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    • #105
    #105

    (Original post by hkmt)
    Don't do it. It is murder.
    I can be a murderer
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    I wont post anon since most of you guys know about my grandpa anyhoo.

    I am worried he has lung cancer. Yesterday, he got his 5th offer for a transplant. It was an absolute perfect match. He was all dressed his operating gown, had signed his consent forms, the anaesthetist was in to see him and the op was about go ahead when another surgeon came in and told him they found a 1cm lump in his pre op scan results and they can't go ahead with the op in case its cancerous. To be let down for a transplant again, especially with how close he was this time and then for that news - its beyond heartbreaking. Given that he has had cancer before, his age and that the lump wasn't on the scan he had last month - its not looking good :cry2: he's getting tests done this week/early next week and will be off the transplant list until we know if the lump is benign.

    I'll never forget the call I got from my mum yesterday. Me, my husband and gran were in the pub having a celebratory drink since he was finally getting his transplant after 3 years on the list. We couldn't be at the hospital since its 40 odd miles away and my gran isn't doing well with cellulitis atm so we were awaiting updates from my mum and stepdad who were with my grandpa and when she called me, I thought it would be to tell me that the op had begun as it was around the time it was scheduled to start but I'll never forget hearing my mum cry like that, she could barely breathe. Then she told me about the lump. I could feel the life drain out of me. I had to get my gran out of the pub, I didn't want to tell her there in case she took a panic attack or felt smothered since it was busy.

    I have barely slept. I feel like a zombie. I feel like I have been punched in the stomach full force. He's not just my grandpa, he's pretty much my dad. He raised me from day one since my own 'dad' didn't want anything to do with me. I'm his only grandchild too and my mum is his old child so me, him, mum and gran are a very close knit family and this has shook us to the core :cry2: :cry2:
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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    I wont post anon since most of you guys know about my grandpa anyhoo.

    I am worried he has lung cancer. Yesterday, he got his 5th offer for a transplant. It was an absolute perfect match. He was all dressed his operating gown, had signed his consent forms, the anaesthetist was in to see him and the op was about go ahead when another surgeon came in and told him they found a 1cm lump in his pre op scan results and they can't go ahead with the op in case its cancerous. To be let down for a transplant again, especially with how close he was this time and then for that news - its beyond heartbreaking. Given that he has had cancer before, his age and that the lump wasn't on the scan he had last month - its not looking good :cry2:

    I'll never forget the call I got from my mum yesterday. Me, my husband and gran were in the pub having a celebratory drink since he was finally getting his transplant after 3 years on the list. We couldn't be at the hospital since its 40 odd miles away and my gran isn't doing well with cellulitis atm so we were awaiting updates from my mum and stepdad who were with my grandpa and when she called me, I thought it would be to tell me that the op had begun as it was around the time it was scheduled to start but I'll never forget hearing my mum cry like that, she could barely breathe. Then she told me about the lump. I could feel the life drain out of me. I had to get my gran out of the pub, I didn't want to tell her there in case she took a panic attack or felt smothered since it was busy.

    I have barely slept. I feel like a zombie. I feel like I have been punched in the stomach full force. He's not just my grandpa, he's pretty much my dad. He raised me from day one since my own 'dad' didn't want anything to do with me. I'm his only grandchild too and my mum is his old child so me, him, mum and gran are a very close knit family and this has shook us to the core :cry2: :cry2:
    AW so sorry to hear. Why couldn't he get the tranplant after knowing he had a lump...? :cry2: :cry2:
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    (Original post by KittenMediaya)
    AW so sorry to hear. Why couldn't he get the tranplant after knowing he had a lump...? :cry2: :cry2:
    :hugs:

    If he got the op done and it turned out to be cancer, the immunosuppressant drugs he would be on after the op to stop the organ rejecting, would make the cancer spread like wildfire. He's going to get tests done to see if the lump is cancerous or not. If its benign, he'll be put back on the transplant list instantly.
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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    :hugs:

    If he got the op done and it turned out to be cancer, the immunosuppressant drugs he would be on after the op to stop the organ rejecting, would make the cancer spread like wildfire. He's going to get tests done to see if the lump is cancerous or not. If its benign, he'll be put back on the transplant list instantly.
    :zomg: I am actually quite shocked
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    because I've had it
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    You've had a transplant, cancer or a lung lump? :eek: I'm confused, my mind is like mush atm sorry
    (Original post by KittenMediaya)
    :zomg: I am actually quite shocked
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    because I've had it


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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    ? :eek: I'm confused, my mind is like mush atm sorry
    Can't say much on a public thread sorry
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    (Original post by KittenMediaya)
    Can't say much on a public thread sorry
    No worries, I understand. Take care :hugs:
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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    No worries, I understand. Take care :hugs:
    Thanks :hugs: hope your grandpa's lump is not cancerous :no: my prayers with you all :console: take care too x

