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Gay muslim coming out to family and very scared Watch

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    Hello all!

    I'm a gay muslim and very proud, I never want to feel like I have to hide my sexuality but its very difficult because of my family, who are all practising muslims. I know the horrendous cruel treatment Islam prescribes for homosexuals and I think it's disgusting. Allah made me a homosexual and I'm not going to suppress my desire for a sexual relationship with another man for my entire life.

    I believe at some point the quran has been changed and the hadiths are often such that "someone said that someone said that Muhammad said" and it sounds a lot like Chinese whispers.

    The fact that my religion has these abominations in it makes me sick but I still do believe in God. Anyway I want to come out to my family but I am terrified they will physically harm me at worst and disown me, kick me out and never speak to me again at best. I live in the UK but I don't think that would stop my dad and brothers from probably severely hurting me because most Muslims are very intolerant of homosexuals and my family have always shown pure hatred for homosexuals and even wished death upon them when they see them on the news. Then I have my community to deal with and I fear being bullied / beaten up around my local area.

    So what do I do? I'm 16 and it will still be some years yet until I am able to be independent so I feel trapped and it's starting to get me depressed. It would be a miracle if they supported me but I am certain they won't. I wish Muslims were more accepting and moved away from the old teachings that are just out of date now and not relevant to this era.

    Any advice?
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    Good luck with that.
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    Strong join date to posts to content to profile pic ratio
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    Hi 👋🏼

    I'm really sorry to hear about your family's view on gay people - it's really upsetting when I hear about a family giving religious opinion priority over love.

    I can't imagine how difficult things would be for you right now. All I can suggest is for you to stay as strong as possible until you're able to move out / go to uni / get a job and become financially independent. At this point you'll have something and somewhere to fall back on if your parents react in the worst way. Never forget that if you choose to come out to them and they are violent, you can report them to the police.

    If you can't wait that many years, do you have a close trusted friend you can talk to about this? Maybe let them know of the possibility that you could be thrown out, and perhaps kindly ask if that person's parents would be willing to house you if worse comes to worst.

    If you don't mind me asking, do you still identify as a Muslim? Or have you chosen to leave religion (i.e. Become agnostic, believe god exists but doesn't believe in the religion)

    Hope everything gets better for you soon xoxo
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    Wouldn't recommend coming out until you can leave home if you're not sure your parents will be chill. 2 years of keeping a secret would be better than 2 years of getting beaten/homeless/ostracised while a minor.
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    Wait until you're independent
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    (Original post by Bezoar)
    Hi 👋🏼

    I'm really sorry to hear about your family's view on gay people - it's really upsetting when I hear about a family giving religious opinion priority over love.

    I can't imagine how difficult things would be for you right now. All I can suggest is for you to stay as strong as possible until you're able to move out / go to uni / get a job and become financially independent. At this point you'll have something and somewhere to fall back on if your parents react in the worst way. Never forget that if you choose to come out to them and they are violent, you can report them to the police.

    If you can't wait that many years, do you have a close trusted friend you can talk to about this? Maybe let them know of the possibility that you could be thrown out, and perhaps kindly ask if that person's parents would be willing to house you if worse comes to worst.

    If you don't mind me asking, do you still identify as a Muslim? Or have you chosen to leave religion (i.e. Become agnostic, believe god exists but doesn't believe in the religion)

    Hope everything gets better for you soon xoxo
    Thank you for the sweet words.

    Only a few of my non Muslim friends know I'm gay and they are all very supportive and encouraging but I don't think they understand just what it's like at home, how much pressure there is from family. I love my family but they will think I am the worse of people if they know I am gay.

    I don't think any of my friends could take me into their home and support that is a big ask but I'll think about it, perhaps one or two may help me out if I get kicked out. I still identify as a Muslim as I believe in Allah and the prophet Muhammad but I believe the quran was written for its time and is not strictly appropriate for our times. Homosexuality was not well understood, neither was mental illness and that is why we have things like the death penalty for sorcerers etc homosexuals etc.

    The world evolves, I don't see why religion cannot evolve as well. As long as I fulfill my prayers and identify no other with Allah and try to be the best person I can, that is good enough for me.
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    (Original post by I_R_FURRY!)
    Hello all!

    I'm a gay muslim and very proud, I never want to feel like I have to hide my sexuality but its very difficult because of my family, who are all practising muslims. I know the horrendous cruel treatment Islam prescribes for homosexuals and I think it's disgusting. Allah made me a homosexual and I'm not going to suppress my desire for a sexual relationship with another man for my entire life.

