship.

    The 7 most important lessons I learned from my heartbreak:

    1. You don't need a guy/girl to love you for you to be happy. Loving yourself is the most important thing
    2. Don't change for anyone. Do it for yourself.
    3. Don't introduce someone you're serious about to your friends right away. That's a recipe for disaster.
    4. Don't be too clingy. No one likes that. Give your partner space to breathe.
    5. A little bit of jealousy is cute, but too much of it can destroy your relationship.
    6. Insecurity is weakness and a turn off. Be confident as that is sexy
    7. Don't neglect your family and friends for your new relationship. I get it's exciting and such at first, but you shouldn't let family and friends be your second choices.

    Finally, to anyone going through a heartbreak and thinking they will never heal again, listen to me, you will. Trust me. I've been there. I know how it feels. It's not a pretty thing but you will get over it. Surround yourself with friends and family and know that someday, someone will walk into your life and show you exactly why it hasn't worked out with any of your previous relationships. You are a beautiful individual and someday, if not now, you will get your happy ending because you deserve it. All you need to do is be patient. And then it will all work out.

    PS: I'm a bisexual guy if anyone is curious.

    I want to follow your TSR account.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Aww thanks everyone for replying. Really appreciate it
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by TheAlchemistress)
    I want to follow your TSR account.
    haha why?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    haha why?
    Because your advice was great in my opinion and if I ever need that kind of advice I need to PM you.
 
 
 
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