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    Hey! I'm 24 and a guy. I only 'came out' as Bi at the start of this year, simply because I was too afraid to before.

    I started chatting to someone on tinder. We seemed to have all the same interests and got on well with texting so I met him. I first met him in February.

    He's from the same city as me, but went to a Uni around a 40 minute train journey from me. The first time we met, I met him locally when he was back at home, and I met him 2 or 3 times at his student house.

    He's back home now having finished Uni, but I just feel like I'm wasting time with him maybe? Or is this normal...

    - He says he's "too tired" to meet up.

    - We've met around 8 times now and nothing has happened further. He tells his friends (I've met one... just by coincidence we bumped into him. It wasn't planned or like he wanted to introduce me) that we're "going on dates".

    - If I don't message him, he won't message me.

    - Everytime I have met him, he has spoken of his ex.

    - On our last "date", "meet up" whatever it's called, I was speaking to him. He started to stop listen and I could tell he wasn't paying attention because I seen his eyes follow another guy who was walking past.

    - Anytime I have said I'd like something further, he's always changed subject.

    I feel like i'm not good enough. Is he wasting my time? Is he nervous? He's the first person I've ever met up with/dated. I don't really know how dates are supposed to work, but we met almost half a year ago. Isn't that a long time to still be "seeing someone"?

    My head is just everywhere. I'm sorry for the length of this.
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    probably give up yh
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    (Original post by 2scotty)
    Hey! I'm 24 and a guy. I only 'came out' as Bi at the start of this year, simply because I was too afraid to before.

    I started chatting to someone on tinder. We seemed to have all the same interests and got on well with texting so I met him. I first met him in February.

    He's from the same city as me, but went to a Uni around a 40 minute train journey from me. The first time we met, I met him locally when he was back at home, and I met him 2 or 3 times at his student house.

    He's back home now having finished Uni, but I just feel like I'm wasting time with him maybe? Or is this normal...

    - He says he's "too tired" to meet up.

    - We've met around 8 times now and nothing has happened further. He tells his friends (I've met one... just by coincidence we bumped into him. It wasn't planned or like he wanted to introduce me) that we're "going on dates".

    - If I don't message him, he won't message me.

    - Everytime I have met him, he has spoken of his ex.

    - On our last "date", "meet up" whatever it's called, I was speaking to him. He started to stop listen and I could tell he wasn't paying attention because I seen his eyes follow another guy who was walking past.

    - Anytime I have said I'd like something further, he's always changed subject.

    I feel like i'm not good enough. Is he wasting my time? Is he nervous? He's the first person I've ever met up with/dated. I don't really know how dates are supposed to work, but we met almost half a year ago. Isn't that a long time to still be "seeing someone"?

    My head is just everywhere. I'm sorry for the length of this.
    You should stop seeing him, it's not fair on you to be subject to this kind of treatment and you deserve better. If he was really into you he wouldn't say he's "too tired" to meet or not listen to you or look at other guys and ignore you. 6 months is quite a while yes, but if you don't feel a connection with him and especially as he's treating you so badly, you should break it off I think. You deserve much better
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    (Original post by 2scotty)
    Hey! I'm 24 and a guy. I only 'came out' as Bi at the start of this year, simply because I was too afraid to before.

    I started chatting to someone on tinder. We seemed to have all the same interests and got on well with texting so I met him. I first met him in February.

    He's from the same city as me, but went to a Uni around a 40 minute train journey from me. The first time we met, I met him locally when he was back at home, and I met him 2 or 3 times at his student house.

    He's back home now having finished Uni, but I just feel like I'm wasting time with him maybe? Or is this normal...

    - He says he's "too tired" to meet up.

    - We've met around 8 times now and nothing has happened further. He tells his friends (I've met one... just by coincidence we bumped into him. It wasn't planned or like he wanted to introduce me) that we're "going on dates".

    - If I don't message him, he won't message me.

    - Everytime I have met him, he has spoken of his ex.

    - On our last "date", "meet up" whatever it's called, I was speaking to him. He started to stop listen and I could tell he wasn't paying attention because I seen his eyes follow another guy who was walking past.

    - Anytime I have said I'd like something further, he's always changed subject.

    I feel like i'm not good enough. Is he wasting my time? Is he nervous? He's the first person I've ever met up with/dated. I don't really know how dates are supposed to work, but we met almost half a year ago. Isn't that a long time to still be "seeing someone"?

