Long term Relationship and Uni?

Ok, I know there's been a few threads on this before which I've read, but I'd like to add my own situation as it's important I make the right decision. :s-smilie:

Basically, I'm 17 and in a strong relationship of just over 2 years, everything is going great and I wouldn't want to change it for the world.
My problem is that I want to start uni (applied for '08) and I'm scared of ruining my relationship with my boyfriend.
I live in Essex right now and I'm applying to uni's around London so it's not too far away (about an hours travelling) but I'm really worried that this would put too much of a strain on our relationship.
He'll be working full-time and obviously, me being at uni will make it difficult to see each other as much as we do now (on average about 3/4 times a week). I really don't want to do anything that might jeapordise our relationship- uni being one of them. I am very keen on the idea of attending uni but I would rather keep up my relationship as that is my main priority right now. I definately will go to uni at some point; I just don't know whether it's best to now or in a years time (when I will be 19)
To cut things short...I was wondering what would be better in your opinion; 1. go to uni this year ('08) and hope for the best with my boyfriend, or 2. defer my entry to '09, see where it goes with my relationship and take a gap year?
I have to add, that my boyfriend and I are incredibly close- best friends etc, I do love him very much and the worst case scenario would be that I go to Uni and our relationship fails because of it.
Maybe if I were to defer my entry, then it would give me another year to see/think about where our relationship is heading and whether we would be stable enough to cope with the big change of me going away to uni in London. :confused:

Keeping in mind that I will go to Uni either in '08 or '09, it's just the case of whether I should take a gap year or not, to put it bluntly...
What do you guys think? I'd like you're honest opinion. I'm in such a mess with it all right now, any thoughts would be really appreciated :smile:

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Reply 1

nanananabatman

How on earth can your relationship be your main priority?!

Loads of people have managed relationships and uni. My friend says when she moved to uni, it actually made their relationship stronger because they made more of an effort when they were together.

What if you guys break up during your gap year? What if you stay behind for this one year and then break up during the year you go to uni...possibly for non-uni reasons? We have no way of predicting a relationship or preserving it for the future. Just take each day as it goes and go to bloody uni!

Reply 2

Ashley0

If we break up during my gap year..then that's fair enough, it won't make a difference, because either way I will still be going to Uni in '09.
I have thought about all of this. I haven't really thought of everything else. I just don't want to put a big strain on my relationship by going to uni, which is something that I can do at any point. I don't HAVE to go at 18.
I think I havent made myself that clear...I WILL be going to uni at some point. I just don't know whether I want to go this year or take a gap year and go the next.
I won't be 'ruining my education' etc by taking a gap year, because however my relationship goes...I will still be going. I just need to decide whether to take a year out in order to see if this is really what I want.
And yes, my relationship is one of my main priorities anyway, I know I am only young but we are very close and our relationship is very strong, like I said- best friends as well etc, so I'm not jumping to the conclusion that we will 'stay together forever' and all that crap, I'm just being practical...because Yes, we might indeed stay together. But on the other hand, there is the chance of breaking up (as with every relationship) but i just don't want to make things hard on us- we are always with each other during the week and it's hard on both of us being apart for very long. Sounds stupid I know but it's so difficult deciding :frown:

Reply 3

Liberties

nanananabatman

What if you guys break up during your gap year? What if you stay behind for this one year and then break up during the year you go to uni...possibly for non-uni reasons? We have no way of predicting a relationship or preserving it for the future. Just take each day as it goes and go to bloody uni!

Agreed.

Reply 4

h82think

why not go to uni in essex?

Reply 5

Ashley0

I should have really added that I have a lot of commitments at home already....I live in a flat on my own so I have a lot to keep up.
and I'm not entirely sure whether I'm ready to go to Uni this year anyway.
I don't see why it's so bad to take a gap year? Just to see where I stand in a year's time. because for all i know everthing may have changed. :confused:

It's just such a hard decision, I've been really stressed out about it as I'm sure many others are. Either way, both decisions are going to have down sides. I just need some advice on how I should go about it :frown:

Reply 6

Ashley0

h82think

why not go to uni in essex?

They don't do the course I want and I suppose I'd get a lot of work experience in London.
Also, one of the reasons why I want to go to uni is because I want the student lifestyle; I want to meet lots of new people and have a chance of living in London with others etc

Reply 7

tourist

Nothing wrong with taking a year out, I took one and instead of going to York I went down South on a work placement much nearer to my better half. Had a great time, great experiences, made some money, improved the old CV. Ended up reapplying to uni got into a much better uni and our relationship is still going.

I don't think a gap year will disadvantage you that much in terms of going to uni, just make sure that if you take one you DO something with itdon't just sit around watching DVDs with your man.

Reply 8

nanananabatman

I'm not saying it's wrong to take a gap year, I'm a fresher and I'm 21. I just wouldn't prioritise my relationships over it.

Reply 9

Lizbut

My boyfriend has gone to Manchester, I'm in the Midlands. I had to go for 3 weeks without seeing him, as they say, absense makes the heart grow fonder :smile:

Reply 10

div curl F = 0

If your relationship is strong enough it'll easily survive university.
I and my GF had a baby daughter when I was in my 1st year of university and I was in the north, Manchester, and they were both in S.Wales, but you've just got to knuckle down and get on with it. Now we all live together and everything is much better: IMO You've got to overcome these hardships to enjoy the rewards.

Reply 11

graemematt

0 div curl F

Kudos! That is one hell of a journey, I did Manchester to Cardiff and back last weekend...urgh, it isnt fun. But to the OP, honestly, an hour is minimal, trust me. I survived a year of keeping a relationship going when my girlfriend was in Manchester and I was way north in St Andrews :eek:

So things could be significantly worse. Plus transport in and out of London is excellent, think of all the commuters.

