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I might confront her, or should I not? Watch

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    In relation to this thread - https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=4845948

    I am seeing her tonight, and plan on saying this.

    "I've done sometbing wrong, but you've been lying to me, I went on your phone on the conversation with your ex and saw you point blank lied about things with him"

    Obviously that's massively paraphrased, but would you say it's a good idea to confront her, admit to my wrongdoing but get answers about why she's felt the need to lie to my face? Or would you just leave it be?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In relation to this thread - https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=4845948

    I am seeing her tonight, and plan on saying this.

    "I've done sometbing wrong, but you've been lying to me, I went on your phone on the conversation with your ex and saw you point blank lied about things with him"

    Obviously that's massively paraphrased, but would you say it's a good idea to confront her, admit to my wrongdoing but get answers about why she's felt the need to lie to my face? Or would you just leave it be?
    You havent said what you discovered?

    You got lots of good advice in the last thread, whicch you seem to have ignored.

    You were told you were insecure and now you show you dont respect someones privacy. You also sound jealous.

    Go for it and see where it gets you. You might get the apology, respect and love you deserve.
    • #1
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You havent said what you discovered?

    You got lots of good advice in the last thread, whicch you seem to have ignored.

    You were told you were insecure and now you show you dont respect someones privacy. You also sound jealous.

    Go for it and see where it gets you. You might get the apology, respect and love you deserve.
    She talks to him regularly and often almost in a flirty way and has also asked him to go for food with her, she's previously told me she wouldn't ever want to spend time with him just them two, she'd only be around him if he was out with mutual friends eye. and if she were to do anything in which he was at she'd tell me.

    I recognise the advice that I should not think about it and trust her, but I can't just not make assumptions, I don't see why she would need to go for food with him and lie to me other than ulterior motives. Insecure I could see and possibly, paranoid apparently not that my suspicions were confirmed.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She talks to him regularly and often almost in a flirty way and has also asked him to go for food with her, she's previously told me she wouldn't ever want to spend time with him just them two, she'd only be around him if he was out with mutual friends eye. and if she were to do anything in which he was at she'd tell me.

    I recognise the advice that I should not think about it and trust her, but I can't just not make assumptions, I don't see why she would need to go for food with him and lie to me other than ulterior motives. Insecure I could see and possibly, paranoid apparently not that my suspicions were confirmed.
    You have to make your own choices and learn from experience.

    Whether its this one or the next you are going to have to understand what works in interacting with other people.

    Perhaps she just doesnt wnat hassle from you so told you that because she already thinks you are insecure. You have invaded her phone which would mean youd be dumped from a significant number of people. Your insecurity will undermine and kill your relationship anyway.

    From what ive seen she hasnt done anything wrong except stayed as a friend. She is with you. Why not be such a good bf she wont feel the need to talk to him but wants to spend time texting and being with you because she likes and enjoys your company?

    You need to make your own choices though, so be sure you are ready for the answers and think before you speak.
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    I've been in a similar situation before, and its complete s***. So....here's my advice.

    In a court of law, assuming this was some criminal thing (it isn't), evidence obtained illegally (ie without a warrant) doesnt stand up as proper evidence. Based on this, i'd confront her about it but not mention you've seen her texts (without her permission). Just mention that you've seen she has gotten texts from him when they flash up on her locked phone (im assuming youve seen that, right?) and you really arent comfortable with it, and see what she says.
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    (Original post by QuentinM)
    I've been in a similar situation before, and its complete s***. So....here's my advice.

    In a court of law, assuming this was some criminal thing (it isn't), evidence obtained illegally (ie without a warrant) doesnt stand up as proper evidence. Based on this, i'd confront her about it but not mention you've seen her texts (without her permission). Just mention that you've seen she has gotten texts from him when they flash up on her locked phone (im assuming youve seen that, right?) and you really arent comfortable with it, and see what she says.

    Is all evidence admissible?

    In criminal proceedings, all relevant evidence presented by the parties is prima facie admissible as the UK courts have adopted an inclusionary approach towards evidence in order to favour the victim and ensure a fair trial. In a case in 1861 it was confirmed evidence is admissible even if it were stolen. The rationale for this approach is that the court considers the primary aim of the justice system to be the discovery of the truth and the unearthing of guilt. This is prioritised above the protection of the accused’s right to private life. Nevertheless the courts have discretion under s.78 Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984 to exclude evidence which lacks relevance and which might, by its admission, endanger trial fairness
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Is all evidence admissible?

    In criminal proceedings, all relevant evidence presented by the parties is prima facie admissible as the UK courts have adopted an inclusionary approach towards evidence in order to favour the victim and ensure a fair trial. In a case in 1861 it was confirmed evidence is admissible even if it were stolen. The rationale for this approach is that the court considers the primary aim of the justice system to be the discovery of the truth and the unearthing of guilt. This is prioritised above the protection of the accused’s right to private life. Nevertheless the courts have discretion under s.78 Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984 to exclude evidence which lacks relevance and which might, by its admission, endanger trial fairness
    #GetTold
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    You'll never trust her again. And she'll never regard you in the same way once she realises that you've been through her phone. Not looking good for the pair of you.
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    Yeh the trust is gone, even if its completely innocent your relationship is ruined, but yeh I'd personally ditch someone that lies about meeting up with their ex.

    It's a major red flag to me.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm not sure it's quite as drastic as those last few posts. Yes, I betrayed her trust by checking her phone - and yes she has technically lied, but as 999tigger said, it could be a case of not wanting to make me worry. I would prefer honesty, but to be honest aside from this mishap we've been great together, running along smoothly and we seem bizarrely a perfect match which is rare.

    I think based off most posts and having time to think it through, I enjoy being with her too much to risk losing it all by admitting I went on her phone. I'm a believer in fate anyway, if it turns out she is trying to get back with him, so be it, me trying to force the conversation and confront her will only push her into that anyway. I'll just focus on making sure she doesn't even consider anyone else being I'm giving her everything she wants, which judging by our conversation I am doing thus far.

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You have to make your own choices and learn from experience.

    Whether its this one or the next you are going to have to understand what works in interacting with other people.

    Perhaps she just doesnt wnat hassle from you so told you that because she already thinks you are insecure. You have invaded her phone which would mean youd be dumped from a significant number of people. Your insecurity will undermine and kill your relationship anyway.

    From what ive seen she hasnt done anything wrong except stayed as a friend. She is with you. Why not be such a good bf she wont feel the need to talk to him but wants to spend time texting and being with you because she likes and enjoys your company?

    You need to make your own choices though, so be sure you are ready for the answers and think before you speak.
    See what I wrote just above the quote.
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    Believers of fate are the ones that usually get 'sh&t' on throughout life, you need to carve your own fate!
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    say bye-bye to your girlfriend.
 
 
 
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