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My boyfriend takes drugs and it's killing me Watch

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    Just tell him you're worried and you don't want him to die - get really upset in front of him and see what he says.
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    (Original post by Daniellelb3467)
    I probably should have said that I have told him and cried to him numerous times but he seems to think that he is invinsible and he knows what he is doing.

    I don't want to control him and govern his life. All his friends take drugs and for me to control him would stop him from seeing his friends.
    If he's being ignorant, I'm really not sure what you can do then. You say you don't want to control his life, but I'm sure he'd rather have a life where you interfere slightly than not have one at all.
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    (Original post by JordLndr)
    If he's being ignorant, I'm really not sure what you can do then. You say you don't want to control his life, but I'm sure he'd rather have a life where you interfere slightly than not have one at all.

    You're completely right it's a mess haha !!
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    leave him
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    Hi there!

    My sincerest sympathies for your loss; it must have been very hard to lose a sibling to such a thing.

    (Original post by Daniellelb3467)
    ... my boyfriend ... takes Coke at least every other weekend and goes to festivals and events where he will take "party drugs" like mdma, Coke, pills. ...

    I don't want to break up with him because I know he will only go harder. He's the love of my life.
    To be frank, your boyfriend's behaviour is extremely dangerous and irresponsible. You are not being irrational. It is perfectly reasonable to expect your partner to take care of themselves and not put their health and safety at risk. Please don't stay with him out of guilt, or the possibility that he'll do drugs more often. You aren't forcing him to do this. If his behaviour is making you anxious and stressing you, there needs to be a discussion. It might be worth taking some time to think about what you're willing to accept in a relationship. For example, me and my husband only drink socially, because when he was in a very bad place in his life he turned to alcohol, so we don't want to risk it becoming a problem again.

    (Original post by Daniellelb3467)
    I probably should have said that I have told him and cried to him numerous times but he seems to think that he is invinsible and he knows what he is doing.

    I don't want to control him and govern his life. All his friends take drugs and for me to control him would stop him from seeing his friends.
    This isn't "controlling". I'm also a little bit concerned that he knows it upsets you and yet won't change his behaviours. Why is that? So what if his friends do drugs as well? If he doesn't have a friendship circle outside of drugs, that is a really big red flag. He can choose who he wants to spend time with. I think you deserve better than someone who's life (from the sounds of it) exists around drugs.
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    (Original post by Neopol)
    Hi there!

    My sincerest sympathies for your loss; it must have been very hard to lose a sibling to such a thing.



    To be frank, your boyfriend's behaviour is extremely dangerous and irresponsible. You are not being irrational. It is perfectly reasonable to expect your partner to take care of themselves and not put their health and safety at risk. Please don't stay with him out of guilt, or the possibility that he'll do drugs more often. You aren't forcing him to do this. If his behaviour is making you anxious and stressing you, there needs to be a discussion. It might be worth taking some time to think about what you're willing to accept in a relationship. For example, me and my husband only drink socially, because when he was in a very bad place in his life he turned to alcohol, so we don't want to risk it becoming a problem again.



    This isn't "controlling". I'm also a little bit concerned that he knows it upsets you and yet won't change his behaviours. Why is that? So what if his friends do drugs as well? If he doesn't have a friendship circle outside of drugs, that is a really big red flag. He can choose who he wants to spend time with. I think you deserve better than someone who's life (from the sounds of it) exists around drugs.

    Also thankyou for your reply, it's very helpful
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    (Original post by Daniellelb3467)
    I agree. His life doesn't completely revolve around drugs. It did before he met me. He's going to uni now and trying to sort him self etc.

    I think because we spend so much time together, he doesn't know what it's like to be without me. He relies on me for his happiness so I can't see why he wouldn't stop or minimise drug use to keep me. It's a tricky one
    The main thing that sticks out to me is that his life revolved around drugs before he met you, but now his life revolves around something else: you. That's not very healthy. (Also, I've found that people whose lives exist around only one or two things can either be very fickle or very stubborn i.e. they'll either change whatever they "orbit" around quite often or never, which is quite a hard behaviour to live with.) He shouldn't be relying on you for his happiness. A partner compliments you, adds something to your life. They don't "complete" you, because you're a whole person to begin with. Does he have hobbies, a job, et cetera? If not, why not?