    I believe at some point the quran has been changed and the hadiths are often such that "someone said that someone said that Muhammad said" and it sounds a lot like Chinese whispers.

    The fact that my religion has these abominations in it makes me sick but I still do believe in God. Anyway I want to come out to my family but I am terrified they will physically harm me at worst and disown me, kick me out and never speak to me again at best. I live in the UK but I don't think that would stop my dad and brothers from probably severely hurting me because most Muslims are very intolerant of homosexuals and my family have always shown pure hatred for homosexuals and even wished death upon them when they see them on the news. Then I have my community to deal with and I fear being bullied / beaten up around my local area.

    So what do I do? I'm 16 and it will still be some years yet until I am able to be independent so I feel trapped and it's starting to get me depressed. It would be a miracle if they supported me but I am certain they won't. I wish Muslims were more accepting and moved away from the old teachings that are just out of date now and not relevant to this era.

    Any advice?
    Wait bro.. wait until you have your own place etc.. If you come out now *Pop pop pop pop* someones gonna get hurt/
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    Your not a Muslim if your gay your just a gay dude who believes in a god. Tell them when you leave the house to start your own life.
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    I would say wait for 2 years. it's not that long and would go really fast. it's not like your 26 and your parents are asking when you will get married lol. you are still a child so I would say wait. please dont put your life in any danger. all the best x
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    Don't come out till you have somewhere safe to go, away from them.
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    Unfortunately, from what you describe, your only option may be waiting until you're financially independent to come out.
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    Unfortunately you can't be a Muslim if you are gay, homosexuality is forbidden in Islam
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    (Original post by I_R_FURRY!)
    Any advice?
    When you're no longer dependent on your family, you may tell them then. If you do it before then, "prepare to die".
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    Hi. Do you mind if I ask you a question? [ Please don't think i'm trying to be insulting or sarcastic as i'm not. I'm just genuinely interested]. Before you realised you were Gay, what was your OWN view on Homosexuality?
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    do you watch porn?
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    (Original post by markova21)
    Hi. Do you mind if I ask you a question? [ Please don't think i'm trying to be insulting or sarcastic as i'm not. I'm just genuinely interested]. Before you realised you were Gay, what was your OWN view on Homosexuality?
    Before he realised he was gay he was probably a little kid. It's fine for a kid to hold negative opinions but if you still hold those same opinions as an adult then it suggests a lack of maturity and an abundance of ignorance.Don't try to compare an 11 yr old kids view on homosexuality to his parents who should know better than that.
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    (Original post by markova21)
    Hi. Do you mind if I ask you a question? [ Please don't think i'm trying to be insulting or sarcastic as i'm not. I'm just genuinely interested]. Before you realised you were Gay, what was your OWN view on Homosexuality?
    Good question.

    I was raised believing homosexuals were the worst of people, abominations among society and I was shown verses from the Quran and narrations from ahadith that said the same thing so I honestly believed it. Then when I got to about 11 or 12 I realised I was attracted to boys and I tried to tell myself it wasn't true and it was the devil playing tricks on me but then I kinda just started looking at things logically. If God is all loving and all merciful are honestly loves us as much as he claims, why would he make me and millions of other people gay and then punish us? It makes no sense homosexuality is not a choice! I just wish my family would believe that.

    Now I am all for gay rights, gay marriage, women's rights etc because I believe in equality and homosexuality doesn't harm society, in fact it benefits society, it thrives! Alan Turing, the father of computer science was homosexual and he contributed so much to so many fields. There are many homosexuals and women who when given the opportunity, can contribute significant amounts to the world and make it better for all of us.
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    (Original post by John10101)
    Your not a Muslim if your gay your just a gay dude who believes in a god. Tell them when you leave the house to start your own life.
    (Original post by Meany Pie)
    Don't come out till you have somewhere safe to go, away from them.
    (Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
    Unfortunately, from what you describe, your only option may be waiting until you're financially independent to come out.
    Thanks for your replies. My fear though is that even when I am at university I am not independent because as soon as I leave if I don't have a graduate job instantly I'll have to go life back at my parents and I hope to have a boyfriend by then. At least when I am at university I can live my life how I want to though which is comforting.

    (Original post by The RAR)
    Unfortunately you can't be a Muslim if you are gay, homosexuality is forbidden in Islam
    You are saying I cannot be a Muslim because I sin? I believe in Allah and the prophet Muhammad pbuh that makes me a Muslim.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    do you watch porn?
    I try not to because I don't want to get addicted to it but occasionally yes
 
 
 
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