If you still feel uncomfortable about being away from the bf, I'd say you have to end it, quite frankly, before things get complicated. It could be for the best. Please don't squander the opportunity to pursue your university aspirations :smile:

Reply 12

kat_f

Hi, I'm currently on a gap year and have a long term bf - just over 3 years now. I took the gap year for many reasons but yes, I did worry like you are now this time last year but if it's meant to be it will be. You really do have the decision on this one. If you make the effort to see him whilst at uni etc, you will stay together! I know it's more than that, that makes a relationship but you really do have to 'live for the now', don't waste time worrying about something that may not even happen. If you break up whilst you're at uni, it would surely be more of a joint decision anyway if you've made it this far!?!
But yeah, I do recommend a gap year, it's a great way to get your head around things, and actually 'find yourself'. Working is a big change to 6th form but it's excellent experience, but my advice; definitely make sure you do something - maybe go away for a month somewhere with one of the gap travel companies, just have something to be saving for and working towards, otherwise you might find it a bit depressing like I did to begin with! Like you, I'd put my bf first before uni, because uni is my selfish desire really. Choose what suits you and don't let it upset you, you can make it work :smile:

Reply 13

Angelil

nanananabatman

Yeah, that.
Seriously, I can't see how the distance between Essex and London would put a strain on your relationship. If you genuinely think it would then your relationship probably wouldn't last anyway! Plus, many of us on here manage with far greater distances - my boyfriend's in France (we've been together 3 years and that's pretty much always been the status quo), sarky's boyfriend is in Peru and another girl on here has her boyfriend in Australia!

div curl : BIG kudos to you, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to be away from your girlfriend and baby daughter.

Reply 14

Helenia

If you want to have a gap year, have a gap year. But if uni is going to break down your relationship, it'll do it regardless of when you go. Not to be pessimistic, but most pre-university relationships don't last, so don't make your sole reason for a gap year wanting more time with your boyfriend. The distance you describe isn't really that bad - my boyfriend works in London and I'm at uni in Cambridge, so pretty similar - and although it'll take a while to adjust, that alone shouldn't be a reason to break up. We see each other pretty much every weekend unless one of us is really busy/away. However, there are lots of other things that may be, but they'll happen regardless of which year you go to uni.

If you want a gap year to earn money/sort out things with your flat/go travelling/get work experience AS WELL AS spending time with your boyfriend, then do it. If, however, your only reason is him, I'd rethink.

Reply 15

emerley

i think you're looking at it all wrong - if your relationship is meant to last then going away to uni is the way to prove it, not staying at home...

honestly, i was only with my boyfriend for four months before we went to uni, its now been a year and a half and things are still great =) i saw him every few weeks last year which helped us ease into it, and this year so far ive seen him once (after 5 weeks apart, and now its 7 weeks apart till christmas) and we're still going strong

you might find it hard at first, but if its meant to be then this is the way to test it, if anything it makes seeing each other more special, and its really something to motivate you to get through each week

if you're planning on only going an hour or so away, you could easily see each other each weekend, which is a lot more than some people get!!

i say just go for it, chose a uni not too far away and you'll be fine - if its meant to last then it will!

Reply 16

StandingOnAir

If your relatioship is as strong as you say it is, it can survive long distance. And London-Essex isn't that drastic at all - you could easily see each other on the weekends without travelling for half a day or breaking the bank balance. That's more often than lots of people in LDRs can manage.

It sounds to me like you're looking for people to tell you it's okay to take a year out to be with your boyfriend. Personally, I don't think it's necessary. All you'll be doing is delaying the (geographical) separation by a year, and the sooner you go to university, the sooner you come back.

If you want to take a gap year for other reasons as well, that's a different matter. Only consider that option if you really think you'll be doing something worthwhile, though, and not if it's just because you don't want to leave your boyfriend yet.

Reply 17

batty_hatty

I was with my bf for about 9 months before i went to uni and we lived about 45 mins apart. now i'm at uni and we're about an hour apart, he works so i see him most weekends and often once during the week. I'm now in second year and I wasn't at all worried because an hour is nothing.

If you are meant to be together then you will both make the effort when you're at uni and i don't understand why a gap year would make a difference. Why not consider moving in with him somewhere in between his work and your uni, i'm assuming he drives here, and just make sure that wherever you choose to live has sufficient transport links for you to commute in to uni form there.

Reply 18

suek

Well, you need to enter the real world of relationships at some point :smile:

You can't just expect to have free time forever and ever to spend with your bf as much as you like.. if you do hold off/defer.. well, you're just postponing your life to live in the 'fairytale' a bit longer :\

Is your relationship not strong enough to survive a 1hr journey? You can't just stay at home forever, not get a career, earn money, whatever... :|

Reply 19

Schmokie Dragon

Nowt wrong with taking a gap year . . .

However, at 17, you really should be putting your education and long term prospects before 'love'. I don't doubt that you really care for your boyfriend, and it is very possible that you genuinely love him (as opposed to having some rose-tinted lust). But really, if you guys are good together, you will survive university. And if you don'[t survive university, how do you expect to survive the other trials of life? The adult world isn't all about spending lots of time with your sweetheart. You can't refuse to get a job because you are worried that you won't be able to see him four times a week. I was in a LDR for months, and only able to see my other half once a week, if that. Not the worst case scenario, but it shows that people can survive on moderate contact.

If you take a gap-year, and are still with him and love him by the end of that year, is it really going to make your going any easier? The more used to being together you are, the more difficult it will be to move away. Your relationship sounds thoroughly self-indulgent. Life isn't like that. The sooner you realise and have the balls to make difficult decisions, the better chance you have of emotionally surviving.

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