    PM me anytime if you feel like talking :wavey:

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    • #109
    #109

    I really needed something like this right now....
    I am so angry with my cousin right now

    It's long but interesting please read

    So let me tell you the story
    We are from Pakistan and we have settled in the UK and obviously my father's family have helped him to get a good education and that's why we are here. But just because they have done this... my father feels like it is his responsibility to make sure that his brothers son has a good future too. I really don't understand that logic. We have been spending soooooo much money on him and he is not the type of person who would study... he just hangs out with his friends and his mother's family... so obviously he did not even get a degree... he had to buy it... which we paid for. We paid for his bike which he uses to go around. We paid for his phone last year samsung!
    So recently he wanted to get a job... I strongly believe that he wanted to get a job just so he can get married
    So my dad asked his friends to find a small job for him. So his friends started looking in good companies but him and his parents were so impatient they made my dad get him a visa so he could go to Dubai and search there. He can't even speak English and he wanted to go there. So we paid for the visa and gave him spending money. He went there and then 2 days later my dad got a call saying that one of his friends found him a job in a good company... so obviously he had to come back from Dubai . But my dad was like... stay for 3 more days... look around and enjoy Dubai and we will send you money when you need it... so extra money lost. So he came back... this is when I got really angry like so angry and even my mum told me other incidents which wasted out money:
    -he changed hostels because he didn't like it and we had to pay money to both hostels.
    -his sister doesn't eat much but when they came to our house he said to her eat as much as you can because you can here... meaning eat into our money

    I felt so angry after this because here I am working hard, turning of electrics when not needed to save money etc and there he is spending money like water

    So he came back to Pakistan and he need to go to the other side of Pakistan to get to where his job is... so he decided to go by FLIGHT not train or something... by FLIGHT using our money.
    So I messaged him saying why can't you go by train and he said something like because flight is faster and gets you there on time
    And then (remember I was angry at this point )
    I said using our money

    Then it all went silent

    He then complained to one of my other cousins that I said this and he was saying "imagine what would happen if I told her father"
    So I messaged him saying sorry and that I should not have said that because I was angry at the point... he replied saying I don't want sorry I want a good family relationship

    I didn't reply to that

    Then he kept in contact with everyone in our extended family when he went on his job...except us THE PEOPLE WHO GOT HIM A JOB

    I didn't care

    Then he kept saying to one of my other cousins how if his father didn't help my father with his education he wouldn't be in London in that status... how I'm so young and talking big (I'm 20 and he is 26)
    So I messaged him now what else do you want me to do to make you feel better

    Because I do feel bad about what I said but that was out of anger

    What do you think? Did I do the right thing?
    • #110
    #110

    I pushed away everyone because I didn't want to hurt them over my mental health - nobody fought to stay my friend and now I have nobody
    • #109
    #109

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I pushed away everyone because I didn't want to hurt them over my mental health - nobody fought to stay my friend and now I have nobody
    You are very strong to have done this but they are not good enough friends if they didn't stay
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    I'm a counsellor and I had a client who has been on my mind for ages and it's only recently that I've realised. The stuff he was dealing with was as dark as they come and he only came for 4 sessions and never turned up again. Randomly I've actually seen him in town so he's still alive, but I don't know why he didn't come back and I wonder if it's something I said or did in the sessions.

    He was the second client I ever had, and I just wish he'd have come around now as I have more experience now and I'd be better than I was. I'm not sure if I did anything 'wrong' as such but I was still very new when he came.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really needed something like this right now....
    I am so angry with my cousin right now

    It's long but interesting please read

    So let me tell you the story
    We are from Pakistan and we have settled in the UK and obviously my father's family have helped him to get a good education and that's why we are here. But just because they have done this... my father feels like it is his responsibility to make sure that his brothers son has a good future too. I really don't understand that logic. We have been spending soooooo much money on him and he is not the type of person who would study... he just hangs out with his friends and his mother's family... so obviously he did not even get a degree... he had to buy it... which we paid for. We paid for his bike which he uses to go around. We paid for his phone last year samsung!
    So recently he wanted to get a job... I strongly believe that he wanted to get a job just so he can get married
    So my dad asked his friends to find a small job for him. So his friends started looking in good companies but him and his parents were so impatient they made my dad get him a visa so he could go to Dubai and search there. He can't even speak English and he wanted to go there. So we paid for the visa and gave him spending money. He went there and then 2 days later my dad got a call saying that one of his friends found him a job in a good company... so obviously he had to come back from Dubai . But my dad was like... stay for 3 more days... look around and enjoy Dubai and we will send you money when you need it... so extra money lost. So he came back... this is when I got really angry like so angry and even my mum told me other incidents which wasted out money:
    -he changed hostels because he didn't like it and we had to pay money to both hostels.
    -his sister doesn't eat much but when they came to our house he said to her eat as much as you can because you can here... meaning eat into our money