    My head is just everywhere. I'm sorry for the length of this.
    Sounds like he's not interested tbh, but he's not sure how to tell you
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    He doesn't sound right. Find someone better, it's his loss.
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    Sounds like he's not interested tbh, but he's not sure how to tell you
    I asked him if he still wanted to see me and he said yes... unless he doesn't know how to tell me?
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    (Original post by seasidestudy)
    You should stop seeing him, it's not fair on you to be subject to this kind of treatment and you deserve better. If he was really into you he wouldn't say he's "too tired" to meet or not listen to you or look at other guys and ignore you. 6 months is quite a while yes, but if you don't feel a connection with him and especially as he's treating you so badly, you should break it off I think. You deserve much better
    (Original post by OliviaRose98!)
    He doesn't sound right. Find someone better, it's his loss.
    Thank you. Think I'll be happier.
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    (Original post by 2scotty)
    I asked him if he still wanted to see me and he said yes... unless he doesn't know how to tell me?
    Hmm.. that's confusing. Maybe he's depressed/stressed, and that's why he's so distant, really hard to tell. I'd back of a little bit, to see if he starts putting more effort in
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    Hmm.. that's confusing. Maybe he's depressed/stressed, and that's why he's so distant, really hard to tell. I'd back of a little bit, to see if he starts putting more effort in
    What do you think I should do?

    The whole thing is just stressing me out and making me feel a bit low if I'm honest. I've told him how I've felt about everything and he just kind of ignores it.

    Thank you for all your help by the way!
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    (Original post by 2scotty)
    What do you think I should do?

    The whole thing is just stressing me out and making me feel a bit low if I'm honest. I've told him how I've felt about everything and he just kind of ignores it.

    Thank you for all your help by the way!
    Well if he's not even trying to put any effort in, after you've told him everything, I think I'd just leave it. No point in wasting your time and energy.
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    (Original post by 2scotty)
    What do you think I should do?

    The whole thing is just stressing me out and making me feel a bit low if I'm honest. I've told him how I've felt about everything and he just kind of ignores it.

    Thank you for all your help by the way!
    If he's ignoring it, time to move on. Stop messaging. If he does first, then reply.

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    I agree with everyone else, he's not interested and just leading you on. I've been in this position many times before, but if he was in to you, he'd be constantly talking to you, and you'd have definitely gone further by now.
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    Well if he's not even trying to put any effort in, after you've told him everything, I think I'd just leave it. No point in wasting your time and energy.
    (Original post by SMEGGGY)
    If he's ignoring it, time to move on. Stop messaging. If he does first, then reply.

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    (Original post by Whispers)
    I agree with everyone else, he's not interested and just leading you on. I've been in this position many times before, but if he was in to you, he'd be constantly talking to you, and you'd have definitely gone further by now.
    Thank you for your responses.

    I've been to work today, but just to test, I thought I wouldn't message him to say good morning (before work), and I've not messaged him at all since I've come home. It's now coming up to 10pm, I've not received any texts from him.

    It's just got me down because he said he wants to keep seeing me, but then it's little things like not receiving a text from him (I'm always the first to message), and he basically ignores me when I told him I'd love for us to be in a relationship and for things to go further. I said I wanted him to meet my Mum, and I'd love to see his Mum etc, and he just didn't say anything.

    We both went on a night out a few weeks ago. He lives very close to town and he wanted to drop something at home. We walked back to his. It was quite a chilly evening, dark too, and he said to me "wait here". I was outside. If that was the other way around, I'd have at least invited him in.

    I'm not a guy who's just into "that" by the way. All I've ever wanted is just a relationship and someone I can be there for, or someone who can be there for me. Someone I can go on days out with, cuddles, being cute etc.

    The last guy I was seeing didn't want to commit because he already had a boyfriend... I had no knowledge of that. I suspected something though and I was right to. This guy... he just doesn't seem to like me. I can feel it. He's never bothered about meeting up. If I try and be "cheeky", that's the only time he is interested and listening to me.
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    (Original post by 2scotty)
    Thank you for your responses.

    I've been to work today, but just to test, I thought I wouldn't message him to say good morning (before work), and I've not messaged him at all since I've come home. It's now coming up to 10pm, I've not received any texts from him.

    It's just got me down because he said he wants to keep seeing me, but then it's little things like not receiving a text from him (I'm always the first to message), and he basically ignores me when I told him I'd love for us to be in a relationship and for things to go further. I said I wanted him to meet my Mum, and I'd love to see his Mum etc, and he just didn't say anything.

    We both went on a night out a few weeks ago. He lives very close to town and he wanted to drop something at home. We walked back to his. It was quite a chilly evening, dark too, and he said to me "wait here". I was outside. If that was the other way around, I'd have at least invited him in.

    I'm not a guy who's just into "that" by the way. All I've ever wanted is just a relationship and someone I can be there for, or someone who can be there for me. Someone I can go on days out with, cuddles, being cute etc.

    The last guy I was seeing didn't want to commit because he already had a boyfriend... I had no knowledge of that. I suspected something though and I was right to. This guy... he just doesn't seem to like me. I can feel it. He's never bothered about meeting up. If I try and be "cheeky", that's the only time he is interested and listening to me.
    Definitely time to walk away and find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve, and the last thing you said about him only really seeing interested when you're being sexual, definitely not a good sign at all. Run for the wind and don't look back! He's a waster and you deserve so much better

    I am sorry you're feeling hurt though, but it's not a reflection on you, but on him.
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    (Original post by Whispers)
    Definitely time to walk away and find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve, and the last thing you said about him only really seeing interested when you're being sexual, definitely not a good sign at all. Run for the wind and don't look back! He's a waster and you deserve so much better

    I am sorry you're feeling hurt though, but it's not a reflection on you, but on him.
    It's been almost 6 months since we first met. I thought that would have been long enough for someone to know if they wanted to keep seeing someone or to commit to a relationship with someone or not.

