can I really have friends who are guys

I've met these guys in a circus club which I go to, they are mostly a bit older and we went out for a drink after. I gave my number to one of the guys because he wanted to check I got home safely, then we texted a bit and again the next day. As I mentioned, I don't fancy anyone so I don't have feelings for him as such. I think he's just friends but how am I supposed to know. Actually saying just friends may be insulting if that's what it is.

I've always been really cautious around guys and have felt like I've never been able to really be friends with them because I never know where I stand and all, especially recently. I much prefer being around girls.

Should I be able to be friends with guys without worrying? How should you know what a relationship is without asking explicitly? Does everyone have this problem, is it just something to deal with?

Second question:
How old did you start to have sexual feelings, fancying people and such?

I'm a bit confused about my sexuality.
-I don't really think I'm attracted to anyone right now, am not sure though. Would I know for sure? I don't really understand relationships or what is it really to fancy someone.
-I'm more comfortable around girls then guys maybe because of not knowing where you stand with guys.
-If I imagine doing anything sexually with anyone, it feels more comfortable with a girl, I think this may be because of the fear about becoming close to guys. If anyone's read On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan, I relate to Florence in that.
-I went out with a guy a bit ago and when I was breaking up with him I told him I was gay, I'm not sure if I am or not, but I think this made it easier to break up with him. I may be using it as an excuse because I don't have sexual feelings. Though I really don't know.

Reply 1

hannah_dru

2

I think you should be able to have a perfectly normal friendship with these guys. I'm sure you'd recognise if it got out of hand.

Its normal for people to go through phases of being attracted to the same sex.

Reply 2

MatchDancer

OP

hannah_dru

I think you should be able to have a perfectly normal friendship with these guys. I'm sure you'd recognise if it got out of hand.

Its normal for people to go through phases of being attracted to the same sex.

I don't know if I am attracted to the same sex, I don't REALLY understand what it means to be attracted to someone, of the same sex or different.

Reply 3

trm90

12

Firstly, it just seems like you have trust issues with guys. Maybe it's a deep and complex 'weed' in your psychological past that's catalysed your distrust, I don't know, but I do know that you're definitely going to have to find ways to be more comfortable around guys before exploring your sexuality.

Keep in mind that comfort with the same sex doesn't normally have any correlation with sexual preference (at least, for me it hasn't).

But have you ever felt a genuine, sexual attraction to someone, i.e. lusting after someone? I'm not going to jump to conclusions by saying you're asexual, though I think it's important that you think about your past sexual desires and whether you've had any or not.

Reply 4

MatchDancer

OP

I don't really know what it is to have a real sexual attraction, which suggests to me that I haven't. I don't think I'm going to jump to any conclusions, as you say, yet but see how it panns out. I think I may not have 'developed' yet, but that seems quite late, as I'm 17.

I think this issue with guys has only arised recently. I haven't really had any friends who are guys when I was younger, but that was just because I had a group of girl friends. I will chat to guys and can think of at least one which I will talk openly to (as well as my brother). I think I'm comfortable with guys I have known for longer, but ones that I've met in the past 6 months I'm just more aware. Possibly I'm being excessively aware. I was going to ask is it normal to text to a guy that you've just met, but it may not be normal and still be completely fine. I think because I haven't actually met new guys in the period when I've started to think about all this stuff, I'm not sure now how to form a relationship with a guy and it just to be a friendship. Yeah, I see what you mean, something I've got to deal with.

Reply 5

LaurenFah

14

Don't try to pigeonhole yourself into a category or 'gay', 'straight', or 'bi' - simply go with what you think is right at the time and what feels good to you - theres no need to involve labels which only purpose serves to confuse the hell out of you.

Reply 6

s0meb0dy

hmm.. i think you should hang around with guys more and see if this "sexual" attraction develops.. ur saying u havent experienced it with girls either, so u cant jump to the conclusion that ur gay..

never had any crushes or anything on anyone?

Reply 7

MatchDancer

OP

s0meb0dy

hmm.. i think you should hang around with guys more and see if this "sexual" attraction develops.. ur saying u havent experienced it with girls either, so u cant jump to the conclusion that ur gay..

never had any crushes or anything on anyone?

I don't think so. I don't really know what they are and I'd assume if I had, I would know. What sort of age did you start to have crushes? How did you know? Was it obvious?
I've grown up being open about sex and I guess I don't derive any sexual connotations from anything, I grew up seeing dance shows which I've since realised must have been sexually related, with some nudity and all, but I didn't get any of that, and I think that's never really gone away.

Reply 8

s0meb0dy

lol, i actually cant remember but my first crush must have been like when i was 5 or something.. u just want to be with the person more.. and u just dont know how quickly time actually passes when u r with them.. :smile:

Reply 9

Don John

17

It's perfectly normal to question having friends of the opposite sex

can I really have friends who are guys

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