    I felt so angry after this because here I am working hard, turning of electrics when not needed to save money etc and there he is spending money like water

    So he came back to Pakistan and he need to go to the other side of Pakistan to get to where his job is... so he decided to go by FLIGHT not train or something... by FLIGHT using our money.
    So I messaged him saying why can't you go by train and he said something like because flight is faster and gets you there on time
    And then (remember I was angry at this point )
    I said using our money

    Then it all went silent

    He then complained to one of my other cousins that I said this and he was saying "imagine what would happen if I told her father"
    So I messaged him saying sorry and that I should not have said that because I was angry at the point... he replied saying I don't want sorry I want a good family relationship

    I didn't reply to that

    Then he kept in contact with everyone in our extended family when he went on his job...except us THE PEOPLE WHO GOT HIM A JOB

    I didn't care

    Then he kept saying to one of my other cousins how if his father didn't help my father with his education he wouldn't be in London in that status... how I'm so young and talking big (I'm 20 and he is 26)
    So I messaged him now what else do you want me to do to make you feel better

    Because I do feel bad about what I said but that was out of anger

    What do you think? Did I do the right thing?
    You did the right thing. Yes, the guy's father helped your dad, but the guy is treating your dad as a mug and milking it.

    I think you should speak to your dad or get your mother to speak to your dad. He is wasting money that you and your family can use for holiday to Dubai, buy new clothes or whatever.

    It is okay to help, as long as you are respected.

    All the best.
    • #111
    #111

    I've been feeling pretty depressed for the last several nights. Had a break up recently, lost some friends and there's a girl at work I'm starting to get attached to. We've only been talking properly for a few days/a week and while we've been getting pretty friendly it's not like it's even that deep. I just get attached really quickly and I'm awful at overthinking things about if I'm bugging her by messaging her every day to the point where I'm just like I'm just not going to bother and hope she messages me. I'm just really bad at being the one to instigate things and ask to do things and message people. I thought I'd make an effort with this girl who definitely likes me as a new friend but doesn't mean she wants to have me starting convos every day when we've been seeing each other at work anyway. Just all the stuff and me feeling really alone right now has had me crying half the day, I'm fine when I'm at work but as soon as I get home/into bed it just all hits
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been feeling pretty depressed for the last several nights. Had a break up recently, lost some friends and there's a girl at work I'm starting to get attached to. We've only been talking properly for a few days/a week and while we've been getting pretty friendly it's not like it's even that deep. I just get attached really quickly and I'm awful at overthinking things about if I'm bugging her by messaging her every day to the point where I'm just like I'm just not going to bother and hope she messages me. I'm just really bad at being the one to instigate things and ask to do things and message people. I thought I'd make an effort with this girl who definitely likes me as a new friend but doesn't mean she wants to have me starting convos every day when we've been seeing each other at work anyway. Just all the stuff and me feeling really alone right now has had me crying half the day, I'm fine when I'm at work but as soon as I get home/into bed it just all hits
    Speak to this girl and tell her how you feel. If she likes you, you win; if not, then you have saved yourself hours, days and weeks of loving someone who wouldn't love you back the same.

    Sorry to hear about your sadness or depression. It seems like you need an outside work interest or hobby rather than just work and home. Try to go to social places like cinema and join clubs, where you can make new friends.

    All the best.
    • #111
    #111

    (Original post by Wired_1800)
    Speak to this girl and tell her how you feel. If she likes you, you win; if not, then you have saved yourself hours, days and weeks of loving someone who wouldn't love you back the same.

    Sorry to hear about your sadness or depression. It seems like you need an outside work interest or hobby rather than just work and home. Try to go to social places like cinema and join clubs, where you can make new friends.

    All the best.
    It's far too early for that. We've just chatted at work and a bit on facebook/snapchat but it's nothing overly groundbreaking. She seems pretty excited to be put on shift with me etc and even when we aren't on together like yesterday we've went and found each other anyway. That makes it sound more romantic than it is, it's literally "if you get bored down there go for a wander and come up for a chat". But again she does seem pretty happy when we see each other. It just feels like I'm the one pushing the convos after work but then again it's usually after I've already seen her that day anyway so not like she'd need to message again later but idk, this is what I mean by overthinking things.

    I know there's another guy she has a long distance thing with but they aren't actually dating and I know she knows it's not really going to happen but she's still a little invested in it so I feel bad trying to make a move or anything. I don't even know if she likes me as anything more as a friend, I would probably lean towards no but we've literally only been friends for about a week so it's still early doors. Idk this girl isn't even the main problem.

    Anyway you don't need to reply to that I'm just letting it out, thanks for the reply
    • #110
    #110

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You are very strong to have done this but they are not good enough friends if they didn't stay
    This realisation broke my heart. But it means I don't have to worry about people worrying about me. I can adopt a YOLO attitude to life and not care about worrying my 'friends'.
    • #112
    #112

    I think i have a binging disorder
 
 
 
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