    He's not introduced me to his friends. I asked him to meet my best mate and he text "sometime".

    I feel a bit sad really because I thought it would work because we have very similar interests. But maybe not.

    He told me he get depression at times. I get anxiety so know about depression. There's no excuse for him not to message me when he's been active on Facebook and able to post snapchat stories :'(

    Thank you all for your help though. I really appreciate it!
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    (Original post by SMEGGGY)
    If he's ignoring it, time to move on. Stop messaging. If he does first, then reply.

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    (Original post by Whispers)
    I agree with everyone else, he's not interested and just leading you on. I've been in this position many times before, but if he was in to you, he'd be constantly talking to you, and you'd have definitely gone further by now.
    Sorry, one more thing.

    Basically, I said how I felt to him. That I basically love him as a person and I'd love for things to move further - in one last try.

    He said to me "no. Don't use that word. It's too early for that"... I've been speaking to him and meeting up with him for almost 6 months?!

    Also, he posted a screenshot of a messaging app. Apparently it's a new app that's come out where you don't know who has sent you a message. Someone messaged him saying "You're gorgeous. Why haven't we gone on dates or aren't in a relationship?". He put the screenshot on snapchat. He put a message with it saying "Who is this? I don't know who you are, that's why we aren't".

    ...Why would he care about who it is if he's seeing/dating me? Why even take a screenshot? Is it because he wants the person to message him? Does he want to meet up with him? I basically said all this to him about the screenshot and he said that I'm "accusing" him. He just said he would like to know who it is... but if he's seeing me, why on Earth would he want to know?

    I think i'm going to have to stop seeing him. He's clearly not interested in me. I've never had a relationship due to my confidence. That's all I ever wanted.
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    (Original post by 2scotty)
    Sorry, one more thing.

    Basically, I said how I felt to him. That I basically love him as a person and I'd love for things to move further - in one last try.

    He said to me "no. Don't use that word. It's too early for that"... I've been speaking to him and meeting up with him for almost 6 months?!

    Also, he posted a screenshot of a messaging app. Apparently it's a new app that's come out where you don't know who has sent you a message. Someone messaged him saying "You're gorgeous. Why haven't we gone on dates or aren't in a relationship?". He put the screenshot on snapchat. He put a message with it saying "Who is this? I don't know who you are, that's why we aren't".

    ...Why would he care about who it is if he's seeing/dating me? Why even take a screenshot? Is it because he wants the person to message him? Does he want to meet up with him? I basically said all this to him about the screenshot and he said that I'm "accusing" him. He just said he would like to know who it is... but if he's seeing me, why on Earth would he want to know?

    I think i'm going to have to stop seeing him. He's clearly not interested in me. I've never had a relationship due to my confidence. That's all I ever wanted.
    Leaving now does sound like the best thing for you, for your own mental health, if anything. He does like a ****. He probably is being innocent with this app, but the fact you feel this insecure with your relationship with him speaks volumes.
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    (Original post by Whispers)
    Leaving now does sound like the best thing for you, for your own mental health, if anything. He does like a ****. He probably is being innocent with this app, but the fact you feel this insecure with your relationship with him speaks volumes.
    What do you mean my mental health? Do you think I'm overpanicking too much? Or the fact he doesn't seem to like me and I'm wasting my time and he'll upset me?

    By the way thank you so much for your help.
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    (Original post by 2scotty)
    What do you mean my mental health? Do you think I'm overpanicking too much? Or the fact he doesn't seem to like me and I'm wasting my time and he'll upset me?

    By the way thank you so much for your help.
    All of the above? Guys who mess with your feelings are never good for your mental health (again, speaking from personal experience here), it makes you question everything, worry about everything and seem like you're being OTT or over sensitive. They try and pretend like you're making it all up (the official term for this is gaslighting), and that you're just crazy. It will depress you and make you feel very low and slowly chip away at your self esteem.

    A guy who genuinely likes you wouldn't do that to you, he would celebrate you, love you, worship you and make you feel wanted and loved
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    (Original post by Whispers)
    All of the above? Guys who mess with your feelings are never good for your mental health (again, speaking from personal experience here), it makes you question everything, worry about everything and seem like you're being OTT or over sensitive. They try and pretend like you're making it all up (the official term for this is gaslighting), and that you're just crazy. It will depress you and make you feel very low and slowly chip away at your self esteem.

    A guy who genuinely likes you wouldn't do that to you, he would celebrate you, love you, worship you and make you feel wanted and loved
    Thank you so much for all of your help. I appreciate it so much. I'd buy you a drink if I could. Have a great weekend
 
 
 
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