    It's a good sign if he's going to university, but universities can be drug party havens, so it's all more complicated. You're in a tight spot, but this isn't an unfixable problem.
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    Raise your concerns with him and if he carries on after that then you may have to consider if you still want to be with him.
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    You can't control his drug use. It's likely he will still take drugs even if you ask him not to - I've been in that situation. Either accept it and voice your concerns or leave him.
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    you deserve better than this self-centred fool.
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    You can't make him change his behaviour.
    He doesn't care about your emotions.
    I'd leave him.

    For the record, male mortality from drug misuse has increased sharply in the past 3 years:
    There were 3674 drug poisoning deaths in 2015, of which 2479 were from drug misuse involving illegal drugs. Two thirds were males. (Source: Office of National Statistics).

    The stat I find most shocking is that drug poisoning accounts for 1 in 6 deaths among 20-30yr olds (2015).
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    You can't turn an addict sober. Cocaine is incredibly addictive, but it isn't as dangerous as heroin. You better be willing to accept this sort of behaviour for life if you stick with him. Chances are he'd choose the coke over you.

    But maybe you're like me. In which case you don't deal with addicts, junkies and other bums and losers, because you want to live a good quality life.
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    (Original post by Daniellelb3467)
    Basically, my boyfriend who is 23 (I am 18) takes Coke at least every other weekend and goes to festivals and events where he will take "party drugs" like mdma, Coke, pills.

    Since knowing me for 8 months he has cut down from taking drugs from several times a week till a few times a month which I can deal with.

    My problem is that we are going to festival in the summer which is 4 days long where he is going to binge on alcohol and drugs.

    My brother died from heroin when I was 11 years old and although my boyfriend doesn't take herion, I am still scared that he will die during the 4 days.

    The festival is two weeks away, I want to have fun with him and my friends but my anxiety is so bad and I constantly think about him dying. Am I being irrational ?? I don't want to break up with him because I know he will only go harder. He's the love of my life.

    Please be as honest as possible, I need help! Thankyou
    Tell him if he takes any drugs, its over. If he loves you he wont.

    In all honesty I think you should leave him anyway - a cocaine addict is in no way good for you.
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    (Original post by Jack22031994)
    Tell him if he takes any drugs, its over. If he loves you he wont.
    I really would love to give him that ultimatum but I partly knew he was taking drugs when I met him. I just didn't know the extent of it.
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    I think some of the attitudes expressed in this thread are a bit outdated and over the top. These days recreational drugs are a part of many young peoples lives, as much as alcohol in fact, and both are equally dangerous and destructive but when in moderation they aren't that big of a deal. I do understand where you're coming from though and i'm quite suprised at 23 he isn't mature enough to know when to cut down. My honest advice ? Before the festival tell him that as much as you love him and understand why he enjoys drugs,.you think he should think about limiting it to a few times a year because you're honestly scared and think it's starting to impact the relationship.
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    (Original post by Woeful)
    I think some of the attitudes expressed in this thread are a bit outdated and over the top. These days recreational drugs are a part of many young peoples lives, as much as alcohol in fact, and both are equally dangerous and destructive but when in moderation they aren't that big of a deal. I do understand where you're coming from though and i'm quite suprised at 23 he isn't mature enough to know when to cut down. My honest advice ? Before the festival tell him that as much as you love him and understand why he enjoys drugs,.you think he should think about limiting it to a few times a year because you're honestly scared and think it's starting to impact the relationship.
    I totally agree. Drugs should be legalised so they can be regulated like alcohol is. But they are not which makes them more dangerous. I am going to speak to him as much as possible and stress to him how I feel. I can only hope Ahha thankyou for a constructive reply!
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    (Original post by Daniellelb3467)
    I totally agree. Drugs should be legalised so they can be regulated like alcohol is. But they are not which makes them more dangerous. I am going to speak to him as much as possible and stress to him how I feel. I can only hope Ahha thankyou for a constructive reply!
    No worries, try not to make it too much of an ultimatum and "preachy" just come across as honest advice from someone who cares about him. Also maybe ask him he'd think about limiting his drug use to maybe half the time of the festival so he's not on a bad comedown the whole time and mixing drugs is where it's actually dangerous so maybe ask whether he will stick to the coke or something.
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    Hi I reported you to the police
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    It's not possible to change people.

    There is no magic phrase, magic word, or action you can take.
 
 
 
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