:@

Hi guys.
I'm bi-polar, and my boyfriend, amazing though he is, picks a fight every single time I act down.
Often I can keep my disorder under control and it's rare people know I'm not having a good time of it, but some days it just gets to me.
Surely my boyfriend should be the one guy I can just ask for a hug? Sometimes I don't need to talk, I just need a hug and the company, and he doesn't understand. He doesn't like how I cope with my disorder, and maybe I'm wrong, but I have been looking after him recently while he's been ill, and I just need that little bit of TLC when *I* don't feel so good. Whenever I'm down, it all comes down to him, how HE feels bad if I'm bad and I just want to hit him!
The relationship is relatively new, and I want it to last, but I don't know if I can sustain a relationship with someone who can't deal with something that is a big part of my life.
It's those days where I keep it quiet, those are the days I live for and love the relationship for as we get on so well, but the bad days make me near suicidal, and I need him to be there for me, not questioning my coping mechanisms or telling me how insensitive it makes him feel. Every time I am down he picks a fight, either about how I cope, how I feel (apparently it's not just about chemical imbalances in my brain, it's my fault too!), how HE feels or something else, and it makes me feel ten times worse, I come back to my place and just want to cry.
Last weekend I was suicidal (it happens), and just locked myself in my room for the weekend. He didn't come once, although while he has been ill I've been making sure he is OK and doesn't need anything at least every two or three hours, and even been out down town to get him food, even though my leg is making it painful to walk.
Sorry it's so long guys, guess I just needed to rant a bit :frown:

EDIT: Woah! Clicked in the wrong window, this should be in H&R...*dumbass*

Reply 1

as cruel as school children

TALK TO HIM!

tell him how you need to be treated when you are down and have more of a discussion about your disorder so he can understand! my current GF is bi-polar, and i just used to tell her to "chill" and "get over herself" till she actually sat down and talked to me about it..

Reply 2

shona

You said your relationship was fairly new, so surely that means he hasn't had that much time to deal with your condition? You say it's a big part of your life - well, you've had a lot of time to process that. He hasn't. If he's not going about things the right way, you need to sit down with him and tell that. Tell him that you appreciate what he's trying to do, but what you really need from him, is X, Y and Z. I doubt he'll get upset or angry. In fact, he'll probably feel better knowing what it is he can do to try and help you through the bad days. He's taking a stab in the dark right now, and apparently it's not all that successful. You'll both feel better for the chat.

I'm not bi-polar, but I can empathise with you a little. Whenever I used to get upset in the past, my boyfriend used to demand an explanation straight away of what was wrong, so he could fix it. That never really made me feel any better. But now he's learnt that sometimes all I need is for lots of hugs and no talking, to calm me down and make me feel like I'm ready to open up.

Knowing how to make your partner feel better, does take a bit of time. Don't give up on him yet.

And I don't think people hug nearly as often as they should, so here's a big hug for you coming through cyberspace. Can you feel it yet? :smile: