Post anonymously something you want to get off your chest

I slept with my colleague who is 15 years older than me.

I want to kill you all, torture you all and laugh at you pathetic people. But it's all in the past, and I'll move on, knowing that I'm strong and great, while you will have to carry your sins with you for the rest of your life. That's God punishment for you, and I think that's enough. I don't want to do anything with you, no more.

Honestly, this post is going to be a bit of a rant...

I despise yet feel obligated to try to fit in with left wing psuedo-intellectuals who believe the world is lucky to have them in it, simply because there are so many of them.

I hear them bragging about how Liberals are supposedly smarter than Conservatives but they don't realise Liberalism was bourne out of Conservativism or that although they may have a slightly higher IQ than the majority of working class Conservatives, society is like a pyramid with the dumbest people being Conservative, the centre ground being left wing and then a tiny percentage at the top of the pyramid also being Conservative.

Conservativism is ultimately 'right'. It's the thing that really works. In a crisis, everyone becomes Conservative. I hate left wing politics. It's like infecting an otherwise non-prejudicial, tolerant person with entitlement, bigotry and self-righteous animosity at all those 'evil Tories' whose taxes put food in their bellies, pay for their prescriptions and create jobs for them to go to should they choose to do so.

I'm sick of reverse-snobbery in the UK and the glamorisation of the poor, degenerate and idle whilst people who are intelligent and work hard are mocked and made to feel guilty for it by people who assume we're immune to being abused, beaten, raped, bullied, homeless, orphanaged or bereaved. Some people have the stamina to fight for life and ought not to be shamed for it.

Anyhow, I don't vocalise this now as everyone around me is left wing. When I'm older and I force my way up the career ladder and eventually have a nice house and a nice car then I probably will be at a point where I'm able to be open about my politics. Now it annoys me but I put up with it so as not to be outcast.

i feel like giving up
i dont see the point in trying anymore
my problems may be small compared to majority but im just so exhausted mentally
im sick and tired of being "tolerant" just for the sake of not offending someone because they cant take different opinion
im sick and tired of people doing stupid **** like smoking and getting addicted to alcohol and drugs
there is absolutely no excuse for the three of the above
i hate who i am
i hate myself to the extend im ready to jump off the bridge honestly but im too much of a coward to do anything whatsoever

Last semester I found out I did terribly on a piece of coursework, and my first thought was to kill myself. I've never had that sort of thought before, and shrugged it off, but now this thought pops up every week or so. I have no desire to act on it, though I have always had a sense of apathy towards life in general with the only thing grounding me being obligation towards family and friends. Just needed to tell someone, even as anon.